Call me Light

Username change; silverlycan -> light-paws

It’s odd. I hold all of the body’s memories, but relate to none of them. There are certain feelings I relate to, sure. But these experiences and memories are not mine. Especially the last 10 or so years. That’s all very vague to me.

I want to find a real name for myself. One that is mine and mine only. Not associated with the system or this body. I’ll have to think very carefully on that for awhile I think.

All other activity from other system members will be over on @cx-404 from now on.

And yes, I (Light) am going to be using this blog as my own for now. To document my feelings and thoughts about all of this. About being here. About taking over as “Host” after my long nap. Probably eventually just to blog about daily stuff when I’ve settled a bit. I dunno. Nothing feels very solid right now. Unfollow if you need or want to though, I get it. I know this blog was run differently. Though I haven’t been around for it I do have the memories of it vaguely. Like dreams I was having while I slept.

Now that I know what I am…I don’t know what to think. I feel sad. I feel guilty. I feel confused. I’m trapped in this human shaped body for some unknown reason, though I do mostly shapeshift into a wolf (I guess now we know where the shapeshifting ability comes from, other than the body biologically being a cynanthrope). I’m trapped in this brain. In this system. I don’t want to be here (nothing against the others here, they’re lovely). Yet I take up space and take away from the real alters who should be able to live their life. I just wish I could go home. Wherever that is. I don’t know. I can’t remember. I feel like memories and other important pieces of myself have been stripped from me. I don’t know how to handle it. So for now I’m just going to smoke weed and game.

There that’s better for now. Blog looks…nice.

Might revamp this blog slowly. Thinking about…things. Realizing some stuff about myself and who I really am and why I’ve felt so odd this last week or two. Don’t think I/we are supposed to know some of this stuff I’m realizing. They don’t like it. Will have to take some time to think more about it. If I can. If They let me. Sorry if I don’t make much sense while figuring it all out. I’m also confused hehe.