LOBSTER SALAD

How are some people just able to do a French/Dutch braid for other people? You would have to have practiced on someone so many times and given them so many god awful braids

I think it’s fine if you complain about your job, say you dread the work, and claim you’ll call in “sick” the next day if on the inside you know you don’t hate your job as much as you bitch about it with your colleagues and friends. That’s when you know you like the work you do!

People who are allergic to water are probably just secretly mermaids. My proof? H2O: Just Add Water

I feel like Martha Stewart could kick my ass

If you want to be famous, you should star in a shit ton of commercials. People are forced to watch you while they’re watching tv, you don’t have to be a great actor, and I’ll be damned if the My Pillow Guy isn’t making millions and living in a mansion!

Memes on Twitter are the new cartoons in the newspaper