I'm twenty y.o., and I decided it would be interesting to start a blog. I will write my thoughts, my experience as a trans girl. ^^
Note from the author: Guys, I'm not a native English speaker, but I'll try to make everything beautiful. This is the AU where Ron Weasley is a trans girl. If you don't like it, scroll through, and if you like it, then you're welcome!
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The first letter is dated one month after arriving at Hogwarts. First year.
“Hi, George. I can’t really say this to you, but you’re really cool! That conversation in the library... Thank you for not laughing at my thoughts. I’d like to be friends with you.
S.Q.”
She never managed to send it.
She was certain that the only response she would receive would be laughter. She watched him from afar, while he only occasionally turned his head in her direction. She could tell by his eyes that it was him, not Fred.
That year, she never approached him.
And George never noticed.
The second note was written near the end of the first school year.
“We probably won’t see each other during the summer, so maybe I could give you my address and…”
She never finished it.
The realization hit her all at once — that he would never write to her. That he didn’t care. The thought struck like a blow.
She clenched the piece of paper in her hand.
She didn’t write to him again until the end of her fourth year.
It was easier to watch from afar. Over time, George began seeing her as nothing more than a classmate from another house.
Who did it bother?
Only her — the girl who had dreamed of becoming his friend.
But somehow, she kept going. She tried to push that idiot out of her mind, but another fear began filling the space instead.
The fear that no one would ever notice her.
The third note is dated to the beginning of her fourth year.
“Hi, George! It’s Shunya. Do you remember me? You know, that Hufflepuff classmate of yours?”
This note was torn in half.
She didn’t know how to start after such a long silence. There were no shared topics anymore. She had become just another ordinary face in the crowd.
Then came the first word.
The word that changed her life.
While giving her speeches about the higher power, she saw one thing on George’s face:
Lore Shunya, OC Harry Potter. Selfshipping George Weasley.
[ — Well, it’s not as bad as it could have seemed. ]
Loneliness is a feeling that destroys you from the inside. But a person who has spent a long time alone with themselves will eventually become someone who needs more than just simple conversations.
Jesus Christ
She began attracting attention through Christianity. Yes, in a school of magic — you understood that correctly. She started promoting this religion, trying to show that it was the true faith. A faith of love and hope. Something that people should believe in.
She was a half-blood. No one knows her exact roots, but considering that she mostly spoke about Orthodox Christianity, everyone came to the conclusion that she was Slavic.
At first, some people laughed quietly, but later, a few began to join her. She knew how to speak and how to make people believe. Magic? Manipulation? Not at all. She simply knew what a person wanted to hear during a difficult time. She knew what people needed. And she gave it to them through words.
Did she truly believe? No one knows for sure. Some say she is obsessed with religion, while others believe it is all an act. But one thing is certain — because of this, she was almost expelled.
She promised not to talk about it anymore, but she still occasionally breaks that promise.
[ — You know, as long as I’m alive — everything is fine. As long as they’re watching — everything is perfect. ]
WARNING! This is an AU. An alternate universe. It touches on themes of transgender identity, internalized transphobia, and homophobia. Please, if you do not support the author's views — PLEASE SCROLL PAST AND DO NOT READ! I am doing this first and foremost FOR MYSELF! If you enjoy it, I will be happy to see your reactions, reblogs, and comments.
Happy belated Pride Month.
This story will be divided into three parts:
1. The first part, and the most important one — about Rowen's history. Specifically, up to the moment of self-acceptance. This will be the final, canonical version for my universe. I have revised and restructured it many times, trying to make it work for me, and I have reached a compromise.
2. The second part — about how she began to become Rowen. This covers her story up to the age of twenty-five. That is, when she had already finished taking the potions and became Rowen.
3. The third part, and this is if you are interested. How this story evolved. A little bit about how I came up with it and about my visions as the author.
So now — let's begin.
Part One. The Beginning.
Overall, her story as Rowen began in early childhood. She doesn't remember exactly how it started, and she probably couldn't put it into words anyway. But in her mind, there is a picture of herself as a little girl, standing in front of a mirror, thinking: "I want to be like Mum." That was her first conscious thought. But even at that age, she had to constantly play a role. Especially after George was recognized as a boy.
