Everything’s got a moral, if only you can find it

alice had hardly slept once again. except this time it was worse. frank was back and yet at the same time he wasn’t. everything had all happened so fast, she had rushed out to hug him, only for him to step back. his memories of her gone. if that hadn’t been terrifying enough, as she got him back to the house he had collapsed on her. her auror training told her he had likely had a head injury and a bad one at that. she should be happy he was home and he was okay, that was all that really mattered wasn’t it. but the idea of him never again knowing who she was, alice didn’t know if she could bare it. the healers had made no promises but they had been optimistic, still that slight uncertainty. it was a constant gnawing feeling. she just wanted her frank back. healthy, happy. at home with her, and their child. this time, the healers hadn’t even tried to move alice from frank’s beside. there were married now and well the probably knew better than to test alice when she was this on edge. she moved her chair closer to him, stroking his hair lightly. a featherlight touch, too afraid to break him. “i need you to come back to me baby, you promised remember” alice’s voice was full of tears “we need you to be okay.”

frank touched the wound on his head, wincing at the immediate pain coupled with the persistent headaches. he couldn’t remember how he’d got to this forest, but he’d been here a day or two. it was familiar, as if he’d walked through here only mere days ago. he stood in place, keeping his hand on the wound, glancing at the greenery around him. the species of plant in front of him – frank knew what it was, but why couldn’t he name it? his mind was both empty and filled with a jumble of words that he couldn’t connect. it scared him. frank hated to admit he was frightened. he heard a bird call in the distance and he looked up toward it, shading his face from the bright sun. another bird call, frank whipped his head to the left. his eye caught on to something gleaming. he walked over to it, moving plant leaves out of the way to get a better look. a sign – arrow pointing west. it seemed familiar to him and he didn’t know why. it was the only clue he had as to somehow finding a way out of the depth of the forest. 

a few hours later and the path he was taking kept getting familiar, the urge to follow it becoming stronger. how he knew it was the right way, frank couldn’t hazard a guess but he trusted that some part of him was taking him in the right direction. it was nighttime now, but he didn’t think it was too late – the sun had only just set a bit ago. frank stopped to catch his breath, sitting on large rock to take a moment. he’d been walking for hours, but he felt close to where he was supposed to be. wiping the sweat from his brow, frank stood up and continued. he felt a magnetic pull taking him north now. it wasn’t long before he came across a house – strange to have a house in the middle of a random forest, he thought, but he knew this place. frank had been here before. he took a tentative step closer to the place of residence when a deafening alarm sounded, wanting to back away but he couldn’t. something was keeping him from doing so, his body marching forward of its own accord, passing by a garden. it was then that he heard his own name being called, a woman’s voice and he caught sight of her. his first thought was that she was rather beautiful but frank didn’t know her. how did she know him? he stumbled backwards slightly as she made contact and he looked down at her, her voice seemingly filled with emotion. his brows furrowed, confusion spreading through him. “you may have me mixed up with someone else?” that was all he could say. yes, the name she yelled had been his but she had to be thinking of someone else with the same name. “i don’t think we’ve met – but i know this place. i believe i’ve been here before? do you live here?” 

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the last few months for alice had been torturous. the constant, never ending concern about frank. the fact that she couldn’t wallow in it all like she wanted to, she had to be up, making sure she took care of herself for the baby. a baby that hardly anyone still knew anything about. in order to protect them all, alice had basically become a recluse- barely any visitors. she couldn’t bare to lie to her friends, so it had mainly been her and augusta the whole time. alice had found a solace in augusta that she did not expect. listening to her tell stories of trank in his childhood, it had helped alice more than she’d expected. still, there had been no real joy for alice for a while now. it was too hard, and on those rare days where she did manage to find real happiness she couldn’t help but feel guilty about it. knowing that frank was out there fighting for his life everyday, it didn’t seem fair to alice. the longer he’d been away the more concerned she began to get, the nights where he checked in with alastor were the only times she got any real sleep.

none of the pain she’d experienced whilst he was away came close to the way she felt at his words. they were like a dagger straight to her heart. any relief she’d felt at seeing him again had faded away. replaced by pure panic. for a few minutes alice stood in silence, not sure what to do or to say.  the fear that she had lost him forever, in possibly a worse way that she could ever have imagined, it was overwhelming. they had been frank and alice, since the beginning, even if they weren’t together the whole time, it didn’t seem right- no it couldn’t be right. as the shook began to wear off, alice’s instincts kicked back in. she had seen the blood, she knew he’d been hurt. alice didn’t answer his questions, she couldn’t bring herself to. “i know you don’t know who I am right now- but I need to check your wounds” alice spoke softly, hoping it would calm whatever confusion he was feeling right now “is that okay?” it seemed weird to be asking his permission to touch him. especially for alice, who had spent the last year making sure she was always touching frank in some way or another. a head on his shoulder, her hand in his, a hand lightly placed on his leg, just anything to be close to him.  she couldn’t meet his gaze again yet, too scared his eyes would show something that she didn’t want to see. 

