Manidkijustexist

I’ll start first: I am actually married. Irl. I have a husband. I know it’s surprising considering the Tumblr spouses, but my husband thinks it’s funny.

@stars-and-sharks @fangirlmenace

@pipatetka-be-cranking @iammentallystable16

and i am doing art and music for gcse

I have a Level 1 qualification in Ballet and I have vasovagal syncope :P

I was also the most calm person in the ER.

I have a desk from my grandmother that is from the 1920s-ish?

One of my ear canals are notably smaller than the other. It makes it harder to clean, and it kinds hurts sometimes, but otherwise it has no effect on my life and I didnt even realize until a few months ago.

I unironically thought undertale took place in hell. I didn't figure that out until at least four years of knowing the game existed, when a friend was speaking about the game and I mentioned that. As it turns out, "the underground" is in fact, just a place underground.

When I was 13 I used to go to the master bedroom and hide my parents' lube. I didn't steal it for myself or anything, I just threw them behind their dresser because I really hated the possibility of getting another sibling and that was the best way I could think of preventing that.

three random facts:

1) i once stole a weed-related product from right behind an empoyees back and i had to go in my tiptoes to reach over a transparent plastic divider to get it. i have never been caught and that might be my riskiest sticky-fingered stunt yet. i keep a mental catalogue of surveillance in stores, on streets, etc. oh and for some reason i tend to sneak up on people unnoticed even though I don't mean to and it seems crazy sometimes -- like I'll be in steel-toed boots and embodying a large sillhouette and regardless only be noticed when I'm within like 3 feet of someone. this is of course an incredibly funny nature to employ for sibling-scaring purposes and trickery.

2) i have known my partner since we were 6 years old, longer than I've known my own sibling. she has seen the absolute worst of me and the best. she has helped me survive innumerable times. and though we have our problems, i am so lucky and glad to have her in my life. she is the only person who can make me laugh with little effort. being in her company makes me feel at home no matter where we are or what we're doing.

3) i have managed to gain around 20lbs give or take within approximately 3 months (though i suspect i am losing some of the weight unfortunately due to stress and the other factors that make it difficult for me to eat properly... I'm hoping I'll correct course on that by mid-July and am looking to gain another 5-10 lbs from my starting weight along with the existing 20lbs i may have lost some of. also my new brand of protein powder is total garbage and i will never get it again, I'm going to go back to the one i liked before hopefully even if it's on the pricier side)

@aro-spectre @asterosian @big-tiddy @imoanurparentsnames @kitsuneprincessspring @little-flame-prince @nebulae-astros-official @nsfwitchy2 @wandering-wolf23

2. I planned the murder of a girl who hurt my bestie when I was in 1st grade with said bestie, we even thought about how to get rid of the evidence {cut the corpse up, burn it in the shady ass peice of land near our houses and launch the remains in a homemade firework}

3. I like to make things that remind me of my friends but I'm usually too scared to show it to them ;-;

My sense of direction is apparently very good (or so I've been told)

I never speak in public, like, at all

I only drink, and only ever will drink water

2.) i accumulate various things that i love inexplicably and they currently include a sloth plushie, a turtle on a necklace, a ring that is plain metal with black flame on the sides (its also like seven or eight years old) a green hoodie/jacket and several other knicknacks

3.) idk im not v interesting but ig i very much like physical affection? or I am actually pretty good at archery?

1. I used to kayak a lot as a kid with my parents. Basically my whole summer as a kid was at the lake just kayaking or stand up paddle boarding

2. Despite what many might believe at one point i was really religous and went to church every sunday with my dad and even gor confirmed into the church (methodist version of chosing jesus since we get bapistized as infants)

3. I couldnt read till I was 8

i used to have a H U G E frozen hyperfixation 😭

bendy. and short. meaning i can squeeze into shady places.

open tags! (will edit later and tag my moots)

