Art and art WIPs!

Anyone who's followed me for a long period of time knows that I often come back posting in random bursts as life goes on. My mental health and energy are always something I'm fighting against, and I don't think I'm ever going to be able to be a consistent poster for the sake of my wellbeing.

Right now the reason why I have been away is because I have been focusing on my more-so adult and horror content as I've found more success there recently as far as engagement and audience. Besides it being the kind of content I would like to spend my time creating right now, it's been really hard emotionally to manage my expectations on this blog based on content either succeeding or flopping. Art is not only my means of self expression, but my only source of income. Therefore for me personally, I've been struggling with finding the proper worth of what I've been creating, and getting that worth to match the amount of effort I put in. Not to mention the rise of AI has made it so what I make has even less value based on the effort I put in.

Additionally, I find it really difficult to create for spaces I can't properly engage and be engaged with. I haven't had a niche or fandom I've been able to properly be a part of and invest in since... probably Baldur's Gate, but even that was a bit of a echo chamber for me. So maybe even earlier, when I was in my Overwatch era (a time long past). Having to discontinue use of my personal blog, for personal reasons, made being a part of something even harder, because I try to ONLY post my art and art related text posts here. Again, if you have been around a long time, you've probably noticed I've removed a lot of my personal musings and existence, which gives me more time to create and not be shitposting but also lops off a line of connection I have with others. In general, I've been struggling to find good purpose on this blog over the winter.

All this being said is without the baggage of my personal life. I'm extremely depressed most days, going through dysphoria worse than I have in years, and am currently being threatened with losing all of the medications that have been keeping me afloat for years because "I should be better by now, and since I'm not, it's my fault". A lot of the way I express going through this and more is through content with adult themes that I feel do not suit the environment of this blog. So as I've been trying to just live through whatever is going on with me right now, I have not been able to focus here. As much as I'd like to, I can't draw silly little guys when I can't even be bothered to feed or take care of myself most days.

That being said, I just feel like I owe an explanation to anyone who has been checking in on me periodically and wondering what's going on with me. I receive messages from time to time of people checking up on me, and I think this a glimpse into what I've been experiencing is the most comforting thing I have to offer. I'm here. I'm just not thriving or functioning.