the loud noise of the warning alarm woke alice from another of her nightmares. they had been frequent since frank left. all versions of the same situation. Last night’s had been much worse than usual. she was surprised she'd managed to sleep at all. she'd been a mess from the second that alastor showed up at her door, telling her frank had missed his last few check ins. it had been difficult not to think the worst and with alastor trying to give her the good news that they'd captured on of fenrir's pack she hadn't been able to stop herself from sneaking out to try get any kind of information. it had been a desperate move. one she knew had been a stupid decision. a pointless one too, he'd all but laughed in her face whilst she tried to hold back tears. alice grabbed her wand from the bedside table and she moved carefully in to the living room. the warning sound meant one thing; an intruder. she cursed the fact that augusta would be out of the house, as she always was at this time on tuesdays. as much as she hated to admit it being pregnant made her less efficient. less dexterous. she half crawled her way to the nearest window, carefully looking out to assess the threat. she nearly choked on the intake of breath she made as she realised who it was. alice didn't waste a second running out to meet him in their garden. "frank" she called as she headed towards him, all but crashing into him. "what happened? alastor said you missed the check ins- shit you're bleeding, what happened? Are you okay?- merlin you had me worried- i thought that- and fuck- ive missed you so much- i’m so glad you’re here- i love you"  alice could stop herself from rambling, so many different emotions hitting her at once as she tried to assess his wound. the fact that he'd got himself here, meant he couldn't be that hurt, surely.

frank nodded. he did want alice with him when he told his mother, but he hated that he needed her for it. it made a part of him feel weak, as though he couldn’t do it on his own. he knew he could. he just didn’t want to. he shared everything with her and this was no exception. telling his mother would be difficult – frank wondered how she would look at him. would her dark eyes be overcast with anger for putting his life in danger, like alice was? would they be murky, mixed with worry and sadness? he honestly wasn’t sure and when it came to his mother, frank was sure about a lot of things. frank hoped that once he explained as much as he could that his mother would understand. understand that he wasn’t doing this because he wanted to or because he thought putting his own life at risk was just another fun thing to do. but because it was exactly what he needed to do if he was going to protect his family. frank was grateful that alice didn’t try to against his wish for her to remain at his mother’s while he was away – it gave him a peace of mind to know that they would be together. he softly wiped away at any more tears that arrived upon alice’s face, catching any more that fell. “any communication will have to go through moody – there will be times when i’ll check in with him and certain checkpoints once time passes. i already made him swear to me that he will apprise you of my condition since i can’t do that myself.” frank sighed. “it’s not a perfect system, but it will have to do.” being apart from alice was going to break a part of him, but knowing that she was safe and being watched over by his mother while he was gone made a small portion of his worry dissipate. 

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alice hated it. hated every goddamn thing frank was saying. the fact that she wouldn't even have direct contact with him was heartbreaking. and having to go through moody. she knew he wouldn't bend any rules for her. she'd never in her life gone more than two weeks without some form of contact with frank. even when he was still at hogwarts, they wrote often. alice didn't know how she would get through it. just that she had no option. and merlin, the pregnancy hormones would probably make it so much worse too. at least they were going to have scheduled checkpoints though. it wasn't much but at least you could rest easy knowing he was okay on a regular basis. that was more important than anything else. "i should  hope he keeps me updated" she half joked, an attempt to lighten the mood "otherwise a very angry pregnant lady would be showing up his door to make his life hell." alice didn't want to thing about the worst case scenario. it made her stomach churn just at the very notion. "We need to tell my parents about the baby too" whilst augusta knew, alice hadn't wanted to tell her parents yet, partly because she wanted to make sure everything was okay, and partly because she knew the talk where she'd have to tell them but swear them to secrecy straight after was not going to be fun. alice met frank's gaze "i promise you that whilst you're away i'll do everything i can to keep our baby safe- that-." she had to pause, tears falling more again at just the thought if what she wanted to say. "i promise that no matter happens with you and fenrir- that i'll fight to keep our baby healthy- that i won't give in no matter how much i might want to." alice knew the last promise would be a struggle. living life without frank would be like the world losing all its colour, but she knew he'd want her to carry on.

