A Star In The Sky, Lighting Up The Very Night

Thought of friends and late nights

Maybe streets, neighbors flying kites

Surrounded by those loved, and love

Up above, i hear a dove.

There are those surrounded,

Then there are those guarded.

Hearts protected by a wall,

Thick as nails and all.

Brick by brick it was laid

Nobody stands to pay.

Once bodies and voices are now ghosts of the past

I cant see them looking over the horizon on the mast.

Maybe, just maybe there will be an island full of souls

The flame has died down to coals

Sometimes, there what seems to be a spark to ignight the fire

You may as well call me a liar

That spark was, is meant for another flame

In the sand lies no blame

Ill sit on this beach, and light my own way

To myself, there is much to say

These souls may hear, but I don't believe they listen

Everything is temporary, my dear you glisten

Put out the fire, look at the stars above

There you will find love

You told me you wanted to see every little part

But when they came to the surface,

Is this really what you wanted?

I screamed and yelled today,

Letting out the pain,

And what did you do?

You want to leave,

Scared of the future,

Scared of me.

What you dont understand,

Is that I'm full of scars and pain

I work and heal them every day,

But when I've had enough,

Of being strong and faking a smile,

I burst.

You told me you'd marry me

By a lake with a meadow in late june

So I bought a wedding dress just for you.

Is it just me, or maybe I'm blind to see,

Do you really love me?

Or is what you're doing how it's supposed to be?

Is that what love is?

In my own mind I can't seem to figure it out.

I believe it to be compassion and understanding,

To love someone completely even with their demons,

Maybe my demons are too strong for you,

Can you imagine what it's like in my own head?

I'm drowinging,

And you aren't here....

Some days you fade away

Other days you have so much to say

Avoiding eye contact and real conversation

Where did this begin?

Is it because of the lack of sex?

Or did somebody place a hex?

You're sensitive just like me,

But the difference is, I can see.

I dont get offended easily like you do,

I know how to handle my own blue.

Sometimes I ask if I am worthy of love

I'm not sure if this is my own Insecurities or the way you passively shove.

Am I over thinking?

Are my empathic gifts working?

What am j truly feeling?

I'm tired of chasing....

Love me fully, or dont love me at all

I'm tired and dont want to fall

Because of someone else's mistake

Do you ever hate being the strong one?

To be the one always singing a song?

Saving others from themselves

While you are left with the burden to drown

Raising their heads from the floor

Helping them to be more

While you're draining yourself, staying high

When you secretly want to die.

I'd do anything to save you, even if I drown

When I do, don't take away my crown.

Let my pride go down with me

Maybe then I'll see

What kind of empress I really was

If I was ever enough.

Where are you?

Can't you see I'm on fire too?

Watching my loved one fade into darkness

I can't help the process.

Oh God, save his human heart and galaxy soul

Help him to find himself

Allow protection to always be with him

Keep him away from sin

Grant him happiness and peace

There he will be set free

From the madness and darkness

Take away his sadness

Allow his mind to become calm

Afterwards send him the Angel's song

Harps, trumpets, and pianos

I'll be there soprano

Restore faith to his mind

Help him to be kind

Demand the demons to leave

Gods word is key

Protect him on mighty lord

Help him to use your sword

To call out your name

Become vulnerable without shame

Give God your hand

And he will bring you above

The human condition

It started with love

You were an angel from above

Bringing me not only gifts, but flowers,

Later on i began feeling like a coward.

Taking my life and soul by surprise,

Only late did i realize my demise.

Not only taking my life, but my soul

You are as black as coal.

Drowning my everybso slowly in your narcissism,

Covering up in sarcasm

I never would have seen it coming

Until i was the one falling.

A victim on blame

Full of shame

Never perfect or right

Turning everything into a fight

I did everything wrong

Then you could be free to sing a song

Locked in a cage down in the basement

While you made sake with rice ferment

You were a devil; wearing an angels mask

With only one task

Destroy their lives - blame it on them

I am perfect compared to them.

Actions justified

Leaving me petrified.

Alone and nowhere to go

He puts on quite a good show

Once i leave, you will see

How good of a man he can be

Then later on, the devil comes

The waiting

The wishing

To go somewhere far

Music, friends, and a car

Where the loneliness fades

Where friendships are made

Invited all around

Smiles to be found

A place where laughter lives

A place where happiness survives

Company

Somebody

Grant me my freedom

Take away all my burden

Allow my heart and soul to take flight

On this journey i walk upon tonight

Across the stones of present past and future

Let this be my reminder

Spirits of ancestors

Lead the actors

Who fake a smile

Negative thoughts seem to pile

Doubts and disaster

A visit of a pastor

Free this bloody demon from my mind

He never was once kind

Worthlessness, unknowingly

Allow my light to shine free

Eyes that change color from green, to blue, to grey

I will pray

Peace, love, and grace

Walking through life at my own pace

Step by step i will walk

Marking important memories with chalk

To remember the pain and the happiness

All will be sealed with a true loves kiss

One who will not save, for the princess is a queen

There are no such things as magic beans

This man is a sword, to fight by your side

How long i have had a bide

Wings will take flight

When the early morning takes light

Rays of sunshine glow over the valley

Begin to keep tally

All the souls and lives saved

On this solid road you have paved

Lead them to their destiny

This i shall do potentially

Spirts of the past, hold my hand

My wounds are in need of a band

Angels lift me from my shadow

Visit me while i rest on a pillow

Fill my dreams with visions of the future

Magic to conjure

A long time ago we split

I can’t seem to find the sewing kit

When i look for you all i see is grey

Ashes and decay

You’re there, i can feel you inside

No longer to bide

Needles and thread

This i dread

Losing control

Learning how to let go

Stitch up broken pieces

Love and kisses

You are my best friend

One day i hope we mend

How do i find you, soul of the past

Nothing but shattered glass

Not one, but three scattered amongst the plains

Crippled; stubleming with a cane

Heavy boulders and worn out shoes

I feel tired

Lost with the longing

And belonging

Anxiety and worthlessness

Tired and hopelessness

Looking down upon others

My mind to ponder of wonders

Is this true?

Why am i so blue?

A soul confused in a wasteland

Locked and canned

Wishing to be free

Sitting on a porch in the early morning with tea

Instead i feel locked away

A bird left on the ground to decay

Color and rainbows slowly turning tin

Creativeness and motivation put in the bin

What happened?

Has by heart been smitten?

I feel everything i do is wrong

I’ve always only had the guitar and song

A lot to learn,

Old habits to burn,

Why was i put into this place?

My heart locked within a case

Please!! Let me become uncaged

I beg of thee, let me be paged

To go back home

All i know is to write a poem

Expressing my feelings and thoughts

All to be burned within pots

Doubts and insecurities

All they talk about is me

I know I’m not perfect

I’m more than what’s on the surface

A heart with many cracks and trenches

Sitting on the side line with benches

Offering love, compassion, and understanding

Waiting here and longing

A mind lost at sea

Who is she?

A mighty empress, this i doubt

She’s as worthless as a trout

Do they lie? Do they cheat?

Maybe they deserve the treat

A little girl begging for food

How could they be so shroud?

Why am i so alone?