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@linnyb1234

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These are the exact same character I will not be taking questions at this time.
roy Kent
thank uu for the ask :D, Big Man Roy Kent!
Realistic headcanon: He hates having to work on himself, but he refuses not to when someone points out a genuine flaw that he can recognize as true. Very much 'i dont wanna do this' 'u dont have to' 'no, im gonna'. Like as a footballer, he must be used to getting critique he doesn't want to hear but knows they're right anyway, so he does something about it, because that's how you become the best. Roy likes being the best. He's never not the best. So he takes that with him to his day to day life as well. He'll complain the whole time and hate every moment, but he will improve. He can't not improve. He's Roy Fucking Kent.
Playing pretend headcanon: He has done drag once. I don't know why or in what context, but he has been put in drag and gone out on the town and no one recognized him and he will take it to his grave (he won't, Jamie and Keeley will get it out of him. There are pictures.) It was probably with the yoga mums,
My headcannon: Roy Kent on MDMA will literally agree to anything. Any. Thing.
Omg yessss, sleazy party era Roy totally wouldddddd. Do we think he kept his look mostly in tact or do we think that with his addled brain he agrees to go all in and wakes up somewhere weird the next day shaved entirely from beard to toes? Showing up to training unrecognizable and daring anyone to say shit and hiding from the paps until it has grown back xp
His stoned ass gets in a minor slap fight with Maureen when she goes for the beard, but they manage to shave his arms and chest incredibly quickly (Janice used to help sheer sheep on her fathers farm before she married an investment baker) and they wrestle him into something pretty and make him up (‘leave his lashes the fuck alone, they’re already perfect’) and he cries a little when they tell him how good he looks. Just a little.
He misses practice and a fucking match because he can’t stop itching when it starts to grow back in.
Alternatively: He’s 18 years old. His first promo shoot the photographer tells him to take his shirt off then spends several seconds gaping at the carpet of hair that covers his upper body. “Is there a fucking problem?” “N—no. It’s…natural, innit?” “Well it’s not a fucking wig.”
roy Kent
thank uu for the ask :D, Big Man Roy Kent!
Realistic headcanon: He hates having to work on himself, but he refuses not to when someone points out a genuine flaw that he can recognize as true. Very much 'i dont wanna do this' 'u dont have to' 'no, im gonna'. Like as a footballer, he must be used to getting critique he doesn't want to hear but knows they're right anyway, so he does something about it, because that's how you become the best. Roy likes being the best. He's never not the best. So he takes that with him to his day to day life as well. He'll complain the whole time and hate every moment, but he will improve. He can't not improve. He's Roy Fucking Kent.
Playing pretend headcanon: He has done drag once. I don't know why or in what context, but he has been put in drag and gone out on the town and no one recognized him and he will take it to his grave (he won't, Jamie and Keeley will get it out of him. There are pictures.) It was probably with the yoga mums,
My headcannon: Roy Kent on MDMA will literally agree to anything. Any. Thing.
Thank you Mo Welch and Brett Goldstein for this new vocal stim that’s never ever ever going away now. Truly my life is ruined.
Also his Cookie Monster is perfect. No notes. I need it on a shirt.

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I don’t believe I’ve ever heard Brett make a noise as high pitched as the embarrassed squeak that comes out around 33 seconds in.
I JUST realized I posted this A YEAR AGO:
Tell me I don’t know my man.
The way she yells “NOT NANDO’S” she’s so sick of his shit lmao.
Everyone loves season two sheepdog Roy Kent, including me. But what I truly long for is mid covid lockdown short beard curly hair.
Tee hee. Whatever you say sir.
ETA again: I somehow missed that this was Padma Lakshmi’s night of comedy to benefit abortion access!
ETA: anotha one

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So you just finished a huge press tour with a giant movie star that everyone thinks you’re dating and you’ve got the number one streaming movie in the world for two weeks that 25 million plus people have watched. What do you do now?
You open for your bestie at Joe’s Pub. Obviously.
“He’s over proofed it,” Roy snorts in disgust, pausing the show and tossing the remote onto the couch in huff. “Amateur. Bake Off used to have higher standards, you know.”
“Bread Week is always a tough one,” Jamie says sympathetically, pulling out his patented Empathy Face just to see Roy roll his eyes. “Really shows you what the contestants are made of.” Jamie picks up the remote and starts the show back up. “Awful critical, you,” he says casually after a few minutes. “Like you could do any better.”
Roy turns his head, ever so slowly. “Excuse me?”
Jaime blinks at him. “I just mean…s’hard, innit? Making bread? Shouldn’t be so mean about something you can’t do yourself.”
Roy reaches over and takes the remote out of his hand, turns the whole TV off. “Let’s go.”
“But—the technical—“ Jamie yelps as Roy drags him into the kitchen muttering about claggy crumbs and poor gluten development.
Then Roy spills flour in his shirt and has to take it off and Jamie watches him shape dough with his nice hands and has to kiss him and then they make out and the bread comes out perfect the end.
If my friends don’t start saying “what a treat!” When I call them we are never speaking again.
Gosh his real voice is so hot. What a soft boy.
6/8 he returns to his natural habitat.

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Me when people act like Brett Goldstein is a celebrity and not a weird sexy goblin man.
I recognized a couple of bits in Office Romance that Brett’s talked about before, if you’re interested in the real life version of these things.
Brett’s drunk Tinder date starts a fight/Pheromones and instant boners.