$$$$$$$$$

Eleanor: Li. I know we're not the closest with all that's happened, but I'll still always be your friend. So you're getting something for Christmas.

i’ve had enough of the cold for now i think. i can’t complain too much though. cause i do think it’s cosy. layering clothes and drinking hot drinks and all those things you do, you know? but nah i’m way more of a summer girl. so going home is definitely the right choice this year. exactly. it’s just freeing. and nice to actually have the sun hit your skin.

those are all the things that i like about christmas ‘cause it gives me a reason to be a christmas addict. i will admit that the summer is just way better, like, there’s not snow fuckin’ up my new suntan. i’m definitely with you since i can’t mess with the winter for too long, especially when it’s below freezing. well, looks like i’ll have to be plannin’ a trip to australia soon.

Obviously I use it to hold myself up with my free hand. One hand is on the wall, the other is pushing my pop.

Genius, dude, ya’ gotta start teachin’ me these little life hacks you got going on. Pushin’ your pop, ay? Hey, I’ll take it.

Eleanor: What do you want for Christmas? Beach themed gifts, if possible.

SASHA: Guess what's the cherry on top for this weekend?

SASHA: Coming home to an eviction notice because your ex-fiancé decided not to pay his half of the rent for the last two months.

SASHA: Current mood: Trying to figure out how to actually get away with murder.

LIAM: what the hell is his problem? i mean, we aren't close, but if ya' ever need a place to crash, then let me know.. the fuckin' nerve of that guy. 😡

“I can’t decide what I’m looking forward to more for the holidays: sitting in my onesies with my tea, or the great food my mum is going to be making.”

“I must admit that while I’m a complete sucker for onesies, they just don’t match up to my amount of love for food. Food cures lives, onsies... not so much.”

All I want for Christmas is youuu! This is a public service announcement that Christmas is only a week away, in case you are lame and dont have a countdown on your fridge like I do.

Ya’ see, why can’t everyone have the same amount of enthusiasm as you do? My countdown is going strong on my fridge, love, don’t even worry about it. What are ya’ doing to celebrate?

DINAH: tonight is the last night of jingle ball then im back to cali with the fam for christmasssss!!!

DINAH: i still have some shopping to doooo!! shopping buddy???

LIAM: that was to be rewarding right ? all that hard work finally pays off to be back home

now, as much as i love living in america- i think going home to australia for christmas is the best decision i’ve made in a while. if we don’t count the wine i had last night cause damn that was a good bottle. but yeah, at least i’ll get away from the sheer living cold hell that is new york right now. i’ve never been more ready to get a tan. and sure i love layering. but isn’t it just the greatest when you can walk around in nothing but a bikini?

going back home sounds like the perfect plan for me, even though i promised myself that i wouldn’t. i can’t deal with the weather being so blah these days, i honestly think i need some cold in my life. like, when it gets cold.. it gets cold. agreed, i’d probably live my whole life in swimmin’ trunks if i were able to.

i have horrible timing skills, to be very honest. now let me tell you why. i ordered some wings from dominos yesterday & that was all fun and dandy until i remembered i had some place to go and needed to shower asap no rocky. so i jump in the shower and as soon as i get out, the dominos guy is knocking on the door. he had obviously been knocking for sometime, because when i tried to get some clothes on he was already walking away. moral of the story is.. i had to get my wings naked. but hey, worse could of happened, right?

things definitely could’ve had gotten worse, but there’s somethin’ that i think you need to clarify. did you, uh, at least open the door with a towel? ‘cause if you didn’t, like, you’re leavin’ way too little space for that guy’s imagination. i’m sure he’ll never forget that you, maia mitchell, flashed ‘em.

“I just did a show last night in ATL and I flew home to Cleveland to get my daughter but as we took off from Cleveland to LA they canceled all flights because of the snow. Should I consider myself lucky or feel bad for people who didn’t catch their flight?”

“I think ya’ should definitely feel like luck is on your side, man. But hey, if anyone asks, you honestly feel bad ‘cause ya’ know.. ya’ wouldn’t want them to think you’re an ass, or something.”

Bruce Lee could do a one handed push up but guess what?I can eat a push pop with one hand and a wall.

Impressive shit there, dude, honestly. I’m curious to know what role the wall has though, mind shinin’ a light on that?