frank wanted to promise her everything – he yearned to promise that he would come home, that their child wouldn’t have to be without a father like he was from the age of 6. this was his choice – but frank didn’t know if he could keep going on like this. the situation wasn’t a simple one. how could he live with himself as a person if he just continued to allow fenrir and his pack to murder innocents who ended up being case files on his desk, the crime scenes forever seared into his mind. dealing with the families of the deceased took much more out of him than it used to. frank could barely look at himself – he was worn down. he was lucky enough that he was with alice, someone who understood, to a degree, what he was going through. he could already see that him leaving was causing her a heartache that he wasn’t sure would ever be repaired if he didn’t come home. if his absence did this to her, what would his death do? frank needed to make sure she would be okay while he was gone – hence why he had already thought of a plan and he knew his mother wouldn’t say no to it once she also received the news. as she held onto his shirt, frank’s hands found their way into her hair and he held her tightly against him. frank kissed the top of her head, breathing in her scent. it wasn’t one he could forget, but after two days, it would be awhile before he could. “i’m going to try my best,” he whispered. frank closed his eyes, heart beating fast. frank had never known life could feel this good until he and alice were together – it wasn’t a life he wanted to leave behind. “no, love, there isn’t for now. i have to pack a few things and go over some points with alastor – but before i leave, i’m taking you to my mum’s. she doesn’t know yet what’s happening, but i’m telling her tomorrow. you’re going to stay with her while i’m gone. i’m not going to allow you to be alone here. it’s what’s safest. we’re going to put up protective charms and spells there – and alastor will come there every so often to make sure everything is still secure.” 

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alice didn’t want frank to worry about something like packing. she could do that for him. he just needed to focus on himself and his plan. merlin, he needed to focus on how he was going to stay safe.  “do you want me to come with you when you tell her” alice asked softly. she had a feeling augusta wouldn’t take this as calmly as she was managing to “or is that something you need to do alone?” for obvious reasons alice didn’t love the idea of spending god knows how long alone with augusta. alice’s relationship with her was still complicated, alice hoped that augusta trusted her and her love for frank more than she used to but they certainly weren’t close yet. on the other hand she would be glad not to be alone in this house. she wasn’t sure she could bear being here everyday without his presence. his absence would be overwhelming here. alice truly loved that frank thought of her safety always, it was nice to have someone care so much about her, but she desperately wanted him to focus on the danger he was about to get himself in to. “if staying with your mother makes you worry less about me then i’ll do it” her fingers rubbed soft circles over his hand “leave me to worry about the protection charms, you know i’m more than capable, it’s not something you need to be adding to your plate, i can do all that.” she knew he would be stressed the entire time before leaving no matter what she did to help, but she still wanted to try lighten his load. alice swallowed before asking her next question, tears starting to prick at her again “frank- we will be able to keep in contact at all or?” she didn’t want to finish the sentence. writing to him would be risk that was for a certain, but maybe they could find a way to do it safely. “wait” alice’s brain had finally processed the idea of frank being gone and now her auror senses were kicking back in “how will we know if you’re safe at all, is there a plan, please don’t tell me i have to go the entire time not knowing you’re okay- i - i won’t be able to do that frank.” there was no way alice could go months not knowing he was alive, the worry alone would drive her insane. she could deal with them being apart as long as she knew he was alright. 

frank wanted the floor to open and swallow him whole. he knew there was nothing he could say to console alice about the situation. his first and only response was to take her in his arms when frank saw the tears begin to flow, but he stayed still, giving her a chance to realize what exactly was happening.  this was a choice he was making, frank couldn’t deny it. he wasn’t being asked to do this or forced. however, how could he go on living a life where it seemed like he was chasing a ghost each day? each day, fenrir greyback slipped through his fingers and frank felt a little less like anything he did to help make the world a better place mattered. he felt as though he were a failure, as if he were weak. the fact that he was leaving alice here alone brought him nothing but pain. he was about to answer her question of when he would be heading out when she started talking and he didn’t interrupt her, allowing her to continue. like she stated, he wasn’t surprised with alice’s response – if this was somehow the other way around, frank would be considerably less than pleased. frank found comfort in the touch of her hand against his face and he breathed in deeply, exhaling slowly. “it would never be my first choice to cause you pain. i have let it get to the point where he’s taunting me directly and i couldn’t stand it if you were a threat that he decided to use against me. this has to end before he targets you or even my mother to get a point across.” frank took her face in his hand, brushing away any tears with the pad of his thumb. “i need to leave the day after tomorrow so we do have some time to get things squared away. i know that i can’t promise without a doubt that’ll come back to you, but i am going to do the best i can to make sure i’m home so we can raise our baby together and have the life we deserve. you understand me?” frank’s voice was stern, but had a tenderness laced within his  tone. frank was confident he could bring fenrir back into the ministry with a future of azkaban laid out in front of him, but he knew that even though he was confident, it didn’t mean that the tables couldn’t turn on him. frank knew there was a chance, even if it was slim, that he wouldn’t return home alive. that scared him, but he hid that feeling deep inside. frank didn’t want her to know that he was terrified of that possibility. 

