dreaming realities

“i flatter you? you brought me a gift to your birthday dinner.” she giggled as she grabbed the box of macaroons. some of her favorites. “you’re the best thank you. i cannot wait to try them.” she said opening the package to give them a smell, and they smelt devine. “really thank you so much.” she said, grabbing lily’s gift from beside her. she stood for just a moment getting the bright orange and blue louis vuitton bag and handing it to her friend. “i wish i would’ve been able to get this to you before your trip. it would’ve been perfect for that. but i figured we’ll just have to take a girls trip so you can use it.” she grinned, excited for her to open the keep all. valentina shook her head about birthday plans, “hmm, my mother is already asking about what themes i’m thinking about and honestly i have no idea. you know how she is.. every chance she gets she wants to throw and extravaganza at the vineyard. for some reason she threw out the idea of ‘romeo and juliet but the one with leonardo dicaprio’ or ‘a midsummer night’s dream’ she’s stuck on shakespeare. which sounds better to you?” she giggled, mocking her mother’s voice that she was certain got on lily’s nerves at times to.. her mother while goodhearted also could be a pill to plan with. val was just thankful lily still planned their events. 

when she said newly single, val raised a brow. “single, huh? just don’t shave your head.” she teased lightly.. not knowing how rough, if at all, the breakup had been. “paris is wonderful. there is just something about it. but i think i’m more of a saint tropez kind of girl. the riviera owns my heart.” she has fond memories of traveling europe with her family for years. france always one of her favorite places to go. 

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Lily valued each of the love languages in their own way, but gift giving was certainly a major one of hers. It didn’t even matter what it was or if there was even an occasion. “I had to bring something back for you, my friends are always on my mind,” she assured the younger woman warmly. “It’s summer, we have so many options. But then again, it depends on how much we want to be around other tourists, or avoid them as much as possible.” It wasn’t like Lily or Valentina had to worry about the financial aspects of these vacations, although both women needed to consider their respective businesses. “I unfortunately don’t know if I could take a long vacation until September, seeing as it’s prime wedding season. But a weekend getaway, I could do once I have nothing scheduled. But rest assured, this bag would get lots of usage whether it’s for a quick trip to Vancouver or for something longer in the Caribbean. But I love it, Val. Thank you so much.” A hand rested on top of the other woman’s briefly, Lily nodding appreciatively to show her gratitude. “As for those two themes, I’d say I’m partial to A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I love the forest fairy vibe, and I think we can definitely work with that on the winery grounds. As much as I love and respect your mother, I have to ask: what do you want? Say the word and I’ll do my best to make it happen.” Not only were the Casillas’ paying clients, but they had been friends of the Whittakers for years – even if Valentina wanted a Star Wars-themed event, Lily would do her best to deliver. 

As expected, an eyebrow raised on the other woman’s expression and Lily sighed, not wanting to put a damper on the jovial mood but knowing she needed to explain that comment. “Bash and I called it quits shortly after the wedding, we just weren’t on the same life path anymore. It happens, as hard as it is. I’m not shaving my head, but I’m not ruling out cutting it either. I’m thinking of a bob, maybe even a balayage,” the woman mused, remembering the blonde wig she’d donned for her Halloween party as Daenerys Targaryen. Perhaps it was time for a change after all. A dreamy look crossed her features when the Casillas heiress mentioned Saint Tropez, it wasn’t as romantic as Paris but it was definitely a favorite destination. “Florence and Venice are definitely places I’d love to revisit. I don’t know if I ever mentioned that I spent the spring semester of my junior year in Barcelona and actually haven’t been back since, but it has a special place in my heart nonetheless. Plus, when next will I be able to jet set around Europe?” Tilting her head with a coy smirk, Lily nodded in Valentina’s direction. “So what about you, any special people in your life?”

