1. I Said A Lot Of Passive Aggressive Things
I was the kind of person who would insist for days â sometimes weeks â that I wasnât mad. No, Iâm not mad. Not like you would care if I were anyway, I would say to my boyfriend all the time. I would spout similar things to my mom and my girlfriends, too. On top of that, I would frequently criticize others in underhanded ways, rather than have a frank conversation about why I was upset.
How I Recovered: Therapy was my savior in this department, because toxicity canât really be reasoned with. No matter how many of my loved ones called me out on being passive aggressive, it only stuck when my therapist bluntly put it out there for me.
âDo you hear how passive aggressive that sounds?â he said to me once.
I was stunned, but because he wasnât someone that I felt comfortable fighting with on the subject, I actually went home and mulled it over. Gradually, I started to see just how right he was â and how right my loved ones had been.
2. I Was Jealous Of Everyone
It was impossible for me to be happy for anyone when they came to me with good news. I coveted my momâs new car at a stage in my life when I neither needed or wanted a vehicle. I resented how good my friend got at Zumba, even though I hated it. My envy ended up seeping into even the most remote corners of my social life.
I wasnât actively choosing to be jealous all the time, but much of my time was spent thinking about other peopleâs accomplishments and possessions instead of finding ways to make myself happy.
How I Recovered: I spent a lot of time thinking about the things I was most insecure about in my life. I realized I wasnât satisfied with where my career was, and I definitely wasnât making the money I needed to pay my bills and student loan debt. I discovered that it was hard for me to stomach the smallest of someone elseâs achievements because I was so distressed about my own lack of success.
I consulted a trusted few, and with them by my side, I constructed a game plan for the next few years. I turned my nasty thoughts into productive, healthy ones, and from there I finally found relief from my envy.
3. I Blamed Other People For My Problems
I was a champion at the blame game. I pointed the finger at my roommate for the state of our apartment, (which I rarely lifted a finger to clean) and insisted my yoga teacher was the reason why I couldnât balance perfectly in class. I thought my life would feel simpler if I wasnât the one at fault for the unpleasant things happening to me.
How I Recovered: Therapy helped with this, too. My therapist gave me a few tools to practice when I found myself on the verge of pointing fingers. Eventually, I started to feel relief when I took responsibility for my own actions. It took a lot of pressure off of my relationships, too.
4. I Attracted Drama
I loved a juicy piece of gossip â actually, I thrived off of it. Furthermore, not a day went by when I wasnât involved in some sort of spectacle, whether it was arguing with a barista or demanding a refund at Urban Outfitters.
Toxic people habitually make themselves the center of attention, and they do so in negative ways. Itâs our misguided way of burying the emotional pain we feel on a daily basis.
How I Recovered: One of my favorite yoga teachers said something that changed my life: âYou can either live in a tornado of drama, or remove yourself from the storm and choose to live in peace.â That really stuck with me. I didnât want to be trapped in a whirlwind of gossip and emotional turmoil anymore. Every day I made a point to steer clear of drama. Over time, avoiding drama became a habit.
5. I Flirted With People Who Werenât My S.O. In Ways That Damaged My Relationship
I hate that I hurt my now-ex boyfriend by doing this. Most of my flirtations happened online rather than in person, but that didnât make them any less damaging to my relationship. Of course, my chats started out innocently enough; but eventually my emotional dependence on them drove a wedge between my S.O. and me.
How I Recovered: As you can imagine, the guy I was with during this period of my life didnât stick around. We split up for a lot of reasons, and most of them had to do with my toxic behavior.
After our breakup, my friends and therapist helped me realize that my behavior was coming from my own deeply rooted insecurity. The more I focused on my own issues with body image, the more I developed self-esteem. Soon, I didnât need attention from men like I used to.
6. I Pressured People Into Partying With Me
Itâs no secret that toxic people tend to veer toward the party scene. Going hard on Friday nights is a sweet escape from all the noise in our heads, and itâs even better when weâre surrounded by friends.
Back when I was drinking a lot, I would drag as many people as I could to various bars and clubs. When they politely refused, I would manipulate them into keeping up with me until sunrise.
How I Recovered: I stopped drinking as much, and I started being more open with my friends. Whenever I felt the urge to go out on the weekend with a group of friends, I called them up and told them flat out that I was feeling a bit restless. My newfound honesty prompted them to help me out rather than enable my behavior.
7. I Ignored My Friends When I Didnât Feel Like Talking Or Hanging Out
My friends could text me a million times in a row asking for a listening ear, but if I wasnât feeling up for it, I would blow them off without a second thought. I did this for a long time. Not surprisingly, I lost a lot of friends because of it. When I was an emotional wreck, though, I responded lightning-fast to any invitations to hang out. My friendships were terribly one-sided.
How I Recovered: I apologized to my friends, and I asked them to hold me accountable for any future flakiness. Then, I started responding to all their texts, calls, and emails the second I received them.
read up ladiesâŚ
I mean guys can also be toxic.
Yes but thereâs also no shortage of people telling men that theyâre toxic even when theyâre not however when a woman is toxic everyone move mountains to justify it or just pretend toxic women donât even exist.
Exactly. If a guy wrote this Tumblr would definitely tell other men they need to step it up, follow his footsteps, get on his level and etc. Tell me Iâm lying!
Hence since there are many posts like this for men, hereâs one for the ladies. FOR. LADIES!
Man Tumblr is âfunnyâ like that. Y'all pull some of the dumbest shit on dudes but the moment the same is done to y'all, the moment your feet are held to the fire, the moment youâre asked to take some responsibility, suddenly there are objections. SMFH. Not surprising but damn hypocritical as fuck.
Do you have any idea how weak that makes y'all look? SMFH.
