Shooting Star

//my blogiversary is in a month and ive been so mia it’s not even funny

      “I-I know you like flowers... I saw this bouquet and I thought of you. It reminded me of the color of your hair.” Yoosung sheepishly looked everywhere but at Saeran, a nervous blush coloring his cheeks. “I hope you like them.”

//yknow i might be on hiatus but i still scroll my dash regularly and honestly seeing ppl tag me in stuff even when im not active really does warm my heart and ilysm

★ Not-So-Secret Crush Starters

      “How can you be so sure, Sev- no… Saeyoung.” It felt so out of place to direct the name at the Choi as if he wasn’t his closest friend yet instead someone who was nothing but a stranger. Yoosung wanted to be understanding and despite his misty eyes and the intentional distance between the two, he still trusted the person in front of him. What scared him more than having lingering trust for the hacker was not knowing just how much of that trust was actually left.

      “You were always so secretive but this is too much! I’m happy you came back. I was so scared something terrible would’ve happened to you or MC but I don’t know if I can take this. Rika’s alive. V is dead. You have a twin brother none of us ever knew about. Your name isn’t even what we thought it was! There are so many secrets and lies and I just can’t handle it!” 

      Yoosung’s skin felt hotter and hotter the more he fought to keep the tears at bay. Frustration and anxiety burned wildly beneath the skin and it was becoming harder to breath. How could Seven look him in the eye and sound so sure of himself? Was this supposed to be a happy ending for everyone or just him? Deep down Yoosung truly wanted to be happy for the way things turned out, yet everything felt like it was crumbling around him. Nothing felt real. Instead it could’ve easily been one massive, cruel joke, and apart of him unashamedly wished it was.

      “The RFA is nothing but secrets! How am I supposed to feel knowing the last two years of my life were a lie? I don’t even know who to trust anymore. I really want to believe you… but you were close to V and he knew the truth, not to mention you kept so many secrets yourself. I want to understand but I feel so overwhelmed and hurt.” Yoosung lowered his head in defeat as he started to choke back shallow sobs.

      “Please, no more secrets…”

you never have to explain yourself! <3

//I FEEL SO BAD THOUGH ;w;

//i always miss RPing but i never want to put out content that im not satisfied with or that’s half-assed. it’s also hard to find motivation sometimes but ahhhhh i wanna write and do interesting plots and UGH

      The consequences of his actions were finally catching up to him. It wasn’t until Yoosung was faced with the menacing, sharp blade that he began considering that maybe Rika was right to worry about his strolls outside alone. Normally he’d stray much further though it was within his own courtyards that he found himself in this life-threatening predicament. Where were the guards? Did no one notice their prince missing? For once he wished that he had been caught so someone could come to his rescue. Instead the young royal quivered where he stood.

     “P-P-Please d-don’t hurt m-me..!”

      Ironically he’d hand over the crown if he could. He constantly looked for ways to escape the confines of the castle because he was sick of trying to live up to everything everyone expected him to be. The older he grew the more he held disdain for the life he was born into. Why does it have to always feel like he has absolutely no control over his future? Though destined to take the throne with the power to rule an entire kingdom, he still held no power to make his own decisions and live his own life. He’d spent so much time letting life pass him by and now he may soon not even have one at all.

      Is this how he would die? Would this shadowed figure reap him of his final breath? Would he be kidnapped? Enslaved? Would he be able to wake up in his bed the next morning safe and sound? Suddenly he was at a complete loss with fear consuming his every thought. 

