a

Lando Norris - LN4 Let me You slip back into old habits; skipping meals, staying home to avoid food, overworking yourself. Yet after a long weekend you and your boyfriend, Lando Norris, are spending some much needed time together but your distress around him ordering food has him extremely worried.

Birthday girl You hadn’t expected Lando to go all out on your birthday, yet he did and sometimes actions speak just as loud as words.

Yours, in secret You and Lando may disagree on what’s best for you and your relationship but in the end you will always be his, even if it’s in secret.

Oscar Piastri - OP81

His name, his number After a long night and a short-lived game of truth or strip, you’re just trying to get ready for dinner the next day but when Oscar Piastri walks in on you singing your heart out to Lana Del Rey in nothing but his shirt and lingerie, things get a bit more complicated and dinner? Well, let’s just say that idea was quickly forgotten

Max Verstappen - MV1

Fuck-ups After an appalling race Max’s temper is short and his skin is prickling with anger, what better way to deal with that other than to have him fuck it out through you? 

Charles Leclerc - CL16

Decaying Seventeen days without blood. Seventeen days of trying to change the one thing that makes you inhuman — all because you love him, but love doesn’t erase the hunger. It just shows you that Charles isn’t afraid to love you, even when you’re decaying in frRont of him.

Everything or nothing Whilst you claw at any chance to gain a sense of control, Charles blames himself for being too much and not enough at the same time, but was it really his fault? Or are you just sick?

SMAU's

For you, for us (OP81) After a very special McLaren podium you and oscar begin to soft launch your relationship to everyone.

The entire drive here had been in complete silence. But now, in the middle of a deserted car park in the pitch black other than the faint glow of streetlights through the foggy windows, the silence is deafening. You break the silence first, watching Lando tap his fingers against the steering wheel and his eyes trained on the landscape ahead of him. 

“We shouldn’t have to do this. Not here. Not now.” You say and he opens his mouth to speak but you continue talking. “No, we shouldn’t be forced to talk about our relationship in the middle of the night because you don’t want anyone to know about me.”

“Don’t fucking be like that. You know that it’s not about you, it’s about your safety. You see how the media pick people apart. I’m trying to protect you from that.” He says, gripping the wheel, his jaw clenched but he still doesn’t look over to you, not even when you look at him.

“I don’t need protection! I’m not your child!” You shout, exasperated. 

“You're right, you’re not! You’re my girlfriend and that means I want to protect you from the media driving you to your breaking point over the things they’ll say about us!” He finally looks at you, chest rising and falling rapidly with anger as he holds eye contact with you, his hand brushing yours on the console as he removes his hand from the steering wheel.

The silence makes a reappearance; it’s heavier, more charged now. His gaze lingers for a few seconds too long, there’s something burning in his eyes and right now? You’re not even sure it’s anger.

“You think I don’t know what the lies and the secrets do to you? You don’t think I see you trying not to smile when they’re showing you watching me on camera? You think I don’t fucking know?” He mutters, voice low, almost a growl, as if the anger in his chest is trying to mask something else entirely.

“Lando, I–” You start but he cuts you off instantly, seemingly having made a decision; his hand snakes around to the nape of your neck and tugs you in, crashing your lips onto his.

The kiss is rough and demanding. To the point where you can tell that, under the surface, he’s fuming that even a single cell of yours thought that this could be about him being ashamed of you. He unbuckles his seatbelt, leaning over properly so that he can deepen this kiss, his fingers gripping the hair at the base of your neck.

When you pull back for air, you’re breathing heavily, and there’s an emotion you can’t place crossing his face. “Fucking hell. Are you even able to comprehend, on any level, what you do to me?” 

You give a small shake of your head and he groans, actually groans. “Backseat, now.” 

You slide over the console effortlessly and he follows quickly, sliding his hoodie over his head before attacking your lips again. He slips his hand onto your thigh, feeling the goosebumps that spawn immediately at his touch and you let out a soft sound of approval into the kiss, his hands working the hem of your pyjama shorts. 

The glow of the streetlights is suddenly trapped by the fog clouding the windows, Lando’s figure feeling more like a silhouette than him. 

“You don’t get to think–” He kisses along your jaw. “That I’m ashamed of you, when you have me going fucking crazy over the fact that I can’t tell the world that your mine.” His voice sounds tired, so tired of hiding you, but he also sounds so alive at the same time. A shiver runs down your spine at his words. “Was this your plan all along? Rile me up so that I would fuck you?” He asks, tugging the fabric off of your shoulders whilst taking your firm breast into his palm, brushing his thumb over your hard nipple. 

The motion makes you jolt forward from sensitivity, your head falling onto his chest and he just chuckles, pushing you back against the door. Your hair catches against the condensation on the window but neither of you notice that; your only focus is each other. 

“Always so sensitive for me, in every way possible.” He brings his mouth down and latches onto one, using his hand to please the other as he swirls your nipple in his mouth. You let out a small whimper whilst looking anywhere but at him, trying to hold back but he pulls away, gripping your chin and making you look at him. “Don’t do that. Look at me whilst I’m making you feel good, baby.” 

As soon as he realises that you’ll maintain eye contact without being held there his grip loosens, falling back to your breast and his mouth returns to pleasing you.

“Lando–” You moan as he nips at your nipple and he murmurs something along the lines of ‘good, just like that’ but he hardly lifts from you to say it so you're not quite sure. The look in his eyes is wild as he does it, his eyes not once leaving yours just like he made you do for him and you’d be lying if you said that his eyes weren’t making you soaked.

He switches. His saliva coating his hand as he begins rubbing your other breast and you arch your back, pushing them further into his mouth. 

You try to hold it back, you really do but you begin to twitch, your body jolting in uneven movements as the ache builds. 

A singular pinch. That’s all it takes. A singular pinch on your right nipple and you're sent slumping into his chest; body shaking, nipples sensitive as they collide with Lando’s bare skin and your breathing shallow.

The streetlight flickers a couple of times, almost resembling your climax as Lando holds the back of your head, fingers threading through your slightly damp and tangled hair.

His hands slither up your thighs, parting your legs with tortuous delicacy but you can’t bring yourself to look at him so you bury your face in your hands, ashamed at your premature orgasm. He freezes when he gets to your heat, fingers settled along your slick and your shorts soaked with your come. You bury your face deeper into your hands, feeling your cheeks burning in embarrassment.

He chuckles. “That’s it? That’s what made you come?” He teases, brushing a thumb over your wet nipple and you wince, trying to snap your thighs shut. “Look at me.” He demands, a smirk playing on his lips. “Did you come from just this?” You pull your hands away from your face just as he pinches your nipple, sending a tingling spark of pleasure through your body.

“Yes, I-” You try to explain yourself but nothing comes out. Your cheeks sting and you try to hide your face in your hands again but he grabs your wrists.

