GOD HELP THE GIRL

          “Why would I pay for a service that I don’t—” He paused, lifting a finger to make his point feel even more important. “And never have used?” Scott already regretted answering the call already, pouting in protest as Lourdes enjoyed watching him squirm. “Yeah, yeah, old news. Keep dreaming, it’s cute.” Accustomed to her teases over the years, Scott had learned to navigate them in a way he often deals with his son; let her say what she needed to and don’t rise to the bait. That only made things cute. “You think adults are weird?” He asked, thinking about it for a few moments. “I don’t know. I don’t remember what I thought about them when I was younger.” If anything, he could only recall being fond of the adults around him. He liked them, admired them even. “To be fair, my balloon animals suck too.” He lifted a hand and wiggled his fingers, calloused and bruised from years of labour. “These things aren’t nimble enough to do that kind of thing.” Scott chuckled, and gave her a nod. “Yeah, he did. Too much. You should’ve seen him on Sunday morning, the grumpiest kid I’ve ever seen. I can’t wait to see how he handles a hangover.”

Lourdes shook her head, a wry smile on her face. “Don’t knock it till you try it, buddy. I could go on about this, because I am---passionate about the subject, after all.” She swallowed the rest of her argument; what she used to do in Chicago was only for her and the higher powers that dictated her life, and as much as she loved living like an open book, this was one secret Lourdes wasn’t keen on sharing. Besides, she wasn’t good at handling judgement for the people she admired. “I mean, I don’t know about you, but I keep getting cuter and one day, Scotty...one day.” She chuckled, dropping the subject with a simple shrug. “Don’t even get me started! Adults are so freaking weird, like...you wake up in the morning and everything is so drab and boring! I mean, then again I only see some adults in the morning so what do I know?” Another shrug followed, with a short chuckle when Scott raised his hand to show her an example of non nimble fingers. “I’m sure we could learn if we wanted to...wanted to, being the key word here. But also Scott, take care of your fucking hands oh my god! You do know they have these paraffin treatments for your hands that make softer than a baby’s bum right? Here, feel mine!” She offered her hands, palms up, as an invitation to feel what softness was supposed to feel like. “Just because you’re a hardworking, salt of the earth man doesn’t mean you get away with terrible hands and probably nails, which I’m not even going to touch because...just no.” Her lips curled in mild disgust as she shook her head. “I’m sure he’ll handle hangovers like a pro in his prime. Best to teach him what a bloody Mary is, and where the raw eggs are at, if you know what I mean.” 

Ahren happily let her fix whatever she wanted when it came to taking the photo, trusting her judgment better than his own because he truly wasn’t one for getting his picture taken- but tonight he was deciding to have fun and try to step out of his comfort zone a little. He couldn’t help but laugh and nod a little at her comment, agreeing with her as he clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Y’know, you’re right, as good as you look, you’d be the most dressed woman in the entire building. and I’m kinda going for the opposite,” he tried to say it with a straight face but broke into a chuckle. “I’m kidding, I’m sorry- I promise that was just a work joke,” he said as he laughed, giving her a wide, toothy grin to show her he was only playing around. “In all seriousness though, you really do look stunning tonight.”

Lourdes couldn’t help but join in his amusement, chuckling with Ahren, while her cheeks flushed into a pale red colour at his comment. “Mmm, I know what you mean, and I get you. Besides, this would totally not go with the aesthetic of the club, you know? I like the uniforms, less stuff to worry about, if you know what I mean.” She had a bright smile on her face, nodding. “It’s okay, I get it. You’re a workaholic and you need to stop for a night, at least. Just enjoy yourself and worry about work tomorrow, or whenever I come in, because let’s be real...actually no, let’s not be real, I’m trying to stay hired.” Another joke, another burst of laughter as she patted his arm. “Thank you, thank you! I must say, you look very dapper as well!” 

Daphne gave another laugh as Lourdes pretended to wipe away a tear, careful not to move herself out of the position her friend had posed her in. She waited til the photographer had snapped a picture before replying to the other woman’s question. “Oh, I’m sure they whiten the hell out of their teeth” she said. “But they also put Vaseline on them to remind themselves to smile.” She couldn’t imagine ever needing to smile so much that she put something in her mouth that tasted bad when she closed her lips.

