Today is my first day of being a permanent role in my childcare centre. I used to work as casual. Few days before I was feeling excited and looking forward. But starting yesterday, I wasn’t feeling the same anymore. Today my feeling was not happy, worry, not excited like just not my day. I don’t know what’s wrong. I bought new clothes and shoes but feels like all these are just nothing anymore. All dressed up for nothing, feeling useless. Just not feeling a real educator. I wonder why? Or was it because something else affected this feeling? .... I really don’t know. I don’t like this feeling. Just make me feel so down, impassion, useless, like I don’t belong anywhere. WHY??!! even coffee is not waking me up!!! Fuck.














