LOok! MAGAZINE

1.Michael Jackson was one of the most generous artist of all time. He donated over $350,000,000 in total and supported 39 charities. He also started the ‘Heal the World’ foundation, which fought against AIDS, Juvenile Diabetes and helped suffering children.  He often organized and took part in charity concerts as for example ‘United We Stand: What More Can I Give’ after the attacks on the World Trade Center.

  2. Elton John established the Elton John AIDS Foundation, which has spent over $125 million to support prevention and education, elimination of discrimination and providing help to people living with AIDS in 55 countries all over the world. He also gives large amounts of money to charities like in 2004 when he donated over $43 million to different organizations.

    3. Beyoncé Knowles supported 23 charities and together with Kelly Rowland founded Survivor Foundation to help victims of the Hurricane Katrina. She was also an Ambassador for the 2005 World Children’s Day and in 2012 she took part in World Humanitarian Day performing her song ‘I Was Here’ at the United Nation General Assembly in New York. You can watch this performance here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i41qWJ6QjPI

5. The band Coldplay supported 24 charities and in their early years they were giving 10% of their profits to charity. They teamed up with REM’s Michael Stipe in making a song to aid Hurricane Katrina victims. Moreover they ask their fans for gifts, which all are given to charity organizations and they are huge supporters of Amnesty International.

  6. Madonna helped 25 foundations and in 2006 together with Michael Berg founded Raising Malawi organization. It provides aid for people of Malawi, especially children, giving them food, proper clothes, shelter, education, medical and emotional care and psychosocial support. It also supports non-government organizations like International Medical Corps.

      7. Bono supported 33 charities and helped to create many organizations, like ONE Campaign, DATA or EDUN, which fights with the poverty and diseases . He also took part in Festival Against Racism and went to Ethiopia to draw attention to the conflicts and help children. Moreover he participated in concerts like Live 8 to raise funds of DATA.

Janelle Monáe – Electric Lady

Release date: 6 September 2013

Genre: R&B, Neo soul

Janelle Monáe has just released her second LP. Surely, it wasn’t easy to record an album which would be as good as the universally acclaimed by the critics and fans The ArchAndroid. Probably that’s why Monáe decided to use the formula which was used while recording her first LP. Certainly, on no account could I say that it’s just a copy, because it’d be a big lie. Really, really big lie. Monáe is mixing R&B with neo soul, jazz and even rock, what provides us funky and fresh combination with a high music level in here. We can hear songs that can possibly make Janelle a habitué of music charts (Q.U.E.E.N., Electric Lady, Primetime), but most of this LP’s content is not aiming to do so. Features are next great things I can say about The Electric Lady. Janelle has recorded songs with legends – Prince and Erykah Badu - but she also invited young R&B stars Solange and Miguel and the owner of three Grammy Awards, Esperanza Spalding. What’s more interesting even those two legends aren’t capable of eclipsing Janelle. It’s her album and she’s the strongest here.

Afterwards, when we cool off after the impression made by the music itself, it’s worth to concentrate on the very important and unfortunately very ignored by some ‘artists’ point. I mean lyrics and the whole idea, of course. Luckily, that’s the issue where Monáe shows how genius and talented she is, because we can find a lot of references to the topics which are really significant nowadays. The most fascinating thing is how she conveys it. This album is just a part of the futuristic story, which began on her EP, then continued and extended on The ArchAndroid. The most significant character here is Janelle’s alter ego – Cindi Mayweather, who (what is quite important to mention) is android. Yes. You must know about Cindi, if you want to understand The Electric Lady at all, understand the lyrics and the interludes. They are in the form of the radio broadcasts, in which some strange people are airing their personal thoughts. In one of these, we can hear a sentence ‘Robot love is queer’. Certainly it affects the DJ to be a little surprised, but he responds ‘What I wanna know is how you would know it’s queer. If you haven’t tried it.’ (I guess that I don’t have to explain the meaning). Despite the things connected with sexuality, Janelle is also singing about the racial segregation (Ghetto Woman), politics and woman’s movement. She mentions the characters of Dorothy Dandridge, an actress and a singer, and Sally Ride – the first woman in space.