“You’re right, but that is because you picked out the dress. You know better, so much better that’s why I’m in this dress and honestly, I know I wouldn’t look this good if you hadn’t, so yes, thank you Lourdes.” Faith nodded, sighing. She snorted, “babe? definitely not, pretty with a good amount of make-up, yes. Babe? No. That’s where I have to disagree with you, but thank you.” Using the palms of her hands, Faith rubbed at her cheeks, trying to relax her face from the tension of forced smiling. “I bet you would, but also, Tyra would be honoured to have a photo of you.”

Lourdes’s smile grew even wider, “Oh stop it you! That’s what wannabe fashionistas who love their friends are for, to make them look amazing and sexy and beautiful! You’re so welcome!” Holding Faith’s hands in hers, the blonde shook her head. “You’re beautiful anyways, and right now, I think you’re just popping off, okay? And that’s the point of makeup. To look glamourous and nothing like your real self! Think of them as two different versions of you, the made up babe and the non makeup Faithy!” She sighed in exasperation, as if she was tired of teaching a class rather than an explanation. “Hmm, that she would be. I’d totally win America’s Next Top Model, let’s be real! You alright there? Let’s get some drinks!” 

Thankfully, Lourdes pulled away at the last second, and Lizzie sighed, squeezing into the tiny stall, hiking up her large skirt, making sure it didn’t touch any of the unsavory parts of the minuscule stall. “Ugh, you’re right — how the hell are these stalls so tiny?” Groaning loudly, she shuffled out of the stall, movements edging on the side of flailing as she walked up to the sink to wash her hands. “Ugh, why is it that looking in the mirror while drunk the worst effing thing in the world? I can literally see all my pores and whiteheads,” she moaned. Turning towards her friend, she breathed in, cocking her head slightly. “Okay, now we can go talk to your hot bartender. He was totally into you — oh my gosh, do you think you’re going to hook up with him tonight?”

“You need any help?” Lourdes called out from the door of the stall, leaning against it while her eyes adjusted to the light in the bathroom. The ballroom was a little too dim, and now stood here in the brightly lit ladies’ room, she was getting a little weary eyed. “Speak for yourself, because this foundation is really killing it for me. And I might be a little high after Frankie’s candy, so...wee?” To be fair, Lourdes had forgotten the starting of her sentence by the time she finished it, looking at her face one last time and then turning to Lizzie. “You look beautiful and I will kiss you now if you complain, you beautiful human person!” Shaking her head, “I already forgot about him, oops. But he is so very hot, and that accent? I don’t know if I’m going to do it with him tonight, or in a few hours in a backroom. But I’m getting into his pants for sure. What about you? Have you found someone to wrap your arms around for the night?” 

       Hayden busied himself with his drink while the young woman spoke, gently swirling the liquid in the glass, chin propped up on his hand as he observed the people in their costumes dancing across the floor. Frankly, the blonde’s sentiments just went through one ear and out the other, but she was giving him attention, and well, she was attractive. And definitely hitting on him. “Hayden,” he offered his name to her. “Been here two weeks, not sure if I’ll stay long.” An outright lie, but she didn’t have to know that. “And what does the welcoming committee entail, if I may ask?” he added, a little more playful now. He was bored and she seemed bored, too, and maybe this was just what two people who had nothing better to do needed.

Lourdes was working harder than she usually did for this man’s attention, and she found herself even more interested in him. What was meant to be just passive flirtations till someone else caught her eye was becoming something of a chase now, something she liked very much indeed. “Well, that’s quite a cute name. Hayden...rolls right off the tongue, huh?” She moved in closer, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “Funny you should ask, because right now, I was about to sweeten the deal and give you whatever you’re looking for. A boat ride, a tour around town, and maybe...” She looked down, and then back up at him, “...even the nightlife, if that’s your thing?” 

“They should present you with an Oscar because oh my God Lo, how dramatic, but fine I pinky promise” It was playful statement, because, even though sometimes she presents a hard and serious shell ─ she was quite the jokester, it was something reserved for close friends and family, like Lourdes. The love and appreciation she has for her, it was almost like the maternal side flourish inside Julie. A feeling she grew used to when her young brothers were born, specially the last one and the twins, her nephew and niece. It was good, she felt lucky to have those people to not only after to, but to be proud of each milestone she get to watch them conquer. “We can talk about me later, I still lead the boring life of a doctor that you may not be interested. Just tell me why I am so much need now. What is going on with you?”

