Change pronouns as needed.
“Ugh. I! Need! A! Break!”
“Oh, you must be more tired than you realize. You’re slipping.”
“I have 13 different apologies depending on how mad you are.”
“This has been fun. Hope we never meet again.”
“This is, like, the fourth coolest thing you’ve ever done!”
“This is no time for hilarious, hilarious jokes.”
“Nothing wrong with coming in second.”
“I’m too stubborn to know when I’m hurt!”
“Oh, people love a comeback!”
“Something is wrong here!”
“My problem is, I need money.”
“Oh no, I’m the problem.”
“I am more confused than usual.”
“Welp, there’s no gold on the moon.”
“Don’t ignore me when I threaten your life!”
“Boo! You disappoint me in every way possible!”
“This doesn’t feel simple.”
“Why have a deadly temple if you’re not gonna use it, right?”
“What is this garbage distracting me from my garbage?”
“I will NOT be third-person speechified to!”
“Could you find me someone who is not you?!”
“Get lost, dude! You’re killing my vibe, man!”
“Maybe don’t say that ‘til we’re out of jail.”
“You are very familiarly frustrating to me.”
“I’ll take the key while you do what you do best… be an annoying diversion.”
“You’re supposed to be smart, maybe you can help.”
“He’s been here all morning, I have the stress headache to prove it.”
“Are you okay? You seem a little… well, the opposite of sane.”
“Chicken soup? Restorative nutrients!”
“What part of “I shall not rest” do you not understand?”
“I’m even better at being crazy than you.”
“She’s squishy and easily defeatable if you would just let me!”
“We’re a classic odd couple.”
“Do I sense a shenanigan in our future?”
“You wanted this all along.”
“Maybe we should leave the lights on. Y’know, just in case?”
“Who do I have to fight to be a part of this family!?”
“I really need to start locking this door.”
“So, you wanna do this the easy way, or the fun way?”
“Can you not think anything through, ___!?”
“Oh, you’ve got, like, your own whole personal thing going on there.”
“I will always believe you can do anything, but you never have to prove anything to me.”
“There’s a world beyond textbooks and rational truths. One I’m compelled to know more about.”
“___, she’s using you! I should know!”
“You’re too busy to finish telling me how busy you are?”
“Do you want my name, or address, or any means of contact?”
“Oh no, never be yourself on a first date. Or a second. Or any dates.”
“Oh, and if that girl breaks your heart, I will personally hunt her down and dismantle her life, piece. by. piece.”
“Hey, so I don’t like you not answering my calls, it makes me feel like I’m not the only person in the world which is weird for me.”
“What kind of monster doesn’t like glazed donuts?”
“Oh, and, you’re all incredibly dead.”
“Let’s talk: musical numbers. How many is not enough?”
“Hey, dummy, it’s about to blow!”
“They want grim and gritty, huh? Happy to play the part.”
“You’re a hero again. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“You can’t just go around making up mysteries.”
“Man, being an adult is NOT fun.”
“No living thing could survive that.”
“I mean, this is very wrong.”
“How did this go so wrong so quickly?!”
“Rule number one, kid: If you wanna pick a pocket, you gotta get close.”
“Ambitious, dangerously overconfident, let’s do it.”
“I’d say you get used to it but that’d be a lie.”
“Sleep? No way, it’s only 4 AM, that’s so early!”
“Follow your lame dreams!”
“Don’t you ever feel like there’s something off about you?”
“No matter how hard you fight they will always turn on you. Give in.”
“You’re tired. Come home to me.”
“So you, like, don’t know what you’re doing at all?”
“Cool, so this is our tomb.”
“How do I say yes without agreeing to this?”
“Man, are we still here? I had this amazing dream that we weren’t.”
“And how are you gonna get out of this alive?”
“We almost died! …..but we didn’t. Weird.”
“Come here you historical abomination!”
“I’ve immediately failed you!”
“Hmm, I’m not cleaning any of this up.”
“You dug your own grave, ___, it’s time you lay in it.”
“Once I reharness my powers I’ll turn you all into snakes.”
“This is the one thing I’m good at, why can’t you see?”
“Hey, we can’t all make declarations of hatred at the same time!”
“You scarred him for life, that’s MY job!”
“You gotta dress for success and I am very successful now.”
“Fine, but when I get back I am going to live it up!”
“Quick, send in the raccoon!”
“Oh, sorry. Looks like the guy I stole this suit from didn’t have any cash.”
“Buddy, you are a waste of magic.”
“If I told the truth, you wouldn’t have come.”
“Hot dog! We’ve got company!”
“I’ve decided you’re doomed.”
“You don’t need a plan. You need a scheme. A cockamamie one.”
“Sorry, do you NOT want to survive?”
“Whatever this “plan” you have is, it’s embarrassing us both!”
“Wait, are we the bad guys?”
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