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if i look back, i am lost

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@lordcommandress-blog
( apologies for my disappearance. currently down with the flu so any attempt to write atm is met with a migraine. watch this space ;; )

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voltshowersâ:
@lordcommandress
Sheâd collected an awful lot of wood since the beginning of the festival, but it seemed even that had its limits. The more travelled the paths to the forest became, the darker the lanterns lighting the way grew â until they seemed to flicker out altogether. A little uneasy in the dark, Popo resigns to setting out with the small lantern recommended to her by one villager who had seen her coming and going, advising she take a break to stop to eat, or light the lanterns.
Needless to say, Popo could rest another time. For now, she wanders the trails, adding lights to the lanterns along the path as she goes â feeling more at ease with each light she restores. Eventually, a figure is visible at the other end of the path â shadowy, hard to make out. Popo waves, sure that it must be a friend. âHelloooo! Are you lighting lanterns too?â
individual fingers cradle the paper lantern, working swiftly to seam the edges and secure the metal framing. this one in particular had fallen in the wind; at first she hadnât noticed it - and almost walked past without a second thought. yet, she found herself stopping and repairing the delicate item in the end. vira reaches upwards, carefully attempting to hook the lantern back on before she hears a voice calling out towards her.Â
â ah, yes. â she replies, watching the blonde haired girl come into view. it was rather late, and the area itself was only partially lit; but she slowly recognises the other as a familiar face sheâs seen around the village once or twice. she smiles at the other and nods in acknowledgement before returning to the former task. â it seems this little one had fallen down in the wind. do you happen to have a candle at hand? unfortunately iâm a little ill prepared. â
there had been whispers of a certain type of bark that kept flames burning for a longer period of time. vira had been somewhat dubious at first, believing the distance & the somewhat perilous conditions at night wouldnât be the best choice of action. but little by little, she found herself giving in to the idea. with her pride starting to sink in, she could sit here and certainly pick out the easier targets, or she could aim for the bigger picture. after all, a challenge never did any harm.Â
vira finds the woman standing over by the list of jobs, sidling over with a certain grace. it wasnât particularly in her interests to ask for help - but the idea of attempting to haul logs weighing over several kilos wasnât the most attractive. â i can see you have your eye on the hunting jobs. â she speaks, something much like liquid gold smoothing over her words. â iâve heard thereâs better quality wood further out. iâve been thinking of attempting to go there myself, but perhaps two pairs of hands are better than one? â her arms swing behind her back, hands meeting at the clasp as she leans forward ever so slightly. â thatâs.. if you are interested, of course. @fighting-instinct â
vira had been traversing the woods for some time now. the sun sinks behind the trees with an amber glow, casting the snow into an orange and red sea. gathering the items for the bonfire was tiresome, but it beat sitting inside all day - perhaps it was all just distractions in the end, but in some way, they were welcome ones. it kept her from thinking about back home, if only for a short while.Â
a singular branch slips out from the bundle in her arm and, vira tuts slightly before reaching down to pick it up - itâs then that the primal beast within her hums a soft tune, alerting vira of the ruffling not so far away. she looks - looks out towards the distance, spying a figure not so far away. â ... whoâs there? â she calls out, inching closer; noting that the other is somewhat small. itâs only then that she realises theyâre a child. her brows twist and she looks out at the expanse around them - was she separated from her parents, perhaps?Â
as not to startle her, vira keeps her distance, and softly, she spoke. â are you lost? @chronogic â
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â maybe never getting to say goodbye is the closest youâre allowed to get to a blessing â
â ah.. â vira halts, fingers gripping hard at the corners of her dress. her vision drops to the snowy ground below and something damp materialises in the corner of her eyes; just out of view. her brows twist and her face contorts and the very air she breathes becomes short. she thinks back to danchou, to the crew and of course, katalina. oh, darling katalina. it had been so many days and yet her heart yearned for katalina evermore.Â
Albion had been lonely, but there was always this sort of hope that transfixed vira and gave her the strength to keep moving forward. the hope that katalina would come back. that they would embrace and laugh together once more. but that.. that didnât exist here. this was a world she came to out of her own doing, by her own hands - a mistake that cost her the very thing she loved the most. the light had dimmed from her eyes ever since. katalina didnât exist here. danchou didnât exist here.Â
here, she was truly alone.Â
her fingers grip tighter, and she wishes, oh, she wishes so much to return home. viraâs spent days, hours, weeks, looking, hoping and searching for a way out of this peaceful hell, with all avenues leading to naught. her heart screams and thrashes, yet her mind sinks lower and lower. the thought of not being able to say goodbye? perhaps aqua had a point - perhaps that was true, certainly, butâ
that would mean accepting the fact she would never see them again and that - that terrified vira the most out of everything.
that wouldnât be a blessing. that would be a curse.
so she bites her lip and forces the words painfully out of her throat; harsh, hoarse and sharp.