“I know, I’ve been emailing the Academy for years now, to just give me my fucking Oscar already! But they don’t bloody listen, because I have “no acting credits”, like pfft! I can so totally act, so suck it, Academy people!” All of this, Lourdes only knew because she had needled Ellie endlessly for the details. But right now, she could chuckle with Julie about it, as they walked arm in arm across the length of this space as if they belonged there. “Puh-lease! I think your doctor life is so much more interesting than anything I can ever achieve! Even though your stories give me the hibby jibbies, like...umm, the one with the heart? Where you could feel the dude’s heart? Ugh, gross! I hated it! But it was still fun to listen to! My life is so boring at the moment, really! Like, I was talking to this dude and he left me on read, and this other guy I bumped into here had a fight with me, and I’m just...so bored.” 

There had been countless occasions throughout his life where Damon had copped an earful from his sister about the suffering that sometimes came with making it through a formal evening in heels. Of course, he had no sympathy for her at the time because she was his sister and that would have been too supportive. The joys of a sibling bond. However, he obviously was not going to react in the same fashion with the woman before him. “I don’t know how you put up with it, from what I understand it’s pure torture for the sake of beauty. What makes it worth it?” He questioned, curious as to what her response would be. His own plans involved his shoes remaining firmly on his feet. After all, they were Italian leather. “I’m just trying to figure people out, masks make an event like this all the more interesting by adding a layer of mystery. You might speak to people you otherwise wouldn’t.”

Lourdes giggled, looking down at her hands before looking up at the man, not really sure what tickled her funny bone about that whole thing. “I mean, it makes my legs look good and my ass look tight, so I can’t really complain. Beauty is pain, and it’s something I’m willing to endure for that good look, you know?”  She folded one leg over the other, relaxing in her chair as the man spoke, nodding along. “They sure do. But it would really spoil the mystery if someone says their name, right? Have you figured me out yet, or do I have to give you a clue?” She smirked, taking all of this in stride as nothing more than a game. 

Frankie plucked a champagne flute from a nearby waiter’s tray. She propped an elbow on the arm across her chest, surveying her surroundings under through the glistening slits of her mask. She had barely taken a sip – the bubbles like a galaxied night, sparkling and bright, against her tongue, when Lourdes tugged her towards the camera. The pose requested was easily delivered. Frankie could not quantify the amount of times the best friends had posed for photos together, enough to fill a photo album one hundred times over, most likely. “I’m so glad you found me. I’m much too sober.” Frankie downed the rest of her glass, depositing it on the table nearby before she slipped the velvet clutch out from under her arm. Clicking it open, she turned its contents so Lourdes could see the tiny, candy resembling MDMA pills sealed in a tiny Ziploc.

Pictures being taken was one of the most satisfying things to Lourdes’s vanity. Blame her mother for passing on the trait, but the blonde couldn’t help it; beauty needed documentation, and that’s what she was doing, after all. And taking pictures with a soul sister was only part of the magic of it. “Girl, me too! Like, I don’t think I’ve ever drank this much champagne, but I know for a fact it’s just going to my head and not in the way we like!” Settling at one of the tables nearby, Lourdes set down her own purse in a huff, looking about for...well, nobody in particular really, when she noticed the Ziploc in Frankie’s hand. “....No way...” But that wasn’t a cry of disappointment, it was anything but that. A smirk spread across Lourdes’s face and she looked around again, before lowering her voice. “You wanna take them here? Or shall we go into the ladies room?” 

