Lost Time

January 1998

           “Happy birthday, Laila!” Everyone shouted as I blew out my candle.

             Seventeen felt new. I wanted to spend this year differently than the last sixteen. I knew for a fact, I wanted to fall in love this time around the sun. Not the love I thought I felt last summer, but real love. I wanted it with the same person though. My soul knew it could love him. Even if he was avoiding making eye contact all night.

             “Feliz cumpleanos, mija,” Mama cooed, only to me. “Did you make your wish good?”

             “The best I could,” I mumbled. While Chris’ eyes never found me, mine never left him. “Can I cut my piece?”

             “Not too big,” she urged. “I know it’s your birthday, but you have to be responsible.”

January 1998

           “Happy birthday, Laila!” Everyone shouted as I blew out my candle.

             Seventeen felt new. I wanted to spend this year differently than the last sixteen. I knew for a fact, I wanted to fall in love this time around the sun. Not the love I thought I felt last summer, but real love. I wanted it with the same person though. My soul knew it could love him. Even if he was avoiding making eye contact all night.

             “Feliz cumpleanos, mija,” Mama cooed, only to me. “Did you make your wish good?”

             “The best I could,” I mumbled. While Chris’ eyes never found me, mine never left him. “Can I cut my piece?”

             “Not too big,” she urged. “I know it’s your birthday, but you have to be responsible.”

January 1998

           “Happy birthday, Laila!” Everyone shouted as I blew out my candle.

             Seventeen felt new. I wanted to spend this year differently than the last sixteen. I knew for a fact, I wanted to fall in love this time around the sun. Not the love I thought I felt last summer, but real love. I wanted it with the same person though. My soul knew it could love him. Even if he was avoiding making eye contact all night.

             “Feliz cumpleanos, mija,” Mama cooed, only to me. “Did you make your wish good?”

             “The best I could,” I mumbled. While Chris’ eyes never found me, mine never left him. “Can I cut my piece?”

             “Not too big,” she urged. “I know it’s your birthday, but you have to be responsible.”

           I woke up around two in the morning, insanely nauseous from whatever vegan mess Chris made me eat for dinner. He didn’t care that my doctor said I was allowed to have tacos if I wanted. Christopher Michaels always knew best.

             “Baby, can you pass me the water?” I asked without rolling over to face him. “Babe, are you up?”

             I turned my head back to see that not only was he up, he was gone too. I was still holding out hope for the night he actually slept through. By some miracle, he began falling asleep with me when we moved in together, but he only made it until four every morning. He’d wait until I woke up to leave the bed though. One day, and probably no time soon, I would wear him out enough that he’d stay with me.

           “Cross over, then up under,” Dad coached me. Tying a tie was harder than it needed to be, but he was determined that I learned. “Now pull it through. You do this every week, Christopher.”

             “Mama ties it for me while you’re eating breakfast,” I finally confessed. Mom had been covering for me since I was ten. “I’m taking it off anyway.”

             “It’s for pictures.”

             “It’s not getting me laid,” I mumbled.

             The only reason I agreed to go to prom to Breana was because I knew she was putting out after. Tie or not. If I got what I wanted, the rest was shit to me.

           “Cross over, then up under,” Dad coached me. Tying a tie was harder than it needed to be, but he was determined that I learned. “Now pull it through. You do this every week, Christopher.”

             “Mama ties it for me while you’re eating breakfast,” I finally confessed. Mom had been covering for me since I was ten. “I’m taking it off anyway.”

             “It’s for pictures.”

             “It’s not getting me laid,” I mumbled.

             The only reason I agreed to go to prom to Breana was because I knew she was putting out after. Tie or not. If I got what I wanted, the rest was shit to me.

           “Cross over, then up under,” Dad coached me. Tying a tie was harder than it needed to be, but he was determined that I learned. “Now pull it through. You do this every week, Christopher.”

             “Mama ties it for me while you’re eating breakfast,” I finally confessed. Mom had been covering for me since I was ten. “I’m taking it off anyway.”