â iâll see them again. even if it kills me. â
â Worth is not found in the eyes of others. That which truly matters most lies within. â
there is truth to her words, and yet - the lord still feigns to believe it. for the majority of her life, she had only viewed herself through the lens of katalina. if katalina was okay with her... then, well, she was okay too. everything made sense back then, even if it was twisted.Â
and yet, vira had drowned out the voices of everyone else, so much so, that she failed to hear and feel the hands that would push her forward to accepting herself. she existed that way for so long, so much so that when luminiera tried to explain differently, it came as a shock. - these days, she tries, itâs a struggle still. vira knows the woman is right, that such a thing comes from within. but something still holds her back, something still keeps her from pressing on and marching on towards the golden future.Â
she wonders if itâs the thought of letting katalina go. because in order to press forward, that would be the only way. katalina isnât the only person in the world, after all.Â
sheâs human too.
â thank you. â she finally mumbles, slow and reserved, as if sheâs trying her best to make herself believe it. perhaps one day she will.Â
â if you look closely you can see the snakes shifting beneath the dirt â
she found herself somewhat bemused by the expression - itâs none unlike any other back home and yet, she believes she can understand somewhat. â i wonder. â she muses out loud. â --if they truly exist over here, mm? â as it stood, they both existed in another place, another time. still, if she was able to wish her way to this place, then it was certainly not out of the realm of possibility for those she feared to make their way here also.Â
if he sees that too, though-- then perhaps her theory is correct. perhaps he is battling demons of his own in a world different from his own. vira remains tight lipped on that one, though. there are some things that arenât easily explained; instead she chooses to remain looking out towards the horizon. there might be some obscure hope in this world, after all.
wistfulliismsâ:
Rea talks. A lot. She knows she does, knows she can, and knows sheâs often hard to follow when she does. That itâs especially hard to want to follow.
And yet, the other woman doesnât seem put off by her disorganized rambling. At all. And though she doesnât seem exactly thrilled, either, her attention hasnât left her all the same.
It makes Rea buzz with warmth, and an unfamiliar pleasantness in her veins that doesnât involve suffocating anxiety or crushing embarrassment. She grins, chest full, and though it falters with sheepishness at the womanâs question, it doesnât leave her face altogether.
âOh!â she smiles, sheepishly, and tries to figure out a way to explain it. Her fingers bounce and rap the faster her thoughts race. She hums, eyes drifting upward. âMore like⌠secret? The public practice has died out, been prosecuted, so itâs a⌠an underground society on its own? So ârealâ magic can only be found among mages and their magecrafts, whereas âpublicâ magicââfake magicââ is⌠less concrete?
âLike⌠based on historical bits of informationâfrom before it was pushed into secrecyâon real magecraft, maybe, but⌠Herbalism and mysticism and telling fortunes ânâ stuff, rather than actually doing something. Faith and luck, maybe religion-based purification and the like that are about symbolism, symbolism with relevant power, rather than magic, but⌠âRealâ magic involves âsolidâ results, like making fireballs and barriers and the like whereas⌠âFaithâ magic has nothing to do with the userâs own capabilities, and is about the tools and materials rather than magic, magical skillâŚâ
She realizes how much sheâs been babbling (or at least forgotten to breathe) when her chest starts to ache and her mouth feels dry. Rea heaves a sigh, breathes, and looks to the other woman sheepishly. ââŚThat make sense?â
Probably not.
itâs somewhat.. refreshing to hear about the concepts of magic in worlds other than her own. with viraâs interest piqued, she listens with a content mind, nodding every so often in recognition. it was almost a lesson in a way, but none of her former teachers had but even a fraction of enthusiasm that the girl before her beheld. and yet, that sad, aching sensation still has a firm grip over her heart.
â i see. â her gaze lowers, a mind adrift in thought as she processed the information given. â that does sound quite different from where iâm from. â looking back at the brown haired woman. â magic is used quite freely there, so i will admit itâs somewhat odd to hear otherwise. â she smiles a little, shoulders slumping slightly. it had taken vira a day or two to get used to the concept of there being alternate universes and to be honest, she couldnât say if âused toâ was even the correct word for it. perhaps time would change that - after all, the one before her seemed, acted and breathed, just like the people on hers; maybe they werenât so different.
