@lorddoordash - Tumblr Blog

Anyone who cleans public restrooms should automatically make $100/hr

#as the person who cleans public restrooms YES #some of you are disgusting hogs and I deserve more money for LITERALLY cleaning up your shit #ya nasty

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the little screaming creature that thinks he needs to live inside my skin and sleeps on my face:

#cats of tumblr

been at work a total of 10 minutes and all of my straws have been drawn

#yall might see me on the 6 o clock news

gorbling

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

gorbling

hapalopus

More from the notes:

vexwerewolf

I love this post

karifaevt

The horse thinks as it scratches an itch

#this has both ruined my sense of irl humor and also occasionally made me the funniest person alive

on one hand having a bottle baby is a very rewarding experience and has resulted in the sweetest cat I've ever had, but on the other hand, I now have a 3.5 pound very loud screaming creature with sharp claws and needle teeth that wants to live inside my skin and MUST be held at all times (he will not lay in my lap I HAVE to hold him) so I had to learn to do most tasks one handed and he also insists on sleeping on my neck when we're in bed so that's fun

#he's going to suffocate me in my sleep when he's older 🥴#I also wouldn't trade him for the world he has been very essential in healing me from losing my dog #he is unfortunately a very stinky boy because he hasn't mastered grooming yet and his older sisters can't clean him without being pounced on #and they don't tolerate his bullshit for long

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despazito

really loving this fake AI scandal of trump secretly meeting with the volturi

despazito

pissvortex

BREAKING: Trump Has Allegedly Signed The White-Gold Concordat And Is In League With The Thalmor 😳🚨

#which Targaryens are these again? I can't remember..

orphanedsource

the place I work at remodeled these split gendered restrooms into “inclusive restrooms” and never told us what they meant while construction was ongoing. I need you to know every atom of potential criticism or whining that could’ve happened disappeared when people found out this meant we got 10 fully separate private bathrooms with sinks inside. I’ve not heard a single person crack a joke about the inclusive signage. this is the world TERFs are trying to steal from you

#we switched to family restrooms a few years ago at work and it brings me SO much joy #when a visitor asks which is the 'men's rooms' or 'women's room' and I get to look at them with a shit eating grin and say #'they're gender neutral so either is fine'#because they're either fine with it and go take a piss OR they try and argue with me and ask 'but which one is MY bathroom'#none of them! go piss girl

hopeless-eccentric

humiliating to be attracted to a conventionally attractive person. I thought I was a more sensitive and refined pervert than this

#lmao me plying re9 and realizing how hot Leon is after he was grunting and moaning in my ear for 3 hours #like nooooooo I'm only supposed to think the 8 foot tall zombie snake man is hot not the conventially attractive muscular dilf too

ecrivainsolitaire

I was afraid they were going to half ass it but “Spider-Noir” is such a good show. They really went all the way for the black and white, it's not just a filter, the entire series is lit and blocked to make sure the black and white version looks absolutely flawless, it really feels like a period piece. And Nicholas Cage as The Spider is an inspired choice, I can't believe he hadn't been Spider-Man before. I'm sorry to have doubted. Not to mention the writing, god, they went all the way. It's gritty, it's suave, it doesn't pull any punches in regards to 1950s racism and the effects of WWII on veterans and especially the black community. And it's a sexy show too, not in a vulgar way or anything anachronistic, just in the way films from the golden age were. The dialogue can sometimes be a bit too modern but it feels like a stylistic choice for the comedy bits, it doesn't feel like they're being lazy about it. Honestly if it weren't for the aspect ratio and the fact that it is in 4k I'd almost believe it was a high production noir film from the 50s. Fuck, this is such a good time to be a Spider-Man fan.

harrowinstagg

some pictures of jack in spider noir

credits to x

#I love themmmmmm #agree with your tags op

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hello furry community.

discuss:

smash or pass: the alligator from the Sandisk commercial

smash

pass

Voting ended onJun 8

#I literally don't go here I'm a monsterfucker I just saw this commercial and went #WHOA. I NEED his cock.#and I want validation #furry #scalie #monsterfucker #monsterfucking #anthro #this is residual Monty fucker I know it

natnormalatall

roald dahl was antisemitic and misogynistic. george orwell was openly homophobic. edgar allan poe married his 13 year old cousin. dr seuss cheated on his wife (and was racist as well as antisemitic!). hp lovecraft was racist as fuck. anyways they’re fucking dead it’s not like you’re enabling their behaviors in the afterlife or something. then again I think they bleed into the books so uh keep an eye out for that

the difference between these old white guys and jk rowling is that the former group is all dead. jk rowling is alive and using your money to oppress trans people

#death of an author doesn't apply if the bitch is still alive!!#want to read your stupid children's Magic series even though you're approaching middle age? kill the bitch!

depsidase

hidingfromlaw

better life hack: slaughter them on live television and do the same to their friends

isuggestguillotine

👍

#and THEN redistribute their wealth

might be too woke to read Interview With The Vampire. why is Claudia's 5 year old body being described as sensual. Why is Lestat molesting the two dead boys before eating them. What the fuck.

There is an unfixable hole in my life, my heart, my very soul. A name on the tip of my tongue I have to stop myself from saying, because there will be no one coming when I call. I feel like I'm forgetting something when I leave for work because I didn't let the dog out. Because there's no dog to let out anymore. The freshly opened bag of dog food. The pup cups in the freezer. The last walk we went on not knowing it was the last walk. An uncomfortable, unsettling, unnatural silence and emptiness that permeates every inch of the house. The toys donated, the leashes too, the $60 orthopedic beds I bought for the living room and bedroom. All gone. Like they never existed. Gone just like her. My puppy, my baby. I don't know how to heal from this, how to move on. Every fiber of my being is screaming in defiance. This can't be real. She can't be gone. The barely suppressed urge to rip the entire house apart because nothing else matters if she's not here with me. What is the point of any of it? The fenced in yard, the garbage can behind a cabinet where it can't be tipped over and rummaged through? So many little things that now seem so big. She's gone, and she's not coming back, and I couldn't save her.

#and I just want to lay down and die right along with her.#pet loss #tw pet death #tw animal death

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userfish

this pride month we’re all going to be radically pro transgender. or else.

genuinely how the am I supposed to deal with my dog dying in the next few days/weeks. either waking up and finding her already dead or having to make the choice to have her put to sleep. what if I fucking killed myself.

#the idea of. having to clean up her toys. her beds. that there will always be extra dog food she never ate.#that I will wake up in the morning and immediately think to let her out because that's been my reality for ten years #only to remember she's gone.

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