             “It’s for pictures.”

             “It’s not getting me laid,” I mumbled.

             The only reason I agreed to go to prom to Breana was because I knew she was putting out after. Tie or not. If I got what I wanted, the rest was shit to me.

           “Nika! Nika!” I screamed through the house. She was here somewhere, or she should’ve been. “Annika Rodriguez!”

             “I’m right here, Laila,” she groaned, coming around the corner with a yawn. “What do you want?”

             “Can you keep an eye on Roycie? I want to get to the gym and he’s sleeping now. Please? I haven’t been in weeks.”

             “Go ahead, mama,” she permitted. “Do you think he’ll wake up?”

             “Probably not. He already had dinner and a bath. I left his music playing for him, and I pumped two bottles, just in case. Do you want me to get you anything?”

             “Shaun!” Brian yelled through the house. He knew exactly where to find me and still, he chose yelling. “Shauna!”

             “What!” I yelled back. Thirty minutes to finish grading papers was all I needed. In my house, I got five.

             “Hey baby,” he cooed when he found me.

             “What do you want, Brian?”

             “Do you want to go to dinner with me? We can stay close by,” he offered. Brian wasn’t spontaneous like that. If he was offering food, he wanted something in return.

             “Shaun!” Brian yelled through the house. He knew exactly where to find me and still, he chose yelling. “Shauna!”

             “What!” I yelled back. Thirty minutes to finish grading papers was all I needed. In my house, I got five.

             “Hey baby,” he cooed when he found me.

             “What do you want, Brian?”

             “Do you want to go to dinner with me? We can stay close by,” he offered. Brian wasn’t spontaneous like that. If he was offering food, he wanted something in return.

           Monday morning and my first day back… I spent the whole weekend begging Mom to let me stay home just one more week, giving me enough time to get reacclimated to my regular LA life. Jace and AJ were both back on their campuses already. Brendan, though I missed him, was a lame consolation prize, and he usually stayed busy. It was his junior year of high school. He didn’t have time to spend on me, and he was annoying when he did. I opted for Nicky and Jack instead. We went to the park and some museums, sometimes with Chris, others with Auntie Shauna. Uncle Brian decided to tag along to lunch one day. No matter what happened in Texas, they made home more homie. I’m not sure I would’ve come back without them to come home to.

             “Laila Bee, are you ready to go? School starts at nine,” Mom reminded, as she tiptoed into my bathroom. “Something wrong with your reflection, lovie?”

           “Now Laila, when Dorothy sings Home, there’s hope in her voice. She’s at the end of her journey and has everything she needs to get back home. But don’t forget, she’s not sure of what home holds and she’s leaving her new friend,” Mr. Andrews directed, as we went over the music for the show.

             This was my first rehearsal with the cast. They were all ahead of me, but they were patient too. Almost everyone offered to help me learn the music and choreography. They only one who didn’t was Teauna Little, the girl who hated that I beat her out for Effie. She swore she was too good to be Deena, and that I should’ve been Lorrell at most. She hated me then and nothing changed. With Dorothy being handed to me, there was no doubt I had it coming. There was no performance I could give, that would prove my worth.

           “Laila, do you have everything sweetheart?” Shauna asked as we prepped to leave the airport.

             “Uh yeah. A bag, another bag, and my goldfish,” I joked. I really did have everything though. “I’m ready.”

           “You were a mechanic? That’s where Unc gets it from?” I asked Easy.

             I had my choice of staying in the house while Miss Sarah and Shauna cooked, or watching Easy and Brian work on the cars. Of course, I picked the latter. We were a week into our trip, and things had eased up significantly. No one said anything they found me asleep on the pull-out couch with Chris. I still spent most of my time with Shauna, though. She took me to visit her family in Savannah, just us two. Her mom, Mama Connie, was practically her twin. Looks aside, their mannerisms mirrored each other. Even the way they danced while they cooked was the same. Mama Connie was warm and welcoming and made me feel like a part of her family.