It's become so difficult for me to create friendships. it’s fairly easy for me to create a somewhat interesting conversation for the most part- but to be genuinely interested in the moment and with the person I’m communicating with is rare. For the most part, I constantly feel like i’m detached from the world. rarely ever do i feel as if i’m part of the crowd, or even this world. It feels as if I’m floating through everyday life. I’ve found that because it is such a challenge for me to form relationships that I stubbornly cling to those people who I actually can connect with. I come by so many people and am unaffected so when someone starts a fire inside me, I never want it to be put out. I fear that the people who I cling to will one day find that I have no use for them. I’m stuck between not trusting a soul and wanting to possess them. my fear that one day the people I love will change their minds keeps me from giving all of me, but I so badly want to. I just don’t know how without the certainty that they’ll never leave me, I don’t know how without the feeling of security.