king

Feel free to change pronouns or anything else !

at a party

“I love the decorations.”

“There are so many sexy kitties in here.”

“Am I the only one in costume?”

“I’m not sure if this room is full of strangers or if I just can’t recognize anyone because of the costumes.”

“Do I hear ‘Monster Mash’ playing?”

“Come on, let’s dance. Even the skeletons are doing it.”

“Did someone spike the punch?”

“I hate costume parties…”

at a haunted house

“This stuff’s for babies.”

“AAAAAHHHHH!”

“Hey, can we…go home? Not that I’m scared.”

“BOO!”

“Wait, are you actually scared?”

“FuCK NO–”

“That makeup is so realistic.”

“I paid $40 so I better die.”

alone

“You should hang out with me later. I’m gonna marathon a bunch of movies.”

“[text] Hey, it’s me. I heard banging noises and I’m terrified. Please save me.”

“Halloween?? With friends?? What friends?”

“[text] I just heard some weird noises. [text] No I’m being serious. [text] I need you ri”

“I’m probably just going to stay up all night so the ghosts don’t kill me.”

“I’ll just be chilling with the monsters under my bed.”

“Maybe I’ll summon a demon so I have someone to hang out with.”

“Do ghosts like Netflix?”

with kids

“Don’t eat all your candy at once!”

“Aw~ I love your costume.”

“And who are you?”

“Look, man. You can’t give toothbrushes to kids on Halloween.”

“Trick or treat!”

“Let me check those before you eat them.”

“UGH, why am I stuck with a bunch of babies?”

“I wish it was socially acceptable for me to trick or treat on my own, but it’s not, so.”

with friends

“We should egg his/her/their house.”

“Help me with my costume!”

“TIME TO GET SPOOKY.”

“Are you just going to wear a T-shirt that says ‘costume’ on it?”

“Should we be drinking this much?”

“The ouija board says you’re a little shit.”

“Let’s tell ghost stories.”

“Time to join the skeleton war, bitches.”

as a flirt

“You look so hot in that.”

“After being freaks, are we gonna get freaky?”

“[jumps into __’s arms out of fear]”

“Your outfit is scary…take it off.”

“I came in here expecting a trick, but you’re a real treat.”

“If I was in a scary movie, I’d want to be trapped with you.”

“You–uh–spooked…my heart.”

“I’d let you haunt me all night long.”

misc.

“Let’s carve a pumpkin!”

“I’d be a witch in another life.”

“I wonder if I still have that ouija board…”

“Do you believe in ghosts?”

“What costume are you wearing?”

“Let’s pull a prank.”

“I hate Halloween.”

“ you have to get out of here — now! ”

“ leave it to me, i got this ! ”

“ you can’t do this on your own! ”

“ stay behind me! ”

“ we have to keep pushing on! ”

“ it’s too late to turn back now. ”

“ where are we supposed to hit!? ”

“ it’s too strong! ”

“ i can’t do this alone! ”

“ i’m going to lure it away, attack when you have a chance! ”

“ we can’t give up now. ”

“ fucking help me! ”

“ are you going to cry or fight!? ”

“ you’re so weak. ”

“ is this all you can do!? ”

“ i see you’ve come out to play ~ ”

“ come out, come out ~ wherever you are! ”

“ it’s just you and me now. ”

“ you’re coughing blood! ”

“ you have to stop — at this rate you’ll — ”

“ i’m not gonna die! i can’t die. not now. ”

“ i was made to do this. ”

“ my weaponry is down! i can’t do anything! ”

“ i … i need help — ”

“ take my hand! ”

“ out of ammo! i need backup ! ”

“ we can’t just go in blind! ”

“ this is how i lead. ”

“ if you can’t walk the distance, then get the fuck out of here. ”

“ we are required to do sacrifices. it’s what we do. ”

“ you won’t be the same when you come home. ”

“ people are dying out there — and you are planning to do nothing? ”

“ i can’t fight alongside you. not when you’re like this. ”

“ you are going too far. ”

“ i’ll give it my best. ”

“ i’ll distract them. run — run and don’t look back. ”

“ trust me, ( name ). ”

“ why can’t you just stay down!? ”

“ learn your fucking place! ”

“ we need a leader, ( name )! ”

“ nobody WANTS to die, ( name ). but what choice do we have!? ”

“ if you can’t do it — then i’ll do it. ”

“ leave it to me. ”

“ don’t follow me! ”

“ war changed me. ”

“ if i don’t make it back… ”

​❛ suck a motherfucking dick . ❜

​❛ i thought you were bae , turns out you were just fam . ❜

​❛ i thought you were american . ❜

​❛ is that a weed !? ❜

​❛ i won’t hesitate bitch ! ❜

​❛ chipotle is my life . ❜

​❛ turn off the flash you fucking moron ! ❜

​❛ kiss my ass bitch motherfucker ! ❜

​❛ is that a police !? ❜

​❛ i’m calling the weed ! ❜

​❛ done & done , let me pull the table out of my ass . ❜

​❛ merry crisis ! ❜

​❛ i don’t have enough money for chicken nugget . ❜

​❛ i’m ready to die anytime , any place , for any reason . ❜

​❛ hey guys , we’re unboxing this cheese stick today . ❜

​❛ i aint never gonna stop loving you , bitch .  ❜

​❛ this is the comedy police ! that joke’s too funny ! ❜

​❛ i’m not going back to jail ! ❜

​❛ what the fuck ? $599 for a fucking playground ? that looks like a piece of shit . ❜

​❛ FUCK YOUR TEA ! ❜

​❛ the feminists are taking over ! ❜

​❛ I GOT TWO FREE TACOS ! ❜

​❛ and they were roommates ! ❜

​❛ i’m not your friend ! ❜

​❛ there’s no saving this sweet piece of ass . ❜

​❛ hi welcome to chili’s ! ❜

​❛ yeah tip of the penis to you too . ❜

​❛ this is why mom doesn’t FUCKING love you ! ❜

​❛ welcome to bible study , we’re all children of jesus . ❜

​❛ aw fuck , i can’t believe you’ve done this . ❜

​❛ YO HOLY SHIT HE DEAD ! ❜

​❛ this is the dollar store , how good can it be ? ❜

​❛ step back , i think i’m gonna vomit ! ❜

​❛ oh sorry , i didn’t see ya there , i was too busy blocking out the haters . ❜

​❛ shut up ! your mother buys you mega blocks instead of legos ! ❜

​❛ I’LL TAKE A NAP HERE ! ❜

​❛ i hate to do this but i specifically asked for no mustard and you just brought me a bottle of mustard on a plate . ❜

​❛ how are we gonna win if we fucking die ? ❜

​❛ why the fuck would i say printer ? ❜

​❛ the benefits of killing him would be that i’d be pushed way less . ❜