Autumn
She melted away the snowy garden - wintertime
She blossomed with Kew's tropical flowers - springtime
She made him sweat, shook with joy - summertime
Now she must fall into his arms - autumn.
N.
July 17, 2019
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Autumn
She melted away the snowy garden - wintertime
She blossomed with Kew's tropical flowers - springtime
She made him sweat, shook with joy - summertime
Now she must fall into his arms - autumn.
N.
July 17, 2019

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Go fishing
For cold nights Puzzling eyes Live and breathe some lies Go fishing For numbers Midnight fairy tales Sweet voices that fail Go fishing For fallen letters Shattered hearts Disconnected knots Go
Crystal Life
Oh, I just want a crystal life . A twinkle, a spark The right way to catch the light Champaign bubbles . Oh, I just want a crystal life...
N.
27, mar. 2018Â
Sleeping City
How much time now So we're all scratching the heavens? . Heat the kettle for your bedtime tea Take your blanket out to the highest spot . Are you inhaling the white sparkling stars, babe? . I can never find the right stairs Though I see them in my visions . When the eyes are shut I see you and you and them . Meet me inside the coloured smoke, will you? Addicted and alive.
Dancefloor
We step on the blur knowing nothing, no one and barely ourselves. Entangled souls... I seek for life's book of methodologies And you seek for this girl who looks like life itself. My love, Can I have this dance? I must warn you, though Much I do about nothing.

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Venus
You put her on a pedestal Marble white So shiny it blinds you When you take it out To the sun rays And then you love her But then she has taken you Into the nightfall Soft moonlight upon her Holes, marks and bruises All to be seen Hoping you'd love her still Darling, You only want light Yet you seek for darkness And you drink it To bury her deep
Crown
Take collectedness Throw it against walls you build Marble white as stoned eyes Sliding lively hopes onto misty waters I watch through eye corners as they fall With a mint flavoured cigar between red lips Inside the Queen's well She grows dead trees To look at the black empty branches Ramifications of futures she'll say no to Centre stage throne Carved diamonds From rings she refused Melting golden From commitments set on fire
Zoo eyes
He looked through the smudged window Finding her seeds of love everywhere he passed. What was she, after all? Was she a ghost from past lives coming back to haunt his imagination? Blessed but bleeding As he enjoys. That ocean you like to watch Is not calm in stillness There's a storm on its way She moved the Earth's core a bit too much and now it's coming For you And her.
Jupiter (r)
Taking on universe's wheels Realign on everyone else's news Waiting for soul refills Oh, celestial festival Oh, delayed carnival Oh Break a new world in two Sue whatever frightens its truth Step out from where you stood Go back, go back, go back Looking forward, always.
The House (incomplete)
It felt as if I entered a maze where the walls could open in an enormous beast mouth ready to chew something juicy if only a silly uncalculated movement was made by my feet. Despite the notion that I should be fearing this place enough not to enter it at all, it was as if the dark green surrounding that door whispered to me every time I walked by that street. Not words, though. Something inside my body responded and I didn’t have control to it.
Warning signs were starting to decompose. Maybe the houses were all like that in the Forgotten Years, marked by deadly substances on its walls. I couldn’t stop myself from wandering. There was an urge, uncontrollable urge. It’s not normal to want things so badly, to feel discomfort. Something’s wrong with me and they’ll have to send me into the Fixing Facilities if I say anything.
I reach the back of The House and suddenly I forget the neon colours from outside. Every shape was still and dusted with misty colours. Bushes and trees and fences made out of life, a life that no longer existed, a life that killed until it was killed. I should go. Run! Run, your stupid girl! I could shout in my head so loudly, yet I only moved towards it and let myself be taken.
What does love feel like? When he held my wrist to check the time at the green watch I was gifted for my latest achievement of age there was this sensation, this desperate need to lock lips, wrap arms and inhale his freckles. At that very moment, time stopped as if something was out of order, maybe it was the empowering energy that flowed through my veins and messed it up. Is that what love feels like?
I’ve only heard about love. Nobody feels it anymore, They decided it was pointless to have sentiments or emotions, knowing those were the main cause for discomfort. However even the newly reprogramed genes can have flaws, a problem easily fixable if reported soon to the Fixing Facilities. Nobody hesitates on this matter, we all have to refuse causes for discomfort.
He looked at me with puzzles instead of eyes and said he should go because it was already late. I just stood quiet at my seat. Perhaps I answered with a smile but I only recall fighting my nerves to get them back to their numb normal estate. He walked away and it was like a vital organ has been pulled out from my interior to leave me empty.
Walking back home I passed by The House and I knew it would fill the void he has left. So there was no hesitation, no thinking beforehand, no consideration for the warning signs. It kept calling me to enter deep and deeper. If only the malfunction in my genes hadn’t taken control of that vile body I wouldn’t be here. Was he in the back of that tree?
Amongst the dusted leaves, illuminated by the full moon’s reflection, I searched for him like a treasure. As soon as the dust reached my lungs, I immersed myself into the mouldy grass, falling into what felt like a vivid dream and I know that because in my dreams I’m never wearing shoes. Heavy breathing, grasping every bit of oxygen, my body so warm, spazzy… Ecstasy. I felt him and the void he’s left was filled again. Could he feel me as well? The House could.