“Pathetic. Fucking pathetic.” He pulls them away and they fall limp at your sides as soon as he lets go of them and he leans down to work between your thighs; switching between licking up your juices, peppering kisses along your skin and blowing warm gusts of air onto your dripping cunt.

“Lan, stop being a tease.” You whimper as you try to buck your hips, but it’s no use, his hands are stationed on each one of your thighs and he’s so much stronger than you.

“Tease? Baby, by the looks of it, you don’t need any teasing.” He smirks to himself, sucking on your sensitive clit skillfully, making you cry out in pleasure and shake like it’s your first ever time.

You never managed to last long when it was Lando pleasuring you.

You lace your fingers through the curly strands of his hair, moaning inaudible praise under your breath whilst Lando adds a finger, curling it at just the right angle that makes you throw your head back against the window. Again. 

“Lan…” You cry out, fighting with all your might against his grip so that you can grind against his face, and for a second it works. For a second he lets you grind up into him, chasing that release that you so desperately need. Then his hands clamp down on your thighs again, pushing them down into the smooth leather seats of his car and he chuckles as you whine.

Yet his movements don’t slow, if anything, they speed up. 

His tongue laps around your needy cunt like he needs it to survive and his fingers curl so perfectly that you fight the urge to joke and ask if he had a map. 

“Is my girl going to come for me?” He asks, grin cocky as he drags you to the brink of release, watching you nod frantically through his eyelashes like he’ll expect anything that doesn’t come in words. “Hm? I’m not hearing anything.” Tears slip down your cheeks as he continues to please you and the words refuse to form in your mouth. 

Lando pulls away abruptly and you whine. “I asked you a question.” 

“Yes, yes please Lan please. I need to come.” You beg, your thighs shaking beneath his hands as the words tumble past your lips like you have no control over them. 

The smirk playing on his lips is undeniable and his tongue darts out, swiping across his soaked lips. “Yeah, is that what you want? You want to make a pretty mess all over my tongue after claiming I’m ashamed of you?”

“Lan, I didn’t mean it, I promise. Please, I need to come. Please.” You continue to beg but Lando doesn’t budge.

“You did mean it though didn’t you? And that’s okay because I’m going to make sure that you never think that I’m ashamed of you ever again.” He dives back into your cunt, making you cry out in shock as stars blur your vision and you moan an incoherent mixture of words as well as your favourite nickname for him.

He pumps his fingers back into you and your back arches off of the door handle, this time he allows you to grind into his face by loosening his grip on you.

“Is my girl going to come for me?” He repeats and you don’t make the same mistake as last time, immediately replying with high-pitched pleas and the repetition of his name that makes him grin even more every time it rolls off of your tongue. “Go on then, show me how good I make you feel.” He commands, continuing to pleasure you with his fingers but meeting your eyes so that he can watch the way you come undone for him.

Your fingers fall limp, tangled in his curls as your second orgasm of the night passes over you, sending an unmistakable tremor through your body as Lando holds you through it – his face soaked and his fingers still buried deep inside of you.  

“Lando…” You murmur, pushing against his chest making him fall back against the interior of the back seat of his car and he quickly removes his fingers from within you, thinking that something is wrong.

“Yes, baby?” He attends to you immediately, hands finding yours straight away but you pull your hands away from him and begin tugging at his joggers in a rushed, almost urgent manner. “Baby? What’s wrong?” 

Your hands clasp around the waistband of his joggers, pulling them down in sync with his boxers, causing it to spring free. It hits his toned abs – flushed and leaking and this time it’s your tongue that swipes along your bottom lip. 

“I want– I want to ride you.” You say hesitantly, laying your hands flat against his chest and for a minute everything else falls away. For a minute it’s not about the sex. It’s not about proving that he’s not ashamed of you. It’s not about how far he can push you.

It’s about the two of you.

“Uh– yeah… Yeah, okay, come on then.” His hands find your hips and hoist you up slightly, placing you so that you're hoovering just above his tip that’s leaking with his pre-cum. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes, Lan. I’m sure.”

He lowers you down for what feels like a small lifetime, but when his tip finally stretches you out a cry rips through your throat and your sweaty forehead falls against his. 

Lando slows down at your cry and he begins whispering gentle praise into your ear, still easing you onto his thick cock but just at a pace you can manage. 

The final stretch is painful – you don’t ever think you’ll get used to Lando’s size – but once he’s fully in, you feel unbelievably full. You would bet all of your money that he got bigger, thicker everytime you fucked. 

His hands never leave your waist and he begins to rock you after he lets you adjust for a couple of seconds. Each roll of your hips causing his dick to hit your g-spot and you can already feel your orgasm pending like he’s been fucking you like he can’t stand you. 

“There you go, baby.” He groans. “Fuck, fuck, you’re doing so well for me, okay? Fuck, almost there, I promise.” His head fully tilted against the head rest now and every other word is accompanied with some sort of groan or whimper that falls from his lips, blessing your ears. 

“Fuck, baby, if you keep clenching around me like that I don’t think I’m going to be able to last very long.” He mutters, guiding you to go faster, chasing both of your orgasms like it's a need – not a want. Maybe it is.

You feel him twitch inside of you causing you clench once again and that’s the only warning both of you need that you’re not far off making an absolute fucking mess. 

His breath begins to come in shallow bursts, his movements becoming sloppy and rushed but you can’t find it in yourself to care, the greedy side of you needing the release just as much as he does.

“Lan, Lan– I’m going–” Your sentence gets cut off when Lando speeds up his pace once again, his desire to come taking over him.

“Go on, baby, come with me.” He groans, thrusting up into you, allowing the both of you to come and you expect him to just fuck the both you through it and that be it but no. You catch his eye with a questioning gaze, a silent ‘what are you doing?’. “I think you can give me another one, don’t you? I mean it’s not like I’m ashamed of you. I could make you come all night long.” 

You whimper in protest but that familiar smirk lights up his face again as he continues to thrust up into you, chasing your fourth orgasm of the night, his second.

He has to coax this one out of you, not like it takes long but your bodies are already spent so as the pads of his fingertips burn into your skin and your juices coat his thighs, he doesn’t have to work for this one in the way he has for the others.

This one is easier and harder at the same time.

“I know you can give this one to me, baby. Come on, don’t make me fight you for it.” He rasps when your body tenses, trying to stop yourself from showing him how good he truly makes you feel. “Fuck, baby, I’m not lasting much longer– you feel so fucking good, so fucking good. Come with me, baby, please.” He begs, and it’s a new look on him. 

Lando Norris doesn’t beg.

He demands. He takes

Yet you let your thighs clench around him and your head fall to his shoulder as he twitches inside of you, showing you just how much he really loves you. That he’s not ashamed of you. 

“You okay?” He questions breathlessly.

“Yeah… yeah.” 