Giving a soft ‘merci’ as her own cup was brought to the table, Sanem’s attentiveness remained on her best friend, taking an initial sip of the pipping hot liquid. Light laugh falling with a nod in concurrence to the first statement. ❝ I mean, the Real Bean will always have a special place in my heart, but there really is something untouchable in the way they make it here. Although — I have seen at least a couple Starbucks around, it does kinda make you wonder if they’re any better too. ❞ Thoughtful hum emanates out with her words, before refocusing as Lily spoke on the beginnings of thirty, and comparison of a movie she was sure they’d seen together more than a few times. ❝ Well, as someone who’s had a two month head start, it’s been the same for me too — with the exception of being a Mrs. now of course. Maybe it’s just delayed, how do you think 13 year old Lily would be reacting ? ❞

A hand raked itself causally through brunette locks, head tilting subtly to the side with partly furrowed brow as the woman began. Just as instantly as the words left about what was going on between her and Bash, eyes grew wide. ❝ What ?! Oh my god Lil, ❞ Rushed out first, with a hand reaching over to settle atop her best friends in a comforting manner, allowing her to continue. While the next query would’ve been why she kept it hidden this long, the answer already made clear, understanding and appreciative to the fact that the event planner had done it so not to sully her own current bliss. She still would’ve been there for her in whatever way possible, which would come as no real shock to anyone. It was said to have been amicable, though there was something clinging to her best friend she could sense. ❝ For the most part? ❞ While she wouldn’t poke and prod for the woman to spill, keeping in mind the fact of not dampening the respective celebratory occasions they’d found themselves in France for and consideration if she truly hadn’t wanted to go in depth right now. ❝ I’m sorry, I know you both cared for each other so deeply. ❞ Giving her hand a squeeze with a matching tender smile. ❝ A hastily made trip escaping to another country because ‘fuck it’, you pulled a me move, and I’m so proud of you. ❞ Throwing in a tease then to put a lighter mood back into the atmosphere.

She let a chuckle and couple help but think of a very obvious point to her brother saying yes that may involve some possible pettiness in his dislike of Bash. Though not leaving out his genuine thoughtfulness for Lily as well. ❝ Having spent my entire childhood traveling with him, I can actually agree he’s pretty great company for it. ❞ When the topic shifted onto herself and the honeymoon she’d been in Paris for, a more adoring smile pulled as her thoughts trickled to the moments she and Alli had thus far. ❝ It’s been, breathtaking to say the least. Montmartre is definitely a newer favorite. But making it a mandatory point to visit Disneyland once before we leave. ❞ A priority stop she planned beforehand. ❝ Maybe it’s cause we just got married but at the risk of sounding overly cheesy, getting to explore everything with her, I think it’s actual so much more vibrant. ❞

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No matter where they went, Crescent Harbor was always going to be home and the places within it would always hold a special place in their hearts. After all, it’s where Lily and Sanem’s friendship started and truly blossomed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if European Starbucks is better, maybe I’ll get some tomorrow to test it out myself. But then again, who am I to deny myself the right to true Parisian cuisine?” At Sanem’s question about Lily’s teenaged self seeing her present one, the woman leaned back in her seat and blinked a few times, as though to see the past. “I think she’d definitely be surprised that her thirty-year-old self is unmarried and working outside of her family’s business, or her hypothetical husband’s. She’d definitely be glad the awkward phase is over, and that frosted lip gloss and blue eyeshadow are no longer a thing. But I think she’d be in awe of what she’s capable of.” While her family’s generational wealth was what had given her as many opportunities as she had had, there were many others who had the same support and didn’t accomplish what Lily had. “What about you? What do you think your past self would say if she saw you right here, right now?”

Sanem realistically could have assumed that Bash was unable to travel at the moment, or that he had another commitment that preceded Lily’s trip that would explain his absence. She tried her best to not cry, still having unresolved feelings about the breakup. She was convinced that it was the right call for them both, but it still hurt like a knife through her chest. “It wasn’t easy, but sometimes the right thing is the difficult one. I loved him and I know he loved me, but not everything's meant to last forever. And just because he wasn’t the one for me doesn’t mean there’s not someone out there who is,” Lily reiterated, a forced smile upon her features. It was still too early to think about being with someone else, but she was optimistic that she’d find love again. After all, she fell in love with Bash after a harrowing breakup as well. “There was some yelling, and I sort of changed my tone after it. Told him I didn’t really want to hear anything else from him, so I guess that’s the end of that. But I don’t mind you still hanging out with him, really. I know he’s your friend too, and I respect that,” Lily assured Sanem, squeezing her hand across the table. Just because things had ended on a more complicated note than she’d hoped didn’t mean that she expected Sanem to forgo her relationship with him as well. “But I’ll be okay, I’ve had my heart broken before. You know me, I’d binge romcoms and maybe cut my hair but after that, I’ll be back on track.”