Summarizing, Janelle Monáe is one of the most interesting (if not the most interesting) exponent of the new R&B. She is the artist that cares about every detail. She knows what she wants to sing about and the best way how to do it. She built a fascinating story (which, unfortunately, I can’t describe the way I would like to) and what’s more, she’s got a great, powerful voice. Yeah, I love to say that she is a Q.U.E.E.N.

9,5/10

Listen: Q.U.E.E.N., Electric Lady, Primetime, Dance Apocalyptic

Author’s note: This article, aside from being extremely long, is also  a gigantic spoiler for Doctor Who. If you don’t watch the show/ don’t care – proceed. However, to fully understand the article, you’ll need to understand some terms I used here. The glossary is provided here and the problematic words that appear in the article are in cursive (in glossary, they’re listed in an alphabetical order so they’re easier for you to find). Enjoy!

  One-two-three-four.

One-two-three-four.

Try tapping that fast on something, like the desk or the wall or your leg. Wherever.  And keep tapping for the rest of your life.

Usually, the origins, aims and purposes of a villain in science-fiction are pretty clear. They’re scarred by some awful experiences and try to ruin the hero’s life – or the life of someone close to the hero, anyway. Sometimes they’re the hero’s father or adopted brother. And usually, they die at the end – peacefully or not, depending on how much good is left inside them. But in Doctor Who nothing’s easy – the main character, the plot, the villains.

Koschei Oakdown was an ordinary kid. Or at least that’s a façade he was hiding behind, because you can’t be ordinary when you have the thing in your head. Unfortunately for Gallifreyan children a real childhood is like fetch – not going to happen – but most of them was probably remotely happy during their schooldays. And so was Koschei, because like everyone, he was normal, of course. He had a gang he hung out with, he played truant, experimented with drinks, picked fight and played drums in a bad. That’s what normal kids do.

Kids that don’t have a drumming noise in their heads that grows louder and louder every day. When Koschei first heard it during his Academy initiation, when he looked into the Untempered Schism, he probably thought everyone else heard that too and he didn’t think much about it. He was only eight years old when it started, anyway. But there must’ve come the day when realized no one else hears that and that he couldn’t tell anyone because they’d turn away from him. Plus, he’d bring shame to the family. An insane Oakdown, yeah, right. “Be quiet and just go on pretending you’re fine”, said no psychiatrist ever, but as it later turned out, keeping his mouth shut was the best thing Koschei could do. The crown on Great Britain’s famous “Keep calm and carry on” war-time posters should’ve been his face instead.

So the drums are stuck in Koschei’s head – but not like a song you can’t seem to remember the name of. It’s more like an irritating neighbour who decides to drill in the walls at 7 AM on Saturday morning. Except the neighbour never stops and the drilling keeps getting louder. It becomes too much one day, obviously, and you’re so furious you’re almost out of your mind and the drums hurt, hurt so bad you can’t continue your ordinary, boring school existence. You just have to be in control of something. Soon it’s not just rovies you keep and kill when the drums are too much.

Even someone as tough and brave as the young lord Oakdown -  the best student in his class, mind you – is full of biting his pillow at night when the headache gets too bad - but he can’t let anyone know, because they’d think him weak . And he’s a Time Lord, a Prydonian, an Oakdown, he never shows his weaknesses. Finally he fights against the first thing that comes to his mind - his own people. Even when he’s captured and tortured, he tries again, until there’s nothing left to do but run.

He even got a girlfriend, you know, a human named Ailla, and that was probably the first time when he might’ve felt safe for a long, long while – and loved, no matter what crap was hiding inside him. During their travels they stumbled upon Koschei’s best friend from school, Theta Sigma (it sounds much better shortened to Thete) and, like always with him, trouble ensued. Trouble big enough for Ailla to get killed. Koschei was ready to do anything to bring her back, even destroy the entire planet  - but she turned out to be a Time Lord spy, sent to spy on him. Like that wasn’t enough, Theta decided that Koschei was broken beyond repair and pushed him into a black hole.