This story is rarely discussed by the Weasley family, but from the earliest childhood, even before conscious memory, George (at the time, named Elaina) had always been similar to Fred. Even then, Elaina didn't like who she was. That was when Rowen, at the time Ron, approached her then-sister.
— Why do you hate your name so much? — Ron's voice was quiet; it was evening. They were supposed to be going to sleep, but no one could.
— Because I know it's not my name. It's completely wrong.
Just to be safe, Elaina was taken to Healers, and they were able to determine that Elaina should have been born a boy. Then he said only one phrase:
— I want to be George.
And no one argued with him. That was the first time Rowen saw the twins truly happy. Fred and George became that unforgettable team. They were still almost indistinguishable, except for a few details. But George was happy.
And Rowen was jealous. But then, being a child, a thought occurred to her: "what if... I'm not imagining things?" But she was frightened by her parents' phrase about six sons and one daughter. What if Rowen was supposed to be a boy? A stupid thought that contradicted her essence, but she was scared. Scared that she wouldn't be accepted, even though she had a different example right in front of her eyes, but in her head there was always that "but." She buried herself underground and began playing the role of a boy from an early age.
And so it continued until Hogwarts. She was a boy, and boys like girls. But then she realized that her heart beat faster not from the glances of girls, but from the touches of boys. She became frightened of herself. It was wrong; she was supposed to be like normal guys. By the time she was thirteen, George had started looking at her with strange glances. There was something odd in them, but she could never figure out what they meant. Were they mocking her? But there were no smiles. Never.
Time flew by; with Harry and Hermione, it slipped through her fingers, and everything became unimportant. Until at fourteen, everything suddenly turned upside down.
An argument with Ginny over a "wish." She doesn't remember exactly what it was about. Something to do with Quidditch, she doesn't recall precisely. But the wish itself she will remember for the rest of her life.
— Ron, try on my dress!
Typical silly teasing. What's so surprising? Rowen started joking that the dress would sooner burst at the seams than she could fit into it, but a bet was a bet. She couldn't refuse.
She was fourteen. She looked at herself in the dress. She felt awkward, but inside her chest, everything began to beat... calmer. As if the fear had vanished, and relaxation had set in.
The old name, the one she remembered. She saw that word in a book and changed one letter, and she knew instantly that this was the name she wanted to hear directed at her.
R O W E N.
And that was when this storyline truly began.
Part Two. Real Life.
Rowen could only talk to one person — George. But approaching him about it was emotionally difficult. So she started doing small things for her own pleasure. Sometimes she would alter her clothes, but without magic so that no one would find out (her fingers were often covered in scratches because of this). She moved toward self-acceptance very slowly, changing at a pace she could manage. Playing the role became harder and harder, and she turned to toxic masculinity to make sure no one would suspect what was hidden behind Ron's mask. Fear — that was her constant companion. Along with an immense shame. She started arguing less, because that drew less attention, and she could be more herself, though her best friends asked what had happened and why Rowen had suddenly become calmer.
But how do you tell them that their Ron had never really been the Ron they all knew?
— I'm just tired, everything's fine, really.
That was the most believable answer. And so it seemed like everything was moving at the same pace. Slowly but surely.
But then the war began.
This part is very hard to write about, but let's just say one simple thing — her mind was elsewhere. War, stress, deaths — and everything that was locked inside her head. And also the fear that she would die and never get to feel like her true self. She was terrified that everyone would remember her as Ronald Weasley. She didn't want that. Besides her family, friends, and everyone else, she was fighting for what was inside her. She promised herself that someday, she would find the courage to tell the truth about herself.
When the war ended and Fred survived but fell into a coma, she began spending a lot of time with George. And that was when she told him the truth about herself. Acceptance came immediately. George had already transitioned by then, and he became Rowen's main support. He was there when she came out to the family. They reacted... ambivalently. It was hard to readjust, and they often made mistakes, but they managed to accept it. Step by step.
Of course, there were conflicts, but they died down because family is the most important thing to them.
