*retaining nothing you just said* got it

John Thingpenter's THE CARP (horror story about river ecology)

Hate when websites are like "We see you have adblock. Will you turn it off..For Us? 🥺" Like stop being desperate I am married to ublock origin

DnD is a way to show your friends how bad you are at adding very small numbers under pressure.

I'm a cryptid in Stardew valley. I live on the outskirts of town. I disappear for days on end, purchasing daily one-way tickets to the calico desert. Nobody knows where I go while I'm there. Can occasionally be found fishing at random spots throughout town. I am never not running on at least one triple shot espresso. I take the abandoned minecarts to get around and am frequently seen disappearing into the sewers. I carry a sword for some reason. Once every week or two I will stride into your bedroom to deliver you your favorite meal. I'm a self-made millionaire. I attend all the town events and will go to your concert in the next town over. I have donated approximately 2583 items to the local museum and singlehandedly revitalized the town community center. There are rumors I can talk to junimos. I'm friends with the local wizard

I like saying "I'll allow it" only in contexts where I have no power or authority

oh, you like me? blacksmith me a fucking sword then, coward