[my adventure through]

My phone. Most definitely my phone.

I'm saying the person who created the show Lazy Town, had to be high as shit while making it. But I am currently, and it makes so much fucking sense to me. Like seriously. Read the synopsis. "LazyTown was created by Magnús Scheving, who also directed many of the TV program's episodes. The show is part live-action, part puppetry and part CGI animation. In most episodes, Stephanie, Sportacus, and Robbie are the only characters played by live actors. The rest of the characters are depicted as puppets. Stephanie arrives in LazyTown for the summer, meeting the LazyTown kids and the town's very own SuperHero, Sportacus. She also meets the laziest villain in LazyTown, Robbie Rotten, who is out to stop Sportacus." Literally, how can they not be????

Laura Newman. A poem/revelation about my mental illnesses and why feelings and emotions are important. And another sign of me fighting suicidial thought.

I really wish it would stop being weird to tell a person you love them. Because it comes so damn easily to me and I can't comprehend how people live life feeling like they can't love others. Is it that hard to see the value in another person that you dare think of treating them and caring for them in a way that's only love. I'm literally that girl from Mean Girls, who just wants everybody to be loved. Think of all the awesome things we'd have if we just loved each other a little more! It hurts when I feel unloved because I dish it out like nobody's business flinging it in every which way, just hoping that it'll stick to them. Because I don't want anyone to feel the lonely despair that I do everyday. Because it's slowly killing me.

Anorexia "so we are going to stop eating like today, right?" Laura "ok, I'm sorry. Yes. We will. Stop yelling." Anorexia "oh honey we aren't yelling. Trust us, YOURE FAT AND EVERYONE HATES YOU BECAUSE OF IT AND YOURE USELESS AND YOU DESERVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING NOT EVEN THE JOY FROM FOOD!" Laura "ok. I completely agree with you and that is why I deserve to be in endless abyss of loneliness and and to slither away through the cracks of everyone's life. Because no one loves me." Me *doesn't eat for hours, days even* Friend "hey come smoke a bowl" Laura "fuck it, ok." Weed "hey Laura. How's it going. We love you man. Eat something because you deserve life. You're cool dude. Also you're fuckin starvin yourself brah. So make the food happen." Laura "ok. Sounds good." Me *makes a fuckin PB&J with the end of a spoon because she doesn't have a knife and just wants the fuckin sandwich* Weed + Laura = eats the whole thing without a doubt. Anorexia "hey bitch weren't we going to stop eating, what the hell did you do?" Me *stares down notices opened peanut butter* Weed *dips spoon in jar puts in mouth* Anorexia "oh you bitch." Laura "I'm sorry. I feel horrible." Anorexia "you should feel horrible. You'll never get a boyfriend with your attitude. You'll never get another job because you're weak. If you were strong enough to starve yourself, you can be strong enough to go after your goals." Weed "hey gurl, you're brilliant. Chillax." Then anorexia continues to torment me but hey, I got food down my system. Take that. Just something I put together. Literally what my mind went through just within the past hour.

Whenever I see an article stating that someone died after being shot, I think, well that makes sense. Because it’s not like they’re going to win the lottery or something after being shot. It’s one of two things when you get shot, you either die, or you live. Whenever I read that, I always imagine the person in a hospital bed and all of a sudden they break out into a tap dance number. Like it was some big secret that nobody knew what was going to happen after the person got shot. So and so dies after being shot in the wherever today. Oh really? I wonder what’s going to happen now. Surely this person is going to create the worlds next Mona Lisa. Or possibly they will recreate the Spanish Inqusition. Because no one ever expects the Spanish Inqusition. Who knows? You may hate me or love me for this. But that’s just how my brain processes this stuff.