When Fred woke up and was recovering, he took the news as a matter of course. Basically, he and George had long suspected it and sometimes discussed it, but only as a hypothetical.
At nineteen, she began her transition.
And it was during this period that she fully realized: she was a girl who loved boys.
No romantic storylines are planned in her story for now. Maybe someday.
This might all be expanded upon!!!
Part Three. The Creation Itself.
I am very grateful to the authors on AO3 who wrote some really great fanfics on this topic. Very inspiring. The story has changed a lot and was originally much harsher plot-wise. But I decided to make it more positive, a kind of escape. I also planned a Cedric/Rowen pairing, but I completely abandoned that idea.
The story was planned as a huge epic, but I changed my mind because I figured I definitely wouldn't be able to do it alone :D.
The Tumblr blog will be back up and running soon; for now, I'm just planning to have fun. That's about it.
Sorry if it's a bit rough. Just felt like having a good time.
Hi. I know I haven't posted in ages, but in my defence — I'm a busy girly!~💅🌸 (I'm very tired)
It's been nearly two weeks, so what can I tell you? I've been out walking a lot, sitting with Fred, helping George out. Also Bill, Fleur and Charlie came to visit. My social battery has absolutely flatlined.
BUT. Look at this. Peak-me cake.
I bought it for myself, just to try it. Honestly? It's an acquired taste. The cherry jam was alright, but the cream was way too gross... I give it a 5/10. Definitely not for everyone. Looked pretty though.
Harry and Hermione bought me two My Melody plushies. I was surprised, but it was cute.
Soon my collection will grow and I'll have ten of these things 😭 (for the record, I wouldn't say no to Cinnamoroll either)
So yeah. That's about it. I don't really know what else to say. I wouldn't mind questions from you lot — honestly, it makes things easier :q
___
Author's note: GUYS I GOT DIAGNOSED, I'M ON MEDS, SIDE EFFECTS, THERAPY, TOTAL FUCKING NIGHTMARE, I HAVE NO TIME 😭
Anyway, sorry for the lack of posts. Even though I've got this feeling that nobody cares about this but me. Here's a stupid Rowen/Cedric ship meme because no one can stop me!! 😈
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First off, I'm not gonna say what I got George and Fred (BLOODY HELL, IT FEELS SO WEIRD AFTER TWO YEARS). Let's just say the gift was pretty personal. All I'll say is George loved it and so did Fred. Seeing them happy and laughing at their stupid jokes — it's like healing balm for the soul, you have no idea.
Secondly, George was glowing all day. I have NEVER seen him that happy. Fred was a bit calmer (he gets a bit lost sometimes, you know how it is). The whole family sat in his room, messed about, I nearly got my arm broken (no context for that one).
I'll tell you now — there was no sadness at all. It was the best day ever. George and Fred even announced some new product (their mum nearly killed them because Fred can't even move properly yet, AND IT'S ALREADY STARTED 😭😭😭). Lee and Angelina came by a bit later, after we'd left, so I don't know what happened there.
As for April 2nd — I wasn't around because I was helping George at the shop. Yesterday I went to see Fred.
Let's just say we're taking the mickey to the fullest.
They're twenty-two now, and I still can't believe it. One day Fred's gonna be back on his feet, and they'll be causing chaos in their shop again. It'll happen. Fred's tough. George even more so.
Happy birthday to them. They're amazing brothers. I hope I'm an amazing sister to them. Right, I'm off to sleep now.
Thanks for reading, by the way!
from the author: PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I DIDN'T FIND ANYTHING BETTER. I'M DYING OF LAUGHTER.
Creator of this blog here. I just want to warn you that the blog might suddenly become inactive. The therapy they put me on isn't really helping. I'm slowly losing my mind. On top of that, the situation in my country is such that I don't know what the hell to expect tomorrow. Plus, it really worries me that some people blame me for supporting Rowling just because I run this blog — like I'm somehow supporting the deaths of trans people...
Guys, come on :(
I don't have the energy for anger anymore. It's about something else now. I'll try to get back on my feet. I'm so sorry.
