julesㅤꨄ︎

it’d had been a while since suguru had left. you thought that you’d get used to it eventually, the feeling of being thrown to the side, like you didn’t matter to him. even after all the things you guys had done together. all the missions, all the late nights spent talking till it was time to get ready for your first class together. studying for upcoming exams, sparring together until you couldn’t get up anymore. waking up early to force him to do your hair. it was all things you could never forget. those were memories that made you feel like you were discarded like it wasn’t a second thought. the moment shoko called you and said that she’d had found him, you were conflicted. did you want to even see him? you thought that remembering the moments that you’d shared with him were enough to fufill the hole in your heart. but you know seeing him would make that hole unbearable, and unable to be filled. but you couldn’t help yourself when you ran to the exact location she told you. and the moment you and him made eye contact, you knew it wasn’t the suguru you’d spent all that time with. it was someone completely different, and that thought of him throwing you away suddenly disappeared. then filled with the feeling of sorrow because you’d lost the suguru geto you’d grown to know and love.

“what is gojo satoru to you?” was a question that always lingers in the back of your mind. initially, your answer was that he was just a impossibly clingy coworker who never seemed to leave you alone. he’d poke at your sides when you were trying to focus, hover behind you during missions just to fix little pieces of your hair, and text you things like u up? at 3am just to send you cursed memes. annoying. completely and utterly annoying. but suddenly, somewhere between late night walks and stolen snacks, the quiet way he always looked at you like you hung the stars, coworker turned into something else. something softer. something terrifying. lover. and all of a sudden you always near him, his cologne lingered on your pillows. his toothbrush sat next to yours like it belonged there. you held hands while waiting for takeout, fell asleep on his chest during movie nights, and traced your finger up the bridge of his nose just to see him scrunch it and tell you to stop with a chuckle, even though you both knew he loved it. eventually , when it did end up annoying him he’d always just turn on his infinity. which is something you forget he could do because he never had it on around you. so the moment when satoru wasn’t standing infront of your door and it was yuji with a letter in his hand, it had made you laugh. not a real laugh. one of those confused, shaky ones. the kind that makes your knees buckle just a little. the kind that sounds like this isn’t real. this isn’t real. this isn’t real. “he told me to give you this,” yuji said, and his voice cracked halfway through like it physically hurt him to say it. you didn’t take the letter right away. instead, you looked behind him, waiting. like maybe satoru would show up late and tease you for thinking he wouldn’t come. like maybe this was a joke he took too far. but the hallway behind yuji stayed empty. you sat on the floor to read the letter. and the letter—it was short. stupidly short. it said things like you were the only peace I ever knew and thank you for letting me be ordinary when I was with you. and at the bottom, in his stupid messy handwriting, he’d signed it: love you forever. see you in the next one. no explanation. no apology. no closure. just forever. you held that letter like it was him, like if you clutched it hard enough maybe he’d come back. now he never will again. “what is gojo satoru to you?” you think you finally know. he was everything. and now, he’s a silence you’ll never stop hearing.

the smell of sandalwood seemed to always find a way near you. the cause being your best friend satoru gojo. he somehow always smelt like that. maybe it was his cologne—or the shampoo he uses, you’re not sure—but whatever it was, it clung to you like a memory you could never forget. it was familiar, making you feel at home. it was just one of the many things you noticed about him. like how his glasses are always slipping down his face and he never seems to notice until you say something. and he’ll never fix them, maybe he just wants you to notice. another thing you noticed was how he was always super clingy. texting you all day while you were trying to get some alone time, studying in, or while you tried talking to your other peers. he’d always be sitting a few desks away or be right beside you, inserting himself in the conversation out of nowhere. it always seemed to tick you off when he did that but he was glad that he was talking to you. you also noticed that whenever you two were together he’d never let it be silent. he’d make over exaggerated noises while playing digimon just so he could hear you say “shut up.” hearing your voice was enough for him to feel better, so he made sure to hear it everyday. listening to videos of you guys or imagining his favorite moments with you.