. 

two days. it was more than she’d been expecting but wasn’t nearly enough time. the prospect of the worst happening and this been the only time they would ever get together. even just the thought of it was destroying her. alice didn’t know what the best plan of action was, did she use the time to say everything she wanted to say to him, just in case or was that tempting fate. alice knew that frank was aware just how much she loved him and she knew he would fight with everything he had to come back to her. maybe she could find a way to help him from here, work with alastor- create distractions. anything that could give frank a better chance. not that alice didn’t think he was capable of capturing fenrir- it was just that fenrir didn’t have a line, he would do anything to survive. he would give frank a challenge, there was no doubt about it.  alice didn’t want to answer frank, not in the way that he wanted at least.  “you don’t get to not come back to me” alice hadn’t stopped crying yet, and though it had slowed somewhat she wasn’t sure when she would actually stop “i won’t allow it- not after everything it took for us to get here.” alice took his hand in hers, squeezing hard. “i know you want to be the hero here, but you don’t get to sacrifice yourself for that - you need to come back and be our baby’s hero, like you are for me every day ” alice was perfectly capable of looking after herself but that wasn’t how she meant it- frank was the bright light on dark days. sometimes he was the only reason she managed to convince herself to get out of bed in the morning- with the world the way it was, it could be difficult sometimes to get up and fight everyday. he was and really he always had been her biggest cheerleader, the one who always reminded her of what she was capable of. no, he didn’t get to leave her. the world didn’t get to take this from her “you're going to find him, and you’re going to bring him back and then you’re coming straight back to me- I won’t accept anything else- do you understand me?” alice shifted, wanting to be closer to him, her head buried against his chest, hand tightly gripping his shirt. “you’re a pain in my arse frank longbottom but merlin i love you and i don’t want to do the rest of this life without you.” alice was quiet for a few moments just letting herself feel the rise and fall of his chest. she looked up at him “is there anything else i need to know- anything that i can be helping with?” if either frank or alastor thought she was leaving his side for the next 48 hours they would be sorely mistaken, she was going to take every single second she could get. she knew frank wouldn’t be able to answer how long it would take and she didn’t know how long she would have be without him. alice didn’t want to go a single day without him but she had to let him do this. 

frank had found out weeks ago what happened. the most recent event they attended at the ministry – fenrir greyback arrived undercover. polyjuice potion, they assumed. he’d come in the form of a ministry employee who had gone missing the week prior. the department had found his body in piece, barely recognizable, torn to shreds. frank could honeslty say that it had been one of the more gruesome murder scene he’d come across during his career. moody sat him down, ordering him not to mention a word to alice nor anyone else that it was connected to fenrir. he’d wanted to fight back against it, truly he had – but there wasn’t any way for him to do so. he was stuck. and while he told alice the truth that he was continuing to focus on fenrir, frank omitted what moody had told him to leave out. it ate at frank’s core. he hated not being able to give her the entire story. 

it had taken weeks to get here but today – they’d located fenrir’s pack in laos and frank realized that’s why he’d been unable to even sniff out where even one of them was. they were in a completely different part of the world and it was going to be his job to find him. moody wanted to send someone else with him, but frank was only after the one man. there were other areas that needed to continue to be handled throughout his absence. they would be able to capture the remainder of the pack after they got their hands on its leader. moody agreed, although reluctantly and everything was set up quickly. the only thing he had left to do was to tell alice that he was leaving tomorrow. frank’s voice was grim when he spoke her name. “alice – i need you to stop what you’re doing for a moment.” frank walked over to the couch, taking his place next to her and removed her work from in front of her to the coffee table. frank could see the concern written upon her face already. his own features were solemn as he went on to explain the details of fenrir’s charade at the event and the employee’s remains. “i couldn’t tell you – moody ordered me not to relay a word to anyone and i know you’re not just anyone, but i… it’s my responsibility to bring him in and it’s what i had to do in order to protect you.” frank paused, giving her a few moments to process all of the information he’d laid out. @longbottom-alice​

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frank’s words immediately put alice on edge. he wasn’t one for unnecessary dramatics so if his tone said there was something wrong. then she wasn’t about to like whatever he wanted to talk to her about. a million scenarios ran through alice’s mind as he settled down next to her, none of them reassuring in the slightest. her hand immediately rested on his arm, hoping it would offer him some sort of comfort whilst she listened. her brows furrowed as frank explained how fenrir how snuck in to the event disguised. once again feeling like an idiot for missing something like this.  she wanted to help too, but she knew she couldn’t. she wouldn’t be able to help frank with this and she hated it. hated that he would have to deal with this alone, especially when she knew his history with fenrir. she should be able to be there with him, by his side, helping to bring fenrir to justice. but now she was of no use.  what could she even do to help,  just sat here going through mounds of paperwork. 

alice wasn’t mad at frank for not telling her. not in the slightest. she understood and this was a totally different scenario to the time with rookwood. he was telling her before it was beginning to fully affect him and that’s all she’d ever wanted from him. still, she didn’t quite understood fully what had frank so sullen. yes, it was devastating that fenrir had managed to kill someone under their noses, but it was hardly something that they’d never dealt with before. was it dangerous to have frank as the lead for the case, sure but he’d already been working against fenrir as the lead auror for a while now anyway. there had to be something more, something he hadn’t told her yet. in a moment of panic, she quickly scanned him over, checking that he wasn’t hurt and she hadn’t noticed somehow, but he seemed fine. she tried to study his features but they didn’t give anything away. her heart was racing now. “frank... what are you trying to say?” an awful feeling stirred in her stomach as she waited for his answer.