Lily recalled the night of Sanem and Allison’s wedding, after she and Bash had had yet another hushed argument and she ended up having a heart-to-heart with Landon on the balcony. “It was something Landon and I did in the heat of the moment, I told him I just wanted to get away. I had all intentions of cancelling it, but safe to say that didn’t happen. I love Paris though, and even though being here simultaneously with my best friend on her honeymoon isn’t conventional, I am glad we got a moment to catch up. Although it truly is more of your thing to plan impromptu trips. I was making an itinerary on the flight to the best of my availability.” Beaming as Sanem spoke about the beginning of married life, Lily was happy for her best friend’s newfound happiness even though she was still finding her special someone. “Are you going right back to work after the honeymoon?”

A faint smile passed over Nate’s features, pride blooming like warmth in his chest. He wondered if she knew that he admired her– admired what she’d done, how hard she was working, how tall she stood on her own. He was incapable of it, the Blackwood name a crutch, a shield, a weapon. “Yeah. One. Don’t be like me.” He laughed once and then his face softened as he shrugged. “I think you’ll be just fine. You’re good with people. People like you. Just be,” –he gestured towards her with a flick of his wrists, “–you.” 

He might have missed it, then, if he hadn’t been looking at her. He watched the smile slip at the mention of Bash. His eyes narrowed, attention peaked. He only half-heard the question about his birthday. A weight settled in the pit of his stomach at the reminder and he waved it off, face pinched with a forced sort of disinterest. “I’m working. It’s just a birthday, it doesn’t have to be a thing.” He nodded in her direction, unwilling to let her derail that particular conversation. Even if annoyance still lingered at the edges of the topic of Sebastian Landry. “How are things with Bash?”

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“Well, now that my impromptu vacation is over, I have to review the stack of resumes on my desk first thing on Monday morning. I wish I took more than a week off, but wedding season must go on.” In all honesty, Lily was glad to be home and back to her daily routine of work and spending time with those closest to her. “I bought you something.” The statement of mystery was followed by Lily pulling an intricately decorated box full of chocolates. “It’s from Debauve & Gallais, the official chocolatier of Napoleon, as well as many French kings,” she explained, handing the box over to her friend. It was a small gesture that she often did when travelling, yet a meaningful one when she brought something back for a loved one no matter how simple. To Lily, it means that they crossed her mind.

“I guess it’s no surprise given that I was away for a week without him for my birthday, but Bash and I are no longer together,” she informed him, shrugging as she told him what had happened. “I thought I was pregnant,” Lily admitted, letting the new information linger for a little while. She didn’t know what Nate thought about parenthood, or her being a parent, but he was one of two people she trusted enough to disclose it to. “It was a false alarm, but it made me think about having a family one day. And we’ve just been fighting a lot about small things, and I didn’t think he wanted the same things as I did in life. I didn’t see a future for us, no matter how much I wanted to. We argued when I went to break up, and we both said some things. I can’t speak for him, but I regret some of the stuff I said, what’s done is done though.” It was an attempt to play it off, to act as though it didn’t bother her as much as it did. “I guess you’ve been through this too, when you love someone so much but you ultimately know you’re bad for each other. You don’t have to answer this but… did Bash ever apologize to you for ambushing you back in December?”

Landon had been traveling since he was a boy, but even he had to admit…Paris was beautiful. The weather had been beautiful and he had been enjoying Lily’s company, away from everything. As he decided between two different berets to wear for the day, he smirked, thinking that maybe they could make this an annual trip. 

“Yes?” he asked as he answered, already grinning from the tone in her voice. Ignoring the question, Landon asked, “Black or red?” Both matched his outfit for the day, but black would probably look better as the sun went down; he wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb. “Lily, define immature,” he stated as he adjusted his ascot. “You care about Bash, for whatever reason, but does he care about you? And if he does, I would believe that him seeing you in Paris with me would make him jealous and come running back to you,” Landon threw on his sunglasses, ready to take Paris by storm. “But then again, he’s a fucking idiot. So are we getting brunch today or no?”