Oh, and!! There's going to be a full-body art piece with Fred and George. Don't think I'm saying goodbye)
Today's the first of April. Which means — it's the birthday of my two favourite (not) brothers! I'll write more tomorrow, but for now — we're celebrating at the hospital :D (it's just family, but they let us stay longer as long as we're quiet).
So you understand what's happening right now: I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM 😭😭😭 Everyone's probably asleep while I'm walking, so let me tell you what happened.
On the twenty-fifth I was home all day. Cleaning, doing a bit of fixing up, made myself a little cosy spot 🤏 just a tiny bit 🤏 (I'm sleeping in a den now instead of my bed, but I'll tell you about that later — Ginny saw it and was so confused). Basically I took a bunch of fabric scraps, asked Mum, and now I sleep in this ridiculously cosy little nest, you have no idea))) no jealousy 💅
On the twenty-sixth I went to see Fred. Got greeted with:
"You again 🙄"
FRED. I BRING YOU NICE FOOD AND FEED YOU, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND 😭🙏
Anyway, I threw fruit at my favourite disabled brother's face, and he was cracking up, yelling that I was assaulting a disabled person. I hate him 🖕
Honestly, it was hilarious that this idiot still jokes around like nothing's changed. I genuinely love him for that. I get now why everything felt so grey before he woke up — without his stupid face, things were genuinely duller. (ALSO GEORGE HAS COME BACK TO LIFE AND HE'S HAPPY! I'M TWICE AS HAPPY, HE'S TAKING THE PISS OUT OF ME TWICE AS MUCH NOW, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE THIS HAPPY ABOUT IT???)
Yesterday was... normal? I was hanging out with George and Lee, they were having tea, two lovesick idiots. Basically I hate them, I'm sick of them staring at each other like they're about to eat each other alive 🖕
Lee brought the best tea I've ever had, by the way.
Right now I'm walking through UNKNOWN TERRITORY trying to get home. I think I've figured out where I am.
Fred treats me like I've always been Rowen. Ginny found my blog, by the way. She said she likes you lot and that she'll be keeping an eye on things. If Mum ever finds this blog — I'll die of embarrassment. So no swearing, yeah? You wouldn't survive a Mrs Weasley glare. I'm serious.
Oh, and Bill sent me a letter. He's the best older brother, but he wrote: "I know a trans girl, would you like to meet her?" BILL. WHAT THE HELL 😭🙏
It's sweet, don't get me wrong — I really appreciate the acceptance, especially from my older brothers. BUT GOD, IT SOUNDED SO AWKWARD, YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
It's sweet though. Just MASSIVELY awkward.
(I took her number, by the way.)
So yeah. That's what's been going on. Here's a picture of My Melody. George got her for me because of my previous posts (George, you're an idiot, thank you).
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I went out for a walk before bed. I headed toward London but changed my mind about going to see my friends. Decided to go to the park instead, and on the way I got a lot of looks. Women, men, kids — all staring at me like I was something strange. Some bloke even came up to me, and:
"Sorry, mate..." I stopped and looked at him. "I mean... Miss? Er... It?"
It hurt. I just asked what he wanted, answered him, and he left me alone. But the feeling stuck. A horrible one. I keep getting called "sir," "young man" — what, do I have to wear dresses and skirts and super feminine clothes just to be seen as a woman? Why, for fuck's sake? I'm trying as hard as I can.
I'm not ready to wear stuff like that yet. I need time. I'm trying, but it's so bloody hard. But then... do I even have the right to be upset with them? If all they see is some bloke with painted lips and long hair? Do I have the right to be angry?
It's cold in the park, even though it's spring. London's meant to get rain. I'll sit here for another half hour and then head home. I'll try to relax while I'm here.
Tomorrow I'll do some housework and tidy up my room. Like Hermione says: "A tidy home means a tidy mind!" Hopefully she's right.
oh sorry, i'm the anon who wrote about best wishes to George, i messed up due to being distracted. i meant Fred, not George. sorry T_T
but anyway, i'm still happy for you and your brothers!! for both of them!! thinking about loving and supporting family of yours is comforting tbh <3
thank you for being such a sunshine yaay!! ^_^
There's nothing scary about it, I'll ask George tomorrow to pass on my best wishes to Fred!! Honestly, there's something especially wonderful about Fred... imagine living for so long while this idiot's in a coma... AND THEN HE WAKES UP.