@overlord-offical @bacone-official @amoebaporn @justcallmedom31 @lmhavingaboibee @the-one-and-only-piper-offical @printer-reads-505 @obsessivebookwormalert @pansexual-king-official @lightsabersandbluecookies @imightbeafaerie-official-offical @days-without-ai-ads-offical @fieryhotpotato @7-eleven-offical @silverfan77 @i-hate-network-programming @grisha-offical @thedogbard @toomuchtodooml @tinnitus-official @art-hammer-certified @raventhecrispy-offical @theonewholeftitbehind @aggressivetrash0 @kugisakinobaradesu @minute-maid-offical @cloud-makers-make-pollution @postie-offical @not-so-single-official @burning-britain-official @shah4139-offical @ayane-chan-loves-water @wallyblack1925-offical @watashiwagarydesu-offical @amy-offical @was-funny-before @mike-wheeler-offical @eraser-offical @yearning--offical @mcsm-official @erica-sinclair-offical @ninahufflepuff @itsuwari-no-kibo-offical @hellincarnation @null-the-void-monarch-offical @men-in-black-official @silly-lil-arson-frog-mom-offical @krow-offical @zenkor123 @horror-movie-offical

i have a double nationality (i ain't telling what countries but i guess you can figure it out...)

my parents forced me to do extra english classes when i was like 7 i hated it but now im really glad

if i wear glasses meant for my prescription i get a headache, so i always wear low prescription ones unless i'm going to a concert or doing something that will be more fun if i can see far away

i've only gotten two haircuts in the past 4 years and both of them were just trims so my hair is about hip length now.. i get a lot of comments and people asking me if i'm going to cut it (tbh i want to, i just can't find a good reference picture)

in 3rd grade i found a bunch of graphic novels that were actually shakespearean plays (i didn't even know who shakespeare was i thought it was the brand 😭) and i was obsessed with reading them at the time for some reason?? my favorite was as you like it

Ok mine is not that fun but. I’m lactose intolerant.

I also have an addiction to dairy, so, figure that out.

Ummm I also used to have a pixie cut! I’ve been growing my hair out for like, I think 4 years now? I do miss her every once in a while. Having a pixie is such a fun experience and so is growing it out

3 facts because I overshare:

1. I won a national physics competition

2. I hate physics by now

3. I bake really well

I tried to crochet and failed miserably last year and I got so sad cause my sibling tried really hard to explain it to me and I still didn't get it. I was really upset.

uhhhhh i hand sewed my entire nikolai vest bc my sewing machine wouldn’t work anddd i used to play the violin 👾👾👾👾

the fyolai moment went so hard dazai had to break the 4th wall to say what the entire audience was thinking LMAOOO

nikolai so cutesy bruh "because i missed you bestie!!" so cute so cute

lets js ignore the fact that not even 3 seconds later he's already expressing his desire for murder

This is really silly but I thought it was funny 🕺🏼 I love it when Fyodor hops onto the bit just to mess with Sigma, poor thing:(

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I have a weird theory that Nikolai was from the book. Not born from the book unlike sigma, but an actual character from the book itself.

One of the panels I'm showing is from volume 14 of the manga on page 161 and 164, I apologize if I miscounted the pages in this order.

As shown, Nikolai's dialogue seems to be "written" by someone who's writing his own words like he's reading a script he's unaware of (to which I'll get into with his "death" in the same chapter he was introduced)

In one of his scenes with his old boss, he discuss that he "envy" him for his naivety and unawareness of the cage he's in. He even points at his skull to emphasize more on the "cage" he's describing. While this could be him describing the emotional state of the human capabilities, I also think it could be a psychological or mental aspects. The line he says "not from this warm, humid, hellscape." Which describes in a physical aspect as well.

When you actually think about it, you are technically trapped in a physical body with flesh, bones, and liquid. And what does majority of the body has? Warmth. Our body heat keeps our body from freezing, hence his emphasis on the physical aspect of the human body.