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Brown eyes darting between the hats, their glare landed on the man as he took joy in his behavior. “If you give me a moment, I can google the official definition of ‘immature’ for you,” Lily shot back, blinking at Landon’s reasoning for the game he’d started. “You’re in your mid thirties and you’re trying to antagonize your friend’s ex on social media. And you’re saying you’re doing this… to see if he’s jealous and comes running back?” It was as though she was trying to analyze Landon’s logic, and even his desire to see the outcome of this breakup. “And if he does….” she repeated, giving Landon a shrug. While Lily took Bash having not contacted her for her birthday as a sign that he was moving on, their last conversation had been pretty heated and it would be difficult to come back from that. “I guess he doesn’t,” Lily admitted regretfully, more to herself than Landon. “I’m okay, though. Or at least I will be. I’m in the most beautiful city in the world with one of my closest friends, and I just turned thirty. I can’t really be sad about that, can I?” As that statement had been made, Lily’s fingers darted between Landon’s headwear before landing on the black one. “It goes with anything, and it matches mine. Give me five minutes and I’ll meet you in the lobby.”

Adjusting her own beret, Lily stepped out of the elevator and smirked at Landon. “Didn’t keep you waiting a moment longer than I said I would. We should walk, it’s only seven minutes and it’s such a lovely day today.” The fresh air hit her skin as she strolled with Landon along the Parisian streets, turning to face him. “I hope that this trip has been as therapeutic for you as it’s been for me, Landon. I know that we sort of booked it impulsively, but I’m glad we did it.” She wanted to ask more about Oliver, where the pair stood and what Landon’s feelings were towards the doctor, but she thought better of it. Instead, she brought up the common factor between them: “I hope you haven’t been keeping tabs on Sanem since we arrived, I’d like for her to enjoy her honeymoon without us crashing.”

❛ Yeah it fuckin’ does! You’d rather hang with him your entire birthday week and you knew that days ago, when you asked me to be free for it – huh? ❜ Trying his best to stifle a sniffle, a heavy stone formed in Bash’s stomach. He should have seen it coming, he should have realized he couldn’t make her happy. Lily was too good for him. Maybe he should have just taken that money Ian offered him and left his daughter alone to spare her of… This. Him. ❛ That’s not– I… I’ll go down your path. I want to, ❜ he said, trying to sound certain, trying so bad to convince her they could want the same things. Didn’t they? Each other. A future. Whatever the hell that was. Lily had a plan. She always had a plan. Him? Not so much. Bash went with the flow, not sure what the future held for him but he knew he wanted her to be in it. Was that so bad? Maybe he was selfish but he loved her. He didn’t want her to just give up. Saying the trip had nothing to do with it felt like a lie to Bash but he knew it was hypocritical of him to not let her tell one when he did almost every day.

Ready to throw out all the reasons for her to stay he instead frown when she said she was late. For work? Piecing her next sentence together his frown softened but made his eyes widen as he fell speechless, stomach twisting. Maybe Skylar hadn’t kicked all the life out of his balls after all but why did that, in this moment, feel like a bad thing? Why did the thought of abortion mess with his head equally as much as if she’d keep the possible baby? Did she want an abortion or – and? – leave him because she didn’t want him to raise a child? Maybe he wouldn’t be a good dad. Right now. He knew that. However, he hadn’t done an incredibly awful job with his younger siblings, right? Although he’d had help and they hadn’t exactly been babies when their mother died. 

The surprise and mixed emotions manifested itself in a form of anger. ❛ What? What fuckin’ conversations? About kids? ❜ he almost spat, arms throwing out to his sides almost spilling the beer in his one hand. ❛ I didn’t think you actually cared, not— It’s not supposed to happen. Yet. I can’t— I can’t, ❜ he stuttered out right a desperate shrug before he raised the bottle to his lips, chugging down the last bit before almost smashing it down on the coffee table. It fell off, rolling down on the hardwood as Bash paced the floor, not sure what to do with himself or any of what Lily was saying. He wasn’t ready for a kid, not by a long shot, but when the possibility was there… Fuck. 