Somehow, Koschei managed to escape the black hole. Except he wasn’t Koschei anymore. He chose a new name, the Master, and set off to conquer the universe. Conquering means controlling and controlling means you’re always in charge, no one can betray you anymore, you’re safe, you’re in power. Who needs friends? Or love? Love will make you end up alone and helpless in a black hole. What is love good for? Absolutely nothing, Effy Stonem has said once and if the Master had ever met her, they might’ve become good friends.

So, after all those years of being controlled by everyone and everything, the Master is finally free (and his mind is not imprisoned at all, of course it’s not), but then Thete shows up and he’s got a new name too. The Doctor (“a man who makes people better, how sanctimonious is that”, the Master will mock centuries later). Pop-up blocker isn’t effective against Time Lords, goes a joke, and every single time the Master tries to achieve something, there’s the Doctor, in his insane colourful outfits, always with his stupid human companions. The drums keep growing in power, but for some reason the Master can’t bring himself to kill the Doctor. Maybe he remembers when they were kids and there were no drums, just the two of them. When the Doctor dies, everything ends. He has to exist, otherwise the drums will eat the Master completely and that just can’t happen. He’s the Master, he can use the drums to his liking, but let them control him? Never. I imagine it to be his endless mantra during sleepless nights when he realizes that dark deeds work on the Doctor like he was a needle and them a giant magnet. Whenever the Master misbehaves, the Doctor appears and the Master can at least look at his happy life from afar, maybe secretly wishing his own would look like this. One day, probably, it stops being just about the drums – it’s about seeing his best friend, fighting and plotting together, destroying enemies, pretending they’re children again and it’s just a silly board game. And Koschei has to let Theta win, because Theta can never take it when he loses.

The Master (Roger Delgado, right) and the Third Doctor (Jon Pertwee, left). During the Third Doctor’s era the two often collaborated.

Years (and a few bodies of both the Master and the Doctor) pass and the Master loses again and again and again, but he never gives up, even if he’d like to, because the drums are always there. So every time he’s captured and tortured, he escapes. When he gets killed, he finds a way to come back. Always. When his own race is sure he’s dead for good, they resurrect him, because – ugh, for Rasillon’s sake, the idiots started a war and they can’t do it on their own, they need a warrior. Which is great, because everyone gets what they want – the Time Lords have their soldiers, the Master has respect, the drums have blood and that blood… Oh, it’s endless. The Master and his army kill a Dalek after a Dalek and it must feel great – until he stops winning. Not winning means not being in control anymore. There are more and more horrors, like in an endless nightmare, and everything and everyone is gone: school, friends, the red fields Koschei spent his childhood in. Even Theta isn’t himself anymore. He’s a ruthless warrior who closed the Medusa Cascade. When the Dalek Emperor appears, it’s too much. The Master runs away and even though he despised humans, he’s too scared to care, he turns into a human -  “so they could never find me”. Pride doesn’t matter anymore, when Gallifrey is gone.

The Master regains his normal self after years of being an good, admirable man, a genius hero who basically constructed an entire spaceship out of spaghetti – and because the spaceship had to be started by someone, he’s ready to die alone on an unfriendly planet for the benefit of his people. But why would he care, when he’s himself again, he’s in control. The Master sets up a new life for himself and turns Earth into the empire using the so-called Toclafane, the future race of people that were dying at the end of the universe, the people he had saved together with his new wife, Lucy. An empire made of destruction and cold and death. The Master – or Harold Saxon, the Prime Minister of Great Britain, as he calls himself these days – is good at that, turning nothing into something. He’s a genius after all, plus, centuries of suffering do that to a person, don’t they? They make you tough and very clever. The  idiot politics who turned their backs on their leaders to blindly follow the Master are all dead. No wonder – the Master has all reasons  to hate traitors. When everything is under his control, even the Doctor this time, it falls again. Of course.