Nikolai is touching in the subject of both physically, mental, and spiritual of what it means to be trapped, stuck in your own "cage" that willfully was put on to you without your knowledge. This can go into autonomy in this aspect. You technically didn't ask to be in this warm and closed space shell, yet, it was put on to you against your will. This can be interpreted of Nikolai's desire and ideology of "Total freedom" which in both metaphorical and in literal terms to be free. Both to be free from your own emotions that hold you back from not just yourself and society, mental aspects like the expectations to follow rules from someone or yourself, wishes and desires that hold you back from doing something else, and being trapped within your own body without your knowledge.

Nikolai heavily tackles these things like body dysphoria (in some way), emotional repression, and identity crisis.

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Anyways, back on topic:

In the same volume, we see nikolai end up dying at the end of the volume, which starts the decay of angels arc.

I like to think in a writers perspective that nikolai was a character made to create conflict and disgarded afterwards. He's basically trapped by the hands of faith and destiny for him as a character. But as we all know, he comes back in the story.

Around volume 18, (I currently do not have the physical copy of it, so I'm assuming the scene between him and sigma is in that section bc I've checked every panel from my collection and currently missing volume 8 and 18.) nikolai is seen alive and well. We're explained that he used his ability to connect his torso to another once the chains split him. I interpret this as a way of him "defying death" that he was written and destined to follow.

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Now here is where I get into my theory:

I think nikolai is both from the book itself and both a metaphor of breaking out of character and breaking the forth wall.

To start off, I had a question on my mind:

"what is his true freedom of being completely free would mean in terms of this theory without disregarding his character?"

And then I came to the conclusion that in this interpretation; Nikolai's view of freedom is to be completely free from emotions and from being controlled, showing the world of having true free will by being unpredictable and doing things that no sane human would do. In simple terms; he's going against the system man has created themselves to follow for centuries. He knows what he's going is wrong and can feel guilt, yet, he still continues to do these acts of killing to prove his point of freedom, to show what humans are capable of doing. In contrast, he wants to be understood. He wants someone to understand his ideology and view of freedom, but due to this desire of wanting to be understood, it clashes with his goal and desire to be truly free.

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Maybe this "freedom" he speaks and desires is a sort of metaphor of a character wanting to be free from the world building they're written in. A character written from a book wishing to have free will and freedom and breaking out of their said "role" or world, or in literal sense, breaking out of character.

Nikolai is considered to be a clown and not a jester (although I see him as a magician and a combination of multiple art performers) The only similarities between them are them being depicted as fools or for entertainment, and Nikolai's character is exactly what it is. To give the viewer entertainment and enjoyment out of him as a character. We enjoy his manic self, yet, we're unable to see his true self behind that mask he created himself.

Probably also why I've always thought of Nikolai as a character who sort of "breaking the forth wall" and not in a "directly talking to the reader", but acknowledging the line and destined path they need to follow in order to progress the plot and story.

This could tie back to his bird obsession and his own cage. To his view, others don't know "they're in a cage" and are able to die ignorantly and blissfully, saying he's truly envious of that. He even points to his skill saying that is the cage. Besides this being him pointing out how our brains are caged in our skull willingly and the mental aspect of human beings the ones who truly trap themselves with their ideologies and perspective on concepts, it could be interpreted as how characters are supposed to be written and behave in the context of their story and world building. Our brain kinda functions like a program, only following what we're told to do, whether by others or from internal desires by ourselves. Birds are more of a physical metaphor for nikolai. Even for birds, they're still in a "cage" of their own. Nikolai takes into consideration of birds as they can do "anything" despite their circumstances. This reminds me of how often animals don't actually know they're animals, often driven by instinct. If an animal recognizes it's an animal, they start to become distant from their own kind and question their existence. Why are they a bird or a dog? This is what Nikolai is. He's aware of his existence and falls into a internal conflict with himself.

In literal terms. I don't think nikolai actually knows that bsd is a story or knows he's in a book. I kind of see it as a metaphorical term with him not wanting to be controlled or "bound by gravity" from one of his lines. Hence his desire to be free and his return when he "supposedly" died.