Some superhero team accidentally meet Ghostmaker, a completely isolated case, perhaps they simply had a mission (one of those where Batman doesn't go cause even he doesn't need to be everywhere all the time) somewhere far away, and their paths cross by coincidence.
During the short time they tolerate each other, everyone's thoughts are something like "Jesus Christ, can't believe I've met someone even more of an asshole than Batman" They mention it to Bruce later, of course, and he listens silently to the descriptions and opinions (most of which are not very flattering to Khoa) of everyone before casually dropping something like, "Hm, that's my man."
Batman felt a flare of irritation from where he worked in the Watchtower monitoring room, his peace was disrupted by loud voices. He was glad his teammates' mission went well, judging by their lax tone, but he had just gotten his mind off of how abruptly Khoa left their last call. No, he wasn't worried about Khoa. It just- usually, Khoa waited for Bruce to end the call (or rather, he purposefully teased Bruce so he'd hang up in irritation). But something seemed to really bother Khoa before he'd hung up...
"-so annoying! It's not even like we were on his turf, he said himself he doesn't even have turf!" Hal's irritated voice rang clear as he entered. "When other lanterns need to work in my sector, it's not like I- well, okay, sometimes, but I can play nice!" He looked around the room, spotted Barry and Shayera nearby. They'd also been working mostly-silently, but they clearly welcomed the break, perking up as they did at Hal's loud entrance.
Bruce did not move to acknowledge their entrance, but he did note Clark, Hal, and Oliver walk in. It was a low-key mission, a case that stretched out of Star City into Asia that Oliver invited Hal to. As far as Bruce knew, Clark just tagged along for the company.
"He wasn't that bad...." Clark said uncertainly.
"He handed you a bomb because he 'knew you could take it'???" Barry's jaw dropped a bit, and Shayera let out a startled laugh.
"Are you sure it wasn't just a special gift for Superman?" Shayera teased.
Hal let out an aggrieved sigh. "And, you know, I swear he knew exactly where to find the smugglers' weapons cache, and just let us run around looking for it cause he thought it was funny. We were working the same case! We could have helped!"
Oliver grunted in agreement. "And the sewer thing... how in the actual hell did he manage to keep his suit so white. Fuck off."
Hm..... Bruce had a feeling he knew exactly what had bothered Khoa so much that he'd hung up on Bruce early.
"Sounds like an eventful mission," Bruce noted. He kept his eyes on his tablet, voice carefully detached.
Hal immediately slouched in a nearby chair. "God, Spooks, you wouldn't believe this guy! He was genuinely, literally, the worst person I've ever had to work with. He gave Kal a bomb!"
"So I've heard. He can take it."
"Who's side are you on right now??"
Oliver patted Hal's shoulder before taking his own seat, apparently settling in for a post-mission gossip session debrief. "Nah, you'd hate working with him too. There were a few times I really thought he was going to kill the smugglers we were dealing with. Almost wish he would have tried, just so I could've taken a swing at him."
"Grade A Asshole! He was so smug about beating us to the punch, as if we wasn't purposefully slowing us down with bad intel. Someone could've been killed in the extra time we needed to see past it- why even be a vigilante if you don't want to help people??"
Shayers sat up straighter at that. "He let civilians get hurt just to mess with you?"
There was an awkward silence as Hal and Oliver looked at each other. Clark eventually broke it. "Well, no, but I guess Hal is saying that they could have been. And working with him wasn't exactly easy. I don't expect other heroes to make us feel welcome or anything, but his behavior was a bit... much."
Oliver snorted at the attempt at diplomacy. "You're too kind with it, Supes."
Barry gave a nod of agreement. "Yeah, anyone who plays with civilian lives like that... I mean, there's no way he knew for sure that no one would get hurt. And it's not exactly common knowledge that Supes can eat bombs and be fine."
Her earlier traces of amusement gone, Shayera gave a hum of agreement. "A vigilante who does not respect other heroes or the objective to save people," she noted.
"Yes! You get it!" Hal sat up straighter in his seat, taking his feet off the table and jabbing a finger in Shayera's direction. "Like, get off your high horse, you had no way to know you actually had the situation under control! It's just egotistical and reckless." Having said his piece, Hal deflated and leaned back in his chair.
