A little about me (not that anyone asked)
I've spent literal YEARS begging for affection from the one person I though would give it to me. Years of nothing. Actually 9 years to be exact. I kept trying sporadically but about 6 years ago I stopped. No trying, no begging for scraps that would never come.
And I made a decision... I won't beg for anyone anymore. No more pleading to be loved (which tbf as I've said before I think I'm unlovable anyway) no begging for crumbs. It doesn't matter how I feel. It doesn't matter how bad it hurts. I won't fucking do it anymore. I'm a fantastic partner, I'm an incredible friend. I may be unlovable but I'm worth something.
So I came back to tumblr after yeeeears because I'm lonely and I missed the community. But tumblr isn't the same. So it's now just me being feral, posting absolute silliness, and whatever makes me horny (which is usually everything).
But last night it hit me how tired I am. How I'm tired of being a friend to others, a good friend, but I don't get that back. I've jumped and dropped everything to go to friends. But when I've needed them...nowhere to be seen.
I'm so fucking tired of being lonely and alone.