â does it get difficult? â she questions. something inquisitive blooming in those ruby eyes of hers. a solemn note plays in her tone as she speaks. â not being able to practice something so precious, something so natural to you? â
pluviabondâ:
silence is usually something Aqua would welcome, but having spent so long in it, a bit of noise is happily received from the keyblade master. Even amongst the serene aura this place radiates, turning to the source of the sound only to be greeted by a supposedly friendly stranger - she looked like she could handle herself in a battle, and thatâs all Aqua needed to know, for now.
â please, call me Aqua. â offering the woman before her a courteous nod and welcoming smile, her attention shifts solely to the other and sheâs all ears.
â of course! whatever I can help with, Iâll do my best - â a few idle flakes settle onto her own attire, itâs a tell-tale sign that maybe this isnât the best place to have a conversation. â maybe we should take this inside? I donât if youâre a big sweet fan but the hot chocolate here is pretty good, my personal recommendation - also my treat! â
it had only been a few hours since she had awoken in this place, with a mind full of questions and a heart held in pain. vira had wandered some, scouted, examined every inch that was plausible in a short amount of time - and yet, the answers failed to reach her.Â
luminiera had urged her in response to this, to seek others if she wanted her queries heard. and thus she found herself with aqua; a seemingly polite person, trapped too, in this frigid prison.Â
viraâs a little taken back, but the request is reasonable. with a kind smile, she accepts the offer. â i do agree, thank you - thatâs very kind of you to offer. â hands folded against her torso, sunday best manners (and business as usual.) when it came to greeting unfamiliar faces. â for such a cold place, it would be a shame if their hot drinks werenât up to scratch. i can only hope it lives up to your words. â she adds, shortly after; an airy laugh catching the air. â is it far from here? iâm afraid iâm not as well orientated with this place as i would like to be. â

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celesniteâ:
    kotone is patient as she awaits the reply, though she takes the opportunity to observe the woman before her. the blonde seemed lost. perhaps she came to the forest in a daze? when one becomes accustomed to the village of eidolon, perhaps the mind unconsciously searches for something new. was that the case for this woman? however, that didnât seem plausible considering the stranger knew of the task⌠maybe she was tired? yes, perhaps that was it. kotone tended to move in auto-pilot when traversing through tartarusâŚ
  which wasnât very wise nor was something she would admit to her fellow teammates. after all, they risked their lives climbing higher and higher within the tower of death.
  nonetheless, she offers a hum in response to the woman, nodding and smile cheerful as the snow crunches underneath their boots. if that were the case, they better hurry! still, not much left? strange.
  â hmn. altair said no one was picking them, so i assumed thereâd be boatloads more⌠â she spares a glance down at her basket, giggling before she even speaks her joke. âor should i say basketloads? well, anyway, if there arenât many close to the entrance of the forest, thereâs bound to be some more deeper in.â the basket swings at her side as if she were a child, her head tilting in deeper thought.Â
  âi mean, itâs so cold, after all! chances are people wanted to grab some and be done with it as quickly as possible⌠wouldnât blame them either.â the smile kotone wears becomes sheepish soon enough. âi myself was planning on taking his request slowly, considering all the looking and gathering could take some time. i think my toes would freeze before i even managed to gather at least two baskets alone.â
her mind is still somewhat fuzzy from the rush of memories courtesy of luminiera; so forgive her for the quiet. though it gives her a chance to listen to what the other woman had to say - though, and she thinks, itâs rather a lot. unless it was someone that was close to vira, parting with so many details was something very rare. she often wonders how others are able to do so, so carefree.Â
â that might be the case. â she finally answers, sight fully on the beyond. â though when i plucked these earlier, these were the only ones - which leads me to think that while there might be others that came earlier, perhaps there are so few that pick them, because there arenât many to pick in the first place. â she explains, noting itâs not the easiest terrain to navigate. while itâs not so discouraging to herself, she could see those with a weaker heart turning away from the challenge; sometimes the reward isnât worth the risk after all.
it took a few moments of walking before the familiar looking bush came into view, it was small, but wide in size; leaves rustling gently in the wind. the lord kneels down, examining her side of things, carefully pushing the individual foliage to the side. â do you want to look at the other side? there might be some hidden over there. â
â It is not the easiest road youâve chosen to walk down, is it? â
thereâs something about the way those words hit her, that make vira stumble ever so slightly. her lips part and thereâs this far off look in her eyes, as if sheâs trying to reach places that lay just out of her grasp. certainly there were people who had witnessed her painful, anxiety filled days of growth yet, no one had really asked her - asked her how she had felt about doing so; though she doesnât blame it on ignorance, she never would. not for them.