The two of you stay like that while what feels like hours past; sweaty skin to skin contact, shallow ragged breaths and an atmosphere that feels a lot more like yours than anything else. It’s not perfect, but it's yours and the two of you probably never will be perfect but that’s okay. 

It’s okay because it was you and Lando against the world, even if the world didn’t know.

love and hate

yourusername

Liked by f1 the album, mclaren, y/nhq, lando and 5,370,241 others

yourusername just keep watching…

first, i’d like to thank everybody for making this possible and i am so happy to have written the piece ‘just keep watching’ for the f1 movie, it really is an honour!

secondly, thank you to our special guest lando for driving around in circles whilst we tried to get the perfect shot!

user i suddenly like formula 1

user i was NOT expecting this

f1 we will keep watching -> liked by author

y/nhq icon behaviour as usual -> liked by author

user i NEED more than just this little snippet!

mclaren we can’t even be made that you stole our driver for this -> liked by author

-> yourusername yeah, sorry about that one

user my question is why did she chose lando for this and not oscar??

-> user from what i’ve heard, i feel like this song is more lando coded

-> user oscar would never do something like this with his own free will

-> user oscar would by far too awkward around her

user Y/N x LN4!!!

lando i do look good don’t i? -> liked by author

-> user yes, yes you do

-> user MARRY ME LANDO!!!

user QUEEN

f1 the album it was an honour to have you —> liked by author

y/nhq

Liked by lando, user, arianagrande and 3,485,061 others

y/nhq behind the scenes of the ‘just keep watching’ music video which you can also stream on spotify now!!!

user you ani’t buying in?

-user just keep watchingggg

arianagrande absolutely loved it! —> liked by author

-> yourusername i love you!

lando i wouldn’t be opposed to filming another music video with you

-> yourusername i guess your company wasn’t that atrocious

-> user well what is this?

-> user i don’t even know

-> user the friendship we didn’t know we needed

user will we ever get another music video with lando??

-> yourusername you’ll have to just keep watching to find out

yourusername

Liked by ninadobrev, zaralarsson, gracieabrams and 345,062 others

yourusername supposed to be on stage, but fuck it, i need a minute. change my mind so much it’s exhausting…

‘revolving door’ is now available on spotify!

user something about ‘fuck me good, fuck me up, then i gotta move towns’ did something to me

-> user and ‘say i couldn't want you less, but i just want you more’

-> user and ‘i still think about that night out in boston’

-> user the whole song was iconic

-> user wait wasn’t ‘just keep watching’ filmed in boston?

gracieabrams 🤍 -> liked by author

ninadobrev still waiting to see you at a grand prix

-> yourusername maybe soon -> liked by mclaren

user why was i expecting another post with lando

-> user she’s literally only posted two photos of him for F1 song content

-> lando i don’t know, why were you? -> liked by author

mclaren

Liked by oscarpiastri, y/nhq, f1 and 2,408,156 others

mclaren three out of the many times lando was caught interacting with our special guest over the weekend.

user SPECIAL GUEST??? WHO???

oscarpiastri what do you have to say for yourself lando?

-> lando i have done nothing wrong, i was just being welcoming

-> oscarpiastri sure sure

-> user WELCOMING WHO

-> user oscar knows something we don’t -> liked by oscarpiastri

user why is y/nhq in the likes?

-> user probably to keep up pr after the f1 movie

-> user maybe…

user he was definitely looking at oscar

-> user #LANDOSCAR for life

user what are the chances they invited y/n? -> liked by mclaren

yourusername

Liked by mclaren, lando, oscarpiastri and 4,323,978 others

yourusername what a weekend!

ninadobrev finally!! it was so good to see you! -> liked by author

-> yourusername it was so good to see you too!

user not all of the mclaren lot in the likes -> liked by mclaren, lando and oscarpiastri

user mclaren is enjoying this far too much

user i was a bit skeptical but there’s now no way that mclaren didn’t invite y/n to the race

user wait is that lando’s car in the third pic?

-> user i think so, and i also think it’s his car in the first one as well because he did win the race

y/nhq glowing as always -> liked by author

lando nice scenery

-> yourusername nice car

-> oscarpiastri oh lando…

y/nsource

Liked by user, y/nupdates, oscarpiastri and 3,893,275 others

y/nsource singing icon, y/n y/l/n and mclaren’s golden boy, lando norris supposedly together? here’s everything we know:

lando norris agreed to be apart of y/n’s music video for the f1 movie (just keep watching) and then was posted by y/n on her main account and then by admin on her hq account.

in the post that y/n posted with lando, he commented ‘i do look good, don’t i?’ and y/n liked it.

then under y/n’s hq account lando commented ‘i wouldn’t be opposed to filming another music video with you’ to which y/n replied ‘i guess your company wasn’t that atrocious’ flirting????

not long after that, y/n released the song ‘revolving door’ which contains the lyrics ‘i still remember that night back in boston’ boston being where the filmed the music video for ‘just keep watching’ coincidence? i think not.

after that, on the most recent race weekend, mclaren posted a photo dump of lando laughing and smiling captions ‘three out of many times lando was caught interacting with our special guest over the weekend’ and in the comments oscar and lando had a cryptic but short conversation about landos intentions and mclaren was seen liking a comment about inviting y/n.

less than 24 hours after this, y/n also posted a dump captioned ‘what a weekend!’ which contained two pictures of what we believe to be landos car alongside one of herself. said post was liked by oscar piastri, lando himself and mclaren.

in that same post, lando commented ‘nice scenery’ referencing to her photos and y/n replied with ‘nice car’ and then below that oscar piastri, lando’s teammate, commented ‘oh lando…’

what do you guys think???

user why is everyone putting so much thought into this? does it even matter?

user oscar we see you in the likes

-> user he definitely knows something

user i didn’t even realise there were so many signs

user are we all just going to ignore the fact that it could all be pr??? are we really going to be that oblivious

-> user i don’t think it is pr…

-> user there is absolutely no way this is pr

-> user how would you know, are you them?

yourusername

Liked by lando, y/nhq, mclaren and 7,459,898 others

yourusername you ani’t got no mrs, oh but you got a sports car…

‘sports car’ potentially coming out this sunday!

user there’s a race this sunday…

-> user so?

-> user i have a feeling the timing of the release has something to do with the result of the race on sunday

-> user you might be onto something… especially after that post from y/nsource

y/nhq we’re looking forward to the release of this one 👀

user this is going to be iconic

-> user when is she not iconic?

lando i hope to see you at the race?

-> yourusername where else would i be?

-> user OH MY GOD

-> user IS THIS THE CONFIRMATION WE’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR???

user lando what have the two of you been doing in your sports car -> liked by author and lando

y/nsource

Liked by y/nhq, user, oscarpiastri and 1,255,096 others

y/nsource to everybody’s surprise, y/n did a small private concert in the mclaren f1 garage!!! according to our sources she sang sports car through and through and was also seen getting very cozy with lando norris…

user oscar and y/n’s hq just openly nodding along to all of the allegations atp -> liked by oscarpiastri and y/nhq

oscarpiastri cozy is a dull way of putting it.

