limes

these tags by @vaguely-concerned cracked me up so I had to sketch it as baby Orufrey

[7]

I tweaked a line so it matches up with our translation notes, and Seresu spoilers to follow, but OOH

OOH this is satisfying the second time around.

COMPLETELY worth it.

Especially when Fai explains that he’s going to keep maintaining this distance between Kurogane and himself moving forward. 

It’s BURSTING with all the character development that slides right by you the first time around. 

Back in the Reservoir Fai CHOSE the family. He COMMITTED to it. And yet, Fai’s weakest moment Kurogane made a decision in spite of what Fai wanted and Fai got turned into a vampire. 

And that woke Fai up. He snapped into full realisation of everything that he’d done and how he got here and what it all meant. It’s a volatile mix of what Kurogane had done to him, his choices being taken away, the KNOWLEDGE that he’s in too deep, that they’re in love, that Kurogane would do THAT much for him, and the familiar escalating guilt that he’s abandoned his twin a second time around for his own happiness - a chance that he shouldn’t have in the first place. And this hits right back to his backstory, down in the pit, where (thanks to Evil Wolverine’s memory meddling) Fai thinks he chose to let his brother die so that he could live. He’s lived with that his whole life. So here he is, ready to fix it, ready to make the Correct Choice this time and choose to die for someone else. He chooses (for the second time) to volunteer his death so that others can live. 

And AGAIN he is robbed of it. This time by Kurogane. 

But Fai doesn’t know this - he was robbed by Evil Wolverine the first time, and his whole life since then has been a carefully fabricated lie without his knowledge. He doesn’t KNOW he made the same choice both times. He doesn’t KNOW that he was always a good and selfless person, and has instead lived his entire life trying to change something he never did wrong in the first place. 

From Fai’s point of view, he chose Selfishly and Unforgivably as a child and watched his brother die for his own benefit. So in Acid Tokyo he’s faced with the same choice again and tries to choose the selfless option instead - and Kurogane takes it away from him. 

Kurogane is right to, to save Fai’s life, but as far as Fai knows Kurogane is reaching right into Fai’s past and forcing him to choose the death of his brother all over again. 

So instead of this becoming a changing point in Fai for the better, it actually slams him in full reverse. He’s course correcting, retracting all affection and fun and any fragment of himself that he’d given to Kurogane. 

And even that aside, how much must Fai RESENT himself for what Kurogame has done. Especially after his whole life he thinks he’s brought misfortune and tragedy to everyone around. He never wanted anyone else to get hurt for him, not ever again, and here is Kurogane swearing his life away for his benefit JUST LIKE his brother did. 

It’s too much for Fai. 

He can’t do that again, especially not to someone he loves, and especially not to someone he loves like Kurogane. 

Fai blames himself for what’s happened between them and the only solution that will keep Kurogane safe is if Fai retracts his feelings completely. At the same time, Fai feels betrayed by Kurogane for unknowingly recreating the trauma that he thinks he caused as a child, and he can’t accept that from him. 

Never mind the fact that it’s a bit too late - that he has to feed on Kurogane to live. As far as Fai is concerned, he shouldn’t even be here to do this to him in the first place. 

And look at what has happened because he’s here? All the harmless fun he indulged in, the teasing names and the stolen moments he thought would mean nothing, have instead lead to Kurogane trading away anything he has to save Fai, and it’s all Fai’s fault that he did any of this to him in the first place. 

Fai thinks that if he had never instinctively called Kurogane any of those nicknames, Kurogane never would have loved him like this. 

Which, like, laughable, but still. 

The conversation turns to Sakura next. Fai learns where she is and he instantly flips into full panicked concern. 

And what’s so INTERESTING about Fai’s change of priorities in Acid Tokyo is that he doesn’t retreat into himself and his original goals, as you might expect. Instead of fueling his life back towards reviving his brother he instead dedicates it fully and formally to SAKURA moving forward, and I just find that so fascinating. 

Chapters ago he committed to this family but Kurogane scared and hurt him so badly that Fai is trying to desperately distance himself from him, to protect them both. 

But that doesn’t apply to Sakura, and Fai is on Sakura’s side FULL BLAST regardless of everything else. 

Part of it is because this is the way it should have been for his original mission, I’m sure. He was supposed to guide Sakura through her journey and in exchange he would get his wish. 

But that’s not entirely true anymore. We see it in just a bit, but there’s a moment where Fai’s love for Sakura actually interferes with the mission, and he sides with the feelings rather than his goals. 

So it’s FASCINATING that he sticks with his choice, to dedicate himself to the family, but deliberately cuts Kurogane out of that equation and pretends he’s not there.