Lost in Vivo🐾

11/15/06

I don't know what to do. I'm not happy. I'm so, ugly.

And everyone treats me like I'm not even real.

They're so pretty, and perfect and They all have friends.

But I'm just, here.

12/01/06

He's so nice, I feel like I matter again.

He makes me feel real. He tells me that I matter.

He doesn't think I'm so ugly.

12/22/06

He makes me feel so much better sometimes. But I worry that I'm not good enough.

He wants me to lose weight, And I'm really trying.

But it's just so difficult. I look in a mirror and nothing's changed.

1/16/07

I don't know what to write. I'm not sure if its good or bad. I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad

I think we're going to have a child.

2/08/07

All he talks about is how ugly I've become. How ugly I'm going to be.

He tells me he's leaving.

I feel so sick. He hates me now. And I have all this responsibility.

All because of this parasite inside me.

I didn't think this would happen. I just did what I was told.

I wanted him to be happy with me.

2/14/07

I want to make a decision. I want control back in my life. I want to matter.

Everyone just makes choices for me.

Maybe I'll find someplace where I can be happy. Someplace dark without people to remind me how ugly I am.

2/14/07 (2)

I don't want to go.

I just want to stay on this train. I want to stay in the dark where no one can see me.

I'm sorry.

Today

I waited in the dark for so long. I lashed out against anyone who got close.

But someone kept pushing me into the light. It hurt me for a while.

It doesn't hurt anymore.