-> user ???

-> user what’s that meant to mean oscar?

-> oscarpiastri i mean im not saying that they were ALL over each other but im not not saying that they were ALL over each other

-> user DEAR GOD

-> y/nhq we saw what you did there…

user after oscar literally saying that y/n and lando were all over each other, do we think something happened between them??

-> user girl did you not here that 11 second snippet of sports car?

-> user ‘thinkin’ about what we did before this verse

-> user ‘on the corner of my bed and maybe ON THE BEACH!!!’ like there’s no way something hasn’t happened -> liked by oscarpiastri

-> user NO GUYS, YOU’RE FOCUSING ON THE WRONG THING SHE LITERALLY SAID ‘you can do it on your own, while your looking at me’ LIKE WHAT?!?!!?

lando

Liked by yourusername, y/nhq, oscarpiastri and 8,514,892 others

lando a beautiful win, a beautiful performance and my beautiful girl 🤍

sports car is available on Spotify now!!

user …

yourusername they were all for you <3

lando i love you <3

yourusername 🤍🤍🤍

-> lando 🤍🤍🤍

user i expected it and my jaw still dropped

oscarpiastri i would say finally but it’s only going to get worse isn’t it? -> liked by lando

-> lando you know me far to well oscar

alexandrasaintmleux i expect to be seeing more of y/n in the paddock -> liked by yourusername

-> ninadobrev i second to that

-> lando i third to that

-> yourusername you’ll be seeing a lot more of me i promise

-> ninadobrev hush lando she’s literally your girlfriend

mclaren we love seeing our favourite girl

-> lando back off admin, she’s mine

user finallyyyyyyyy

user we’ve been waiting FOREVER

user y/nlando on top (of me)

-> lando no thanks, she’s all mine

-> yourusername everybody knows lando, i you don’t have to keep telling everyone

-> lando stop telling everyone you’re mine? is that what your asking me to do?

-> yourusername yes

-> lando i love you, but no

love and hate

Lando had never been anyone to do anything even remotely halfway; you knew that, but you didn’t think that he’d go to this extent.

You had been expecting him to take you to go and get food or take you out to do something but you hadn’t expected anything this… personalised. 

The glass panels surrounding the roof-top restaurant are lined with sparkling fairy lights that shine softly. They reflect off of the glass panels, creating a pretty art-like picture and you know that when you turn around, they’ll be catching in Lando’s eyes as well. 

The table is set with fancy silver cutlery that looks like they were hand-carved, beige napkins with your initials engraved into everyone on the side of the intricate swans they’ve been carved into and the plates look like they’re straight out of a movie set. 

The music hums at a perfect volume through the speakers, feeling the air with a peaceful and steady feeling. It’s a perfect contrast to the chaotic, bustling streets of the city down below; a whole world carrying on even though it feels as though time has paused in yours. 

Your hand flies up to cover your mouth as you stand starstruck in the entrance, awe taking over your features. Lando lets out a gentle laugh, hands landing on your hips to steady you as if you might faint from

“Lan…” You whisper but it comes out muffled against your hand yet you can’t bring yourself to look at him, your eyes glued on the beautiful set up in front of you; there’s a tiny square box the plate in the middle seat, presumably yours. 

“Do you like it?” Lando asks, fingers tapping against your hips as he spins you around to face him. He’s smiling so wide that if you saw him out in public you would have assumed that he’d won the lottery. 

“Like? I-I…” The words flow into each other and you begin to feel the tears swelling in your eyes. Lando’s thumb reaches up instinctively. “I love it, Lan, you didn’t have to do all of this for me.” You whisper, pressing your face into your chest and standing on your tippy toes, arms wrapping around his neck. 

A blanket of his cologne wraps around you, coating you like he never wants to let you go. You never want him to let you go either. 

He dips his head down and his lips brush your ear. “You deserve all of this,” You see his hand gesturing to the display around you. “And so much more.” He plants a kiss on your temple before pulling away. “Come on, go open your gift before everyone else gets here.” 

Your eyes dart to the pale pink box. “Everybody else?” You question, raising your eyebrows at him in confusion. 

“Well even though I know that I am amazing company, I thought that you’d want to celebrate your birthday with some of your friends as well.” He tells you, spinning you around so quickly that your dress swirls around your thighs and his hand finds your lower back, guiding you towards your seat. 

“Go on,” Lando prompts, pulling the chair out for you like some old-fashioned gentleman, practically buzzing with excitement as you settle yourself into the chair, fingers wrapping around the delicate pink box. “Whilst it’s just me and you.” 

Your fingers tremble just slightly as you lift the lid. Inside, nestled in velvet, is a gold locket – flower-like engravings sprawled all along the outsides and a shiver runs down your spine as the pads of your fingers brush over them. It’s not that you don’t like it, no you love it but this is something that only someone who paid attention to the little things would be able to design.

You click it open cautiously, not wanting to break it within seconds of removing it from its packaging; there’s a small photo, you and Lando. One you don’t even remember taking, or ever even seeing before. 

Your head is thrown back against Lando’s chest, smile wide as you giggle at something Lando has said and Lando’s looking down at you, unruly curls framing his face like his a piece of artwork but he’s staring at you like you own the whole of space. He’s never said it before but in this photo it looks like he really and truly loves you.

Your eyes flicker to the text next to it, scrawly handwriting feels your vision and it is unmistakably Lando’s.

 I love you, to the moon and back. 

You tilt your head back to where he’s standing behind you and he slowly pries the necklace out of your hands, moving your hair out of the way before clasping it around your neck. 

“Thank you, Lan. I love it.” You whisper.

His hand cups the side of your face, his fingers brushing your jaw and Lando soaks in every one of your features; the curve of your nose, the light lift of your lip on the left hand side and the cheeky glint that’s always somewhere in your eye. He takes in every single little thing about you before he speaks.

“I love you.” He whispers back and with that his lips connect with yours – it’s not rough, it’s not rushed but it’s sweet, loving and you kiss him back. That being your way of saying I love you too until you have the breath to say it back in words.

love, hate and a happy birthday <3

The air is thick and heavy in your lungs, wrapping around them like it’s trying to debilitate you rather than help you. You splutter aggressively but you don’t stop, feeling the ache in your knees as your feet hit the base of the treadmill like your life depends on it. 

Maybe it does.

Maybe the twisted sense of control that you demand from every aspect of your life all boils down to this singular moment; the amount of calories you burn right now, how far you can push yourself in this one workout session, how thin you can stretch yourself before it’s finally enough. 

Beads of sweat cling to your body, rolling down your face in jagged movements. It sneaks into crevices of your hands that are gripping the sleek black handle bars of the treadmill in Charles’ empty home gym, your knuckles white from the sheer force of your grip. 