What was going through the other’s mind? For once, an attempt to devour potential thoughts for the other made Cleo limp. All she could was stand there, attempting to rack her conscience with endless scenarios on what could be potentially bothering the other ─ or if there was anything, to begin with, but it was just her older sister instincts to assume the worst. Yet, as it commonly noted or witnessed, the mouth upon her only dared to remain in silence when she called the shots or deemed it necessary. Unfortunately, all of the barricades of her childish behavior even slipping from her tongue was held back. It ached her to see the sight of the other. If her reflection was able to be served, which from the brief moment flickering back into her set of mental memories, it had been a while since Cleo had seen Lourdes in this particular state. Distressed. Genuinely apologizing. On the verge of tears. It was enough for the bleak, lack of show of her authentic words and emotions to be shown especially in a spacious vicinity. Narrowing the space between them, not even caring about the state of her champagne, which she snapped to Schwartz to provide her with a chilled liquor, her arms welcomed to others into an embrace with all of the brawn in her arms. “Lourdes,” a tender repetition of the other’s words darted off her silver tone. Gentle, ever-so-slightly, swaying the other female in her grasp. All of the bullshit and her emotions of hurt aside. The unfortunate set of text messages exchanged between the both of them was in the past. It was where it belonged ─ in the past. A hand rested hesitantly on the others back, before her digits gently rubbed the worries and emotions away. Everything aside, this would give Lourdes the affirmation on how over and done Cleo was with the past week which had a substantial on her whether she confessed it or not. 

As the moment ticked on, the older woman finally created space between the both of them. The sight of her amber hues latched earnestly upon the other’s seafoam coloring. Even with her blabbermouth, knowing this was the one time when she needed to remain silent rather than sharing where the other had been, it was a lesson she needed to learn. Thirty-two years old and the life lessons continuously happened. No matter the age, or at the point of your life, when you think you knew it all, there was more to learn. “Then you’ll tell me when you think it’s right,” she declared, cutting to the point and making the last of the harboring over what Lourdes’ in-between the words meant. Nodding her flawlessly styled, stygian up-do, the woman was taking the other’s words into consideration. “I take your word.” It was tranquil. For the first time, even after finding Rory earlier in the evening and demolishing to pieces, it was different with Lourdes because of what they all dealt with before. This was just a minor incident. “Just don’t ever do it to me again. Do you hear me?” A stern, razor-sharp tone returned back with ease. “Because I love you. But if you ever hurt me again, ever disappoint me, I will make it in my power to teach you a tough lesson in this life. Whether you like it or not, perhaps you need to learn.” Intensify words meant them one after another. She was never someone to backtrack from her statements. If it ever came to those measures where Cleo put the foot down and had to educate the younger, twenty-something-year-old female, it would happen. As of right now, it didn’t matter. Nor should it. The woman was just speaking it into existence. “You have to learn some responsibilities, Lourdes. You’re young and you’re beautiful. But the world won’t be like this forever. You won’t be like this forever.” Maternal advice glazed through for a fleeting moment. “We won’t, okay?” It was over and done with. It was something already thrown over her shoulder. What happened between them? Oh, yeah she forgot for the sake of the other. “Let’s go and enjoy the rest of our evening, yeah?” 

 There was something to be said in the way Lourdes was ready to call it quits if Cleo had decided to not accept her apology. She had come to the raven haired woman in the hopes of clearing the air and saying her piece, hoping that would be enough to redeem her in the eyes of the other. But now, standing there in the heaviness of their emotions, where every second stretched beyond it’s limits, the honey haired woman was ready to call it quits and just go home, to realise that she had lost her friends entirely and she was meant to be alone. The need to tell Cleo everything though, it tugged and tugged at her heartstrings and she wanted to confess, to tell the woman how she was in love with someone who would never be hers, that the truth would bring about consequences for everybody involved. And she stopped short of telling her because this was neither the time nor place, and it wasn’t Cleo’s burden to bear. Lourdes wouldn’t do her dirty like that, wouldn’t compromise her connections to people like that. The embrace came unexpected, even though she watched it happen in slow motion. Letting the warmth and the scent of Cleo’s perfume wash over her, as Lourdes’s own limbs relaxed from all the tension they seemed to be holding. Her arms holding on tight, as if Cleo were to disappear as some sort of visage. This was the comfort she had been seeking all week long; a tender embrace, the sort of relief where she knew things would be okay, and she would be alright. Lourdes didn’t realise that she had been crying, as she sniffled on Cleo’s shoulder, her head shaking and eyes flooded with the remainder of the tears that had pooled in her eyes. “I am so sorry...” It came like a prayer, mumbled between lost tears and the sniffling that didn’t seem to end. 