her head tilts to the sky and she inhales and just for a moment she achingly reflects on what lead her here, not only her own journey - but that of the others who surrounded her back home too. thereâs a dull thump in her chest that reminds her that sheâs alive and sheâs here and though wishing brought her to this place, itâs only by her own hands that she can return to those that she cherishes. itâs just the first step of many.Â
so sheâll flash a warm, silent smile at the woman cloaked in aqua and hope for better days ahead.
wistfulliismsâ:
âOh,â is all Rea says at first, reflexively, before properly registering what the womanâs actually doing and saying. Pretty, she absently thinks of the woman and the bright crimson eyes brought out further by the blonde locks. She remembers to breathe, feels a blush threatening to spread across her face, but her brain dives into info dump mode so quickly she doesnât spare any thoughts on how much of it might be embarrassment, shyness, plain nerves, or just the other womanâs elegant beauty.
âOh!â Rea takes the loose paper from her with a slight nod and carefully but quickly plants it next to her open sketchbook, a grin quickly lighting up her face. She keeps the book open with her left hand, graphite-stained right hand pointing out different drawings and notes with eager, stumbling explanations.
âThank you! Some are just people, you know, characters ratherâmostly concepts for different design aspects like hair or uniforms, but also just random sketches, too! And the other stuffâthe symbols and scribblesâare mostly just fictional glyph/sigil designs and symbol concepts, but also real spell-array ideas and the like, or just reminders! Sometimes both, a lot of both, mixing them, since fiction draws from reality and vice versa, and ârealâ magicâs a secret. Back home, in my world, at least. Not like stuff like runecraft and tarot and the like arenât public knowledge people are free to research and practice, anyway, even if theyâre not an actual mage or able to do real proper magic with them!â
she remembers sitting at home, or ...what consisted of four walls but never really was a pleasant place to return to. she also remembers the way she looked at the paper with listless eyes; drawing the same scenery, the same model, the same subject, with the bark of the tutor in the background, over and over. but these - these drawings seemed to .. live. vira feels something like a sharp pain, grasping needily at her heart.
there was certainly an influx of information, one that the lord certainly wasn't expecting; having imagined a scenario where she turned away and walked off, going about the rest of her evening. but there was just something about the way the woman spoke & the energy that she bestowed in her words that caught viraâs attention, even just a little. though there was something that stood out, and she found herself querying it.Â
â âreal magicâ? â a brow raises. real magic, is the only magic she has ever known. it almost sounded bizarre to imagine a world where such a thing didnât exist. â is it banned, or something? â viraâs head tilts, and inquisitive finger gently placed against her bottoms lip. â surely all magic is real magic, no? â
thegenderedchildâ:
     {âŚ} â; Itâs only been so long since sheâs been here, and the folk were only getting more and more eccentric as the days pass by. The sentinel watched how the commerce in this quaint area worked. People did small jobs for others, and people asked for small jobs to be done. It wasnât unlike Hallownest, except Hornet knew that she had to be more social to survive, as opposed to living off on her own like she had before. Thus, she took up one of the fairly simple mayoral tasks that were posted.
     {âŚ} â; Not even an hour of lonesomeness in the area was permitted it seemed, as soon not after something came chasing after. She was wary, watching as it fluttered and flit here and there. It seemedâŚnon-hostile, and not aloneâbut it wasnât a being like most other was. From her carapace, Hornet watched as the newcomer came into view more, nodding her head to the question.