Where: Their House

alice was sat on the sofa, trying to make sense of the paperwork in front of her. Frank was later than usual, probably caught up at work. She knew he was deep in the fenrir case. She’d seen how it had consumed him over the last few weeks. It had been difficult to watch, but she knew she just had to let him do what he needed to do and support him where she could.  she sighed as she gave up on the case file. it had only been six weeks until alice had been moved to desk duty and it was already driving her crazy. she was itching to get back out on the field and she didn’t like that she was no longer mentoring dorcas. it was worth it though, her hands moved down to the small baby bump that was now forming. it still didn’t feel real.  alice had already started to prolong the time she spent in front of the mirror in the mornings, looking for any kind of changes. it was early and her bump was only small- still easy to hide but she just couldn’t help herself.  she heard the door unlock “hey baby- you’re back late- how was work?” alice didn’t look up as he walked in, still distracted.

frank felt immediate relief, glad that alice agreed they could tell alastor and dumbledore as soon as possible. in his mind, it would be irresponsible for them to waste time delaying the inevitable. when it came to the safety of his wife, and now his child, frank didn’t take any chances. this would be his priority for the remainder of their lives and he considered it a gift. alice’s next sentences didn’t fall on deaf ears – frank understood. it wasn’t that he wanted to continue to put his own life at risk. frank felt as though he had to. it was a responsibility that he was tasked with as they continued their fight for good. frank wasn’t vain, but he knew that he possessed a talent that many did not. he had some raw talent but frank worked hard to get to where he was. it wasn’t luck nor favoritism, when it came to the positions he held in the auror department and the order of the phoenix. “i hear what you’re saying,” frank said. “I do. I know you understand more than anyone – it’s to make a better life for everyone, of course, but I’m always thinking about you and me, what our future holds. And now,“ Frank placed one of his hands over her stomach, "I’ll always be thinking about him or her, and how I can make the world a safer place for them. With it all growing worse, I might be needed to step up in certain situations but I will never do anything without mentioning it to you beforehand.” He paused. Growing up without a father had affected him deeply, but his mother made up for his father not being there to help raise him. There were still days when he found himself wishing he could send a simple owl to his father, ask for advice. The pain never went anyways. Even when he couldn’t particularly feel it, it was always there, a hum in the background of his daily life. Frank never really talked about it to anyone. “I will do what I can to keep myself safe and come home to you. I will always come home to you, I promise.”

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alice knew that it was a long shot asking frank to take a step back. she understand and she didn’t blame him. she wasn’t sure if it was something she’d be able to promise either if their roles were reversed. it was like asking him to rip out a vital part of who he was as a person. she knew that. alice just wanted him to be safe. the world was so much brighter for having him in it. not just for her, but for all the other lives frank touched. something he wouldn’t even probably consider, far too humble for him own good. alice’s heart flipped as frank placed a hand on her stomach. just a small action- but another thing that made everything more real. alice immediately placed her hand over his, giving it a small squeeze. alice appreciated his sentence about coming to her first before putting himself in danger- at least that was something. it was difficult. alice wished that frank could promise her he would stay away from all danger- but it was impossible. she knew she would struggle herself, not being able to help out when things got bigger- but she had the living reminder in her body everyday as to why she had to pull back to desk work. “i’m going to hold you to that promise frank longbottom” she teased softly “i refuse to lose you- you have my entire heart and i’m not sure it would even beat the same without you.” alice had never felt anything as intense as the love that she had for frank. though it had slowly built over the years, once she realised it was there it had been all consuming and hadn’t died down even an inch. “i love you so much and you are going to be such a fantastic father” there was nobody else she would want to do this with “this baby is going to be so lucky to have you as one of their role models - i know that the timing is scary but i’m excited to go on this journey with you- we are both so lucky to have you”