At this point you don’t even realise that you’ve blocked out the sounds of your music blasting; another attempt of drowning out your thoughts. Or the pounding headache that feels like it’s trying to split you open with a thousand mini needles. Or the sound of Charles entering the room.

“Cherie?” He calls, stepping into the room properly yet you don’t acknowledge him, you’re too busy trying to block out your own thoughts to even contemplate entertaining anyone else's. 

He hesitates slightly, pausing mid step, silently watching you push yourself like you never have before. Charles knows that one wrong word could send you into a spiral. Shut-down mode. A state of distress.

Yet was saying the wrong thing worse than saying nothing at all? 

Charles’ muscles tense, a sense of helplessness falling into pace with the rapid pace of his heart and the forced thudding of your worn shoes against the treadmill. He can feel the bright red button blinking at him. Signalling to him. He knows that he should press that emergency stop button. He knows that it’s the right thing to do, but as his rough fingertips press down on the smooth button a sense of guilt tugs at his heart.

Realisation settles over your features as you slow down to the pace of the treadmill – eventually halting to a stop. 

“Charles, what are you doing–” You burst into a fit of coughs, each one tearing from your throat like it’s been held captive and you stumble off of the treadmill, knees betraying you with every step you go to make. 

Charles snakes an arm around your waist and you try to shove him away but your knees buckle once again. Your hands fall limp against Charles’ chest and you lean your head against him.

“Fuck, cherie.” He mutters, lowering the both of you to the floor whilst cradling the back of your head. He looks around frantically for a couple of seconds, eyes landing on your pale green water bottle before his hand shoots out to grab it so quickly that he almost knocks it over. “Here, have some of this.” He offers gently, opening it for you but you shake your head in defiance, pushing it away. 

Charles sighs, running his hand over his jaw in frustration – not at you, but at the situation. How had he managed to let it get this bad? How had he managed to ignore this for so long? How had he managed to allow this to happen at all? 

Your head falls back against the cold stone wall, but maybe it’s not the walls that’s cold, maybe it’s you. Everything feels cold nowadays – dull – like life has lost all of its purpose. Your eyes flutter shut, your lips part slightly and with every passing second Charles can feel the light of your bubbly personality slipping through his fingers. Vanishing into thin air.

“Why do you insist on doing this to yourself?” He asks, mostly to himself but once he starts it’s like he can’t stop. “Why do you insist on pushing yourself to your breaking point? It’s not good for your body. It’s not good for your mind. It’s not good for your–”

“But it feels good.” You whisper. You whisper it like it’s just another sentence. Like it was just another word. Like you didn’t you just utter something that meant everything like it meant absolutely nothing. 

“What feels good?” He asks carefully, knowing that now that he’s said it he can’t take it back. He can’t unhear the answer.

“Pushing myself to see the numbers. To feel the control; the control feels good.” You admit, the walls behind you absorbing the weight of your head that had been feeling far too heavy recently and Charles feels his soul shatter into a million pieces like a glass ballerina finally hitting the floor after falling for a lifetime.

Your words play on repeat in Charles’ mind when your breathing shallows out and your head falls to the side as you fall into a state of peace.

The control feels good.

The control feels good.

The control feels good.

Maybe he loved you wrong. Maybe the way he loved you made you this fragile. Maybe it was the media; deep down Charles knew about some of the things the media had said about you, even if he pretended he didn’t and now he wonders if he was the one who drove you to this point?

Was this all his fault? Did he love you too much? Not enough?

Did he allow the media too much insight into your life? Was it even the media at all? Was it everything or nothing or all of the things that fall between those two categories?

Was it all his fault? 

love and hate

“this win was for you. for us.”

lando

Liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri and 987,261 others

lando what a weekend! a mclaren one-two, some extraordinary moments with fans and, of course, my favourite little sister.

yourusername i’m your only sister lando

-> lando oops

user I WAS ONE OF THOSE FANS!!!

user what a day it was

mclaren our papaya boys 🧡 -> liked by oscarpiastri and author

yourusername i quite enjoyed that. can you do it again next time? -> liked by mclaren

-> lando i don’t know can we? oscarpiastri

-> oscarpiastri i’ll have to think about it

user not oscar saying he’ll have to think about getting another podium

user she looks so pretty!! —> liked by yourusername and oscarpiastri

-> user well hello oscar???

-> user is lando just going to ignore this?

-> user SHE LIKED!!

yourusername

Liked by oscarpiastri, mclaren, alexandrasaintmleux and 325,961 others

yourusername when the team does well so you get to go out for dinner! (also who new that oscarpiastri knew how to take photos?)

alexandrasaintmleux the prettiest girl -> liked by author

user not lando not being in the likes because there’s sushi -> liked by lando

lando i still can’t believe that you chose SUSHI out of everything on that menu

-> yourusername i wanted sushi so i got sushi? i don’t see the problem?

-> lando you could’ve killed me!

-> user lando is so over dramatic, it’s hilarious

user is everyone just going to ignore the fact that she pretty much just said that oscar took the first photo for her???

oscarpiastri i really enjoyed my salmon, how was your sushi? -> liked by author

-> yourusername it was AMAZING

-> lando my two favourite people trying to kill me 💔

-> oscarpiastri you’re so dramatic

-> user wait do we think they planned this as a joke on lando??? -> liked by author and oscarpiastri

-> user YES! YES WE DO!!

mclaren glad you enjoyed it -> liked by author

f1tea

Liked by user, f1 and 1,684,074 others

f1tea racing hotshot, oscar piastri, was spotted out and about with a mystery woman late yesterday evening! a girlfriend or just a friend? the media only got little glimpses of her but many are speculating that oscar has opened a new chapter in his book!

user OH?

-> user THIS WAS MY EXACT REACTION

user is that f1 i see in the likes?? -> liked by f1

user f1 admin are having a field day with this one

user guys what are we thinking? girlfriend? -> liked by author

-> user definitely!

-> user it could just be a friend

-> user GIRLFRIEND!!!!

user it’s literally none of our business

user i’ve not seen him show this much emotion — let alone happiness — in like… forever

user something about the coat gave me yourusername vibes -> liked by author

-> f1tea we’re listening

-> user i think you might be onto something…

user not my dreams of marrying him slowly slipping through my fingers -> liked by oscarpiastri

oscarpiastri

Liked by yourusername, f1tea, lando and 747,181 others

oscarpiastri a quick break before we get back on track

user not yourusername being first in the likes

user i wonder who he’s taking a photo of in the third pic

-> lando me obviously

-> oscarpiastri we aren’t even in the same country

-> user clocked

yourusername i like your hoodie —> liked by author

-> user what a random thing to say yourusername…

-> user whats going on here then?