the warmth of suguru’s body against your bare thighs made it hard to breathe. not in a dramatic way, just in that quiet, heavy kind of way. like your lungs forgot how to exist without him near. your fingers moved gently through his hair, washing the shampoo out like it was some delicate ceremony. and maybe it was. taking care of someone you loved. your hands moved through his hair, slow, careful, like if you were gentle enough, you could make time stay. the shampoo slid down his back and into the water. loving suguru meant learning every part of him. the exact order of his expensive hair care routine. like the way he leaves his conditioner in for exactly five minutes. he never asked you to. but you learned it anyway, because if he treasured it, you wanted to treasure it too. the way he’d close his eyes like he was somewhere safer than here. you wanted to be that place for him. you never said it, but washing his hair always felt like the closest you could get to him. like touching something that didn’t belong to you. the shampoo spiraled down from his scalp, slipping into the water, and he smiled. it was soft. barely there. maybe it was because he liked being pampered. maybe it was because your touch made him feel less alone. or maybe it was because your hands always made him feel like something sacred. like he was meant to be held. you rinsed the last of the conditioner, your hands lingering a little longer than you needed to. you didn’t want it to end. didn’t want this quiet moment to dissolve like bubbles in bathwater. he looked up at you, still smiling. you smiled back, even though your heart was already aching. aching with how much you loved him. aching with how afraid you were of someday losing this. your fingers tangled in his hair just to keep him close. and he leaned in and kissed you, slow, soft, almost sad. like he was saying i love you. like a thank you. like a promise. like he was already missing you, even though you were still right there.

* manga spoilers and mayb ooc ahead ! *

denji used to waste hours just staring at old pictures of you. he’d trace your smile with his eyes, trying to feel something—anything—again. he still remembers the way your hands fit into his, how it happened accidentally but felt like fate anyway. sometimes, in the middle of the night, he’d catch your scent in the air, faint, and he’d stop everything just to breathe you in, he closes his eyes just to hear your voice say “i love you,” like it’s a memory he plays on loop. sure, he says that to Nayuta now, but it’s not the same. it never will be. nothing compares to the way you looked when you first said it to him, like the words lit you up from the inside out. you were glowing. god, he swears you were glowing. when everything felt too heavy, like remembering power and aki, it was you he thought about. not the future, not hope, just… you. and that feeling you gave him. like maybe, just maybe, things could be okay. but things aren’t. not anymore. you, power, and aki, all gone, and it was all his fault. your all just ghosts that lives in his memories, and he’s stuck, aching, yearning, begging the universe to bring you back. not even for love. just for that one feeling of normal. that feeling that only ever existed when you were around. and now he waits. still. for something that might never return. for you. always you.

walking around the grocery store was always a mess with satoru following behind. he’d wander off, yelling your name down random aisles like a dramatic romcom extra. “babe, come here! look!!” he’d shout, holding up his favorite sweet like it was a rare gem, as you stood at the end of the aisle with the half-filled grocery cart. when you finally made your way to where he was standing, he started shoving the item into your face. “can we get it? please.” he whined, dragging it out like a kid. you throw it in the cart just to shut him up but he grins like he won the lottery. as you guys kept walking around the grocery store, he kept grabbing random stuff after that, holding up throw pillows like, “this would look good in our room! whatddaya, think? do you like it?” 5 seconds later he’s holding up a lamp “we need this.” yelling at him to look at the grocery list again. but somehow. somehow, you wouldn’t wanna be lost in any other aisle.

it was 5:00 pm on a friday, your favorite time, always. not because of the weekend, not because of the quiet. but because he was about to come home. nanami kento. the closest personification of perfect. only being the closest because — nobody is perfect. instead of worrying about his flaws though, you don’t point out the cracks, you kiss them. you make sure he knows he matters, with every look, every word, every stupid joke you say just to make him smile. his voice still feels like safety, his presence still feels like home. and yeah, maybe that’s what love is. just waiting for someone at the door and knowing your heart’s already there, waiting too.