it was very strange to frank that this was his life – a year ago, who could have predicted that any of this would be happening? as much of a hopeless romantic he was, it hadn’t bothered him that he might end up alone. it was a possibility that he’d come to terms with as he aged and his life had ended up doing a 180. now here he was – expecting a child with the love of his life, his wife, his best friend. it felt surreal to him. frank placed his hand atop hers as she rested it on his leg, slowly tracing shapes with his thumb as she spoke. he believed her words – they could do it. he just couldn’t shake the other train of thought on if they should. if needed to, frank would pick up any of the slack that came from alice needing to remove herself from missions and assignments. honestly, he didn’t want her in the field at all in the future, including order meetings. there was always the possibility that someone let a piece of information slip, the death eaters getting ahold of it and there was a potential for disaster. and of course, frank would worry. he would worry every second of every day and he could only imagine it would get worse as the months went on. and of course, they had to keep it quiet which in different circumstances, frank would be shouting the news from the rooftops. he nodded along, not interrupting any of what she said to him, allowing alice to reveal her thoughts to him. it was a fight between frank’s logic and his emotions – his concern for what the future held mixed with the slowly oncoming joy of the fact they were going to be parents. the smile on alice’s face paired with the words she said, frank knew just how much this meant to her and there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for alice, and now, their child. he took her face in his hands, palms softly against her cheeks as he placed a kiss upon his forehead and moving to where their foreheads were against one another. “we’re going to be parents,” he confirmed, saying the words aloud cementing the reality. “i hope he or she has your bravery and your passion – passion being something a lot more meaningful than i realized in recent years because of you. and i want you to know that no matter what, i’m going to be worried every moment that i don’t have eyes upon you. it’s inevitable. but you are right – we need to tell moody and dumbledore as soon as possible, which i think should be tomorrow. i would prefer not to risk anything.”

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once again frank’s words made alice melt. the way he spoke about her- alice wasn’t sure she’d ever get used it. she wasn’t sure she ever wanted to get used to it. alice would never, not even for a single second want to take frank and the kind of person he was for granted. she liked living each day knowing how truly lucky she was to be with him. merlin, she couldn’t think of anyone better to raise a child with, even with all these complications. he deserved the chance to be a father and she was glad she had given him that- even if it was not how they’d both imagined becoming parents. alice had always been proud of how passionate she was, it was something that had guided most of her life. she didn’t like the words that followed though, she knew there was nothing she could do about it- he’d just said as much, but she wished she wasn’t putting this extra worry on to his shoulders. frank deserved happiness and peace and she didn’t want to be in the way of that. alice knew it wasn’t really her fault, but it was her body carrying their child. she was the one who had to be extra careful now. though if frank thought he was still going to be as reckless as he had been in the past, he had another thing coming. alice wanted their baby to have a father- she didn’t want to raise them alone. she knew alatar’s absence affected frank and she didn’t want the same future for their child. he would have to be more careful now too- she wouldn’t stop him from going on missions, she just needed him to think before acting, before putting his life on the line. she wasn’t asking just for her anymore. whilst alice definitely wanted to tell moody and dumbledore soon, the idea of telling anyone tomorrow felt a little overwhelming. she understood that frank needed her to do this though and she would do anything for him. especially something that would make him worry at least a little less. “okay” she nodded “i’ll write to dumbledore, ask him to meet and we can go over to Alastor’s in the morning” she figured frank would want to go as soon as possible. “i need you to do something for me frank” alice wanted him to know she was serious about this, that it was important to her “i need you to be careful now too okay- no more incidents like before- it would’ve been bad enough losing you before- but now.” she paused for a second, trying to choke back some tears “i can’t do this without you- i don’t want to. i need you here with me, safe and in one piece- i want our child to grow up with their father, so i need you to promise me that you’ll take it easy. i know the kind of person you are- and i’m not asking you to totally step aside, i just need you not to volunteer to put your life at risk- is that something you can promise me?” if he couldn’t then she’d rather he didn’t lie to her.

the truth they were now facing didn’t feel real. did frank want it to be real? his heart beat faster, breath quickening. it wasn’t in their plan – at least not now. frank’s hands were on his thighs, squeezing slightly, the stress of the truth already overwhelming him. the order of the phoenix. the positions they held, tasks and duties they carried out? it all came with a price, taking a bold stand against the death eaters. they were watching their backs daily, using their now overly developed sixth sense. alice was more than capable of protecting herself but of course, it didn’t stop him from worrying. however, he did worry less with the knowledge. adding in the fact that she was now carrying their child – it scared him to death. his palms were beginning to sweat. he thought of his mother. what would augusta say? that this was irresponsible of them to let this happen, especially now. that he should know better. and frank knew that what they should do, logically. he felt guilty for letting the thought pass through his mind, for even thinking it. alice squeezing his hand brought him back from the deep train of thought, and he looked over at her as she spoke. her admission of keeping the baby didn’t surprise him in the slightest. frank knew she would be a wonderful mother, would go to the ends of the earth to maintain their child’s safety. there was so much uncertainty and that troubled him. “having a child, starting a family with you – there’s nothing i could want more,” frank began. “more than anything, i want you and i to have it all. a normal, peaceful life where we go to our jobs and raise our children with the values we hold closest to our hearts. and yet, we are so far from that. everyday, we wonder how many more bodies are going to be investigated as an attack from the death eaters and if you or i will be sent out on a mission to bring us closer to that peace with the high possibility of not coming home to the other.” frank sighed, returning her hand squeeze lightly. “and yet, despite a large part of me being absolutely scared shitless at the thought of it, i think i want this baby, too.” the admission went against all common sense – but as he said the words, frank could feel tiny sparks of joy begin to form within his heart at the reality of becoming a father.

