don’t wanna live a life that is comprehensive

his wife has filled THEIR house with ANTIQUES. to AVOID DAMAGING HER VALUABLES i fuck him on the floor

#feminist retelling

TIL that in medieval times trebuchets were sometimes used during tournaments to bombard the watching ladies with roses, and there is something so inherently comedic about this to me. picture me blasting roses at my lover's window with the force of a battlefield assault to win her hand

@whoa-where-did-the-pancakes-go

for real tho it feels exhausting that ive seen this whole "woman should be allowed to abstain from X beauty standard" -> "i perform X beauty standard, am i evil? do you think im evil? please forgive me i came up with a dozen excuses 🥺" since like 2015 (and i know its been going on longer than that) like girl thats not the poiiiiint

look me in the eyes. repeat after me. "i face societal pressure to perform this beauty standard. i should not face that pressure. i conform to this standard. i am rewarded for performing to this standard. i need to respect women who do not perform this standard. this is not about whether or not i am a sinner for wearing makeup."

if they gave me a time machine i would use it to travel to cavemen times and yell are you reasy to have your tits blown off and then id play blow by kesha so loud it would strip the handprints off those cave walls and they’d think i was an angel showing them the voice of god and they’d be right

i would also give marie antoinette a coke zero

look, it's really not that complex. romance in fiction is like aliens and magic and faster-than-light space travel in fiction. it's fun to read about, but when you think about it too much you realize it's a good thing it doesn't actually exist. i mean, can you imagine? romance, in the real world? thank god it's fictional, that'd be horrifying. hold on one second *assistant whispers something in my ear* my friends, i have grave and terrible news