The hug seemed to end too quickly, snapping Lourdes back into reality; into a ballroom where the lights were too dim and everyone was too happy and it didn’t mirror their moods at all. Looking at Cleo, she nodded as she dabbed away the stray tears, trying to make sure her makeup was still in place. It had been waterproof and tear-proof, perfect for a night like this. She nodded to the stygian haired woman’s statements, sighing. “I promise I will. I just...” She trailed off, unable to explain her turmoil within the confines of the words she had accumulated right now. The warnings were also met with stern nods, even though Lourdes was still puffy and red faced, trying to regain some form of composure as Cleo continued. “I love you too. And I swear, if I ever misbehave, you’re free to take the keys to SS Jourses and drown me in the ocean, because I wouldn’t be worthy of anything less than.” She offered a weak smile, but obviously it wasn’t going to cut it. Not when Cleo went maternal with her advice, and it made Lourdes uncomfortable. She knew that everything right now was fleeting. Her own world views, her beauty and whatever crumbs of naivete still remained in her, none of it was meant to last. But that wasn’t what she wanted to think about right then. “I love you, Cleo...” And with that, she nodded in agreement to go spend the rest of the night having fun. All was well with the world, at least for now. 

A sharp laugh leaves Reina when Lourdes admits she probably isn’t the best at dealing with anger, which in her mind is a huge understatement. “No, you really don’t.” Not that Reina has a ton of room to talk there. She’d been just as vicious, her temper can be just as bad. They’re two sides of the same coin but the difference is that Reina will probably never own up to her faults. She listens to the rest of Lourdes’s stammering, raising an eyebrow to indicate that she’s not entirely buying whatever the girl’s trying to sell her. “You’re not doing a fantastic job of convincing me, sweetheart. I don’t care if you had a date or if the goddamn Queen of England asked you to sit court-side with her at a Lakers game. You don’t flake on your commitments, especially not to me.” 

She’s prepared to leave it at that, to dismiss Lourdes and potentially never have to see her again, but something inside of her makes her think better of that. There aren’t many young girls as willing to deal with her demon children as Lourdes is and honestly, the groveling she’s doing is slowly getting her back into Reina’s good graces. It might be the stupidest thing she’ll ever do but Reina’s not ready to completely let Lourdes go — at least not yet. “Against my better judgement, I do think you do a great job with my kids, so I’ll accept your apology,” she sighs, like this is all a great inconvenience for her. “And I suppose if you can find a way to prove to me that I can trust you, I could potentially give you another chance.”

Lourdes nods in agreement, and there really isn’t much to be said in response. She is a petulant girl still learning the ways of the world, outside of her world view and ideas. It was hard to not chuckle at the examples Reina threw out at Lourdes, but it did bring into perspective what the older woman had meant by that. Telling her why she was in San Diego now, would be like signing a death sentence and marching herself to the gallows. Another apology is mumbled, but it’s more of an accessory than an actual statement. 

The blonde’s body tenses, ready to get up and leave again, when Reina sighs with her final verdict, and suddenly...Lourdes can’t help the smile that’s growing on her face. She loves the Rhodes and Lunetti children; they are probably the best part about going to work most days of the week, and she makes it no secret. But she also had to consider Reina and Jack’s concerns as parents, about how fickle their nanny’s attention was. A second chance. Clearly, she wasn’t deserving of it, but...but it just meant she had to work a bit more harder to earn what she just lost. That’s something Lourdes is willing to do, and against her better judgement, she hugs a sitting Reina. “Thank you, thank you, thank you so so so so much! I swear I won’t disappoint you ever again! No sick days, you can even dock my pay, I don’t mind it! Thank you so much!” She could cry tears of happiness, but as she gets back in her seat, she can’t help the bloom of happiness, and another onset of happy tears. “Just...I’ll be out of your hair in a moment, Reina. And I’ll see you on Monday. Love you!” 