"What was his name?" Barry asked. "We can at least make sure we don't invite him to the League..."
"Ghost-maker," Bruce supplied.
Hal nodded. "Yeah, what a dumb fucking na- you know him?"
Bruce casually kept typing on his tablet. "We're married."
Oliver's jaw dropped open, Hal sputtered in his seat, and Clark averted his eyes in embarrassment. Barry kept looking between Bruce and Hal before eventually locking terrified eyes with Shayera, who was shocked but also eager to see what would happen next.
"Spooks, there's no way. You- you can do better! I know we've called you an asshole too but you can do better, I swear," Hal tried.
"I'm perfectly content in my marriage."
Marriage, Oliver whispered in horror.
"Does he- is he like.... good... ?" Barry asking, cringing his way through the trainwreck of a question.
"Is he good." Bruce repeated flatly.
"Sorry! I'm so, so sorry."
Bruce wasn't; he was having fun. He kept his eyes on Barry, watching the man freak out more and more at Bruce's unchanging expression.
"Have you tried dating apps?" Hal asked. Barry smacked his arm for that. "Like, was it a marriage of convenience? Tax benefits?" He looked around. "People do that, right?"
"We got married for the usual reasons, Hal."
There was a long silence.
"Man, I am so fucking sorry." Hal finally said.
"Because I'm married to Ghost-Maker, or because you called my husband egotistical and reckless?" When Hal seemed unable to do anything more than mouth husband in disbelief, Bruce added, "And yes, actually, he did know he could handle the situation with no one getting hurt, and he did know Superman can eat bombs."
Oh my god, Oliver whispered again.
"So," Shayera started, even as Barry desperately motioned a slash across his neck. Unfortunately for him, Shayera had always been an instigator. Bruce loved working with her. "That's all you have to say about your husband doing all that?"
"He gave us bad intel???" Hal spluttered, forgetting that he had just apologized to Bruce in defense of himself.
"You were in his way. Work your own case next time."
"They were dealing to Star City, that was my case!" Oliver defended. Also, bomb??? What kind of psycho tells a man to eat a bomb??"
"Don't call him that. And he happens to know Clark likes eating bombs, I told him."
"No he doesn't!" Hal turned to Clark, lit with righteous fury on his friend's behalf. "Clark, do you like eating bombs?" He looked back at Bruce with a smug expression.
"Actually- uh, yeah...." Clark shrugged; this was one oddity he was no longer insecure about. The trick had saved too many people for it.
"What the fuck is wron- you know what, hell yeah, man. But still, Spooks, you can't convince me the guy was feeding Supes a bomb out of the kindness of his heart, or whatever."
Bruce pause to consider that. "No, he probably just thought it was funny."
Oliver gave a derisive snort. "Yeah, make a guy eat a bomb. Funny."
Oh, now Bruce was getting irritated. "Clark knows perfectly well how to diffuse a bomb. He has ice breath, superspeed, and laser eyes. No one made him eat the bomb; he ate it because he wanted to and they taste good." Bruce turned to Clark. "Clark, did my husband make you eat that bomb?"
"Oh.... that's Pa calling me. I forgot to take out the cat... Bye!"
Well. 'Pa' is dead, Clark doesn't have a cat, and cats don't even need to be taken out. So. Bruce will remember this.
Bruce turned back to Oliver. "As you can see, Clark's superspeed works perfectly fine."
The tension in the room bled out as Oliver laughed. Still, he shook his head. "Your husband is a real piece of work, man. Don't know how you put up with him."
"...He puts up with me, too," Bruce said quietly in a moment of sincerity.
Oliver regarded Bruce for a moment. He made brief eye contact with a suddenly-solemn Hal, and they both looked back at Bruce.
"Yeah, that's all any of us can really ask for, huh? Happy for you, really." Hal clapped Bruce on the shoulder with a fond smile.
"Congrats," Oliver added.
Bruce nodded in appreciation before resuming his work on his tablet. The room was peaceful once more as Hal, Barry, and Oliver chatted inanely in their seats.
"Oh, c'mon!" Shayera huffed, "You're not going to battle to defend your husband's honor?"
thank you for the ask anon! this was fun to write, i hope it's what you were looking for!!! as always, constructive criticism is very welcome and appreciated <3
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