♛ My King ♛

Always reblog the Real Life Disney Prince. Pay attention boys, this is how it’s done.

You and Thorin: *in the middle of some hot nasty sex*

Ori: *pounds on the door* my king, Thranduil has arrived and he is not happy! Your presence is required!

Thorin: *puts on a bathrobe and answers the door* what’s up his ass this time?

Ori: he is insisting on talking with you about protecting the southern border

Thorin: *groans in frustration*

You: go we can always do this later

*after the hundredth attempt*

Someone: *knocks on the door*

Thorin: *answers the door buck ass naked* What! For the love of Mahal WHAT!

You: *shrieks in horror* Thorin!! *throws on a robe and attempts to cover Thorin’s junk with a throw pillow*

Thorin: *grabs the throw pillow and throws it behind him* no, they interrupted us having sex they get to look at my cock when it is fully erect.

*at the six month mark before going to his room*

Thorin: *to the council* alright I’m going home to have sex with my spouse. I do not want to be interrupted unless Erebor is under attack, or the people of Erebor are dying. Anything that don’t fit those to categories go to Fili and Balin. Interrupt me and my one from consummating our marriage again and I’ll have you thrown out the mountain, head first. Okay? Good night.

*the next morning post-coitus*

Dwalin: feeling better

Thorin: infinitely.

Dwalin: and our beloved new monarch?

Thorin: (y/n) is sleeping it off in our bed, they could not walk properly this morning.

You: *wearing yoga pants on one of the days down that the company takes*

Thorin: *feels the pants leave little to the imagination* hey (y/n) do you have to wear that?

You: *because of the context and where he’s looking you think he’s talking about your shirt* no I don’t have to do you want me to take it off *grabs the hem of your shirt and begins to lift up*

Thorin: *shields his eyes* no, I mean the pants!

You: I usually expect someone to buy me dinner and a little romance before asking me to take off my pants, but for you I guess I’ll make an exception. *hooks your thumbs in the waist band of your pants and begins to slide them down your hips*

Thorin: *grabs your hands and stammers* I mean do you not have anything more modest to wear? I mean as lovely as your hip bones are, I just wanted to know if you have absolutely anything else to wear?

You: oh, um no I’m afraid not, my normal pairs of pants are dirty and I’m washing them.

Thorin: I see *goes back and sits by Dwalin *

Dwalin: *pats him on the back* look of the bright side you get to stare at her ass until her pants dry, and you learned you can get her out of her clothes without jumping through hoops.

Thorin: I guess that’s good. Also those pants make her thighs look nice and firm don’t they?

Dwalin: oh ya, it makes me want to sink my teeth into them

Thorin: *key falls out of his pocket and doesn’t do notice*

You: *picks it up and taps him on the shoulder* Thorin, you dropped this.

Thorin: oh wow thank you, it would be bad if I lost that. *notices the handle of the key takes up three fourths of you palm and it dawns on him how easily he could break you if he isn’t careful*

You: oh I have some cord in my pack, why don’t we put the key on it so that way it isn’t likely to fall of again.

Thorin: that would be smart.

*a few days later when the company is going to all bathe together*

Thorin: *before the bath* here while we are bathing, will you wear this? *hands you the key* Fili and Kili will probably forget I have it, try to wrestle with me, and I get stabbed. Plus it’s safer with you in this situation. *accidentally mentally pictures the key dangling around your neck and your naked torso*

You: uh sure *puts the key around your neck*