“ a sucker for warnings ? interesting. that’s a new one. i would greatly appreciate it if you pulled several things off for me, thanks. i understand completely; i’m an admirable individual, what can i say ? kidding, sorta’. i think i’m pretty rad, but i don’t know if i think i’m ‘ all that. ’ oh, shit — did you just drag me for thinking we’re hittin’ it off better than we are ? excuse me, kind sir. i didn’t realize you were a fine piece of art in a museum gallery, and i am merely a visitor rather than someone to be familiar with your features. i’ll be sure to always admire from a distance and never touch the artwork from now on, rest assured. a ‘lil arrogant to think you’re always the party starter, isn’t it ? a party can and will go on without you, do not fret. you can always wonder. i mean, go for it. i’m not gonna’ tell you how to live your life. i don’t know what the answer would be to that, though, because it really just depends. i’ll tell you right now, though, that i hate pants with a passion. if i could live in a pants-free world, i would have so many less worries. my skin would always be clear, the grass would be greener, and everything in the world would be just fine. however, it’s socially accepted that they’re mandatory, so i guess i’ll comply — whatever. you know, you make a valid point. since a holiday tinder doesn’t exist, i s’pose i’ll have to meet my man of the hour in person — what a tragedy. and, for what it’s worth, i think your opinion matters. if it didn’t, i wouldn’t have bothered to ask ! i have to try this hot chocolate now, you know. i don’t make the rules, sorry. i think it came at just the right time, to tell you the truth. november was becoming quite the drag, in my book. i’m not judging you, listen. i’m merely making observations. if you let me shoot your confidence down just like that, how confident are you, really ? riddle me that. oh, what a relief. single-sidedness on these types of issues is too awkward for me to bear, so i’m glad we kicked that elephant out of the room before it got all the way inside. no, no — i think that’s the most sense you’ve made thus far. alone, together. i could roll with it, so long as you’re not secretly a clown, have sketchy ulterior motives, or plotting my death. i know some of those people are out there, after me, and if you’re one of ‘em, i hate to break it to ‘ya — but your girl’s gotta’ blast. i mean, i was liking where that was going, so i wasn’t going to stop you… but if you want to stop, do so on your own accord. don’t let the haters stop you from doing your thing, or make you continue doing your thing, in this case. you just admitted to me being enigmatic. shit, i’m not swooning. okay, but can we talk about why you have a hole in your heart in the goddamn first place ? have you gotten that checked out yet ? i can’t have you dyin’ on me before you get me alone. talk about tragic. kidding, though. kinda’. ”

“ is it really interestin’ or are ya’ just bootin’ up in ego right now ? your wish is definitely my command, my lady, that’s kinky. there’s a lot of things that you can say, and i’m hopin’ that i’m able to stick around ‘cause i’m more than interested, at this point. well, if ya’ don’t think it, allow me to say it. whoa, whoa, i don’t have that ‘clapback’ reflex in me, and if i do, then it’s usually someone tellin’ me what to write. i’m not so big on comin’ for people... well, unless they really fuckin’ piss me off, then i let ‘em have a piece of my mind. being a visitor is lame, you’re more of a security guard that tells people not to touch. yikes, here i was thinkin’ that i actually mattered. you shot my dream right out of the sky, and i don’t really know how i’m feelin’ about this. i’m sure if ya’ didn’t wear pants, the whole nation would give a huge middle finger to society, and join you. i mean, i would, if i didn’t have so much business happenin’ in the front, you feel me ? the only downfall i’m seein’ is that your legs would be two little icicles in the winter, ya’ might wanna hire someone to keep ‘em warm for you before ya’ gotta’ cut ‘em off. hey, if that’s what happens without pants, then who am i to stop you from doin’ as you please ? besides, everyone likes their grass a little greener than the next person’s, let me tell ya’ that. meetin’ them in person is a whole of hell lot worse. ‘cause like, here you are on a blind date, sittin’ across from a ex-convict and ya’ would never really know. at least on these datin’ websites, there’s a sense of security since it’s all through technology.  my opinion feels very freakin’ validated right now, thanks for keepin’ my spirit alive. i don’t know what it is about november, but i feel like it could last a whole year and i wouldn’t  be the slightest upset with it. i think all those pumpkin spice lattes hit me right on my ass, honestly. makin’ observations leads to you having some sort of judgment on the situation, which is the same as judging. listen, now isn’t the time to bring up my low self-esteem, thank ya’ very much. we took the elephant by it’s hose, and pulled it out the room without any hesitation. which brings us back to being alone... together, it just makes a whole lot of sense to me. ya’ know, i thought i would be able to qualify for any of those things that ya’ listed, but you caught me red-handed. i’m not a clown, no, plottin’ your death isn’t an option, but my ulterior motives just might keep us apart. listen, jmmy, you don’t have to blast anywhere ‘cause i’d never even think about layin’ these sausages on ya’, i mean, if you want that. hey, if no one’s makin’ me stop, then i don’t think i should. i’m a man of my own choices when i wanna be, i think now is the perfect time to me to put that in use. ya know, i’m convinced that love just isn’t for me, and that’s probably why i’m going to die alone... quote me.  ya’ might have to see me soon ‘cause ya’ never know, today might be my last day. ”

