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Thirty hours of Driver’s Ed never prepared me for anything like this...

Spirit Bombs are best served ice cold.

But, my best accomplishment is sophomore year in college when I played GoldenEye 007 with my roommate, once. He even let me choose the level. Once I did he admonished me, “bad choice LV.” I was dead three times in about 38 seconds...game over. A new record for my roommate. I’m very proud of that.

Can’t spell Olympic Victory w/o LV

And now, for Slydini’s greatest effect: 1960 on television in France... 

3. Shredded Wheat Original Big Biscuit: Straight wheat son. So versatile and 100% healthy. Drizzle that honey, throw in your own fruit and nuts. Crushin’ them biscuits! 2. Cinnamon Toast Crunch- As ‘junk cereals’ were not featured in the family cupboard, this one somehow snuck in. And boy does it do the trick. Plus, I always drink the milk, so there is that added sweet sweet bonus to finish. 1. Frosted Mini-Wheats- Best of both worlds.

Featured on MTV Early 19th Century Cribs. Captain John “Wordiz” Bourn

Diana “Oh Really? No...” O’Riley- Fitzy’s Pub in East Greenwich. The waitress introduced herself by walking over to the table and burping. She had no idea what was on the menu and when Brad asked for a lime for his drink, she attempted to hand him a whole lime on his way to the bathroom. After she dropped off the food she realized we didn’t have silverware. She left to get us crackers and a spoon and never returned until after we had finished our meal. Worst restaurant experience I’ve ever had in my life. I’ll never go back. Col. Matt Sanders: Raw chicken at Texas Roadhouse and I... Jack I. Dentification- 5′6″, 125 lbs on my first license. Height hasn’t changed, but as far as the weight...haven’t been back. Chaze “Pie” Inthesky- Warren House of Pizza. Subpar. Cash only? Haven’t been back! Eric “Penelope” Tayntman- Dreams of tropical beach vacations with Amanda Bynes... Don’t Mess w/ Ben- I went to Texas once and they broke my window and broke into my car...haven’t been back. Andrea “New” DownS(horeham)- We went to Block Island once...meh...haven’t been back. LV- The TGIFridays on Centerville Rd. was THE hangout for our crew during high school. We had given them much business (and agida) over the years. After high school, they had changed the menu and I had noticed that the entree choices had decreased as the prices had increased. Regardless, one time around 2003ish Miss Ryan and I decided to go in and have a little din. The restaurant was being renovated and was rather disheveled when we went in. We sat down and the waitress came over and asked if we wanted anything to drink (expecting us to get a few belts). We told her, just water please, to which she rolled her eyes. Linz and I looked at each other, I asked her, “you wanna get out of here?” She said yes and off we went. (Truth to tell, I did return one time with Brad but it wasn’t for din. As far as a restaurant to consider when thinking about going out to eat, it ceases to be and...I haven’t been back.) I will say, walking out of a restaurant (justifiably) is a freeing experience. I highly recommend it. (We also walked out of Fire and Ice at the Prov. Place Mall. That time was even better. Improvisational grill?! You tell me what you make and I order that. I came to your restaurant so I don’t have to make that decision.)

Matt (You Got the Silve)R- I heard “but unite me” but it’s apparently “But you knifed me in my dirty filthy basement with that jaded, faded, junky nurse.” Rolling Stones Let It Bleed Eric LeVedder- Glorified version of a pelican. Andrea “The Way That You Came” Downs - Pretty much every TBK song...been in the band for 12+ years, no idea what pat sings. Liz "Glimmer” Twinsman- “You can suck a duck” -Rolling Stones “Beast of Burden.” Eric “Super Vested” Badman- “Sold me out..Fo chicken change (yes he did), told me..It was..All arranged.” -James Brown ‘The Big Payback’. I’m pretty sure at some point in the early 2000′s “Chicken Change” was one of the many bands that Matt and I came up with in my parents basement but sadly never formed. I swear that’s what the GF of Soul is preachin’ in that song. Tomfred Tom- Wrapped up like a [usual problem with this chorus ~ed.] another runner in the night.| Pete “Jersey Guy” R.- “Alsace-Lorraine” for “Outside’s the rain.” (Springsteen, Cover Me). Diana 2P€tit€- I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl with a kid I would call her. Ren(D)o(bie)- “Give me the Beach Boys and free my soul...” Jack Straw- Easy. Just realized it a few weekends ago. First line of “Scarlet Begonias” always thought it was “as I was walking down rub a dub square.” (Take the) “Money” Mark- Even though it is the title of the song, I never knew what they were saying in the chorus of Steve Miller Band’s “Jet Airliner until a few years ago. I always thought it was something about Carolina. LV- “Two to make a scene” instead of “Do to make you see” in holiday.’s ‘Always Have a Friend.’ And of course, “Trashy was my wife...Everything Zen”

