Violet

surrender yourself

False Confidence by Noah Kahan

I have to keep telling myself that.

Tracing the valleys between the veins in the crook of your elbow, where the skin is so soft,

I don't want to look for someone else to touch this way, even if you won't lift your hands to hold me back the way I need,

i don’t know where i was, it was way too dark for me to tell exactly. it felt familiar in the moment and still does looking back on it. must have been somewhere i knew the layout of.

it was quiet and i don’t remember hearing anything for a while. just walking and my own breathing. it was uncomfortable. i didnt feel scared? i don’t think i did, anyways.

after a while i stumbled into this room. there was a mattress there and empty water bottles everywhere. looked like someone had been living there, but i couldn’t tell. probably squatters or something. wouldn’t be surprised.

then i started coughing. this awful, wretched feeling in my throat. like something was trying to crawl its way out. i couldnt catch my breath. it was horrible. my head started to spin and i started getting this terrible headache.

i don’t remember anything else. i remember feeling cold. like it had maybe just rained or something and the air was cold from it.