-> user i feel like user in f1tea’s post was onto something

-> user i lowkey agree

yourusername

Liked by oscarpiastri, tatemcrae, lando and 2,748,107 others

yourusername hoodie dump <3

f1tea WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH

f1tea ARE YOU GUYS SEEING WHAT IM SEEING RN?

-> user WHAT ARE YOU SEEING??

-> f1tea yourusername IN oscarpiastri’s HOODIE

-> user OH MY GOD

-> user HAVE WE BEEN WITNESSING A SOFT LAUNCH IN REAL TIME????

-> user I THINK WE HAVE!

lando sister.

-> yourusername yes?

-> lando whose hoodie is that?

-> yourusername … -> liked by oscarpiastri

oscarpiastri 🤍 -> liked by author

-> yourusername 🤍

-> lando …

-> lando oscar reply to my messages.

-> user lando is NOT happy

->user my jaw dropped lower than my grades

tatemcrae i have the perfect song for this

-> yourusername do not sing a word

f1tea

Liked by user, f1, mclaren, tatemcrae, alexandrasaintmleux and 5,685,702 others

f1tea just a couple of hours ago, racing legend oscar piastri was spotted leading his alleged girlfriend — his teammates younger sister, ___ norris — into a very fancy restaurant.

user the whole thing screamed date to me

user the secrets out, both mclaren and f1 admin liked the post -> liked by author

user i told you all so in the very moment i saw the coat in the first post you made about them

-> user you were right

-> user i know. -> liked by yourusername

oscarpiastri and yourusername

Liked by tatemcrae, charles_leclerc, lando and 7,429,619 others

oscarpiastri the cat may be out of the bag but i still refuse to share you with the world 🤍

comments on this posts are limited to close friends

yourusername i love you <3 -> liked by author

-> oscarpiastri i love you more <3

tatemcrae can i release sports car now?

-> yourusername yes, yes you can

charles_leclerc finally, watching you soft launch was slowly killing me -> liked by author

lando WAS I REALLY THE LAST PERSON TO FIND OUT?!??

-> yourusername oops?

alexandrasaintmleux so happy for you baby

-> yourusername 🤍

mclaren do we now have to share you with the rest of the paddock? —> liked by author

-> f1 yes you do

-> lando F1 AND MCLAREN ADMIN KNEW BEFORE ME?

“Fucking bullshit, mate!” Max exclaims as he storms into his driver room– where you’re perched on the sofa bed– and slams the door behind himself aggressively. You jump up at the sound, not from fear, but from the sheer force that made the walls vibrate.

“Max, it’s just one race, you can’t let it get to you.” You say in an attempt to calm him, stepping towards him as he starts yanking open drawers, not paying any attention to you as he searches for something. “Max.” You try again, stepping in front of him so that he can’t continue to rummage through things. “Whatever you’re looking for can wait, take a minute to calm down.”

His chest rises and falls heavily as he looks down at you. “Calm down?” His laugh is bitter. “You want me to calm down after that absolute fucking shit show?” He pushes you against the chest of drawers and you suck in a sharp breath, the drawer handles digging into your back yet you don’t stop him. 

“I can leave if you–” You start, trying to respect his boundaries but you’re abruptly cut off, he clearly has other plans.

“Leave? I don’t want you to leave.” He begins trailing his fingers along the hem of your low-cut top, causing your skin to come up in goosebumps. “I want you to stay right here and everything I give you like a good fucking whore, can you do that?” He asks, letting his hand travel up your throat and squeezing tightly when you don’t answer.

A small gasp slips out. “Yes.” You manage but before you even complete the word he’s securing the sentence with a kiss. It’s mean; his teeth tugging at your bottom lip as he shoves the straps of your dress off of your shoulder. It’s a kiss made to ruin.

He tugs your dress down, allowing it to pool by your feet as he diverts his attention from your lips to your neck. 

Biting you. Claiming you.

He brings a hand back up to your neck as he does it, squeezing once again and you let out a soft gasp in pleasure. He divides his time all over the surface of your throat: from behind your ear to just above your collarbone, but as he gets to your shoulder his teeth begin to graze your skin. He nips along your skin before tugging your bra strap down with his teeth.

“Max…” You whisper as he continues to nip at your skin, feeling the bruises he’s creating in real time and you press your thighs together, feeling the growing ache. A hand slides around your back and unclips your bra, allowing it to fall off of your frame. His other hand makes its way down from your throat and onto your breast, where he fondles it angrily. “Max!” You repeat as he pinches your nipple – hard – causing you to thread your fingers through his hair, tugging lightly. 

“You like this don’t you? You like having me so worked up that I have no choice but to take it out on you. I’d bet all my money that the paddocks little golden girl is fucking soaked from so little of my touch.” He teases, sliding his free hand down onto your stomach. “Fuck. You’re going to look so pretty when I fuck my anger out on you. All because some dickheads can’t fucking drive properly.”

You clench involuntarily. 

Max fiddles with the lacy hem of your panties before dragging them down your thighs; it’s quick but it’s not rushed. 

He sucks in a breath as he admires your naked body. “You’re so pretty when you’re like this.” He murmurs, running his hands up and down your sides yet he still doesn’t hesitate when it comes to manhandling you onto the bed, shoving you down with the rage that is bubbling just beneath his skin.

He stripes down to nothing before crawling on top of you. “Such poor performance today,” he yanks your knees apart, revealing your needy cunt to him. “So many little fuck-ups,” he pushes two fingers into you without warning, curling them almost immediately which makes your back arch as you cry out. “So many dumb mistakes made by dumb people.” He adds a finger, plunging it into you with rapid, merciless pace. “So many things that cost me the win.”

Your nails dig into his back as he uses his thumb to rub circles on your clit. A tight knot begins to form in your stomach, the sensation causing a wave of pleasure that settles deep within you. “Max– Max, I’m going to… I’m so close.” You manage to get out, moaning as you try to grind your hips against his hand to create more friction yet he pulls his fingers out. 

A sly grin spreads over his lips. “And why should I let you come, schatje? Why should I let you come so easily?” He asks, sliding a finger through your slit. “I mean, you’re so fucking wet for me, so eager to let me use you like my little fuck toy yet I’m so fucking hard it hurts.”

“Please, Max.” You beg. “Please, I need– I need it, I need to come.”

“Save the begging for when I’ve stretched you out so much that you can’t even think straight.” He demands, lining himself up with your entrance but pushing only the tip in. You moan loudly but Max grips your throat – tight. “Shut the fuck up and fucking take it, whore.” You whimper but obey as he pushes into you, splitting you open in a way that has tears springing into your eyes before you can even register it.

Max doesn’t give you time to adjust, finding his rhythm immediately, whatever he had been  looking for earlier now long forgotten. He slams into you, keeping you quiet with a singular hand squeezing your throat. “you're so fucking tight, schatje. You were fucking made for me, weren’t you?” He grits out as he continues pounding into you, small groans slipping past his lips.