I swear, I've never felt happier in my life.
And about the amazing brothers... Honestly, I'm surprised. Yeah, deep down I was sure Fred and George would support me, but I never thought I'd be this right. Fred's already taking the piss out of me, George has a million stupid jokes, but they love me.
(George is gonna give me grief for being all sentimental about this, by the way. I'm ruining his image as a cheeky troublemaker and businessman, you berk 🖕🖕🖕)
Thank you so much for leaving these messages. Believe me, you make me just as happy!!
i'm glad, that George is fine and getting better /gen
send him my best wishes!! i hope you're okay now, it's nice to see that everything is going great <3
p.s. i love your blog btw, it's cute and inspireful!
Thank you so much for saying that!! George really is getting happier, and I'll definitely tell him!
By the way, he sometimes checks this blog, and now he's taking the mickey out of me with that whole "girly" thing lmao. Honestly, things have started looking up properly now.
I feel like after Fred woke up, everything just got better all of a sudden. I'd love to go see him tomorrow, but they've promised to break my legs (joking, obviously — but honestly, who knows with them...)
Thanks for the kind words!! It makes me really happy that I'm inspiring someone, honestly. I genuinely don't know how to react to that — it's just a little personal blog, you know? But when I see that people actually like it, it genuinely warms my heart!! Thank you so much 💐
Sooo... hi everyone. Today turned out to be a lovely day. Fred found out I'm Rowen. It was an accident — Mum accidentally called me Rowen in front of him :D
So. First of all, I got called a bloody idiot for not telling him sooner. Second of all, Fred immediately started going on about how he'd known all along. I'm shook.
He just went:
"Rowshi, you were always a bit different, and at first I thought I was imagining it. Me and George had a couple chats about you, and we were just waiting for you to say something."
Fred's a berk, for starters. George is a berk too. But I'm happy now.
As for Fred — he's getting better. He's starting to move his limbs a little bit!! Angelina's been coming by a lot, and Lee Jordan too. The doctors are letting them visit now. Lee Jordan bought me a chocolate bar, by the way :D
Tomorrow I'm going home. To rest. They've given me permission!! (Well, more like George, Fred, and Mum are basically forcing me out the door......)
So yeah... Sorry for not posting much. I'm trying, but you know. Things are changing fast.
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I've been at the hospital with Fred, together with the family. He's blind in one eye, but he's just as full of jokes as before. He's trying to get back on his feet as fast as possible (his nurse keeps scolding him for it — she says he needs rest. His argument: "I've had enough rest already!"). He's been listening to our stories. George is smiling for the first time. Really smiling. He's practically sleeping there with Fred now.
The doctor says full recovery will take at least six months, but does it even matter anymore? He's ALIVE. He's, damn it, ALIVE. I can't tell him the truth yet — no one has — but it'll happen soon.
I help him stretch his muscles. For now, he can only move his fingers with difficulty, but that's already a victory. It's such a huge blessing for the whole family.
As for me... Sometimes I sit with George in the hallway, and we laugh. We laugh from happiness that the dark days are behind us. Yes, it's going to be hard, but we'll get through it. We're the Weasleys — that means we can make it out of this abyss.
George said Fred will be happy to find out he has another sister.
Damn. I'm still shaking just realizing this isn't a dream. It's REAL.
I hope everyone gets to feel this same happiness if someone you love is in a coma. I hope you get to see your family or close friends again. Sending patience to all of you.
About me... I'm staying with George for now, taking it slow, helping around the house. Yesterday we talked about me being trans — properly talked, for the first time. He told me it's just another fact about me. Nothing more. He said the same thing I've written in this blog before: "You're still my family." But this time I smiled like an idiot. When was the last time I was this happy?
George told me to take a break. That's why I'm here — because honestly, before this, I was spending almost all my time at the hospital.
Thank you to everyone who's been supporting me. I love you all.