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Burnt Caramel
I wonder how my first teardrop for you is going to taste like...
I believe it will taste like sugar That melted for too long in a hot pan
Instead of the sweetness of the caramel I would have bitterness
The blanket of sunlight, Cold without breeze Yellow hearts turned grey And the words from the poems Wouldn’t make sense
I take you in now And place you deeply in me Knowing that this place is filled up And soon will burst
I’d make you coffee Bathe you Kiss you... Softly For love is now and now and now
I’d draw those yellow hearts on your chest Feeling it jump on my soft fingertips
Falling and falling and falling Into passionate love
N.
Jan,16. 2019
Café au lait
She placed the creamy hot milk on her lips. Feeling that softness enter her accompanied by that broken down bitterness from the coffee.
It was the taste of his lips. Those outlines lips that caught her attention among that full red beard. She wanted to run her nails softly through that face so badly. Leaving red lines in it.
And when she closed her eyes, that warm mug felt just like him. She could smell home, as if she was in his arms.Â
For a brief second she was there. A second that felt like an hour locked inside his kiss. She didn’t want to wake, obviously. But life knocked her up from dreamland.Â
It was the waiter asking if she wanted anything else. “No, thank you.”, she said, whilst thought to herself she wanted to be in her dream back, thank you very much.
Falling in love was her thing. She used to say that she had to fall in love with the most random things, otherwise, she wouldn’t be living, just surviving.Â
When he showed up talking to her, she wasn’t expecting to fall so hard. However she’d been longing for a feeling like that. Wishing to be caught so she could feel that thrill again. A recovering addict.Â
Numbness didn’t suit her, although she dressed it for too long and kind of got used to that reflection. Non-passionate love, unexciting work, vague friendships. She became used to it easily. Â
Always thinking of an alternate reality where she would be jumping in the sea and not just walking by the sand, afraid to be touched by the white foamy waves.Â
She would think of metaphors for herself as a way to feel something occasionally. And playing pretend in her head when alone. She would make up every excuse to be left alone inside her alternate world. It was where her heart jumped, her stomach twisted and her body melted, like honeycomb melting.
So she called men up to her apartment, like a singing mermaid in that fiery fake red hair - that she picked yo to be her own, in the idea it was more suiting to her fire obsession.Â
Being upstairs was a curious thing for those men. The tiny apartment looked like a place full of personality.There was a crooked brick wallpaper behind the TV in the living room. She placed it herself. There was also Audrey Hepburn posters on the walls to portrait her love for old Hollywood meaningless films.Â
The blue sofa was where she studied them. Asking all kinds of questions about life, culture, love... She always inquired them with her eyes switching from their eyes to their lips. And her eyes... Oh... Those eyes said more then her lips. And they never lied. Sincerity was their biggest trait, that both helped and betrayed her.
She would stand still, sipping red wine, her legs crossed. And the men would just lock their lips onto hers, like a magnet. Fulfilling her need for the night.
Love affairs were something she had decided to have and then she would dissect all of those men in words. Some of hate and despise, some of boredom, some of doubt and few of love, or real love at least. The latter she felt when she met him.
He picked her up, opened her guts and wrote passion and love words inside her. Forever to be his temporary fling.Â
She knew it was a lovetrap, but that didn’t matter for her. She wanted to get caught in that web. And she tangled herself in a very difficult way so that, if he left, she couldn’t risk to lose that feeling easily.Â
She didn’t know if she had fallen in love with him or what he made her feel. Maybe both... Maybe just the latter. After all, she was just looking for the feeling, the words, the poetry. For poetry was what her life was about.
She felt both happiness and sorrow for having met him. For one moment she was smiling at nothing apparent, and another she dropped warm tears on her cheeks.
Was it real? - She wondered. Reality or dream... Didn’t really matter as long as the feeling in her guts were real.Â
She finished her coffee, staring at the heart shape foam in the bottom of the mug. Deep breath... Shot of reality and it was time to wake up.
She left the warm seat behind but he followed her. Like a ghost, or a friend that doesn’t really exists.Â
She leaves him, leaving her heart, her desires and her dreams. And then she inhaled numbness again for another meaningless encounter. But this time her head would wander around and when she placed another coffee mug on her lips again, he would come back to swipe her of her feet and take her to dreamland.Â
N.
Jan, 19. 2019
Aquarium Mermaid
Hold my hand We will walk Squeeze my fingers
Red but cold Blood flows in its tips
Oh “I love you, I love you” You say And it is warm again
Breeze Sand Petals
You blink and We’re there Sipping drinks Watching the warm waves comming by
I blink and I’m there Sliding in the tub Bubbles on top And your face Reading birthday letters for me
I can’t breathe I’m underwater I don’t want to breathe I want each life from the branches
Now the world is two And I live in both And I die in both Drowning at shore Drowning at home But you and you are home
The water is never blue Light never catches it But there are sparks Of fire on top
And there are eyes So many of them Watching closely As I turn and turn But they are not merpeople
Slow movements Catch up too I say I don’t dance But I do, I do
I dance in between lifes From each I live From each I die
Now the blood is being drained As I am And the water feels Colourful again It is beginning. It is not The end
N.
Jan, 10. 2019