Tears begin rolling down your face, dripping down your chin before landing on Max’s hand, but he doesn’t seem to notice. He crashes his lips back down onto yours, probably tasting the saltiness of your tears on your lips as the combination of pleasure and overstimulation eats away at your willpower – fast.

He pulls away, leaving you breathless as he moves down to your tits; kissing them, sucking them. Doing everything he possibly can to have you a shaking mess beneath him.

“Fuck, you’re such a perfect slut for me with those pretty tears running down your face. You’re doing so fucking good for me, so fucking good.” He lifts his hand from your throat briefly, whilst the other is being used to hold your hip as he wipes your tears away.

“Please, Max. I need to come so badly.” You whimper, your voice raspy and your throat sore as he grips it.

“I know. I know you do but just a little longer, I’m almost there.” You dig your nails into his back, working against every cell in your body as you feel him twitch inside of you.

“Max! Fuck– Max, I need to.” Your body jolts as you cry, choking on your own tears from the overstimulation but Max just chuckles.

“You’re so fucking pretty when you’re a writhing mess beneath me, schatje but not yet. I promise you I'm close, okay?” You feel him twitch again and his thrusts only get harder, deeper as you whine. He reaches down with the hand from your hip and rubs your clit whilst simultaneously going back to wiping away your tears.

“Maxie…  Maxie, I need to come, please. I can’t, I can’t, Maxie please.” You beg, your whole body shaking from the orgasm denial. Max takes one look into your glassy eyes and that’s all it takes for him to take mercy on you.

“Go on then schatje, go on, make a mess all over me. Come undone whilst wrapped around my cock, you’ve done so fucking well for me.” That’s all it takes. You let go, allowing the most intense climax of your life wash over you, leaving you exhausted and hazy. 

Yet Max fucks your through every second of it and with one final thrust he groans, tipping his head back and spilling his load into you.

He readjusts so that he can lie down next to your shaking figure, pulling himself out as gently as possible because he knows he’s been rough but you don’t miss the sound of pleasure that escapes his lips when he catches his come leaking out of you.

“Too much?” He questions calmly, pulling you against his chest as the last of your tears flow down.

“Just a lot.” You reply, using your last ounce of energy to bury your head in the crook of his neck before fully allowing yourself to relax.

“You did so well for me, schatje. I know I was rough but you took me like a fucking champ, like your fucking made to fit around me.” He tells you whilst stroking your hair and taking in your state; handprints and bruises already forming on your body, a thick layer of sweat matting your baby hairs to your forehead and his hot come dripping out of you and onto the sofa bed. He kisses your forehead. “I’ll clean you up later, yeah? Just rest now.”

You simply nod against his chest and there’s a timid knock at the door.

“Max?” The voice calls out, one you recognise as his strategist.

“Fuck off.”

love and hate

It’s day seventeen without blood. It’s day seventeen of cleansing yourself of the one thing you need most because as much as you hated to admit it; you love Charles. You want to be better for him. It was an odd emotion to experience because you had never wanted to be better for anyone, you enjoyed being feared; you enjoyed watching Max subconsciously stiffen around you, you enjoyed watching Oscar stop talking as soon as you entered a room and most of all you enjoyed how Lando apologised for pretty much everything in regards to you which includes that one time he had apologised for breathing the same air as you. Yet Charles wasn’t like that, he wasn’t afraid to talk to you and he didn't need to be compelled when he found out that you’re a vampire, he just saw you in the same way that he always had.

Charles’ unwavering opinion of you is probably how you’ve ended up here with his fingers threaded through your curly hair as you lay against his chest, your breathing shallow and a thick layer of sweat coating your shaking body. You can hardly focus on whatever he was talking about because the desire for blood is clouding your other senses. It feels like your body is being torn apart vein by vein and being tossed into a raging fire that’s having gasoline poured into it consistently. He must notice this because he stops talking and looks down at you with those eyes that definitely shouldn’t be filled with love.

“Chérie, this is getting ridiculous, you need blood.” He says, and you look into his eyes that are pure from compulsion, reminding yourself that you’re doing this because for the first time you really love someone. You love him.

“I want to be better. For you.” You reply, the response becoming an instinct now whenever he brings it up, as you try to fight your body against an urge that it was so used to you giving in to. “I’m doing this for you.”

“But I don't want you to torture yourself into being better for me. I want you the way you are. Blood-sucking vampire traits and all.” He tells you, brushing beads of sweat off of you’re greying skin like you're a precious porcelain doll. Everybody else walks on eggshells around you, trying to avoid angering you but no one handles you with as much care as Charles does, no one experiences your soft side like Charles does.

“I can’t. I want to be better for you. I’m sure the pain will subside soon enough.” You try to reassure him but the lack of blood is making you slightly delirious, causing you to stumble over your words.

Charles takes one of his arms from around your waist and holds his wrists to your lips. “You’ve been saying that since day eleven, chérie, but you’ve only gotten worse.” He says, sighing as you shake your head. “Come on, a little bit, just to help you regain some strength.”

He’s right about the pain and in all honesty you didn’t know how long it would take for the pain to subside, yet you still push his arm away. “I don’t want to hurt you.” You murmur, your eyelids fluttering shut and Charles sighs once again, not enjoying you writhing away right before his eyes.

“You won’t hurt me, I promise. Please, it hurts me to see you in such agony due to the way you think I perceive you.” He begs, bringing his wrist back up to your lips. Your fingers wrap around it, trying to push it away but he holds his ground. “Please. I can’t keep watching you do this to yourself.”

Your fingers go slack at his words, sliding off his wrist as you cave, the mixture of exhaustion and begging fogging your senses. “Are you sure?” You question weakly and he has his wrist brush your lips lightly.

“Of course, mon chéri.” He says and with that you let the urges take over. You sink your teeth into his vein, he doesn’t even flinch as you begin drawing blood, he simply cradles your head and talks you through it. “There you go, I’m okay, take as much as you need. Go on.” He whispers gently into your hair, placing a small kiss of encouragement.

You pull back, breathing heavily and a tear rolls down your cheek from guilt; Charles really knew how to pull every emotion out of you. “Oh my– I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I-I don’t know why I did that, I’m so sorry.” You apologise, panicking, your eyes flying open in shame at realisation of what you’ve just done to the one person you love most on the earth.

“Hey, shush shush. I’m okay, okay? I’m completely fine, I let you feed off of me, I just wanted you to be healthy again.” He reassures you, wiping away your tears. “You did so well for me, chérie, I know it was hard and I know that you didn’t want to but you did so well.” He praises, understanding that was not only emotionally overwhelming with the flood of guilt but also physically demanding as you regained some strength. He pulls the duvet over you and you allow your eyes to fall shut again with fatigue.