.

the feeling of relief that ran through alice as frank admitted he also wanted to keep their child was utterly overwhelming. the idea that they were going to be parents, that they were going to bring a baby in to the world. yes, the world was a mess and the timing was terrible, but it was a reminder that in the midst of darkness there would always be good. maybe this was meant to happen, with her strong protection potion the chances of this happening were so slim, that maybe they were meant to have this challenge. thinking like that made alice feel better, even if there was no factual basis to it. alice shifted to face frank on the bed, legs crossed in front of her- a hand resting on his leg. “we can do this- it will be difficult, I can’t say it won’t- but this is me and you- if anyone can do this, it’s us.” alice wanted to at least try and attempt to help frank feel a little calmer about it all. “we can train more too- put up more protections- anything we can find to keep this baby safe.” alice took a breath, eyes still focused on frank and his reactions to her words. “i can take a step back too- both in the order and at work” alice didn’t overly like the idea of not being on the front line, but now she wasn’t just putting her own life on the line. she had a whole other person to think about now, and that was so much more important that her own ego “I’ll just try take missions that are less high risk- I don’t want you worrying about me any more than necessary.” it was something she could easily change, something she could actually do to make frank feel more at peace with it all. alice could see it all; it was so easy to see frank as a father. imagining him feeding their child, making it all a game. and she knew beyond a doubt he would be there to help her at every stage. “we should probably keep it secret” alice would love to tell her friends, but the more people that knew, the higher the risk “our parents obviously- and moody and dumbledore because i’ll need their help- but i think it’s the best way to keep this from getting to the other side.” alice didn’t even want to think about this information falling into voldemort’s hands and what that might lead to. she was quiet for a moment, looking down and her own lap- a smile beginning to form on her face. “frank- we’re gonna have a baby” she couldn’t hide the joy she felt in saying it, tears filling up the corner of her eyes.

the wait was agonizing. red or green. red or green. the prospect of them having a child at this point in time frightened frank. it did. the mere thought of anything happening to alice, he couldn’t stomach it. bringing a child into a world where danger was lurking in nearly every corner – to frank, it seemed irresponsible. would he be able to keep the both of them safe from the dark forces that threatened, threatened every bit of good they were trying to achieve? frank shook his head at alice’s words. he wanted to reassure her that there was no blame in her direction. “i know, love, i… i wasn’t putting any blame on you. just the possibility is a lot for me to digest and… i’m sorry if i made you think that.” frank now took a seat beside alice, grasping her hand in his, rubbing his thumb against the back of hers. he didn’t say anything else. frank wasn’t normally one who couldn’t find the words to say but until they knew what the result was, he wanted to wait. frank knew deep down that if the potion turned green, they would be able to handle it. they would. he didn’t doubt that. he did wonder – would it just be thoughtless and unwise to do so? being a father, it was a future he always very clearly pictured for himself. however, he’d told alice months ago that if it didn’t happen, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. if it was just going to be the two of them, they would make it an adventure. that’s what he said and he’d meant it. but in the back of his mind, he thought – what if that wasn’t enough for alice? what if he wasn’t enough? he knew how much she wanted a family and he would do anything to give it to her. right now, he was still hoping it would be at a later time. frank’s eyes found the vial once again, at the exact moment the color slowly changed to green. @longbottom-alice​

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alice felt guilty that frank was apologising. she knew he hadn't done anything wrong. that it was herself and her own desires that she was mad at. alice saw the expression change on frank's face, her eyes flicking back to the vial which was now green. though a strong part of her had wished for this outcome, now it was real alice felt an onset of panic. she wasn't fully ready to be a mother yet, frank and her hadn't even been together for that long yet, hadn't had enough time of being just them together. and how could they safely raise a child in this environment. it was dangerous enough now and alice was already a target and she knew it was just going to get worse. alice was terrified of ever being put in the position of having to choose between frank and their child. alice plainly didn't know what she would do in that situation. she loved frank so damn much she couldn't imagine continuing life without him. it would be an impossible choice. alice finally spoke after a few minutes of silence between them "frank". she squeezed his hand softly, taking a deep breath for herself. "i know that it will be difficult and that it makes everything we're doing with the order more dangerous but i would like to keep this baby." alice was nervous, as much as this was what she wanted, she also needed it to be a joint decision between the two of them. "i understand if you don't though- i know that this wasn't planned, not for the near future anyway- i just- i just want to be honest with you about how i'm feeling." alice didn't know the logics of how they would cope with it, where she would find the space and energy to protect another person with her life. "i don't have the answers to anything but-" she trailed off unsure of how to finish the sentence "no matter what, i love you, okay?" the word love didn’t seem enough but what else was she supposed to use. whatever they chose to do, her future was with frank and that would never change, child or no child. 

