The Loki'd

For my whole life, I’ve been doing things like going to youth groups, and camps (for those youth groups), volunteering for those youth groups as a camp counselor or mentor for these youth. I guess by 2019 I think I dropped off coz the youth I was they went to college and some that are still kind of here trouble me. There’s a lot of things in the mix. Anyway, the thing this year I’m trying out is going to those youth groups for adults and they lecture and give some things about being religious and stories and stuff like that… as of now I feel like I am trying but there’s no end so I independently study or just do my own way. Bc it feels like it’s working but I have my own very distant opinions - from my family. So I just don’t know what to do or is it enough?

I just wanna socialize, and sometimes doubt comes up with socializing with the wrong people and the right people because my parents say something about it. I chose my friends also and if I want to hang out with them (because they're LGTBQ+) without worrying about my parents being worried for me I wanna be comfortable while doing so because they provide me with something I cannot really get that easy. I finished post-secondary school (grad) and I am trying to do work and stuff but when I'm back home it’s like alone and also fewer friends (not bad) but it’s just a huge frustration. **Some friends I can hang out with because my parents still trust and know they're good people... but still gives them anxiety for some reason**

So, here I am trying to fill in these voids of loneliness through Twitch streams, Therapy, and accepting that the only other ways to communicate with people post-COVID is through social media instead of in person. Whilst doing all of this balancing work, I fit in household responsibilities, and my own hobbies if there is time. By the end of this year coming closer (my birthday too) I want there to be changes and get the confidence to be less overwhelmed, stimulated, and anxious about what other people want for me because I am trying my best to keep that positive energy ( and not feel guilty for setting boundaries).

I'm grateful for the people that are in my life now, and I love them so much (even you guys). I just hope there's a way to fix it all because I'm tired and society is going way too fast for me when I didn't 100 get what I wanted as a teen **it was what others wanted mostly**

Thank you, and see y'all real soon.

xoxoxo