“ i don’t know if i can just let you off the hook like that, peach. i imagine you can make it up to me somehow, though, right ? unless i’m thinking too highly of you already, which, might i add, would be rather unfortunate. i don’t want to read the signs all wrong so soon. no way ! me too, my dude. go big or go home —– and i’m not about to go home without my place being decked all the way out, you feel me ? um, excuse me — sweater paws are the life of the party. i’m never wearing anything around you ever again except oversized sweaters that cover my hands and go down to my knees, what a blessing. okay, you’re right. i do need to find myself a seasonal boyfriend. do you think they have an app for that ? like, holiday tinder ? something like that ? granted, my tinder matches from years past still seem to haunt me, so maybe that’s not my best course of action. what do you think, li ? shed some light on this subject for me, will ‘ya ? i am a softie, guilty as charged. anybody but you calls me that, though, and i might have to start throwin’ hands. anybody that can’t kick it with my cats can’t kick it with me. like, sorry ‘bout it — but, that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. your speciality in the sense that you like…make a nice mug ? because, if so, i’m not gonna’ just let you talk all this game and not follow through. i like transparency, payne. keep it upfront with me, you know ? okay, listen — you and me both. we’re literally only ten days away from the big day, can you believe it ? i definitely can’t, that’s for sure. okay, but like… what kind of sense does that make ? being lonely together… doesn’t that make us… not lonely ? unless you’re insinuating that we just sit in our respective living quarters and simultaneously drown in our perpetual loneliness, but that’s not what i was going with, so it’s rather unfortunate if you were thinkin’ otherwise. i’ve been told plenty of times that i’m an enigma of sorts, but i’ve always thought they were just trying to pretentiously compliment me. i think you just validated that for me. i’ve never been so sure of something in my life. i think i like you, too — but don’t get ahead of yourself. i don’t need a boy with a big head. you don’t have to have a big head for me to call you big head. ”

“ it’s so easy for everyone else to let me go, but i’ll have you know that i’m a sucker for warnings. i always have some tricks up my sleeve, i’m sure i could pull somethin’ off for you. i admire you putting me so high on that pedestal already, i appreciate you. you shouldn’t be readin’ anyway, just... admirin’ from a distance. like, if someone passes my house without sayin’ that it’s extra in some way, then i’m clearly not doing enough. sweater paws might be giving me a run for my money ‘cause i always thought i got the party started. a part of me will always wonder if you’re wearin’ pants under there, ‘cause you know, pants matter. that’s pretty easier said than done though, just make sure ya’ find someone that treats you right. i don’t touch those datin’ apps for many reasons, one being that ya’ never really know who the fuck you’re meetin’. does my opinion really matter though ? hey, ya’ shouldn’t let anyone that isn’t a softie call you out of your name, so you better take off on said person. show ‘em who’s boss, tay. looks like my chance just diminished... cats are fuckin’ scary, you can blame my old cat, muffins. i’ll go as far to even say that i make the best hot chocolate, like, in the history of hot chocolate. fine, just knock and it’ll be there waitin’ for you at the door. i have no clue where the rest of the year went, christmas came a little too quickly for my liking. listen, the fact that you’re judgin’ me right now is beyond me. here i was thinkin’ that i was gettin’ out of this in one piece, but you just shot my confidence. sulking in your own loneliness wasn’t what i was insinuating, i was thinkin’ about you and i being alone, together. okay, that’s not makin’ any sense at all.. — i should stop while i’m ahead, yes ? if that makes ya’ feel any better, then you’re definitely an enigma. consider it a compliment, or disregard it. boom. here’s me, not gettin’ ahead of my life. can i just say that you being all commandin’ like that is fillin’ a hole in my heart ? shit, i’m offended. ”

