Love By The Moon

Hi.

It’s me again. 

I’ve got something on my mind. 

I miss this place and I miss who I used to be when I blogged. Tumblr was like a playbook for me. It used to be my cozy, dreamland and when I took a photo that had a little bit of ~magic, I would post it on here. I feel like I’ve lost that. I feel like I haven’t been taking those magic little photos, if any photos. Or maybe the photos have been here all along and I just haven’t detected the magic. I have different eyes now. So much has changed and much to my frustration, I look at the world differently now. 

Damien Rice - Delicate

I write this in the dark, sitting on the floor crouched over my Vicks vaporiser, 1.5L bottle of Powerade beside me and empty tissue box at hand. 

I cannot sleep. I’m pretty sure I have a sinus infection and the pressure in the right side of my head is immense. Lying down is worse but this crouching thing ain’t so bad. 

I’m now 47 seconds into day 7. But let’s go back to the start. 

Day 0. Friday 5th. Woke up healthy as a horse. Had a pretty stressful day and ended it with an altercation with a customer who would not keep her distance. Is it a coincidence that I started to get very ill at the end of this day? The only day where I have had someone come within VERY close proximity to me. I think not and I blame her. 

Day 1. My throat is sore! But I’m pretty good at getting rid of these. 

Day 2. Throat still sore but I am on an intense program which involves gargling Listerine, cups of teas, cups of soups, bottles of Powerade, throwing back anti-bac lozenges in between, rinsing and repeating...

Day 3. Sore throat is completely gone but what is up with my head?! It’s the last day of the long weekend. I call in sick for tomorrow and send boyfriend to buy a vaporiser. Vaporiser is home and plugged in and provides a little relief but all of a sudden we are sitting in the dark and it’s cold and the vaporiser has short circuited. We spent most of this night without electricity. No vaporiser, no heater. Pressure in head is getting worse and I’ve also missed my online class.

Day 4. Tuesday. Electricity is back. Toaster seems to have fallen victim to our vaporiser last night but vaporiser is back on and I am feeling gooooood. So good that I even prepare my lunch and clothes for work tomorrow.

Day 5. Psyche. I called in sick this morning. The pressure in my head is back and there’s only so much the vaporiser is doing. I spent this day alternating between wiping condensation off the window and walls and 3 hour naps.  

Day 6. Thursday. I’m phoning it in and I’m phoning a doctor. No one has appointments until tomorrow but I cannot wait to get some profesh help. Also, my bedroom is so wet. Stupid vaporiser! I have the windows and doors open trying to dry it out. I then spent the afternoon in a goddamn online queue for about 12 hours for lift passes at the snow. Our booked dates had sold out. I’m feeling quite defeated.

Day 7. I spent the early hours of the morning as described above.

Day 8 and 9 will be Saturday and Sunday

But how do you get 10 days?

I have only one person to thank for this and it’s past me. You see, about a month ago I took a RANDOM annual leave day off because I figured I would just want a break from EVERYTHING. I have been hoping and praying this whole pandemic for our store to close along with every. other. damn. store but we never did. Not one day. So I figured, I’ll give myself a day off. Monday 15th.

I’ve stopped doing all of the things I love.

I don’t take photos anymore

I haven’t done any graphic design

No new adventures

No night swams

No socialising - do I even have friends anymore?

Kid Francescoli - Moon

I’ve had a shitty day. 

I feel like I’m slipping away but to a happier place and this is the soundtrack. 

Bombay Bicycle Club - Eat, Sleep, Wake (Nothing But You)

Waxx - I am

Hair envy forever.

I don’t know what happened last night. All of a sudden I was just so sad and I couldn’t snap out of it. I do know that I needed the ocean so before I drove my friend home I stopped at the beach, ran down and put my feet in the water.

All the way down to the water I felt weightless but as soon as I left that sand, the weight of my problems felt too much to bear.

Clarity - Polish Club