Smash

It’s felt too hard to write anything down. 

Despite New Zealand getting down to 0 cases and being freed from lock down, it all feels a bit false at the moment. Like, everyone seems to have returned to BAU but we are SO FAR from BAU and the world is SO SO FAR from BAU. In NZ we still have cases coming in as Kiwis come home and idiots that ACTUALLY HAVE COVID here, escaping quarantine like the selfish bastards they are.

And it all doesn’t really make sense. If we become the only country COVID-free while the rest of the world spiral but then eventually they have herd-immunity and Kiwis don’t. So we’ll all have to get COVID anyway? Or get a vaccine, that hasn’t been properly trialled for years to see the long term effects. And maybe we wont have a choice. And that’s scary too.

On the one hand I am finding it very easy to just forget about it all and keep doing the day to day but mainly because actually thinking about it too in depth and what this will mean long term is overwhelming. But then so is everything that is slowly killing the human race. #climatechange

I can’t believe since I was last on Tumblr, the COVID-19 pandemic has hit and us in New Zealand (along with most of the privileged world) are in a Nationwide Locdown at home. I can’t believe I can’t just drive 10 minutes down the road and visit my parents. I can’t just go for a walk on the beach with my best friend. I don’t even feel bored or bad about the being at home part really. I feel so lucky that I’m in a country that isn’t overpopulated and with a government that is doing a great job at trying to contain the situation here and save as many people as possible. I feel for places like Indonesia or India where they don’t all have the resources to survive this - clean water/sanitizer, proper health care or even an actual home to isolate in.I feel awful for Americans and their disgrace of a leader who has sentenced many of them to death by his inaction. It’s all so fucked up. I would never have imagined something like this would happen, it just feels like we’re living a show on Netflix. It’s scary having a baby during this time too. Even before this, Chris and I were wondering *fretting* about what kind of world Louie will grow up in.

 I’m happy we are where we are, in a home we love with actual space to move around.

I’m grateful to all the doctors, nurses, scientists, supermarket workers and any other essential people making the world still work during these outrageous times.

I just wanna say, I feel totally ripped off and failed by the music industry. 

Growing up, I was prepared for; being cheated on and heartbreak, getting drunk high and having good bad sex (thanks Lonely Island) dancing all night, being a bit crazy, losing someone, exploring new worlds, amazing summers, falling in love and growing old.

But can anyone out there please direct me to the songs that were supposed to prepare me for pregnancy, giving birth, motherhood and just all of the insane shit that comes with bringing a new life into the world?

Where’s my song to put on when my son is screaming, I’m waist deep in washing and am just needing to cry it out? Where’s my T-swizzle banger to get me pumped up for another LABORIOUS day of feeding, changing, playing and forever trying-to-get-a-newborn-to-sleep? I guess I can’t really blame Taylor, she’s not there yet but what about all these other female artists with children? Beyonce? Pink? Gwen? I’d even go for a Spice Girls reunion album “The lack of Spice in your life with children” (she says as if that wouldn’t be the best thing ever!) at this point. 

I honestly think it’s a missed opportunity and if I could sing a single note in tune I’d be out there cashing up. What else do stay-at-home parents do all day people? We sit on our phones and fucking shop. We can’t go anywhere anymore... we literally can’t even move out of the rocking chair with this baby finally asleep on us. We are your market. I would be chucking my wireless headphones in and pumping my mummy or daddy motivational playlist “just keep rocking, rocking” - if only it existed!