The Master could kill himself along with the entire planet, he thought about it, he almost did. But Theta can’t stand losing and when he’s all gentle and I’ll-take-care-of-you-Master – maybe it’s even better Lucy fires the damn gun, so the Master can die peacefully. With a backup plan, so it’s not that real – but after so many years you can get full of making sacrifices for the same person. Koschei wins just this once, dying in Theta’s arms and Theta’s crying all over his expensive suit. Maybe he’s really crying because of him – or maybe he just doesn’t want to be the last one after he burned Gallifrey along with its entire population, because “he was the only one that could end the War”. Idiot.

Of course the Master’s back again, as always, because there are always fools who’d do anything for you if you treat them the right way. Lucy betrays him again – reliable girl, isn’t she? – and he’s reduced to an alien nothing with his own life energy leaking like he was some broken bloody tap. The drums are even worse than before, too. And guess what, the Doctor is here again, a little less lively and much sadder. And the Master can’t kill him again, but at least this time Theta proves himself useful, when he hears the drums in the Master’s head. They’re real and they offer the Master the biggest chance ever – he can bring back Gallifrey and rule it, just like he’s ruling the Earth after he turned every stinking ape into himself. No one to hurt him, no one out of his control, he’s finally safe, he laughs and makes jokes and plays games. Except the only playground the Master knows is the battlefield. When the Doctor escapes again, he orders him dead. He’s not needed anymore, not when Gallifrey is back and the Master’s life can’t get better.

John Simm as the Master in the promotional picture for the Tenth Doctor's final two-parter, "The End of Time"

Because of that, it turns worse. A hundred times worse. Funny thing, the drums in his head didn’t just settle down there on their own. They were planted in the Master’s mind by whom? Rasillon himself, the man the Master was taught to worship, to whom he may have prayed when he was scared, the man whose name he probably cried out when something was wrong, instinctively, because that’s how it always had been. Rasillon, the creator, the Allfather of the Time Lords and the Lord President made the Master – the Master! – into a puppet, a spaceship to use to fly away. A link between him and the rest of the universe, so he could escape from the hell of the Time War and destroy everything else too. The Master that never really has been, the Master of what? Nothing at all, because he’d suffered too much and it was all Rasillon’s fault. So when the high and mighty bloody Lord tries to kill Thete – that’s crossing one too many line and Rasillon’s prodigal son becomes his slayer. Probably does. The Master attacks him and gets sucked back into the Time War again. Did he even care, anyway? Nothing worse can happen to you than learning you’ve been manipulated and lied to your entire life. That you weren’t even a person, just a tool and even if you’d like to be normal, it wasn’t possible because it wasn’t in someone’s design.

So, you see, that could be why the Master got married, why he referred to the Toclafane as his kids - his wife’s idea and his creation – that could be why he named them after childhood fairy tales , why he watches Teletubbies and drinks at the same time. Because he didn’t have a childhood, he was tormented since he was eight and he knew he couldn’t talk about it. He made a choice that affected his entire life and he became a grown man right at that moment. He never had true friends that were always by his side, or a wife, or children, or a good life, or simple bloody safety. No one ever loved him like they did love the Doctor and even though he followed the traditions, his god betrayed him.

Still, he wanted to create a new Gallifrey, even though he never really liked the Time Lords. You fight for what you love and the Master loves Gallifrey, the last place where he felt safe, the last place where he was happy. At the Master’s final moments, Rasillon doesn’t matter anymore, he will perish. But the Daleks attacked Koschei Oakdown’s home, so he will fight to the death.

Valentine's Day. A celebration loved by most and hated by a minority. Criticized by some for its commercialized form, admired by others for the magic which surrounds it. No matter what group we belong to, it motivates us to take a break and look at everything from a different perspective.