It felt in a momentary separation, a literal week since their heated text message exchange, made Cleo feel as if she was staring at foreign ghost waltzing around in the flesh and the beauty of Lourdes at tonight’s ball. The disconnection was there. It startled her. With the knowing years of having the younger Howard girl in her life, in the mere separation for when Lourdes went off to Chicago to get her education, they still kept in contact and made the effort with each other. Perhaps, the distance was a virtue to their enduring sisterhood. Yet, as the past few months ticked on, with Cleo having her own suffering at Theo’s engagement to Rebecca and how a chapter she patiently awaited for was going to be closed, it ate her alive. Still, even in her lack of informing the other on what she was experiencing, the best way to handle what was happening in her life was burying it deep ─ just for this once. Rarely did she avoid situations by not tackling it head-on. It was this time where she felt defeated. Although, in the past week, during the time when Cleo was aching on top of the disconnect from Lourdes, Reina shredded illumination back into the stygian tressed female about going forward and fighting for what she rightfully deserved and that was love. While tonight wasn’t the evening to do that, surprisingly enough considering Cleo was never opposed to giving the audience a show, she ‘attempted’ to be on her best behavior after her mother hours prior, in her arrival, ridiculed her about influential figures being there tonight. For the sake of her mother, oddly enough a rare thing for her to even express and give reassurance to her mother, tonight was an experiment to be on her best behavior. Again, she’ll try but no promises.

Whilst the evening was already ticking on, from the hour before everyone indulged their malnourished stomaches to witnessing the show of the Latin Dance Pro Entertainment, everyone went their separate ways once the melody of music boomed through the hall, seeing beaming from ear to ear in mirth expressions as they sang off-pitch to Replay by Iyaz. As the fleeting flicker studied the patrons, in awe of everyone relishing themselves, the energy of her particular positioning was uneasy. A half-a-second observation of Lourdes sent a shiver down her spine. There was more the younger woman was letting on. Yet, somehow, Cleo couldn’t put her tongue on it. It was the first time in a while where she was dumbstruck. “You should be sorry,” she blatantly cut through, deadpanned expression as her hues matched the icy vantage point. Enormous, teeth fractured against each other whilst the fire slithered through, “Never in my entire life did I expect you to treat me like shit, Lourdes. Not like my mother has. That’s why I’m upset. That’s what I’m so fucking hurt.” Withholding the escalating of her range, her unoccupied hand clutched into a fist, using all of her vexations to flow through her body rather than attacking the other. Anyone who reflected either Evelyn or Charity instantly sent her into a spiral of disdain. “You are so much fucking better than my mother and your mother combined. Why are you acting like this? What’s going on with you?” She questioned. Yet, the unanticipated sight of unshed tears filling in the brim made her queasy. It was as-if Cleo was foreseeing her own sister attempting to withhold tears. If there was one thing she despised was tears considering she only cried two times and it was a mere second, it stung seeing another being brought to tears because of her. “I shouldn’t have done it,” she noted through a cavernous sigh. Formerly vaulted brows pinched immensely together, shaking her unphased up-do whilst amber hues coated with a glaze of concern toward the other. Murmuring her next words, which were authentic considering rarely did Cleo ever apologize, “I’m sorry too. I should’ve looked out for your best interest. I shouldn’t have told Reina.”

It had been the most painful week of Lourdes’s life, feeling disconnected from her work and from Cleo. The one person who was most likely to understand her, even the bad and the ugly. But at that moment, Lourdes felt shame clamp her mouth shut. It was the same poison that flowed when she was with Parker in private, the same sort of bitterness that crawled in the recesses of her heart when she saw Jonah in the crowd, like nothing had happened. As much as the blonde haired woman wanted to, she physically couldn’t bring herself to say those things to her soul sister because if this was bad, she didn’t know what Cleo would do when she knew. The fear of ostracization, that Lourdes felt in leaps and bounds all week, was a powerful one. And what was worse was that apparently, everyone but Lourdes herself could see, she was pulling away. Like an addict shying away to choose the company less desirable. It just added to the shame, and in turn, it made her cheeks turn very hot, a pale blush creeping through them and her ears. Her own hands clutched her purse tight, as if for dear life, or for courage. 