❛ Shut up, ❜ he muttered, sighing loudly and scratching the back of his head in distress before raising his voice slightly, speaking through clenched teeth. ❛ You’re dumping me and saying there might be a kid in ya’ all in one day, stop being so god damn nice about it. You weren’t gonna cancel the trip at all, huh? Just let me sit here like a fuckin’ idiot thinking that we can get good again, that I’m good enough for you. ❜ Pausing, he glared at her, hurt showing in his eyes no matter how much he wanted the anger and bitterness that laced his words, together with a pinch of self-loathing, to have the upper hand. ❛ I’m not. You don’t think I know that shit? ❜

Ready to pace the floor back and forth again, his whole body itching from desperation to do something, anything, for her to stay even when he knew he didn’t deserve it, he felt her hand on his. It both startled him and calmed him down all in one even though he knew it didn’t mean she’d suddenly changed her mind. His hand grasped hers as he looked down at her, jaw clenching and eyes blinking hard to prevent tears from forming in his eyes. After failing miserably, he just stared at the woman, swallowing hard as he squeezed her hand. He regretted yelling, wishing he’d just held her instead. ❛ I don’t— fuckin’ care ‘bout tha’, ❜ he choked out, biting down his lower lip. ❛ I don’t want a perfect match… I want you. I love you… ❜

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Lily could’ve tried all she wanted, but there was no excuse for the fact that she would rather spend time with Landon during her birthday week than Bash because at least with the former, it didn’t feel like a ticking time bomb until an argument ruined everything. “You leave town on a whim with friends all the time, but the one time I want to do it it’s a problem?” Lily retorted, her bottom lip quivering as she tried to formulate a sentence. She knew that, had roles been reversed, she would’ve been rather upset at Bash about it. It was unfair, but she felt as though it was ultimately her choice — and the fact that she made this one was all the more reason the pair should no longer be together. “I have always defended you when it came to Landon and my own family, but I want to know – can you say that you did the same for me with your siblings when they disrespected me? Or your friends who didn’t like me?” She honestly didn’t know which answer she hoped for, or which would make her feel better at this point. 

Bash’s reaction to the news was all that Lily needed to confirm that he wasn’t ready for parenthood, and she didn’t know if he truly would be. Was it truly a surprise, given Lily’s prior mentions of motherhood in the future and how it was something she definitely wanted along with marriage? “I care a lot, I don’t want to be with someone long term whose future goals don’t align with mine,” she responded flatly, blinking in surprise at the impact of the empty beer bottle falling to the ground. Brown eyes followed it as it rolled, in an attempt to avoid eye contact with Bash. How did they fall apart, but the glass bottle stayed intact? “I am being nice about it because I respect you, and I was hoping to get the same in return,” she mentioned flatly, staring off into the distance. Just because his emotions were valid didn’t mean that Lily enjoyed being yelled at or having her integrity questioned. “I’m tired of fighting with you, I don’t want to have to wonder about when the next fallout would be. And I know that that’s not entirely on you, that I’m also at fault; but I’m not going to stay in a relationship with you when we could both be happier with other people. Or on our own,” she admitted, knowing that their relationship was still full of happy memories up until the wedding. But the honeymoon stage always came to an end eventually. 

As though he hadn’t just yelled at her, Bash was now declaring his love and his desire to make it work. But Lily had seen all she needed to at that point. “Please don’t say that anymore, I don’t want to hear it.” The words were spoken softly, but with a bite that she’d never used with him before. “I have to go, I have something else to do.” A lie, one crafted on the spot so that she wouldn’t have to spend a moment longer in that apartment with her now ex-boyfriend. Pulling her hand from his and not even looking at him, Lily picked her handbag off of the couch and headed to the door, only turning around to face him once there was some distance between them. A forced tight-lipped smile crossed her features, wanting his last memory of her to be somewhat positive in spite of everything that had transpired before. “I hope things work out for you, I guess this is goodbye. Take care, Bash.” And with those final words, Lily turned the doorknob and slipped out of the apartment, holding back the tears until she reached her car.

Absentmindedly combing her hair as she sat on her bed, Lily scrolled through Instagram and admired the photos that she had posted of their trip. Of course it was impossible to hide it from Sanem and Alli, with Lily feeling some sort of way about running off to the same city they were honeymooning in. However, the process of getting ready for an excursion with Landon to the Jardin du Luxembourg was halted when the woman discovered her travel companion’s latest social media post. Groaning as though she had to go scold a child, Lily trudged over to Landon’s room and knocked impatiently on his door.

