Long~Live

I Forgot That You Existed: She has finally start experiencing moments that aren’t tainted with the past. Moments where she could forget all the hurt, sadness and betrayal that once haunted her in the middle of the night. To her this feeling of indifference felt nice, peaceful and quiet.

Cruel Summer: Flashback to the time where everything was quite literally chaos but somehow through it all she stumbled upon love. A love she was too scared to admit until she ended up screaming it at the top of her lungs in anyway. It seems like they both met their match.

Lover: Flash forward 3 years and she’s reminiscing how long she’s loved this man and how she’s planning on loving him for the rest of her life. She’s ready to give herself to him as she is. All her guitar scars led her to this moment of loving someone in abundance.

The Man: Now that she’s found someone she can commit to, she thinks about how unfairly she’s been treated by a world who doesn’t set the same standard for men as they do for women. She’s strong and she’s calling out sexism as she rightfully should.

The Archer: An old friend comes back to visit which is her insecurities. She knows she’s been hurt and there’s been times where she’s carried the bow herself. This time though, her self-awareness strikes through and she’s able to ask him to help her hold on to him. How fortunate are we all to know what his answer was.

I Think He Knows: A beautiful tie in to the above. He knows he’s got her heartbeat skipping in such a way she can’t stop feeling inspired cause of it. He knows his smallest of mannerisms and attributes attract her. He knows she loves him which is why he could easily answer the question above and why he remains confident in the two of them.

Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince: She’s unhappy with the state of her country. She thinks back to the time where it all originated from and how helpless she felt, but she remembers to show her gratitude to the person who stuck by her side through it all. She remains hopeful that this is a fight they’re gonna win.

Paper rings: If any of the last couple of songs made you doubt her love and appreciation for him, this serves as a reminder that it never faltered. Through reminiscing the beginning of how they went from friends to this and small but specially moments, she makes sure to remind you that her love for him is unconditional.

Cornelia Street: She loves him so much that it evokes her fear of abandonment. We’re taken back to the place where it all started with details being shared from that delicate time.

Death By A Thousand Cuts: Her fear of losing him continues. Even watching a film where a relationship ended where they were so emotionally and physically connected results in her fearing that this may happen to her relationship as well.

London Boy: In a different mindset she’s again able to share how she’s fallen in love with this man in the place he calls home. She revisits the memories they’ve made there together and how he’s welcomed her into his world. It is nothing but heart-warming.

Soon You’ll Get Better: While she’s been living out her love story, she’s been carrying a heavy weight on her shoulders. The person who she loves with all her heart, her best friend since the day she was born and the person who she’s able to talk to about anything isn’t well. She remains hopeful that she’ll get better cause she just has to.

False God: Sometimes life gets in the way and distance becomes a factor you have to deal with. You don’t always find the words but using physical intimacy often helps to bridge that emotional gap you were feeling.

You Need To Calm Down: Even though she’s living in her newly crafted cozy bubble, she’s still aware of the toxic culture and world filled with discrimination we live in.

Afterglow: The perfect follow up to a tumultuous time where she’s able to take a step back and realize this argument they had could’ve been avoided if she wasn’t listening to the voices in her head. It’s her apology and admitting that she was wrong which highlights her growth in dealing with these fears that once got the better of her.

ME!: A celebration of the two of them as individuals. Despite their flaws they love each other and in their relationship they are both irreplaceable.

It’s Nice To Have A friend: A relationship that plays off in her head of childhood friends becoming each other’s soul mates. She highlights here how friendship is a solid foundation for a relationship and it definitely ties in with her current relationship where they went from friends to this.

I have had help from my parents in the past to help me cover what costs I can’t handle myself. Now, though, I have spent a lot of my time from November 2018 through now in the ER, hospital, and at specialist doctors appointments for various health scares, procedures, and mental healthcare–both in partial programs and inpatient. It’s kind of a weird feeling that I can’t quite count how many times I’ve been in serious health situations for the past two years of my life…. like, I’ll just forget about one of the things I’ve gone through because at this point it’s common/routine.

Sorry I’m so long-winded, but this is who I have always been lol :) I’ve kept y’all updated on most of my medical “adventures,” but if people need details then I can talk more about it privately. And now, I’ve found myself in a place where I know what I want to do with my life: I am going to be a teacher!! And to do that, I am in the process of applying to graduate schools for a masters in early childhood education!!! I want to teach kindergarten or first grade, and I’m so incredibly excited for the opportunity to educate young kids and help them to love learning (hopefully, lol).

My parents have to take care of my brother, who is on the autism spectrum and lives in a group house for adults with special needs. It’s very expensive for him to stay there, to pay for the staff that lives with him/his housemates around the clock, and other services he needs. With the current global situation, it’s been an even bigger struggle to keep things going. In order for my brother to keep getting the care he deserves, I have been trying so so hard to become financially independent.

I’ve been out of work for 6 months now because of my mental health emergency and subsequent injuries and illnesses. I won’t be able to work the care-based jobs I would be right now (nannying, working at a daycare, etc) until at least this pandemic has ended/become controlled. At this rate, I probably won’t be able to work until I’m about to start or have started grad school.

I have undergrad student loans still outstanding, the upcoming grad school expenses, and thousands of dollars in medical bills that I need to pay (plus more that haven’t even started to require payment quite yet–I am so anxious about those ones because I know they’ll be pretty high). I do not have the money to pay for this, and I won’t be getting money to do so anytime soon. 

I want to be able to help take care of my brother. I want to be able to go to school and follow my dream of teaching. I feel really weird about asking for help on this… but I need it. In any way folks can. I’ve never done this before so I feel kinda anxious about it, but if anyone can help me *at all* it would be so so SOOO appreciated. Sorry for this novel of a post, but I wanted to put out as much detail as I could because I don’t want people to think I’m just asking for money?? I need help and honestly even words of encouragement are appreciated. I know lots of us are in a tough situation and I don’t want to ask for too much from anyone. 

Thanks for reading. Love you all. (I’m a PayPal novice so not totally sure how this works but I shall drop a link)

❥ 1,989 days of 1989