can't stop the feelin '

You’re looking at Walt’s first ever Bachelor. Want a rose, ladies? 

Because I absolutely adore grossing my sister out and kissing her friends. And I’ve totally had the hots for Gertie this whole time. Watch out, Sunny. She may be your in-law soon! 

RJ: 😮😮😮😮😮

RJ: DUDE this is reality TV GOLD. That even changes the premise! Like, this could be a Cinderella search now! omg omg omg this changes everything, I'm so pumped.

RJ: you're hired btw

Leo: Are we really~ gonna make it the premise? I thought you'd want it to be more like.. The Bachelor! Not this most recent season. That Peter guy was... fun.

RJ: HA. I think I cracked the code.

RJ: That changes things. Spill.

Leo: 🙄

RJ: Well YEAH but why would you take time out of your princely life for MY project? I was expecting to get like, Moss Triton or someone who's technically a prince but not reeeeeeeally, you know? Not....heir-to-a-throne Fitzherbert.

RJ: Are you...genuinely looking for love or something? 😅

Leo: Because, I want to? Besides, who wouldn't want a bunch of elligble bachelor/ette's fawning over them?

RJ: I am....👀 No offense, but what's in it for you? It's just a class project. Produced by /me/. There's not much clout to gain there.

Leo: Can’t I just help out without there being something in there for me?

Leo: Question.

Leo: Are you still looking for a young, strapping elegible bachelor to participate in your...thing? Because I have just the man for you.

Sunny: Wanna tell me why you're trying to RUIN my life??? I can't network socially as the girl whose older brother stood TIA LA BOUFF up on a date.

Wes: Your tall ass in a better tux than mine outshining me? Pleeeeease. 🙃

Wes: Kidding! You know, I think this engagement has given me some #growth, cause I'm mostly just concerned about standing up there and seeing my fiance walking to me? Wild!

Leo: BEING TALL DOESN'T MEAN I WON'T LOOK GOOD IN A TUX.

Wes: If you haven't already, be sure to RSVP for the #WeslieWedding !!! aka the biggest party of the year! June 22nd is only a month away, so book your flights to NOLA asap! I promise: you won't want to miss it.

INSTAGRAM: @LEOFITZ HAS UPLOADED A NEW PHOTO!

My mother is a beautiful human inside and out, and I’m so amazed at how she manages to do such wonderful things all the time. She’s a super hero. She’s my super hero.

No, I’m the one who’s smart enough to know that any time a guy is talking about his big feet he’s really just expecting everyone who’s listening to make that association. It’s the phallocentric world we live in where men are obsessed with their own junk. It’s why little boys always build tall towers out of building blocks while girls build detailed duplexes with central heating and a swimming pool. 

Okay, but weren’t you the one who assumed that I was making that association? As a matter of fact, I don’t brag about how large my penis may or may not be, because it’s all about presentation. If I don’t have the right shoes, anything going on under my clothes is left to be undesired. I take pride in my looks, and that includes my shoes. I wasn’t the one who had penis on my brain, you did. I wasn’t insinuating anything about my penis, I was just complaining about how unfair it is that there aren’t many options for people with larger feet.

 And for the record, I play the sims and you should see my non-phallic looking mansions that I build. 

The luckiest! When was the last time you went shopping online? Returns are like so easy to do now, so you could just buy a bunch in different sizes and return the bad ones super fast. Plus, unless you’re shopping from somewhere shady like Wish or Depop, it usually looks the same in the picture unless you really just don’t look at the ratings and reviews. Also um, I thought you just said you never find anything but gross sneakers in the store? Even those are satisfying to find if they fit you right?

Like a few months ago. It wasn’t the best experience and now I refuse. And I guess I should’ve been better with my wording and say I rarely find anything but gross sneakers in the store. When you have a rare find, that’s when it’s nice. Plus, spending an all day shopping isn’t bad, really. I just wish it weren’t  so hard sometimes. Maybe if someone shows me how to properly online shop, I’d have better luck.

So…you mean to tell me this is a legitimate complaint and not some kind of humble-brag about your giant feet and therefor proportionate penis? 

I mean, you’re the one that brought up the size of my penis. 

Well I’ve been blessed with relatively tiny feet for my height so, #cantrelate. But you should probably try shopping online more. Having to deal with nothing but gross giant sneakers is a fate worse than death!

Well, aren’t you lucky? I don’t shop online. One, because you never know if it’s the right size, because I can go from like an 11-13 depending on the shoe. Two, it rarely looks the same as it does in the picture. And three, it’s more fun to go out and try to find something -- even if it’s super frustrating. Nothing’s more satisfying than finding the right pair of shoes in store.