“I know we have to get going soon, but first I have to ask: don’t you think this is a bit immature?” she asked incredulously, showing Landon the photo to which she was referring. It was one of her in the streets of Paris, with Landon having not only made a comment about her wearing his shirt, but also tagged Bash in it. “I care about Bash even though we’re not together anymore, and these digs are childish. I want to move on in peace, and I’m sure he does too.” Truth be told, Lily had no idea what Bash even thought of it, as he had yet to message her since their split. Maybe it was for the best. 

Her words made him smile softly but when she didn’t close the gap between them for a kiss or at least a quick side-hug, the corners of his lips slowly relaxed, eyes blinking tiredly. ❛ Yeah, sure. ❜ Bash tried to keep his tone light, as if his heart didn’t sink in his chest at her words. Talking. It usually led to fighting at this point but Lily didn’t seem to be in a fighting mood. Maybe they could finally just move past it, be good again. So, he followed her to the living room where she said on the couch, Bash taking a sip of his beer and about to sit next to her when she started talking and he was left standing next to the couch. First, with a smile on his lips that faded quickly when he realized where she was heading with her words. No. Heart sank in his chest, jaw clenching. ❛ Stop, ❜ he just said, shaking his head while chewing on the inside of his cheek when he saw the tears forming in her eyes. ❛ Don’t fuckin’ say that. ❜ He couldn’t believe she just wanted to give up. Sure, he was tired too. He was angry. However, that didn’t mean he just wanted to admit defeat and just stop trying. He loved her. This wasn’t like with Jamie and yet, Jamie had stuck around for four years with his shit and he’d been worse back then than he was now. This was nothing. 

❛ You’re just givin’ up? ❜ he questioned, brows raising a little as he shifted his weight from one side tot he other before taking a large sip of his beer. Bash tried his best not to raise his voice but it was hard not to when he was desperately grasping at straws to make her stay, to make her see they could get through it. Another sip of his beer, back straightening a little as he took a deep breath, yet his voice was still louder than usual when he spoke again. ❛ Why now? It’s your birthday in three days. Just cancel the trip with Landon and hang out with me. I’m not askin’ for much. I’m not askin’ you to change. For anythin’ to change, just that we— Fix it. Fuck. We just need to figure’t out.  ❜ His frown deepened while lips pressed together into a thin line for a moment, voice calming down a little as he looked at her, the anger softened with the tears dripping down her cheeks that he so desperately wanted to reach out and wipe away for her. ❛ I know we will. I fuckin’ love you. Don’t cry, please… Don’t. ❜

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Being broken up with was never something that went over well, as Lily knew from having always been the one on the receiving end of such a conversation. Now that she was in the shoes of the one calling off the relationship, her heart felt heavy with each word she said. “I... I know, I wish I didn’t have to say it. There were just so many signs that I ignored because I wanted it to work so badly,” the brunette admitted, looking away when Bash raised his voice slightly. She couldn’t blame him for being upset, no matter how unsurprising her decision may be from an objective viewpoint. Shaking her head as she mentioned her birthday and Landon, Lily forced herself to look her boyfriend in the eye and gave him a hopeless look. “Landon and my birthday have nothing to do with it. I know he’s been difficult, but this is about us, not him,” she told him, failing to answer his question as to the timing of it all. 

"I just told you that I’m unhappy and you’re begging me to stay. Neither of us will be happy then, Bash. We both lose,” Lily sighed, looking away as she let the tears fall down her face. “I love you too, which is why I think this is the right choice. I’m not wrong for wanting certain things in my life, but I think I’d be wrong to hold you back because of it when I know we ultimately see ourselves going down different paths.” She wasn’t even going to entertain the ‘maybe I’ll change my mind’ argument on either side – while that was a possibility, she had also seen couples who compromised on opposing stances that they shouldn’t have, and ultimately ruining their relationship. He’d end up going along with her life plan to appease her, then likely end up resenting Lily and feeling trapped a few years down the line as it wasn’t something she believed he even wanted. Sure, they’d touched on the topic of marriage and children in New Orleans, but even then it seemed that he loved the idea in theory while being unprepared for the responsibility that came with it. 