“people often ask me what i’m thankful for and i’m seriously contemplating making an official statement. one — i’m thankful for insulin shots which allow me to get hammered and not suffer from a stroke. two — i’m thankful for booty shorts for the simple reason that they are called shorts and not underwear and are therefore appropriate to wear outdoors. three — i’m thankful for my own abs and extremely smackable ass as they are what get me laid. waddya think ? appropriate statement to let out into the world, or should i just keep up the whole ‘i’m thankful for family’ act ?”

“well, at least people can finally stop askin’ you ‘cause this seems official as fuck. ah, let’s thank the good lord above for insulin since there isn’t anythin’ better than being completely hammered. i mean, booty shorts aren’t really for me, but if ya’ feel like people are slayin’ in them, then i’m all for it, dude. whoa, hold on..—— i’m tryin’ to make sure that i heard this correctly. ‘extremely smackable ass ?’ if that’s what gets people’s attention then it should definitely be somethin’ that you’re thankful for, i can’t really complain. that whole charade is basic, i respect you for keepin’ shit real, dude.”

“ what shallow-minded thought process for you to assume you’re the only soul to get poppin’ when it becomes christmas first ! of course you’re not the only one to kick your excitement into high gear. i, too, am a christmas enthusiast extraordinaire, in the flesh. sweater paws are one of my favorite things in the entire world, do not even get me started ! there’s something so soft and warm about them; it’s almost like you’re getting cuddled, even when you’re not. the best kind of tomfoolery, truthfully. my mom loves those shitty hallmark movies, so i suffer through them every season just for her. i’ll admit, though, they usually make me cry. i’m soft as hell. yeah, yeah — cuddle weather’s all good ‘n dandy when you have a plus one to actually, y’know, cuddle you. not so much when you have two cats that fight over who gets to take their half of the bed out of the m i d d l e. hot cocoa and christmas radio are also my weaknesses. jeez, you really do need to stop, because you’re making me emotional and lonely, and lonely is something i do not aspire to be. i am strong, independent, and a mother of two cats. i don’t get ‘ lonely. ’ not as far as anyone knows, anyway. thank you for the warm welcome to the incredibly fluffy mind of yours. it appears you’ve also received a snippet of the innerworkings of yours ever so sincerely, taylor alison swift. you’ve been blessed. you’re welcome. ”

“ well excuse me for my shallow-minded ways, love, i’m so used to only carin’ about myself half the time. yikes, is it too late to take that back ? i’m usually known for overdoin’ my decorations every year, it’s not like i can help myself. like, either i’m going super hard for no apparent reason, or i’m just not doing anythin’ at all. sweater paws, ay ? i can’t say that i’ve worn ‘em ‘cause i like to think that i have slightly higher standards than that.. well, no, but those hideous sweaters with the reindeer plastered on ‘em definitely have my name on ‘em. you gotta find yourself a cuddle buddy, it’s not cool to keep yourself warm during the winter, that’s for lame-o’s. i will forever refer to you as a softie, those hallmark movies are honestly so trash. that’s what i’m sayin’ though, i’m sure there’s somethin’ out there that wouldn’t object to helpin’ you out, honestly. maybe it’s the cat’s are keepin’ them away from you, just a thought.. hot chocolate is like my specialty, really. i could stop, of course, but i’m gettin’ myself so riled up just thinkin’ about how soon christmas is comin’ by. no one likes feelin’ lonely, but hey, we can be lonely together. cats don’t talk, so i think i already one-upped ‘em there. warm is what i do, when i’m not being such a little shit. a snippet ? you mean to tell me that we’ve only scratched the surface ? paint me red, and call me interested ‘cause i’m dyin’ to see what else you’re hidin’ back there. i feel like you just changed my life somehow, i like you. ”