yes

i kinda feel like if you struggle at human connection that is your fault

the most tragic thing about me is that i don't really like anyone

at least i've gotten over the crazy shit I saw during intubation thankfully. that was so fucking weird

I think the person i am to everyone in my family is like a little dog unfortunately. i am the most sensitive both my siblings are taller than me i'm the youngest i have a dead father somehwere i was a recluse for most of my adolescence so the way i'm seen is like the family pet and i think hearing those terrible words coming from me must sting really bad. I know what people expect of me . but also being so "intense" (I wasn't aware im someone who gets to call themselves intense until other people told me) i believe when I go off the rails it feels soooo much more serious and terrible because everyone knows I have a terrible black and white mentality and no one can argue with me. Idk I just feel like being related to me must suck I'd hate having me in my life. People dont even know what the hell they're supposed to do at all

can I just say that after my very dramatic suicide attempt I barely even registered that like this big secret i had inside of me was suddenly not a secret anymore and now everyone in my life knows how I truly felt for years and how I still feel now. and i had full on breakdowns in front of my mom and my brother - the type of breakdowns I used to only experience alone in my room like a shark in the dark . hitting myself crying saying I just wanted to die that I'll never be someone that there is no possible future for me etc. like This actually all became public . I almost cant believe it. i thought i was gonna die without ever letting people see it but it got so bad it fully just melted off of me and I didn't even notice

Nothing makes me more sick to my stomach than seeing what i dont like about myself in someone else. Its unbearable

i was gonna say "i should do X instead of Z" but then id find problems doing Z too. Maybe even darker ones . Pick ur battle situation. But what if i just want to relax?

this shit is not worth it

Well ! Fun