     {âŚ} â; âYour assumptions are correct, Iâve taken to aid with the berry duty.â she says, eyeing both Vira and Luminiera. âIâm one of the recent additions here, and it was prudent to build rapport as soon as possible. I didnât imagine Iâd run into someone else for a while considering how supposedly busy the place was, but it seems you and yourâŚfirefly, were quick to take the job as well. Were you hoping perhaps to find assistance in this task?â
while she didnât exactly expect hostility from the other - she certainly didnât expect the offer of ... assistance. perhaps itâs just the waning parts of her former self still lingering like frayed sheets fluttering in the wind, the part of her that scarcely recognises when others reach out to her. they would want her to be better, wouldnât they?Â
though her feet remained rooted, her shoulders relax, just a little. vira looks down at the creature with curiosity in her eyes. itâs safe to assume sheâs never beheld such a being in her life, yet, the primal being that inhibits half of her soul would give cause as not to judge on appearance alone. â firefly? ah. â the primal beat hums once more, settling down on the curve of viraâs shoulder; somewhat satisfied in a manner at the discovery. â her name is.. luminiera. - i apologise, i didnât expect her to run off so suddenly. and yes, you are correct. considering the terrain, i wasnât expecting many else out here, but-- â and she gives a small smile. â it seems that wasnât the case. perhaps two sets of eyes are better than one, hm? âÂ
loyaltybredâ:
      â THIS WILL BE EASY! â HE had thought, â no problem for a guy like me! â he had justified. hige had trekked across the WORLD alongside his pack. retrieving a brush from a lake? itâd be a breeze! then heâd get some free pampering as a reward. it was too good an offer to pass up.Â
of courseâŚÂ things arenât EVER that easy. itâs all - too - easy to forget that, since heâs arrived in this winter wasteland, his senses arenât as good. whether itâs due to the extreme weather or some forces he doesnât know about yet, higeâs been forced to adjust accordingly. meaningâŚÂ his sense of smell isnât as good as heâs used to. it takes him a bit longer to find the spring than he thought. luckily, his fluffy coat has been able to keep him a bit warm! and once heâs arrived, he realizes heâs not aloneâŚ
hige decides itâs best to actually be able to speak with her, and steps out on two legs.
âif youâre talkinâ about the brush, then yeah! â he grins, âdamn, this place is really out here, huh? arenât springs supposed to be warm, or something? â  his head tips to the side as he kneels down and sticks his fingers into the water. his expression forms surprise.
â i spoke too soon! hey, câmere! waterâs warm! â  hige gestures for the stranger to come closer,  â looks like a long wayâs down though, huh? how deep you think is? â always a bit too friendly, he is!Â
â e-eh? â sheâs taken all too aback at the strangerâs eagerness, her vision switching between that of him and the item lingering within the depths of the pool. It didnât matter how one looked at it, there was no way of retrieving that item without submerging ones self in the process. It wasnât so much the whole, getting soaked thing - but rather the journey back through the frigid wilderness that Vira was quite opposed against. she tuts slightly, wondering if the boy is aware of this.Â
she takes a step towards the depths, the gentle water kissing the heels of her boots. a warm mist rises from the surface and caresses the parts of her that were bare. â you realise thereâs the question of the trek back, once the item is retrieved? â she asks in a manner most quizzical. she shakes her head, this whole thing is bordering ridiculous - but she knew this when the bag of equipment was tossed at her earlier. still, he raises a valid question - there was almost this... infinite reach within the water; as if one would have to swim for hours just to even grasp the objective. â iâm not quite sure. iâm aware that these springs are used for recreational purposes - so i canât imagine theyâre too deep. â and yet.. â i suppose thereâs one way to find out though. â a sigh biting those words as Vira folded her arms against her chest.

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with wary eyes, the lord gazes upon the other. Luminiera with her own wide eyes, peers close, floating ever so slightly away from her master and towards the creature? before them. She flutters and drifts, small blue, spectral orbs joining the primal in the short journey undertaken.
and yet, she has no choice but to chase after the primal beast that shares her soul. her fingers unconsciously drifting outward, highly bemused as to why Luminiera would leave her side without warning. â --wait..! â the lord calls out to her, though her eye catches and she halts in her step. It was a brief image, but the berries flicker in her peripheral - and Vira quickly comes to the conclusion that the other being must be here for them too.Â
Luminiera hovers and then hums a small tone, before returning to her masterâs side and Vira looks down at the creature. Carefully choosing her words, she recites them cautiously. â i see youâve taken up the mayoral tasks also? @thegenderedchildâ
a closed palm rests against her chest, golden strands of hair flickering in the stray breeze. She breathes in a little, closes her eyes, then exhales through her nose. The lake itself seemed crystal clear, a fine, warm mist rising from the surface; it provided something of a comfort to the contrast of the frigid city that lay outside.
if one peers just enough, the item is visible within the depths of the pool.Â
she scowls just a little at the swimming gear almost spilling out of the bag that Vira had thrown in a rushed manner earlier. The idea of stripping down, in this weather was almost unmentionable. â tch, honestly-- â she mutters under her breath.
itâs then she notices the ruffling in the bushes and spies the being that emerges forth.Â
â youâre here for this too, i assume? @loyaltybred â