Many people don't pay much attention to the date of February 14. Day like a day. Why make all the fuss?

But... Can they use any other day to show the tenderness and love?

Lovers spend this day in a very special way. They go to the cinemas, to a sumptuous dinner and give each other small gifts. It doesn't need to be a sign of commercialism. Valentine's Day only shows that we really care about others. For example, sending Valentine's Day cards is the oldest custom of this day. Reading an anonymous card full of love can make us really feel the magic of this celebration and smiles on our faces can spread on other people, too.

And how do you remember your Valentine's Day?

  Solange – True EP

Release date: 27 November 2012

Genre: R&B, Pop

  Until now Solange was known only of being Beyonce’s sister. Obviously, having a famous sister has some advantages, like recognition in the media or ability to ask the older and more experienced B for advices , but it’s also connected with constant comparisons. A lot of people didn’t know that she had already released two LPs and most of them didn’t know any single song of hers (honestly, me too). But recently released EP named True is beginning to change it. From the start Solange says that her music is totally different from her sister’s … and after listening I know that she’s not lying. In fact,  they don’t have anything in common in their music. Beyonce’s vocal is very strong, she creates songs which are made to be peaking on the worldwide chart lists and she’s great in it. Solange on the True EP is choosing the other way. At first her voice is very sensitive and even charismatic. The content of this album is far away from what majority of pop stars do. Any of these songs wouldn’t peak at the lists, but interestingly this is what makes this EP great. Solange isn’t following the current music trends and she makes very nice R&B tracks mixed with pop. All is subtle, but it stays in memory. The EP has very even level, so it’s hard to choose the best songs. There aren’t any boring fillers, the whole album is genuine and the lyrics are interesting. Additionally, the important thing is that True isn’t made by a big group of producers. All lyrics are written by Solange with the help of Dev Hynes, who is responsible for production of EP and  it’s the reason why the whole album is very consistent. Solange by choosing this way isn’t trying to make a quick career, but she’s systematically gaining new fans, who will stay with her for a long time. She found her place in the music industry and that’s the reason why she’s becoming more popular (in America, anyway). And again: all comparisons to Beyonce are pointless.

I strongly recommend this album to people who like good pop music. For sure it’s not a suitable music for the parties, but it’s excellent for listening at home and in fact it’s the biggest disadvantage is that it’s an EP, so it’s a bit too short.

  9/10

Listen: Lovers in the Parking Lot , Losing You

It’s February. Second month of the year. Approximately a week ago you first saw a box of chocolates adorned with a heart, an obnoxious inscription saying “VALENTINE’S DAY” and possibly some glitter. And suddenly Valentine’s Day is everywhere. On telly. In cinema. In your local DVD rental. Because February, or at least its first half, is all about love. Sure, love is cool. Love saved Harry Potter. All you need is love. But also, love bites. Love can be hurtful, when your baby’s off with someone else or she disappears and  doesn’t even leave a message for you (don’t let it make you jump off heights, though). But the question is: do you want to see other people’s love problems, when you:

a) Have your own, or

b) You’re so in love you can’t see its dark side, or

c) You hate people and therefore don’t give a damn about them?

Probably not. Which is why I – as I’m exceptionally kind – am going to give you a list of movies and TV episodes you definitely shouldn’t watch, if you don’t want your heart torn out and bleeding all over your newly cleaned Persian carpet. Well, even if it isn’t a newly cleaned Persian carpet, you probably don’t want it dirty. So... there we go!

  Warning: The following part of the article contains spoilers relating to the movies and TV series. If you don’t want to know, what happens... well, don’t read.

