nice tongue

at work we have a family of three huskies who come in for daycare and everyone calls them “the mafia” it makes me so happy because occasionally out of nowhere someone over the radios will say “we’re sending in the mafia” and then three huskies barrel their way inside and usually slip and fall on the tile ajfjajg

this is the only pure post

i had a dream last night that frosty the snowman was angry at me for calling him frosty the snowman and he was like “listen you rusty screw how would you like it if i called you fleshy the skinwoman”

This is that next level poetry! *snaps fingers*

GTFO

you ever wanna fuck the living shit outta somebody but also cook for them and make sure they’re emotionally stable?

not dating me? sad. tragic. for you at least

do u ever just purposefully not look @ ur bank account because u know u fucked up

“hey officer, would you like to buy some marijuana”

me as a parent.