For the last few past days I have been feeling a bit under the weather. I felt like I was lost and that what I was doing was too much and too broad. But today I got back on track, because all the efforts you make, all the energy you put in stuff always comes back to you in some ways.
I was terribly broken by the news of my exchange in Hong Kong which is not going to happen because our school does not have an agreement with their fashion and textile department...But I managed to arrange new stuff and I am now proceeding of my registration for fashion in school in Berlin. I am very happy but still inside me I was a bit sad. I have been travelling and living alone for over 3years now, working as hard as I could to get the career I want. And here in this case it is not because of my work or anything but just unluckiness lets say, and I found it fucking unfair.... Anyway I believe in the universe and I am sure something will be waiting for me in Berlin.
During LAB I had also a goal, getting a “network” and getting in Paris Fashion week! All done and dusted! These goals drove me to drag myself out there, to just fucking dare to walk in without an invite, ask someone to get me in and send thousands of emails. I have seen 4 shows, been street style photographed and also got a summer internship in a fashion company in Arnhem!
I think LAB made me even more raw with myself. Those open talks to myself made me more sensitive to myself. I accept this more. But LAB made me also just explose in my fantaisies. I went crazy, I went in all directions. Nevertheless it showed me I was also able to keep the red lie as we say in french, so keep all my ideas along one theme/idea.
Collaborating hasn't been easy. I realized how broad, conceptual or ‘arty’ I was thinking and how this could scare people... I want to go deeper than just one technique and explore new horizons. I know that I need to adapt to my colleagues so thats why I never took all the decisions but tried to suggests ideas. I felt sad when I realized I had no one that wanted to collaborate with me... I started collaborating with other people in school, from who I feel closer in thinking and quantity of “doing”.
According to my collaboration partners I am crazy, free, outspoken and I think up there (the raising their hand high). I think LAB made me able and not scared of raising my personality, assuming my boldness, my rawness and excentricity. But I also know that I go in all directions.... It is both my strength and weakness but well I am slowly getting used to it... The harder will to get someone that can cope with it....
I am proud of everything I made because it all come from my heart, from my stomach as we would say in french. But I was happy to have found in Valentina someone that could understand and think the way I do for the lunch collaboration.
For the next students, I think that the lectures especially from the funny guy or outsiders that are fucking insanely passionated is a PLUS PLUS WE WANT MORE OF THEM. YES I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE GUY! It is so inspiring seeing individuals passion, also yours Allard!
I am missing more freedom in the academy, sometimes sense or logic is too dominant and WE ARE NOT F******* students we are free individuals. I am also missing some more guts, risks taking, non sense, art and culture.
<3 THANKS FOR LETTING ME BE FREE THIS TRIMESTER <3
