A dreaming fool

Kind of tired of how other queer and asexual folks keep pushing compulsive sexuality, and moralizing having sex or sexual thoughts.

a while ago we saw someone get mad at a sex-repulsed ace for saying they were uncomfortable with perversion being pushed as a moral necessity and their response was to say, "no, by not wanting sex, you're ALSO a pervert, because the definition of pervert in the dictionary is 'someone who goes against the societal norm.'" then someone reblogged and passive-aggressively added, "people love complaining about things without looking up the dictionary" and it just really, really put us off. it just feels like them trying to shield themselves from criticism instead of actually listening to people who are uncomfortable with what they're saying.

When I have people on this same website argue against me that asexuals killed or persecuted for being "sexual deviants" (because they don't follow the norm) do not count as asexuals being targeted for their sexuality because the word "asexual" isn't pronounced/written or they don't know what we actually are, they really only count us as "pervert" to be acephobic, and we aren't when it can be used against us.

Like the older I get, the more empathy I have for children. Imagine living on this planet for less than a decade and having to figure out every single thing from scratch, only for the people around you to treat you like a living doll and constantly invalidate your feelings because you haven’t learned how to express them beyond screaming at the top of your lungs, like you’d be having meltdowns in the grocery store as well. The least you can do is offer them some grace, everything is so fucking confusing and scary and overwhelming and they’re not able to communicate that properly and no one around them is explaining shit, and they are constantly at the mercy of whether or not the terrifyingly giant adults around them CHOOSE to be kind like genuinely put yourself in the situation of a child and tell me you wouldn’t also be freaking the fuck out.

What makes us different is that this is the only queer community who hates its own non conformity. The lesbian community says its revolutionary to be attracted to other women. The gay community embraced how radical it was to be attracted to other men. The bi community says its radical to be attracted to multiple genders when it was taught that you could only be attracted to one and broke the idea that there were only 2 genders. The trans community fought and is still fighting bioessentialism and cis gender roles. The intersex community is fighting the sex binary and medical oppression. For the ace community, our little or no sexual attraction and our unconventional approach to sex including not having it is what makes us non conforming to social standards but the community hates it. It hates its non conforming features and hates it non conforming members too. No other queer community treats its members who have the least proximity to social norms like this or at least not without backlash, backlash rooted in the fact there is an actual community committed against oppression more than appearing good to those on the outside. I can't wrap my head around how normalised it is to attack and insult sex repulsed people here in this space, when they're the ones who built this community but are facing compulsory sexuality at the most extreme levels. There is nothing in place for sexless aces. No plans for when they're elderly and have no biological descendants. What are we gonna do to look after them? No plans for aces who want children without having sex. Will we help them get ivf? Will we help them safely carry out other methods? Will we help them look after those kids? No plans for aces in sexless marriages. What happens when consumation laws come into play? No plans in place for unmarried aces. What are we gonna do in terms of financial and legal safety when we aren't eligable for these protections? I also can't wrap my head around "other" alloaces who unironically believe aroaces have a premium over us just bc they are the majority. Is proving aces can still have romantic relationships more important than addressing the sexual violence we're at risk of experiencing within said romantic relationships? Why do we have to prove we're 'valid' because we can still fall in love? Is being human not enough? Is being alive not enough?

Just a reminder that having boundaries about not wanting to see or engage with certain sexual or triggering content online is a good thing, and if someone is trying to pressure or push you into engaging with it - whether that be by implying you're a bad person, making fun of you, or making you out to be "uncool" if you don't - that is a red flag that should be taken very seriously.