blue days

Ana is the ONLY thing that numbs the pain.

Just binged, then purged, then took a lax pill. My wife said that my thighs felt smaller today, and my collarbones are coming closer and closer to the surface, but we all know I'll never be good enough.

Tell me how tf I hit a weight plateau at 1400 cals a day at 157 pounds? Wtffffff

I can hardly remember the days when I used to binge my face off and then purge. I haven't binged in a long time. At least not an objective binge. I don't miss it. No wonder I felt so fat. I'm heavier than I was then after recovery. My goal weight has gone down even further. "I used to be bulimic, but now I'm anorexic."

I'm down the first 3 pounds, but I still feel like a failure.

All the way up to 170 after recovery. I need to lose it again.

Today's weigh in was magnificent. Down 5 pounds from the last one. It's a good start. Seeing the number get lower was exhilarating.