      “P-Please…” Yoosung whimpered in desperation. “I don’t want this…”

//my muse looking at me wondering why the only time i ever wanna write lately is for angst 

//i got a promotion at my job which is why i’ve been missing;; im still around i just get extremely tired after work so writing is difficult, but im trying to squeeze more time towards my blog so i can get to RPs that poked my interest~

     hearing  those  three  words  has  saeran  immediately  look  back  up  to  him  with  eyes  now  full  of  worry  and  concern  for  yoosung.  ❛  what?  why?  what  happened?  ❜  he  may  not  have  known  everything  about  his  life,  but  whatever  it  was,  it  whatever  it  was  must’ve  been  really  scary  if  it  caused  him  to  up  and  leave  without  a  word.  part  of  him  even  considered  the  possibility  of  yoosung’s  cousin  breaking  out  of  the  place  she  is  currently  being  held  and  kidnapping  him  to  restart  her  affiliation.  days  when  he  thought  about  it  like  that  were  never  good  ones  for  saeran.  he  just  wanted  to  find  his  friend  he  just  wanted  to  know  he  was  safe.

     ❛  where..  did you  go?  ❜

      Yoosung already felt like he had said too much. What was he supposed to say anyway? The whole truth was too shameful in his eyes and the thought of speaking it out loud made his stomach turn. Everything felt so disgustingly unfair. Between the past couple of years of emotional torture, finding out Rika never died, still not having her in his life despite the fact she’s still alive, and... this, he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. So much was going so wrong in his life that even a glimpse of hope felt like the world was mocking him. He thought disappearing would have lessened the weight on his heart but if anything it made him feel worse, especially now. 

      “I... didn’t go anywhere. I just needed to think.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the entire truth either. Who was Yoosung to talk about trauma and pain when the fraction he knew about what Saeran had gone through was ten times more horrific than his own past? He couldn’t help feeling like he was being nothing but selfish in every possible way. What could he possible say or do to make things right?

      He heard her but he wasn’t exactly listening; he didn’t need to, especially when he’s heard the same words plenty of times before. While he had no idea why Mary always doubted her self-worth so much, in a way he was grateful that she didn’t see what he saw. Sometimes he’d lie awake wondering where they’d be if she realized just how amazing she is, and maybe someone so extraordinary wouldn’t have noticed him in that case and none of this would have ever happened. He figured their broken pieces combined played a part in why the pair worked so well together, yet apart of him didn’t care. Yoosung was grateful to have Mary in this moment, eyes rolling with that adorably stern expression she liked to wear when picking his brain apart, finding bliss in the simple fact that he could reach over and hold her hand as he was now.

      The blond chuckled softly and rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. He severely doubted he could ever do better, especially when he was convinced the love of his life was right in front of him.

      “I love you, and as long as you love me too that’s all I’ll ever need. There’s no one else I could ever want, Mary.” He paused, glancing away bashfully though forcing himself to meet her eyes to finish his thought.

      “There’s no one else. Only you.”

      The message was the same it has always been yet tonight the black and white against the small, illuminated screen felt even more hollow than usual. His heart felt so lonely ever since she left. How could any of this be real? It still felt like Rika was with him, especially with proof like this that she existed. She was here. Her hands sent this message to him. He could hear her voice speaking those same words in his head. He could swear that he caught the illusion of her scent if he was lost in thought long enough. Why could it feel so much as if she was there yet there he was looking around his room without seeing the face he missed so much? Why did it always hurt so much for him yet no one else could understand how he felt? His eyes pleaded with the text to make it so she would respond if he called at that moment, but he didn’t have the heart to try; knowing he would be met with her voicemail was enough to have tears stream down Yoosung’s face.

      “Ri-i-ika……” He choked out her name in between sobs. Why did she have to go? Why couldn’t she still be here? She was so real and bright and everything he wished he could be. Nothing was impossible with her by his side always encouraging him, but with her death went the light that guided him through life. It was impossible to move on, to forget, and to accept that she would never come back.

      “Rika… I-I…” Blurred vision solemnly gazed at his phone and a weak smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. “You’re looking down at me, right? You’re out there somewhere maybe… I promise I’ll…. I’ll always try and make you proud…” Yoosung couldn’t battle the threat of a breakdown any longer and with a heavy heart the tears freely flowed.

