the crooked young

This house literally never has any tea. I’m displeased.

There is an alternative option...

I’m pretty sure I had fewer bruises while I was training with the Devils than I have when I’m around you.

You say that like you love it.

I missed you too, babe. FaceTime doesn’t cut it. I like being here with you better than looking at you through a screen.

Me too. I prefer actually kicking you when you say dumb shit rather than just threatening you.

Okay, maybe you missed me a little.

I missed you a lot, fuckin' dweeb.

I’m starting to think you didn’t miss me.

Oh, shut up.

Do I get a kiss now?

Uh-huh...

Sorry, do I know you?

I hate you.

Oh, shit, sorry, wrong person. Thought you were someone else.

Waaaait, you dumbass, don't leave!

Too metal to give your boyfriend you haven’t seen in a month a kiss?

Sorry, do I know you?

Why don’t people like Nickelback?

Because they're overplayed and they suck.

Who the fuck still listens to Nickelback?

Someone in this house, apparently.

It’s stupid. People are dumb and have no taste.

I mean to each their own, but, Nickelback... sanguinum gehennam.

Why is there Nickelback even in this house? 

I don't know. Five years later and people need to get Obamacare for their hearing aid.