Lifestyle Ln.

Dating has been trash for me since... forever lol. I have been heartbroken multiple times and somehow I always find a way to pick myself back up... I always get to date who I want but then I realize they aren’t what I need. I’ve dated men (and a few women) who are stuck up, unconventional, chefs, artists, rappers (fake ATL ones), eclectic, dark, light, tall, almost short... I’ve dated them all and I swear FO GAWD they are crazy...  or brought a level of crazy out of me I never knew I had. In the beginning of all of these relationships I thought “this is the one, I dont have to look any further” and then reality sets in and.... NEXT! Is it me? I try to learn from my mistakes and theirs so I can grow and move forward but somehow it has the same end result. Maybe its me? well not “me” but my choice in people. What is it I miss in the beginning that is so clear as day by the end?

Its frustrating. 

I have probably been on more dates in the past month than I have my whole life (SAD). Its been good, refreshing and appreciated. I learned earlier this year how people (and myself) are too worried and blinded by expectations that we miss the real learning moments. I am a black woman, in her career, living on her own, bills paid and finding peace within myself so I use to EXPECT someone to have that same energy and some and thats not fair... I began shedding my shell of expectations , because it makes it easier to not be disappointed. Since then I have been happier and at peace with self.

So with the person I am dating right now... I am taking my PRECIOUS time. Why the delay? because I am ready for love and so ready to greet it face to face again but I can’t be like that Alanna anymore...I need to get my gangsta lean on and practice what my ex preached to me-- “You need to learn how to vet better”. And he’s SOOOO right; I can’t give every person I date the green light for being trusting. I need to let them earn my trust, love, and affection. Rather than thinking they are as genuine as I. People really can be human forms of snakes... Be aware. Listen to that gut, like you would if you were hungry.

Saying all that to say... dating is HARD (for me). If I could accumulate all the tears I've cried I probably could hydrate a whole zoo (after being purified of course... gosh)