sleeping in wasn’t something frank was familiar with. when he was younger and sleeping soundly, his mother would march into his room almost at the crack of dawn and force him to start his day. the curtains were drawn open, his covers thrown back, a cranky child and eventually, cranky teenager, left in her wake. it came to the point where it didn’t bother him and he was getting up near sunrise on his own, much to his mother’s content. frank had noticed alice’s energy dwindling, which was unlike her. more naps here and there. his idea of a big breakfast surfaced when he walked into the kitchen this morning for coffee, realizing he hadn’t been able to cook a full meal this week since he was busy with high priority cases. a sudden rash of attacks they attributed to greyback were taking all of his attention but without further evidence, there wasn’t much he or the department could do to move forward. attempting to move that to the back of his mind for the time being, frank wanted to focus on alice this morning and hopefully see some more of her usual vivacity come back to her. the potatoes in the pan sizzled, frank adding garlic before preparing to add the eggs – the bacon cooking in another skillet. after a quick good morning, his attention went back to the food, moving quicker now that alice was actually awake. frank cracked eggs into the skillet with the potatoes, turning to face her partly as he added some garlic. her beauty, even after just waking up, was unrivaled. “i threw together some of the food we had since we’re running low,” frank replied. “so hopefully it doesn’t turn out too terrible.” frank turned back to the skillets, starting conversation about an article he’d seen in the prophet this morning. once he was finished cooking, frank placed a plate of food in front of her – a mixture of bacon, cheesy potatoes and over easy eggs, his own serving of the meal in front of him as he stood across the island from her. “now take a bite and tell me how it is.”

"you know you say that every time" alice joked "and every time it's delicious- i doubt this will be any different." one day frank would learn not to underestimate himself. his idea of 'throwing something together' was alice's idea of a lovely meal. besides he was going out of his way to cook her breakfast right now, she was hardly going to complain. alice listened a nodded along to frank's commented, still too tired to give the conversation her full attention but not wanting to seem rude. as frank focused on serving the food, alice let her mind wander. she knew frank would be stressed more than usual at the moment, will all the greyback whispers at the ministry this week. she hoped he wouldn't do something stupid trying to catch him but she didn't want to discourage him either. she just wanted him to take his own safety in to consideration. catching greyback was important, but it wasn't worth frank's life. alice had grown up fiercly dependant, and had never relied on anyone, but the idea of carrying on life without frank, it was unthinkable. she was lucky, she knew that. frank was beyond a dream, in every sense. it terrified her sometimes because there was so much to lose. however, alice also thought that it was all worth every single second of worry. more than worth it. to have someone who knows how to support her, and sense when she needs cheering. but also excites her every day. it was worth everything. she smiled softly at him as he placed the plate in front of her. "i love you so much baby" alice knew it wasn't really a reply to his request but she didn't care. alice took a large forkful of the food, looking forward to it and the energy it would put back in to her body. as soon as she went back for a second forkful she felt a wave of nausea building. dropping the fork on the counter with a clatter, she rushed to the bathroom. almost immediately throwing up in to the toilet.

Where: their kitchen

alice was exhausted- it had been a long week, both with work and just things in general and she just couldn’t seem to get her energy levels back. frank had been up and awake for about an hour already but alice still hadn’t made it out of bed. the covers were far too comfy and she’d been dozing on and off since frank went to shower. still she felt like she could easily sleep for a few more hours yet- frank was generally the earlier riser of the two of them but she wasn’t usually this far behind him. alice decided to force herself out of bed- as tempting as it was she couldn’t stay in bed all day, and besides it wasn’t the same without frank here beside her. she missed his warmth. she got dressed- picking out one of frank’s tshirts to wear- and headed to where frank was in the kitchen, sitting herself down on the one of the bar stools at the kitchen island. frank seemed to already be two steps ahead of her, turning around to saying morning to her teasingly before focusing back on the breakfast he was cooking. alice loved watching frank cook- she rested her chin on her hand just enjoying the view. married life still seemed new to alice- but these moments were her favourites, the small simplistic things. things that would never be the same again without frank’s company. she knew they were probably still in what people called ‘the honeymoon phase’ but alice couldn’t imagine it ever not being this fulfilling. frank was more than she could ever ask for in a partner- he knew her inside and out and it was a wonderful feeling to have someone who could know what you wanted without even having to ask. “what are you cooking?” she inquired between a yawn, unable to tell completely from the smell and odd glimpses she managed to get when he moved to one side.