99 Problems

“Yeah but turns out they have a kid together so she’s back.. with the kid.. I’m an aunt. I guess you wouldn’t have known that. Of course she does… I needed a lot of things.”

“For real? Yo, that is some crazy shit right there. Well, congrats on your new addition. What, like a better boyfriend too? Because, let’s be real, that was the case. The past is the past, though.”

“That would be the one. Anyway, she’s back around and thinks I should do just that. No wonder she was so nice to me… bitch.”

“Didn’t they breakup or some shit? Well, like I said, I agree with her, but that’s not you, so what can you do. She still follows me on twitter and likes my tweets every once in a while. I told you that you needed better friends.”

“That’s what Yvonne wants me to do.. remember Yvonne? I really should actually.  My hero. Seemed like it was like ‘that’ with her, she wasn’t even nice she had a voice like nails on a chalkboard.

“Your brothers hot girlfriend? Yeah, I vaguely remember her. Well, at least we know she’s smart. That’s true and she was handsy, but we never did anything serious. Lindsey Q. on the other hand. It’s always the quiet ones.”

“I was going to ask in my next letter.. It wasn’t going to spray! Lindsey G. Don’t act like you don’t remember.”

“You could still send it, or go to her address and tell her to go fuck herself in person. It was! You didn’t see the wild look in it’s eyes, I did. Oh that one nah, it wasn’t even like that with her... she was nice but that’s it.”

“I didn’t want to upset her or have her hate me or scare her away.. It could’ve worked if you hadn’t had scared it. Well that’s exactly what you did with Lindsey so we’re even.”

“That makes no sense, but whatever, she’s your egg provider. I scared it because you don’t know how hard it is to get skunk smell out of your memory. Lindsey Q. or Lindsey G.? Help me out here.”

“No I hadn’t asked yet, I was keeping it all very surface… I didn’t want to scare her away. You were right that aggravating the skunk would make it attack, congrats. That teacher was a jackass I’ll give you that one. Oh Cooper… you know I forgot about him? Wonder how he’s doing, he was great.

“Ruby, you’re telling me you missed your window to get the very fucking questions you wanted answered? Jesus. You wanted to dog whisperer it and almost got your ass stank sprayed. Fuck. Cooper. He was not great, you only talked to him because you knew I hated his guts.”

“I’m really not trying to make it hard, I just got my hopes up. Name three times you’ve been right since I’ve known you.”

“Yeah, that sucks. Did she even tell you where’s she’s been or why she ditched you? Three times? No problem. For one, I was right about that skunk that attacked you that day on the lake. I was right about that one teacher you had who kept failing you just because he wanted to get in your pants. And Finally, I was right about that Cooper dude. Fuck him by the way.”

“Not simple, but for once you’re right.”

“It’s only as hard as you make it, a little food for thought. And I take offense to that. I’m right the majority of the time, don’t downplay me like that.”

“I don’t know what I was expecting. I kind of expected her to just never answer but she was and it was actually really good.. and then she just stopped.”

“Right. Now you know the truth, that she doesn’t give a shit about you or the rest of them. So it’s time to move on with your life. Simple.”

“…I found my mom and we were talking and it was good and then she just stopped answering. And if you say I told you so I swear to god, Lio..”

“Okay, okay, whatever I won’t say it, but honestly, what were you expecting after almost 2 decades of her pulling a Houdini?”

She wondered what was going through his mind. Holding hands, wrestling, kissing in public. These weren’t things Lio did but god forbid Janell said anything about it and it would all be over. So she kept her mouth shut. “Oh, I’m supposed to be?” She teased back, kissing his lips over and over. “I’ll make sure to not do that just to piss you off.” Back in his apartment, she fell down onto his couch and began opening the Barbie. She felt comfortable in his place, more than hers simply because it felt like his. Hers felt like something her dad bought her which was technically true. “I can’t believe you bought this.” She fixed her hair and began taking pictures with Janell 2, posting them to her story on Snapchat. 

He never got a solid answer as to why she wanted to go back to his place instead of hers, but he was fine with her choice. Lio’s place, Lio’s rules, right? He rolled his eyes as he caught a glimpse of the Janell’s taking pictures together already. Lio wasn’t sure what she really thought of the doll, he guessed she probably had at least hundred look-a-likes growing up. “Yeah, well how could I resist a face like that? Look at her, all plastic and lifeless. I told you that you two were twins.” He was currently in the kitchen, putting away the various items they had picked up from the store. They were supposed to have a movie night, but he wasn’t sure if she was even interested anymore. “Hey, Orange County, are you gonna put one of those movies in or play on Insta all night?”

“Can’t blame the gas station guy that must suck and the dog is probably hot so that just leaves me.. Which is a much better, shorter list.”

“And what could possibly be your problem?”

Janell opened her mouth into a surprised face. “I do give good handjobs. Like, okay, they’re not the best but…” She smiled, taking his hand and laced their fingers together. She never expected any of this from Lio but she wasn’t complaining. They’d gotten so close over the past few months and now there was something different between them. It felt nice to feel wanted. “And it works so well.” She smiled, kissing his shoulder. But before they could get to the checkout, she stopped and kissed his lips. “I’m so about you tonight.”

“You just need practice, and maybe some wrist exercises would help.” He joked. He didn’t think much about holding her hand, and even though he wasn’t naturally affectionate, when he was comfortable enough with a person things like this just happened. He was glad she seemed to understand him and that there was no pressure to be anything more than what they were in that moment. Friends? More than friends? Is there a name for two people who like to have sex together but also kinda enjoy each others company? Lio wasn’t about labels, so it didn’t matter anyway. “Just tonight? You’re supposed to be about me every night, asshole.” He nipped at her bottom lip. They were being disgustingly affectionate with each other, so much so that passersby may have assumed them to be dating or even married.  

“Coming right up.. sorry. I don’t know, maybe it’s a thing with the moon or something. Who else is hostile?”

“The new guy a the gas station, some random dog on the sidewalk, and you. Short list but could be more you know?”

Sounds good to me. Though I’m definitely not wearing this and only this in public.

Why not? You look awesome and who the fuck is going to care about what you’re wearing, beside me?