Three Faces of Andrea Canning (Please click on pictures to view captions)

My weirdest concoction was my usual lunch for the last year I was teaching school, which was: bran cereal, shredded wheat, almonds, flax seed meal, chocolate hemp powder, honey and a banana. I used to either douse it with plain Greek yogurt (if I had soaked the grains the night before) or add a little water to the dry ingredients when I got to school so the cereal would ‘puff up’ by first lunch (and hopefully not have started to ferment). My brother Chris C. took one look at this ‘dish’ and for all time designated it as, “The Mash.”

(Check out his performance on Letterman here.)

Liz ‘Foodie’ H.- 5 second rule. If it looks okay it’s okay! Chris ‘Top’ O’Mylungs- Actions speak louder than words. Hungry Ma(rk)n D- “Do not eat right before bed.” I’m doing it as we speak! Em D(ecibel)- Wearing ear protection at a show...I always think “it won’t be that loud.” Chase “Face” (Va)L(ue)- “IT IS WHAT IT IS” Austin D’Sun’ll (Comeout)- Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Brad “Zest” C(oast)- Wash behind your ears. Hoffri de Toulouse-Lautrecman- “Never judge a book by its cover.” I have bought far too many books because of their covers alone! J. “Post”loski- If you are trying to lose weight don’t eat after 8pm. I’m good for a bowl of Fruity Pebbles around 10:15 most nights. E. LeLaine- Diet and regular exercise are good for you. Diana of Ockham- Don’t shave above the knee. LV- Brush your teeth twice a day. Haven’t done that in 28 years. No cavities to date.

Sigh...always a punchline.

Chris ‘Goin’ Mobile‘ C- Gotta be the iPhone, though it doesn’t hold a candle toward yours. Mark ‘Ben’ D(er)- The Kidrobot Futurama blind box vinyl toys. The amount of money I have spent trying to complete my collection is embarrassing. Jack ‘Don Juan’ Giovannski- Air conditioning! I cannot stand being hot (a burden my whole life, I know) Liz ‘Got to make that paper, (hoff)man!’- Beautiful stationary I buy and hoard. E. Meister LeBrau- Beer Matt ‘Mighty Joe’ R.- Young’s Double Chocolate Stout…Pure luxury! Em ‘Sleeping Byoo’ D- Queen size pillow top mattress and down comforter. Andrea Down(s) with disease- My health insurance. Eric ‘Numba One’ Stunnaman- My gold teeth Diana ‘della’ Valpolicella- Expensive wine. Specifically Amarone. Tom ‘Embargo’ (J.F.)K.- Good cigar! Austin ‘Gotta B’ Inittowinit- Lottery Tickets. Chaze CooLeo- Central air. LV- Cool kitchen gadgets. I try to stay out of Bed, Bath and Beyond. A few times I have been in there, saw something and said, “Thirty seconds ago I was unaware that this thing existed; and now, I cannot live without it.” The trouble is that I always have Atlon Brown in my head telling me I shouldn’t clutter my kitchen with single use items (e.g. pineapple slicer). Anyway, a few years ago I made strawberry shortcake for my mother and aunts for mother’s day high tea. I bought a strawberry huller to help me remove the stems. I did use it exactly once for strawberries. However, I came to find out that it was perfect to destem the smaller tomatoes ‘on the vine.’ Saving time…and tomato.

I don’t mean to brag, I don’t mean to boast, but tumblr. just told me that I’ve reached 100 posts!

Set break fun for the Deadhead children...Where’s Walton?!