  DARCY’S LIST OF UNBELIEVEABLE HEART-BREAKING LOVE –THEMED TEARJERKERS, IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER:

1) A Walk to Remember (2002), director: Adam Shankman, screenplay: Karen Janszen (based on the novel by Nicholas Sparks)

You heard about this movie. Trust me, at some point of your life you did, even when you were thoughtlessly flipping through your TV programme, ‘cause for an unknown (to me) reason this movie is shown regularly a few times a year on different channels. According to my not entirely professional field research on female viewers, majority of them cried, some even exuberantly. Of course, some didn’t, but you never know which kind of person you are, so stay away from this movie on Valentine’s Day. (A tiny disclaimer: I can’t recall watching the whole movie, so I can’t express individual opinion on crying. I can only say that I don’t like it.)

But why exactly is it a tearjerker? Well, here’s the story: bad boy Landon meets good-natured, bookish and very religious Jamie. They fall in love and well, everything seems nice and good, until Jamie tells Landon she’s suffering from terminal leukaemia. And here is the worst part: she dies at the end - but not before Landon helps her to fulfil every single dream off her wishlist, one of them being getting married to Landon. We can probably all agree that this is the saddest kind of a love story.

  2) Doctor Who, series 2, episode 13 – ‘Doomsday’ (2006), director: Graeme Harper, screenplay: Russell T Davies

The only episode of a TV series to be featured on this list... but it’s worth it. It’s one of the most popular episodes of the new Doctor Who ever and thousands of people have cried because of it (seriously, you can check it here on Tumblr). Me included.

Of course, I’ve got serious reasons to cry, ‘cause I’m too cool to cry over telly just like that (actually, I’m not, I cry over everything, Doctor Who especially, and the movie that makes me sob in a helpless and very undignified manner every single time I watch is a music documentary, so actually don’t listen to me).  But I can’t tell you all of them, because I’d have to explain Doctor Who to you, which is impossible, as you wouldn’t understand. One does not simply get what Doctor Who is about without watching it, no matter how intelligent you are. Anyway. Two races of evil aliens are in process of attacking the Earth, a good alien called the Doctor wants to stop them. The Doctor has a human companion, whose name is Rose. Long story short, while defeating the evil aliens Rose gets trapped in a parallel universe for, like, ever. At the end of the episode, she visits one special bay where the Doctor is able to project himself through one of the, let’s say, tunnels between one universe and another by using the energy from some poor supernova. However, they only have two minutes before the tunnel closes. Of course, as Rose is convinced this is the very last time she sees the love of her life, she bursts into tears and almost cries her eyes out while confessing her love for the Doctor. He tries to reply and goes into famous ‘Rose Tyler -‘ and here the tunnel closes, the Doctor is gone and Rose never gets her ‘I love you’. The next shot is the Doctor crying in his spaceship.

But at least the evil aliens are out of the way, right? Well, not exactly. Thank you very much.

  3) Gone with the Wind (1939), director: Victor Fleming, screenplay: Sidney Howard (based on the novel by Margaret Mitchell)

Does the name Scarlett O’Hara ring a bell? It does. Don’t even tell me it doesn’t, because then: “dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow”. Or whatever animal you’re keeping.

Gone with the Wind is the most epic romantic movie of them all (well, there is another pretty good one, but about that later). It got Hattie McDaniel an Oscar (she was the first African American ever to win an Academy Award!), it stars one of the most beautiful actresses to ever grace this Earth with their existence (Vivien Leigh) and I won’t even mention the costumes.

And as beautiful and perfect this movie is, as sadly it ends.

Scarlett O’Hara is young and beautiful and every guy who’s luckless enough to stumble upon her way becomes her servant literally in seconds since seeing her for the first time. She’s in love with Ashley, who marries Melanie. The time period is the Civil War, Scarlett is from Georgia. Everything screams ‘not good’. Scarlett marries different men for different reasons, works hard to save her beloved family home - Tara and finally, for the lack of better words, settles down with Rhett Butler. As much as Rhett loves her, she doesn’t love him (Ashley, remember!) and their marriage turns into a nightmare when their little daughter dies in a horseback riding accident. At the end of the movie, when Melanie dies during labor and Scarlett can finally have Ashley to herself, she realizes she in fact loves Rhett. Guess what happens next! Rhett declares he’s, to say the least, full of Scarlett’s shenanigans and leaves. Scarlett is devastated, but nevertheless she decides to fight for Rhett. Starting tomorrow, because “after all... tomorrow is another day!”