Lourdes would have said something to Cleo’s accusations. But she was right. In her moment of anger, she had become the woman she despised more than anything. In her fit of rage, she had become her mother, mirroring her temper and willing to cause anyone and everyone the pain she was feeling, or even more. She had always been a little vindictive, but Lourdes swore it was only towards people she didn’t like. Maybe....in her moment of being cornered for answers, she became a rabid creature, with sharp teeth and a sharper tongue and no remorse. She had done that, and caused her friend more pain than she deserved. Shaking her head, the heavy teardrops fell anyways, the tightness in her chest unbearable as the woman opposite her spoke. “I...I wish I could tell you, I really wish. I just...after everything that happened, I don’t know how to, Cleo. Just take my word for it, I had to go. I had to.” Lourdes had never had a problem being selfish, putting her issues and her successes on a pedestal for all her interactions to circle, and this time was no different. Perhaps, in a grander scheme, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but now. “I’m sorry, Cleo. I never...I didn’t want to...I shouldn’t have....” Lies. “....” Her voice quivered through this whole interaction and the tears kept falling, heavy and in a slow stream as she struggled to make eye contact with Cleo. The apology from the stygian haired woman leaves her surprised though, for she knows that she isn’t one for apologies. That’s where Lourdes learned to be unapologetic too, after all. “...uhh...” For someone doing a lot of apologizing, the green hued woman was stumped by being on the receiving end of one. “You did what you had to, and I can’t change that. We can’t change that. I just...I just want things to go back to the way they were. I don’t like this bitterness, Cleo. I can’t do this.” 

Reina can see that Lourdes is being sincere, she may be dramatic but there’s no way the blonde is that good of an actress, but the theatrics aren’t really doing it for her. She lets Lourdes go on with her apologies, and she’d be lying if she said she didn’t love the groveling a little bit, but when Lourdes says her goodbyes she holds a hand up to stop her. “No, no. You’re not leaving until I say you’re leaving.” Her tone is commanding, leaving an unsaid and that’s that hanging in the air between them. Reina’s the boss here, and she certainly doesn’t mind acting like it. “I don’t want your apologies, nor do I want your excuses. What you did to me was irritating but the way you acted like a brat to me in the aftermath was just totally inappropriate.” 

It’s not even that she didn’t expect this from her, Lourdes practically looks like the poster child for a self absorbed spoiled brat, but Reina thought better of her than that. She’d had hopes that Lourdes would prove Reina’s initial judgment of her wrong, and although she may not have been the smartest person in the world, she was good at her job and Reina had actually grown to like her. She could see the potential in Lourdes from the start, she thought there’d been an unspoken agreement between them that there was a lot that Reina could teach her, and it pissed her off beyond words that she’d waste it for some weekend in San Diego. “You are better than that, Lourdes. We both know it, but I don’t know why you sabotage yourself like this.” she pauses, leaning back into her chair as her arms cross over her chest. “I mean, why should I even consider rehiring you? I really want to know if you think I’ve got any reason to. I want to know why you pull this shit.”

Lourdes always considered herself an open book, that she had nothing to hide because people didn’t ask the right questions. And as much as she wished she could tell Reina the truth, she didn’t think it was the right time. It was one thing to tell her who she was seeing behind who’s back, but it was an entirely different concept when she chose him over someone else. A now over a future she was working towards. To tell Reina the truth, it was like admitting defeat. So she just kept her head down and tried to compose herself. The fact that the older woman asked---nay, told her to stay in her seat, there was that speckle of hope blossoming into something further. She knew she had a foot through the door. 

“I got defensive, because I don’t suppose I react to anger as well I could.” It stemmed from her issues with Charity, in the way that her mother’s nitpicking had always rubbed Lourdes in all the wrong ways. And Reina had just been unfortunate enough to see that side of her. “I...I didn’t mean to. Something came up and I...” Lourdes brushed off the strands in front of her face, shaking her head. “I followed....I followed my heart instead of my head. And I know she’s not always right, but she means well, and I’m...a sucker for romance, Reina. And you shouldn’t hire me again. I flaked on your big weekend and talked back to you when you asked. Who knows if I’m still good enough to take care of the kids? I love them, sure but...I am very unreliable.” She shrugged, swallowing the rest of her tears. “But like I said...my heart has always been the stronger between the two. I just...I just wanted to tell you that I didn’t mean to say the things I said. They were rude and...I’m sorry. I know it means very little, but...”