What's The Fun In Never Fucking up?

Everything sucks right now including myself. First off right before my friends surprise birthday dinner I had a huge breakdown and literally cried the whole way to dinner. I'm just so sick and tired of my sister, she's so rude, irresponsible, and just a brat. She gets everything handed to her. All I want if for her to move out of the house, I want that more than anytning. I'm unhappy and miserable all the time because of her and she's tearing MY family apart. She's almost twenty it's time for her to do something with her life. I just want a peaceful senior year and with her fighting with everyone all the time that won't happen. Also, I suck. I really suck because of how much I had this "I don't care about school attitude" because now its really affecting me, which I knew it would. The chances of me going away to school is so slim. The part that's most depressing about is talking on the phone with college coaches and then having them straight up tell me that because of my grades it won't work out. Also do I even want to do crew in college? I don't know. I don't even know what I want to do when I'm older. Also what sucks the most is boys. I hate having to force myself to not have feelings for you.

GOT MY PERIOD FOUR DAYS EARLY HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO ME

I always like someone until they tell me they "like me" it's just weird & I don't like the thought of someone being attached to me, or me being attached to someone. Examples: Last summer I really liked someone they gave me flowers on my birthday I was happy & what not a couple weeks later they told me they liked me & then I just started avoiding them. This year, I met a really nice guy who asked me to prom, again I was happy & what not then he said he liked me and I literally just stopped talking to him completely. Beginning of this year, almost had sex with a guy who never once told me he liked me. Why am I such a fucked up weird person?