      “I promise…”

★ Physical Contact Starters

      How could such a small compliment fill his heart with so much glee? Was it wrong? A pang of guilt overwhelmed Yoosung after noticing how his one hand had lingered over Saeran’s cheek, brushing affectionately as if the coax him while the other hand inched to have their fingertips touch. It was surreal to be laying with him like this with Saeran laying against his chest, but everything about this moment they shared radiated bliss. There wasn’t any indication that the contact was unwelcome though Yoosung couldn’t help but feel he had been careless. What if he had just made things awkward? Was this really alright?

      “Are y-you comfortable? Sh-Should I move at all? Are you okay?” 

★ Physical Contact Starters

      Was he that light or was Seven that strong? The answer hardly mattered given the smug look on the hacker’s face once Yoosung was inevitably held bridal style in the other’s arms. It always felt like Seven looked to jump on any opportunity to make him feel embarrassed, and for some reason he hadn’t expected to be lifted so abruptly at the confident claim made seconds prior.

      “Can you put me down!?” Yoosung hid his face and whined desperately. “You can’t just pick me up because you feel like it! C’mon!” At the very least he was thankful they were alone and out of sight, though he still wouldn’t say he was enjoying this particular situation. 

      “M-M-Me? Really? Are you sure?”

      Though he had some experience babysitting his little sister when they were younger, it has been years since the last he had to watch over a child. Yoosung wasn’t entirely confident that he was the best candidate yet it wasn’t like him to turn down the opportunity to help someone when asked. His hesitancy was unintentionally evident yet he had no intention of backing down.

      “Sure. I don’t mind. Do you need me to today? I was only going to do homework, or try to anyway. I can do it if you’d like me to!”

★ Romantic Dice

          6: Nibble   &   4: Hand

      A movie night together was a sweet and romantic idea on Zen’s part, though it was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore Yoosung’s neediness towards having his boyfriend’s attention focus on himself. He had seemed to be enjoying the film yet their interlaced fingers weren’t enough to satisfy Yoosung’s desire to have more intimacy right then and there. As much as he didn’t want to disturb Zen’s enjoyment, he still wanted to try and get his attention.

      Yoosung lifted their still clasped hands to his lips where he traced kisses from the back of the other’s palm up to the tip of his index finger. Wanting more of a reaction, teeth gently grazed and nibbled the length of Zen’s finger before impulsively, yet very briefly, gliding his tongue down to his knuckle. Feigning innocence, Yoosung glanced up through his eyelashes and smiled sweetly. 

      “Do you like the movie so far?”

★ Physical Contact Starters

      It wasn’t like Yoosung to be so closely intimate with someone in this way, but his generous nature got the best of him in one innocent gesture. Offering a massage to someone who complained of a pained back was common courtesy, right? At least it made sense to him, though he couldn’t ignore the quickened pace of his beating heart when Saeran removed his shirt and exposed his bare chest. Yoosung instinctively looked away unsure if he did so out of respect or because he suddenly felt timid and flustered. His suggestion had been accepted so it would have been much more out of place to rescind the offer at this point. 

      Sitting to the side as the other lay on his stomach, delicate hands pressed deliberately into tense muscle. Yoosung wasn’t incredibly familiar with giving massages so he took care to be gentle at the risk of hurting Saeran, though the lack of response at his movements beckoned some insecurity. Genuinely wanting to put Saeran at ease he kneaded more thoroughly and leaned into his fingers, nearly pausing at the praise from the male beneath him. 

      Yoosung’s face flushed deeply and he was incredibly grateful that Saeran hadn’t been facing him. Silence echoed in response as he was at a loss for words and instead he focused his intent on continuing the massage with the hopes that he could continue to please him. It was strange to have goosebumps when he wasn’t even the one being massaged, yet it was still highly gratifying to know he was making Saeran feel good. Though cliche, his words were music to Yoosung’s ears. 

      “I-Is this okay?”

      Palms glided over the Choi’s skin to grip and knead into his shoulders. Yoosung leaned down to observe Saeran’s features for approval though prayed he wouldn’t open his eyes; he could still feel heat burning within his cheeks.