There was no way this was going to be easy on Bash, and at least if Lily told him the whole story, he’d be able to have all of the information and know why she came to this conclusion. “I’m late.” The words were said softly, yet with a biting tone that she’d never used with him. “I don’t know for sure, I have to take a test and I know that I’m not keeping it if it comes back positive. But just the thought of me being pregnant has been recurring, and reminding me of the conversations we had in New Orleans.” Family was another issue in itself, the complications with both sides of the couple’s families. Bash was close to his siblings, a ship that had since sailed for Lily to foster a relationship with them; and her own family had too many issues and Bash had already been burned by them before. “I’m turning thirty, Bash. I have to think about my future, and the family I want to have. And who I want to have that with.”

“I know you’ll be okay, because you’re resilient. And just because we didn’t work out doesn’t mean that there’s not someone for you out there. A perfect match. Someone who wants the same things as you, who’ll get along with your family and friends, someone who can be your adventure partner.” Sitting in silence for a few moments more, Lily reached for his hand gently. “I’ll always have a lot of love for you, and I’m so thankful for the time we shared.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Nate waved off with a half-smile he did his best to hide as he popped the marshmallow into his mouth. He and Lily had far different relationships with their parents, but he understood estrangement and the complicated feelings that came with it. “No matter what you do, just make sure it’s for your benefit, not theirs.” He gritted his teeth to keep from saying more, to keep the acid on his tongue from dissolving the conversation in its entirety. 

He shook his head in response to her question. “No. No, I’ve done my best to avoid the office as much as possible since the gala so I wouldn’t be able to tell you if Ian stopped by or not. Just… wanted to make sure you were doing alright.” He pressed his lips together, finger tapping on the edge of his glass. The conversation shifting to Bash was not the first time she’d made comments of the sort and he raised a single brow. But she moved past it quickly, firing questions back at him he’d rather drown himself than answer. Instead, he snorted, holding up his glass and clinking it lightly against hers. “Long may we reign.” 

The drink burned on its way down, his stomach feeling suddenly emptier than it had only a moment ago. “Things with my dad are the same. I’m doing my best to stay out of everyone’s way tonight. I’m pretty sure the ice is so thin there it’s melting no matter what I do at this point.” He shrugged as though it didn’t needle and took another long sip of his drink before pointing his glass in her direction. “But you’re not dodging this conversation about Bash. What’s going on? What happened?”

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He was basically telling Lily to put herself and her needs first, which was still a concept she was getting used to doing. In spite of her sometimes misguided approaches, her heart was always in a good place and she simply wanted to keep others happy. “I know, I guess I’m still trying to figure things out myself. Like how I feel about them, if I’m open to one day mending those bridges.” It was going to be far easier with Elise than Ian, not only because of who the elder woman was as a person, but that she’d done fewer malicious things to Lily than Ian had. “Pretty sure our dads are still hanging out at the country club. I took a couple on a site visit there the other day, and caught a glimpse of them drinking scotch by the bar. I don’t think they saw me, thankfully.”

Lily sipped her drink after the melancholic toast, listening attentively to Nate’s plan for the evening. “Well, you have me. I’m done with maid of honor duties for the time being, so we can hang out. Eat more desserts, take a walk.” The suggestions trailed off when Lily was asked what exactly happened with Bash. Sighing, she took another gulp of her drink as her eyes scanned the room for him, likely nursing a beverage of his own. “We’re just not compatible, with what we want and our lifestyles. We argue all the time, over the smallest things. We never talk it out either because he usually vanishes and gives vague responses as to where he’s going,” she explained, inhaling deeply as she began explaining the root of the issue.

“We pretended to be an engaged couple in New Orleans to view his old house, the owners were only selling it to ‘a serious couple’,” Lily explained, knowing how ridiculous it sounded but Nate had heard way worse come out of her mouth. “It was just a joke at the time, but it sort of opened the conversation to marriage and children, and I don’t think we want the same things where those are concerned. Talk of marriage in general seems to scare Bash, and he said he wants five kids, but I think he only likes that idea in theory and wouldn’t be prepared to shoulder the responsibility with even one.” All she could do was shrug and force a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes. “I know all couples have issues, but the fact that ours are about such major life decisions maybe proves that we aren’t meant to be.”

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