  4) Titanic (1999), director: James Cameron, screenplay: James Cameron

Some may think that writing any justification on why Titanic is a tearjerker is a total waste of time and text space, but on the other hand, the last time I watched Titanic, I didn’t shed a single tear, nor did I any other time (but as with A Walk to Remember, I don’t think I’ve ever watched the whole movie consciously). There are probably some other people like me who’d like to know what caused – and still causes – unnaturally giant number of people to drown together with the majestic ship in the ocean made not of water, but of used tissues.

Back-story: Jack Dawson – penniless traveller and painter, Rose de Witt Bukater, a young aristocrat. They meet aboard the Titanic and fall in love. Add Rose’s obsessive boyfriend, social class problems and a giant iceberg and you can figure out what could happen next, even if you’ve never seen the movie or never heard of it (if so, where do you live, how did you manage to dodge the civilisation for so many years and how on Earth did you find this website?).

 Why do people cry on Titanic? When I asked my own personal oracle, she said the most moving moments were the retrospective ones, especially the one at the very end of the movie. I can also suppose that some other moments could be of course Rose and Jack in the middle of the ocean and poor Jack dying or them together at the stern of the ship. Others cry when Rose jumps out of her lifeboat to join Jack on the sinking ship, or generally when people die. There are even people who cry continuously during the last hour (hour!) of the movie. It all depends on your sensitivity level, I guess.

  That’s it, we’re done. Of course, this whole list is only a guide. You can actually watch whatever you want whenever you want. Be careful with falling in love, though; all those people did and well, they’re not exactly lucky ones.

We're deeply sorry to inform you, our beloved readers, that the January 2013 edition of LOok! is and will be non-existent due to organization problems. Currently our office is full of potential writers, but we hope it won't stop you from contributing.

Let's face it: we've got only two regular authors (no matter how ridiculously high salary we offer), which isn't enough. So, if you'd like to join us, contact us via e-mail or simply find us: class 2B, Darcy usually makes a lot of noise, or just ask about us.

We sincerely hope you did survive Christmas. We hope you're not reading this in a mental hospital or a prison. Also, we hope you're spending your Christmas break in peace and joy (yes, we do realize how abstract 'joy' sounds after a crazy mix of mountains of food, crappy telly and even more crappy Christmas music). Prepare for the New Year's Eve and be ready to celebrate it with us. 

Cheers!

Sincerely, your ever-loving,

Imagine this perfect scenery: beautifully decorated Christmas trees everywhere, shops and streets are almost blinding you with all the strings of colorful lights, delicious smell of Christmas dishes is lingering in the air. Santa Claus is on his way to town, bells are jingling, snow is falling, all your girlfriend/boyfriend wants for Christmas is you. 

Suddenly, someone knocks at the door and at that moment you fall into the darkest depths of despair. You almost smash yourself against the ground, but it doesn’t matter – you get up and run. Because your family is at your house, all joyful and smiling, wishing everyone the best and preparing to sit down at the table not only for this evening, but also the following two.

As long as you’re not the pre-transformation Scrooge or Grinch, I’m positively sure you at least like Christmas - if not for the atmosphere and presents, then for the food and free time. Some people, of course, look forward to meeting their family during Christmas – sometimes it’s the only time of the year when they can meet – and they simply enjoy it. This is a talent of sorts and those who have it, can consider themselves blessed.

Let’s start with recognizing the problem. If you get bored easily, you’re unable to sustain a conversation about something which isn’t strictly connected to your hobbies,  you’re a loner or have any kind of social phobia, then you probably hate social gatherings. Good news: you’re not alone, high five me and we can be besties.  Bad news: when it comes to family and Christmas, there’s not much you can do. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. However, I’m here to help you, so read carefully.

  HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR FAMILY CHRISTMAS AND NOT END UP IN A NUTHOUSE AFTERWARDS – A HEARTFELT HANDBOOK FROM YOUR FRIEND – AND EXPERT - DARCY:

1. Be positive. Your family can’t be that bad, after all. Even if they ask millions and millions of boring questions about your grades,  or boyfriend/girlfriend, or future plans – they usually do it because they care. See? It’s not like the whole world hates you – only about 95% of it.

2. Okay, your family is that bad. And the questions are even worse. Well, now you know what to do. Talk. Channel all your cleverness and gently slip from one subject into another.  Examples:

- Boyfriend/girlfriend question -> You’ve got one? You don’t have a problem – you can skip this part. You haven’t? Turn your teenage crazy fangirl power on. Just reply that Eddie Vedder/Benedict Cumberbatch/David Tennant/ Tom Hiddleston/whoever else completely ruined your expectations in men and explain why. After three minutes no one will want to listen about how great your favorite singer did on his latest performance or how gorgeous your favorite actor looks in a kilt. Believe me, I tried it many times and oh, it works. Also, you might accidentally discover that your cousin is crazy about the same guy – and Christmas is a nightmare no more.  (For guys: just switch the gender. There must be some supermodel or singer or actress you consider sexy, right?!)

- School/grades -> This one is even easier . You’ve got a hobby – you definitely have one, everyone does . Maybe it’s space? Then say your recent interest in Physics was inspired by your favorite TV series and go into details. Of course you can mention that handsome actor who plays the lead role… and commence the boy-/girlfriend maneuver. 

Do that every time. Remember to choose something you’re really obsessed with, because then you can relate basically everything to it. (With my favorite TV series I can associate doctors, space, food, cats, Christmas, public transport, politics… and the list goes on and on.)

3. Your closest relatives can be your allies. For example, one of things I hate most during Christmas is wishing. Walking up to every person and wishing them merry Christmas and all that stuff. It’s a torture. Thankfully, my Mom saved me – she came up with a wonderful idea to just stand in the middle of the room and say something like ‘Guys, I love you all and you know I wish you all the best and you wish me all the best too. Thanks.’ Of course, I’m blessed with the best Mom in the universe, but I’m sure yours is pretty fine too. So if you have problems with socializing at Christmas, just tell your parents about it and they could help.

4. Alternative: your parents failed you (unfortunately, this happens to some) and your family are still monsters. You have to survive Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner. And you can do it. After a while, your relatives will stop paying attention to you anyway. Politics, food and celebrities will consume them, while you can listen to music (if you don’t know how to hide headphones under your hair or clothes… well, find out, because it’s one of the most useful skills ever), read, write or do anything you wish, actually. Curl in one end of the sofa with your phone or book. Or just sneak out of the room, get to yours (or any free room, in fact) and try to get some sleep. Probably no one will wake you up, because the parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles are almost always charmed with how cute you look while sleeping. Just try not to drool.

5. You were assigned to take care of your little siblings or cousins? Not a problem anymore. Impress them with your drawing/singing/counting skills, find them some unusual toys (little kids can play with anything – remember when that thin, long piece of wood was your sword?), choose some badass fictional character (preferably from science fiction genre)and tell them about his/her adventures or create a fanfiction. Hint: Harry Potter is, unfortunately, a no-no, as they probably know everything about him already. The Witch-king of Angmar isn’t a good idea either, unless you want to give the sprogs nightmares. Whatever your idea is, just don’t leave the kids alone – you never know what they’re up to and if something bad happens, you’ll be the one to get scolded. 

Now you can print this handbook out, hide it in your pocket, pin it to your corkboard or learn it by heart. Then you wait until Christmas and use it, and then thank me (I prefer chocolate over flowers, just so you know). Unfortunately, I have no advice on being forced to kiss your dearest auntie who smells like cheap perfume mixed with cat piss. Then, there’s only one thing you can do: as good old Doctor would say – RUN!

Good luck on Christmas!