This is gonna sound a little obsessive...

One bottle. 

That is how much wine Shane is going to limit everyone to from now on.

Because right now, sitting in his living room with three very wine-drunk individuals, he is about three seconds away from exploding with embarrassment.

Well. At least a very red-faced Ilya looks like he is having the time of his life.

"Okay, okay, okay, I need to know," Rose Landry says, slurring her words a little and waving her hands wildly to Svetlana, who is sprawled across a couch. "Rozanov. Is he really as good as everyone says?"

"Rose!" Shane hisses at her, scandalized.

Ilya looks like Christmas has come early.

"You could at least ask me! His husband!" Shane continues, annoyed.

But Rose scoffs. "You're in love with him, babe, of course you'll say he's fabulous. I need real answers. For…science."

All eyes go to Svetlana, who is grinning. "He is...very good, yes. Takes direction well. Can...find important places well enough, if you know what I am saying. I would recommend to a friend."

Rose giggles, Ilya beams, and Shane furrows his eyebrows. "Find...what the fuck?" he mutters, looking over at Ilya.

This, for some reason, makes Svetlana giggle. "Ah, poor Rose. Hollander is not as good at hide-and-seek as his husband, hm?"

Shane is still bewildered while Ilya is laughing so hard that tears are streaming from his eyes. 

"Honestly, he tried very hard!" Rose answers in a voice that suggests she's sticking up for Shane, and he can't help but feel thankful even though he's utterly lost. "Like...you know! Most men don't even care. He...made an effort!"

But Shane's not stupid enough to take this as a compliment. "Jesus, glowing review, Rose," he mumbles, covering his face with his hands.

Ilya finally finds his voice. "I do not know what you are talking about, Rose Landry," he says through laughter. "Hollander and I have never had these problems. I wonder what difference is?"

Everyone laughs again–even Shane gives a reluctant chuckle. 

It's not until about an hour–and another bottle of wine between them–later that it hits him.

"Oh, fuck," he groans, leaning into Ilya and blushing red.

"What, malysh?"

The leaves start to change and Ilya and Svetlana go dancing. They hop from bar to bar and Svetlana pretends she doesn't notice the way Ilya checks his phone every five minutes, smiling as he furiously types back and then asks her to repeat what she just said. She is patient, so she does.

They dance closely and fluidly, their bodies so familiar to the other's, and when Ilya's attention is not on his phone, it is completely on her. It is this Ilya she loves so fiercely; the way his energy moves outwards, always giving more than he takes— the way he drags her out onto the dancefloor, something in how he grips her hand that somehow says both I'm here and thank you.

They tired of dancing but not of the night, and find a hot dog stand to eat at, sipping on a shared drink and dripping mustard over the sidewalk. They decide to walk back, even though they've found themselves rather far from home.

They stumble back into Ilya's apartment, hanging onto each other and laughing over some shared joke from their childhood. Svetlana falls into bed giggling. Ilya playfully shakes her, reminds her she is going to be really upset if she falls asleep without taking her makeup off, so she asks him to do it for her, half-joking, and of course he agrees. He messily runs a makeup remover wipe over her face, trying to hold her still as she laughs and laughs and laughs.

She is only half awake when Ilya slips out of the bed to call someone in the other room. She blissfully listens to his soft voice and occassional giggles, too quiet to hear the words but just loud enough to hear the joy in them. When he comes back, she pretends to be asleep.

The next morning, Ilya is up first. He rolls over and watches the steady rise and fall of Svetlana's sleeping body. He had made sure Shane was okay with them still sleeping in the same bed, had asked him over and over and watched for any flicker of doubt or uncertainty, and when he had found none, he was overwhelmed with the feeling of falling even more impossibly in love, feeling so trusted and believed. But now he wakes up next to his beautiful Svetlana— no, not his anymore— he wakes up to her and realizes he can never wake up next to anyone not-Shane ever again for as long as he lives. Nothing could possibly compare.

Ilya takes a shower and dresses, then sits on the edge of the bed. He touches Svetlana's shoulder softly, runs his hand up and down, up and down. Her eyes flicker open and she smiles. He asks her how she slept, and then explains that this is the last time they can sleep in the same bed. She laughs sofly, sighs and stretches her arms above her like a cat.

"I was wondering when this was going to happen. So are you going to tell me about him?"

--

They put on coats and scarves and grab coffee at the cafe down the street, taking it to-go and strolling around the neighborhood. Ilya makes her guess who it is, and stops dead in his tracks when she gets it right on the first try. Svetlana looks just as shocked though, having thought surely this was some ridiculous theory of hers.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Ilya!"

She throws her head back in laughter and takes his arm, and they walk like this as he tells her everything, and his cheeks hurt from laughing by the end of it.

--

Later, Shane receives a photo of Ilya and Svetlana, a selfie, the two of them bundled up in scarves and smiling with scrunched eyes and full teeth. The accompanying message just says svetlana says hi.

"You told him what?" Svetlana asked, eyes wide and an incredulous smile on her face.

"I...I said that I could marry you," Ilya repeated casually, shrugging as he looked into his phone's camera while they facetimed, still a bit unsure as to what he'd done so wrong.

"Ilya. Ilyusha. Ilya," Svetlana repeated, shaking her head slowly and closing her eyes, looking like she was very close to either laughing or yelling. 

"Sveta," he shot back, smirking just a little. "What? What is wrong with this? It's the truth, right? You would marry me."

"Not if you propose like that," she retorted, rolling her eyes. "But tell me, what happened? How did your genius plan end?" Her tone was sarcastic; clearly she thought things'd ended terribly. Showed how much she knew about Hollander.

He grinned wider, unable to hold back his utter glee. "I have a boyfriend now. I am staying here for four extra weeks."

For a few long moments, she stared, blinking, utterly shocked. Then she sighed an exhausted sigh. "Boys are so stupid," she mumbled.

More of Hollanov valentine's day shenanigans

The inspiration:

Heated Rivalry social media au 13/?

Part 12

… in the same way Ilya played with Svetlana in the episode before…

… was a great reflection of how they don’t just love each other, they genuinely like each other too.

Shane, Ilya, Hayden, Svetlana, and Rose

* Rose and Svetlana met at Shane and Ilya's wedding.

* "How do you know the couple?" "I used to fuck Ilya!" "Aaww, I used to fuck Shane." "We should compare notes!"

* After the ceremony they decided to keep the party going as they were the only single women there.

* They proceeded to get drunk over how useless men are and how they want a love like Shane and Ilya's.

* They ended up sleeping together.

* They woke in the morning, freaked out for approximately 5 minutes and then decided they needed to sleep together again to make sure.

* They made sure!

* They started dating right away.

* They waited for Shane and Ilya to come back from their honeymoon to tell them their news, which basically was Rose facetiming with Shane when she goes out of nowhere "oh Svetlana says hi". Ilya who was not paying them any attention, came to stand next to Shane, just in time for Svetlana to come into the frame with wet hair and only a bra on to say a quick greeting to the couple and give Rose a quick kiss before leaving the frame again.

* Bonus point: Rose screenshot their reaction. When she and Svetlana moved in together they had it framed and put in their bathroom so Ilya and Shane's wtf expressions can silently judge you as you poop.