“Charles… I’m sorry.” You whisper before letting sleep pull you under but he doesn’t reply, knowing that this apology wasn’t for drinking his blood, rather you apologising for what you are.

love and hate

“Easy there, love.” Lando chuckles as you run up to him, throwing yourself into his arms, eager to see him after what felt like a lifelong race weekend that you didn’t attend. He catches you effortlessly, his muscular arms wrapping around your waist to support you as you bury your neck into his neck, reveling in the familiarity of his scent as he kisses you on the forehead. “Miss me much?”

“More than you will ever know.” You mumble into him as he shuts the door to your shared apartment–in Monte Carlo, Monaco– with a soft click. He carries you further into the open space yet ignores the kitchen, dining and living room entirely, instead making his way towards the shut door on the right hand side; your bedroom.

“Lando?” You say as he pushes open the door and enters, being careful so that no part of your body collides with the door frame.

His eyes snap down to you as soon as he hears you speak and he acknowledges you immediately. “Yes, love?”

“Could we just… could we just take tonight a bit slower, please?” You ask quietly, your body aching from pushing yourself too hard over the weekend as he places you down onto the bed, and you know that you wouldn’t be able to handle anything intimate tonight.

He doesn’t reply for a minute as he takes off his McLaren tee, leaving him shirtless and in nothing but black joggers that are sitting so low on his hips that you can see his v-line and the waistband of his Calvin Klein boxers. You worry that you’ve upset him and instantly wish that you could redact your question and pretend that you had never asked it.

He proceeds to lay down next to you in silence and just as you go to say something like ‘nevermind’ or ‘forget I said anything’, he speaks. “Like a movie?” He asks gently.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind.” You reply, letting out a deep breath that you didn’t even realise you were holding in.

Lando leans over to the bedside table, grabbing the TV remote from the top draw and flicks the TV on before passing the remote to you. “Of course I don’t mind. Go on, you can pick, love.”

You begin to search for a film, flicking from genre to genre and then app to app. Lando pulls you in closer so that your head is resting right above his heart and you allow his steady heartbeats to ground you. He wraps his arms around you tightly, providing a layer of warmth to your currently constantly cold skin. 

Eventually, you end up on Disney+, hovering over one of your favourite Disney films–Princess and the frog– as Lando runs his fingers up and down your arm lazily. “This one?” You ask him and he nods, signalling at you to press play nonchalantly like he doesn’t get so invested in whatever you put on to the point where he starts guessing the star signs of the characters.

The movie plays for a while; Lando’s fingers run up and down your arm so consistently to the point where you don’t even think he realises that he’s doing it anymore, your body aches with that same thudding pain and Lando’s stomach growls a couple of times. At first he just ignores it, attempting to focus on the movie, joking about how one of the fireflies is definitely a scorpio like him. Yet at one point his stomach growls extremely loudly, and he decides that he can’t take it anymore.

“For fucks sake, I’m ordering us food.” He murmurs, sliding his hand into his pocket and slipping out his phone, tapping away for a couple of seconds before it starts to ring.

You zone out whilst he places the order; your stomach churning and your thoughts whirling. You had been doing so well at restricting the past weekend, you even didn’t go to the race so that you wouldn’t be tempted to try all of the foreign food, so why did Lando now have to order in?

He speaks on the phone for a while, being picky about the order but all you can think about is the overwhelming sense of dread that washes over you. You feel your heart rate pick up and you fight the urge to let the tears that are welling up in your eyes slide down your cheeks. You were doing so well and now all of your progress was going to be ruined. You feel a small pang of shame; you had promised Lando that you wouldn’t go back to this, that you’d talk to him, but it’s just not that easy.

Lando throws his phone down onto the bed somewhere after ending the phone call and plants a kiss on your forehead; one of his favourite forms of physical affection. “They said that pizza would be here in a bit, okay?”

You nod, not trusting yourself to speak without bursting into tears as you inhale a shaky breath.

The next few minutes go by in a blur; Lando absent-mindedly stroking your hair and you nodding along to his silly jokes, his contagious laughter not spreading to you like it normally does. He squeezes you again, one his silent ‘I love yous’ but the action pushes you over the edge and you scramble off the bed hurriedly, making your way over to your ensuite bathroom. The last thing you wanted was for Lando to see you crying over something so immature.

“Love?” He calls out to you, sitting up as his eyes follow you across the room but you ignore him, locking yourself in the bathroom.

A tear rolls down your cheek and a choked sob escapes your lips. Why couldn’t you just be a normal person and eat normal food? You thought, furiously wiping away the waterfall of tears that are flooding down your face.

On the other side of the door, Lando is quick to get up, making his way over to the door instantly and trying to talk to you. “Love? What’s wrong? Come out and talk to me, please, did I do something?” His voice cracks on the ‘please’ due to how much he hates seeing you in any level of pain. It hurts him. Even if he doesn’t know why you’re upset.

“I’m fine. Go away.” You snap and immediately feel guilty, wanting to take it back but you just can’t. You don’t hear him move away from the door so you call out again. “Leave me alone, Lando!” You shout as you stare at yourself in the mirror, disgusted by what stares back at you in the reflection.

“I’m not going anywhere. It’s clear you’re upset. Just open the door. Please, baby.” You don’t respond but he can hear the muffled sound of your crying through the door. “Come on, baby, just open the door, let me help you. Please.” He begs, distraught by the fact you're so upset but won’t tell him what’s wrong so that he can try to fix it.

“Leave me alone.” You whisper, sliding down the bathroom cupboards until you hit the floor. You curl your knees up to your chest and continue to sob. Why, just why, did you have to undereat and restrict just to feel semi-pretty? You wanted to feel pretty, happy, loved, and not just when you were with Lando but all the time. You wanted to love yourself all the time.

Lando tries to get to you the only way he knows how, knowing that you don’t love yourself in the way that he loves you. “I love you so fucking much, you know that right? I’d throw away everything, everything, if it meant that I could love you for love you for the rest of my life and everybody knows it. Everybody knows that I’d drop everything in a heartbeat for you, because the love that I feel for you? It’s undeniable. My love for anything else; Formula One, McLaren, racing, nothing, none of it, could even come close to competing with my love for you because you’d win. Every fucking time, love.”

You let his words sink in. Lando loves you, like actually loves you, in a way that no one ever has before and you love Lando, more than you love yourself. Maybe, just this once you think, you could let Lando love you like he so desperately wants to.

“I’ve been doing it again.” You admit, wanting to stop talking so badly but you can’t, he needs to hear this. You need to say it. “I’ve been skipping meals again. I didn’t mean to, I was meant to come to you, I was meant to ask for help but I just… couldn’t. It felt so euphoric and so depleting at the same time and I don’t think I want to stop but I can’t keep living like this, Lando. I can’t keep doing this.”

“Then let me in. Let me help you. Let me love you.”

And for the first time in a long time, you let him in; both physically and metaphorically.

love and hate