yo

Okay, so all of us experienced lifters out there have either had some really close calls or have actually been caught. But what do you do if you’re caught?

Here I’ll post some options that you can think about ahead of time. 

1. If you’re caught stealing a few small items for $10 or under and you don’t have a magnet on you, simply play dumb. Most companies won’t even fine you for stealing items $10 and under. Cry a little, play if off like your life is hectic and you barely pay attention to things anymore. Say you put it in your purse or pocket because you literally weren’t paying attention. Chances are you’ll be let go.

2. Pretend to have a severe mental disorder and to not understand what LP is saying when they question/detain you. This technique works only in certain conditions:

a. You cannot have a hook/magnet/tape/scissors found on your person. Obviously if any one of these items are found, it is clear that the act of theft was premeditated. A mentally challenged person would not be capable of this.

b. You must act the part. Go on youtube and observe people’s behavior who are mentally insane or challenged. When apprehended, mimic their actions and allude to your imaginary friends or voices. 

c. Get rid of credit cards, car keys, or any other items in your purse which indicate that you are in fact a functioning human. The only thing that should be in your purse is a huge sheet of paper with an “emergency” number written on it. Then you must get a friend to partake in the act and to agree to write their number on the paper. Just in case you get caught, ell you friend that if security calls this number, the friend must tell them that you are his/her daughter or son and that you are mentally challenged. Have the friend tell security they are so sorry and that you will be picking up your child soon. This may save you and convince security to let you go.

If you’re mentally insane or mentally challenged, it’s immoral for you to undergo prosecution for actions in which arguably, you cannot be held accountable. I know this technique may offend some people, but speaking from first hand experience, it can save your ass in a very high stakes situation. ONLY USE THIS WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO FALL BACK ON.  I was apprehended at target two years ago with almost $300 of stuff in my purse. Luckily I acted the part and was released because of this method.

3. Make a run for it. If you run out of the store’s parking lots you are technically no longer on their property and you cannot be held liable.

It’s not a fun game That $6 Lush bathbomb was someone’s time and effort.

So was that $200 brand name t shirt

So was that fish.

Stealing from a store for fun is like kicking a dog for fun. It’s morally reprehensible regardless of what is being stolen, and has real effects on the workers at any retail store.

People lose their jobs. People lose promotions. They lose respect.

and yeah, i do understand how it is to not be able to afford things. the clothes i’ve stolen are replacing old ones with holes and stains i can’t get out, so that i can show up to something looking a little presentable. i shoplift things i need for classes or for my animals so that i can afford the gas that i can’t steal to get to work or the medications i need to function. i take things i don’t necessarily need because i’d like to pretend like i’m doing okay. but i’m not like some of the other lifters who take mk bags and designer clothes. 

It’s not a fun game That $6 Lush bathbomb was someone’s time and effort.

So was that $200 brand name t shirt

So was that fish.

Stealing from a store for fun is like kicking a dog for fun. It’s morally reprehensible regardless of what is being stolen, and has real effects on the workers at any retail store.

People lose their jobs. People lose promotions. They lose respect.

It’s not a fun game That $6 Lush bathbomb was someone’s time and effort.

So was that $200 brand name t shirt

So was that fish.

Stealing from a store for fun is like kicking a dog for fun. It’s morally reprehensible regardless of what is being stolen, and has real effects on the workers at any retail store.

People lose their jobs. People lose promotions. They lose respect.

There are people who have lost jobs or had to face paycuts because of shrink. 

Your experience is hardly a good sample size, nor is it indicative of what working in retail is like at large. 

i’m not doing anything illegal on or through tumblr. i’m not scamming people, i’m not inciting violent acts. you can’t even prove i’m really shoplifting, can you?

It’s not a fun game That $6 Lush bathbomb was someone’s time and effort.

So was that $200 brand name t shirt

So was that fish.

Stealing from a store for fun is like kicking a dog for fun. It’s morally reprehensible regardless of what is being stolen, and has real effects on the workers at any retail store.

People lose their jobs. People lose promotions. They lose respect.

There are people who have lost jobs or had to face paycuts because of shrink. 

Your experience is hardly a good sample size, nor is it indicative of what working in retail is like at large. 

It’s not a fun game That $6 Lush bathbomb was someone’s time and effort.

So was that $200 brand name t shirt

So was that fish.

Stealing from a store for fun is like kicking a dog for fun. It’s morally reprehensible regardless of what is being stolen, and has real effects on the workers at any retail store.

People lose their jobs. People lose promotions. They lose respect.

There are people who have lost jobs or had to face paycuts because of shrink. 

Your experience is hardly a good sample size, nor is it indicative of what working in retail is like at large. 

It’s not a fun game That $6 Lush bathbomb was someone’s time and effort.

So was that $200 brand name t shirt

So was that fish.

Stealing from a store for fun is like kicking a dog for fun. It’s morally reprehensible regardless of what is being stolen, and has real effects on the workers at any retail store.

People lose their jobs. People lose promotions. They lose respect.

I’m actually amazed at how tough it can be in there! I mean, it’s an overpriced store but it’s not exactly high brow lmao.

Here’s how I do it and it seems to work every time.

1. Pick out a bunch of shit you don’t actually want. Browse, grab, look like a normal shopper. At this point I also give myself an idea of what I actually want.

2. Go to the change room, pretend to try things on, then exit.

3. Hand a couple things to the attendant that you “don’t want” and keep a couple.

4. Either roam around and have the inevitable “can I take these up to the register for you?” or ask an SA yourself if they can put those up at the front for you to purchase after you’re done looking. This seems to get them off your back well; they actually see you as a customer now.